Caroline was confused. She wasn't sure why he had asked her to meet him in the cellar. The next full moon was almost a week and a half away. All he had alluded to over the phone was that he had something important to discuss with her. She was steadily trying to rack her brain on what he needed to tell her. It made her slightly uneasy and the uncertainty was building and expanding steadily throughout her body.
As she slowly walked into the cellar she immediately caught sight of him, crouching near the wall. His face was obstructed from her view as he was turned away from her. His body language did not signify he had even heard her enter. She studied him for a few moments in silence. The way his head hung slightly was forlorn and his shoulders were raised just enough to seem that they had more figurative weight on them than they wanted to bear. Even the appearance of his back muscles through his jacket were tense and strained. The heels of his shoes were barely touching the ground as he balanced his weight on the balls of his feet.
Caroline felt an instant rush throughout her body that localized in the pit of her stomach. Whatever it was that he needed to talk to her about was serious. Whatever was on his mind wasn't something simple or trivial.
But why had he asked her to meet him there? At the Lockwood cellar. Where his two transformations had taken place. A small chill ran through her as certain moments and scenes flashed through her mind as she remembered him turning. She shook it off abruptly. She cleared her throat lightly and stepped further into the cellar.
Tyler looked up in her direction, once his eyes landed on her his face softened and he straightened to stand upright. Caroline noticed a brief flicker of something unfamiliar on his face, something like doubt or unease. This only perpetuated her concern about what this whole thing was regarding.
"Hey," Tyler offered lightly as Caroline walked closer toward where he had been kneeling, seemingly immersed in his thoughts.
"Are you alright?" Caroline asked, a tinge of urgency laced her words. She hadn't meant to bypass pleasantries but she couldn't shake this deep feeling that something wasn't quite right. That something was off. Something was wrong.
Tyler's face changed briefly as her question registered in his brain. She was always so concerned and attentive when it came to him. It was almost like a natural instinctive response for her. He'd often pondered what he had ever done to deserve such a level of consideration; he always fell short.
"Yeah, I'm fine." He breathed easily as he tried to focus his attention back on why he had asked her to come and what he needed to tell her.
"Okay," Caroline offered timidly. "It's just strange that we're meeting here. The full moon isn't for another week and a half."
"I know," Tyler replied as his eyes quickly absorbed the look on her face, her slightly furrowed brows, the patience yet expectancy in her eyes, the way her mouth was softly set. "I wanted to talk here because it reminds me why I'm doing this."
A look of utter puzzlement crept over her face, deepening her already tempering uncertainty.
"Why you're doing what?" Caroline questioned evenly.
Why was he being so enigmatic? What did he mean? Was he going to leave again? Her anticipation was building by the moment.
"I got new chains," Tyler covered abruptly. Clearly dodging her question. Caroline carefully studied him but remained quiet. "They're supposed to withstand more strength and weight than the ones I used the first time."
"That' s good," Caroline replied, trying to alleviate her rising curiosity about whatever it was that he wasn't saying.
"Yeah," Tyler said. "And I was thinking about maybe trying to boil the wolfs bane ahead of time. Maybe try to take it intravenously."
"What?" Caroline exclaimed. The thought nearly shook her, her stomach turned at the notion. "You want to shoot yourself up with wolfs bane?"
"Well, it seems like a better option," Tyler reasoned softly. He could tell she was uncomfortable with the idea. "I can't seem to keep it down when I drink it."
The beginnings of a slight grimace played on Caroline's face as she envisioned Tyler injecting wolves bane with a needle, or even worse her having to inject it for him. She quickly obliterated the image.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Caroline pondered out loud. "You'll mark up your arms."
She involuntarily lifted her hand and lightly touched the skin on the inside of his arm. Tyler's eyes scanned her face as he felt his breath hitch briefly in his throat. Caroline instantly felt a wave of relief, even with the simplicity of the touch.
It was incredible how his mere presence had the ability to both calm and make her anxious depending on the situation. He had this natural complexity about him that most people didn't see. When facets of it unintentionally showed themselves sometimes it caught her off guard.
"I'll figure something out," Tyler whispered as their eye contact lingered, probably a second or two longer than necessary but then again that was typical for them. His face softened reassuringly as the corners of his mouth upturned just barely. "It'll be fine."
"Yeah, we'll figure it out." Caroline nodded with a natural fortitude, her hand leaving his arm.
Tyler didn't say anything. The silence hung in the air like a thick obstacle. He wasn't agreeing with her, he wasn't refuting her claims at an eventual solution. He wasn't saying anything at all. But his eyes were speaking volumes. Her quiet concern was starting to gradual creep up again.
"What's going on, Tyler?" Caroline whispered.
Tyler took a deep breath as he broke their dueling eye contact and looked down before beginning.
"You can't be here on the next full moon." Tyler said plainly, meeting her gaze again to determine her reaction to what he was saying. He already had a pretty good idea of how she was going to take his proclamation before he made it.
Caroline remained silent. Tyler almost thought that maybe she hadn't heard him by the way she was looking at him. As if she wasn't fully comprehending the words that had just exited his mouth. She tilted her head slightly and something that resembled a smirk played on her lips as if she was mildly amused by a bad joke that he had told.
"Don't be silly," Caroline proclaimed dismissively. "You can't be serious. Of course I'm going to be here."
She delivered the last line with the kind of certainty that only guarantees can garner. With the kind of unequivocal proof that is necessary to deem that the sky is blue, or that fire is hot or that oil and water don't mix.
She said it like it was something that was undisputed and a fact.
"No," Tyler breathed softly as his head shook lightly, "No you aren't."
"Why are you saying that?" Caroline asked, her voice straining against the influx of emotions that were building in the center of her body.
"You know how dangerous it is for you to be here when I'm a wolf, Care." Tyler explained evenly. "We can't keep risking it."
"Oh, so you get to make that decision and I don't get a say in it?" Caroline questioned accusingly.
"Not this time, Caroline." Tyler replied sadly. The confusion that was evident on her face broke his heart. He didn't want to make her feel like he didn't want her around. He always wanted her around. It was just too dangerous.
"No," Caroline started, she felt a slow rise of determination building in her chest. "No. You know what? You're not going to tell me I can't be here Tyler."
"Caroline…" The pleading nature in Tyler's voice reverberated against her resolve.
"No," Caroline repeated, interrupting him abruptly, she felt her nerves compounding on top of one another, her frustration and confusion building by the minute. "Why are you doing this? Things have been alright between us since you came back."
Tyler's reflexes caused him to briefly close his eyes against her perplexity. It scarred him that she didn't seem to understand the totality of the implications of her continuing to be around him when he was a wolf.
"Caroline, they have been. Things have been fine." Tyler maintained calmly. "But let's not continue to ignore that I could kill you when I'm a wolf. If I bite you, that's it."
"That isn't going to happen. You aren't going to bite me." Caroline countered matter-a-factly, her conviction to that statement gutted him emphatically.
"You don't know that," Tyler responded. "That's you assuming on blind faith and that's not good enough for me. You can't be here anymore during my transformations, it's too dangerous."
"I should be the one to decide what's too dangerous for me." Caroline replied seriously.
"Caroline stop," Tyler began, she wasn't hearing him and it was frustrating. He felt like he wasn't accurately conveying just how important and crucial this was. He couldn't stand the thought of something going wrong and him biting her. The very idea made his head throb. "All my transformations are going to pretty much be the same from here on out, they'll just be quicker. You aren't going to miss anything exciting, I promise." He added the last part with a jovial tone, trying to lighten the denseness in the air.
"It's not funny Tyler." Caroline remarked sternly.
"I know," Tyler sighed. "I know it's not."
"I won't, Tyler." Caroline let out. "I won't leave you by yourself like that."
"Damnit Caroline," Tyler exclaimed, his voice raising. He felt such an inherent desperation for her to agree to stay away that it was hard for him to be met with such resistance. "I knew you weren't going to make this easy but really?"
"Well, I guess you should know from prior experience that it's relatively hard to push me away." Caroline responded firmly.
"God, Care. What about this don't you get?" The change in his demeanor and the look in his eyes gave her a sudden jolt. His hands reached out and latched gently onto her arms, his gaze trying to convey things that his words weren't able to. "I'm not trying to push you away. I'm trying to keep you. I'm trying to keep you alive. The thought of hurting you while I'm a wolf is too much for me to handle. I can't stand it, it drives me insane."
The intensity in his eyes pricked her deeply. He had several stares, each of which only slightly different than the others. She had counted and categorized them all when they had briefly appeared in the past. The one present in his eyes in that moment was a mix of thick urgency, involuntary reluctance and even something she couldn't quite place.
Misery? Worry? Desperation?
Caroline realized she had been holding her breath as their eyes dueled and she slowly exhaled. Everything about what he was requesting of her was against every instinct she had when it came to him. She couldn't imagine being anywhere but that cellar during the next full moon. She couldn't possibly stay away. She could just picture herself going crazy with anxiety and worry in her room wondering what stage he was in or what kind of pain he was experiencing. Caroline's mind automatically shifted to the memories of his first transformation.
The absolute agony he had suffered as his bones shifted and contorted. The sheer magnitude of excruciation when his skin turned fiery hot and it became harder for him to breathe and the evident despair as he tried to desperately fight against the changes to no avail. Caroline felt her emotions rising from the bottom of her gut, they traveled swiftly through her chest and up her throat before she could even try to get a hold of them.
Tyler noticed the change in her face immediately. He even thought he felt her trembling under his hands just barely but then thought that maybe he had imagined it. What he hadn't imagined was the sudden anguish in her eyes that clearly indicted she was having an internal struggle with something in her mind.
"What?" Tyler asked quietly. "What is it?" His hands moving slowly up and down her arms to try to refocus and calm her.
Caroline attempted to speak but the sound got caught in her throat, she tried to swallow away the lump that had formed there and blink away the tears that had started to obstruct her vision. She slowly shook her head as if attempting to shake herself from the intensity of the memories that were momentarily gripping her.
"You were in so much pain," Caroline recalled, her voice breaking under the weight of the emotion she was feeling. "You were so scared."
Caroline pulled him to her, wrapping her arms securely around his neck. His arms automatically and instinctively wrapped around her, his hands spanning the space of her back.
"It's going to be okay," Tyler assured her softly into her hair. "I'm going to be okay."
"I can't do it, Tyler." Caroline whispered against his shoulder as she shook her head. "I really can't do it. The thought of you going through that alone. I just can't."
"It'll be okay. I promise you it will." Tyler soothingly responded, his arms tightened around her as he clearly felt the subtle shake in her body. "I won't evaporate into thin air. It hurts like hell, yes. But it's pain, it's only temporary."
"I can't Tyler," Caroline maintained as her fingers dug into the blades of his shoulders, clinging to him as if to physically proclaim how determined she was about being there for him. "I'm sorry. I really can't."
Tyler's eyebrows knitted together and his eyes closed against her verbal contention. He felt some foreign sensation clench his heart as he debated giving way to her but it was a fleeting notion because just as soon as it had arrived, the subsequent thought of even an inkling of a chance that something could go wrong and he could turn on her, well he couldn't fathom that.
It made the hairs on his arms stand up, it made him feel weak and out of control.
Tyler pulled away from her suddenly, as his hands drifted up her arms and peeled them from around him. She instinctively stroked the side of his hair and her fingertips grazed his neck as they separated. He staggered back and away from her, he felt as if the air had been swiftly knocked out of him. He couldn't concede to her about this.
It was too important. It was too vital.
"What is it, do you have a damn death wish?" Tyler exclaimed with overt frustration, his voice nearly echoing in the darkness of their surroundings.
Tyler turned away from her and took a deep breath. He gazed at the same wall he had been staring at before she had arrived at the cellar. He bit the inside of his mouth and tried to concentrate on organizing and compartmentalizing his array of emotions that were coursing through his body. He silently tried to gather internal courage to continue to stand his ground as the looming implications of the possible danger he posed to her kept tapping him incessantly on his shoulder.
Caroline watched him from where she stood. She took a few deep breaths to try and submerge her own emotions that were quickly unraveling out of control. She knew that he was frustrated and on edge. She could hear the rapid beating of his heart, his pulse was quick and erratic. She understood his concern objectively, she recognized that he was just trying to protect her and that she wasn't allowing him to but she couldn't get over the thought of him lying on that very floor wounded, shaking and abandoned.
That was something that didn't compute to her, she just couldn't bring herself to agree to that.
"Tyler," Caroline ventured with an even voice. It seemed she had mostly harnessed her influx of emotions. Tyler did not respond nor turn around though the sound of her voice saying his name struck a chord deep inside of him.
Silence loomed in the air in a strange, lonesome manner. Though they were both physically present they were also on opposite sides of their inherent biology, the cellar and this very big issue they were currently at odds over.
"Tyler," Caroline stated again, this time the sound came out like an assertive plea.
"What?" Tyler mumbled under his breath, he did not move.
"Face me."
She delivered that line with such a quiet power it was as if he felt himself turning to look at her against his own accord. When their eyes locked he almost instantly felt his resolve weaken still.
"I don't want to fight with you." Caroline lamented gently.
"Then don't," Tyler replied just as softly, his shoulders raising slightly in a show of exhaustion.
Caroline let out an exasperated breath but did not respond. She studied him momentarily, her eyes roaming quickly over his arms, shoulders, chest, his jaw, his mouth, his ears and then finally settled on his eyes. Those magnetic, intriguingly beautiful eyes of his. He seemed to see everything with them. Sometimes she thought he saw things inside of her that she wasn't even really ready to examine herself. He was continuously aware it seemed.
She didn't recall him always being like that. Actually, she knew that he hadn't always been that way. Maybe it was a werewolf thing.
"Please don't make this more difficult than it has to be, Caroline." Tyler almost pleaded. "I'm not asking for something ridiculous. I'm doing this to keep you safe."
"I can keep myself safe."
"That's interesting because I'm willing to bet that Damon thought the same thing and I bit him." Tyler proclaimed emphatically. "And he's been a vampire a whole hell of a lot longer than you have."
Caroline paused as she absorbed the truth in that statement. Tyler had bitten Damon and it almost had the disastrous conclusion that they all had been warned about. The only reason Damon didn't die was because of Stephen and what he had sacrificed.
But she couldn't shake the resolve inside of her. She couldn't eradicate the deep seeded belief that he wouldn't hurt her, that by the time he was fully a wolf and the transformation had completely taken, she would be behind the gate and behind reinforced walls and doors and that wasn't even taking these new chains into account.
She was a vampire, she was fast. She knew that she could get out of harms way if she needed to. If it got to the point where she was too close to him and he lunged or snapped at her, she knew what to do. She'd done it before. The latter part of his first transformation had been hard to forget and she still replayed certain images of when he was almost fully a wolf and beginning to turn on her. The recollection of it ran a chill through her bones.
"I'll be fine." Caroline retorted swiftly.
"God, Caroline. If there was any guarantee of that, we wouldn't be having this conversation." Tyler replied deliberately. "If I knew for a fact that I couldn't hurt you, I would want you to be there. I wouldn't even care that I basically scream and cry like a baby, I would still want you there. But no such guarantee exists so you can't. It's too big of a risk."
"Stop…" Caroline began before she was swiftly cut off. It seemed that Tyler had assembled some verbal steam.
"No, you need to stop." Tyler interrupted. "I still haven't forgiven myself for not saving you when I should have that night."
Caroline knew exactly what night he was referring to, hearing him bring it up catapulted her back to dark and menacing memories when she was so overwhelmingly angry and hurt by his behavior.
"I couldn't even protect you properly when I was human in that moment, but you want to blindly trust me as a wolf? You've seen me, Caroline. You've seen what happens to me. What I turn into." Tyler's frustration and anguish and almost a palpable self-contempt laced his searing words. "It's not like being a vampire and learning to control your blood thirst with time and practice. When I turn I have zero control. I completely black out, I don't remember those moments at all. I'm an animal!"
Caroline felt the impact of all his emotions as he spoke. She wanted to comfort and console him but knew he was too fragile and unnerved in that moment. She could see his jaw tighten as he got all the words out, she even saw the beginnings of the outlines of his iris's turning amber but then it was gone. Just as soon as she had swore she saw it, it disappeared and his normal brown color was restored.
"Tyler, it's okay." Caroline managed softly, she had such a strong desire to reach out to him in that moment but she pushed it down. "It's okay. It's going to be okay."
"It's not okay." Tyler exclaimed dejectedly, his voice almost shaking. "It's not okay. What about any of this is okay? You're a vampire and I'm a werewolf and it's not okay."
"Tyler…" Caroline ventured lightly, it was painful seeing him so visibly upset.
"Listen to me, please just listen." Tyler begged profusely. He stepped toward her, closing the relative gap of space that separated them. He wanted to touch her, but he didn't. "I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you because of me. Do you hear me? I couldn't."
The way he lingered and stressed on certain words in that statement, as well as the way his eyes were searching hers to gage whether or not she actually understood the weight of what he meant, made her feel provoked.
"Don't you dare," Caroline warned sternly, she knew what he was inferring and it made her disoriented. "Don't try to guilt me into staying away by threatening to hurt yourself."
"It's not a threat." Tyler replied, his breathing was uneven but be looked more calm than he had been moments prior.
"You wouldn't do that." Caroline quipped back.
"Are you sure?" Tyler questioned evenly.
"Stop it," Caroline began, she felt herself slowly spinning out of control in the situation. "You aren't going to stand here and emotionally blackmail me Tyler."
"You are absolutely impossible." Tyler breathed as he watched her.
"Likewise." Caroline muttered.
"It isn't like I'm leaving again or anything, it's a lot simpler than that." Tyler reasoned. "I'm not running away."
Caroline stood silent almost paralyzed for a moment as she contemplated his words. He wasn't threatening to leave but would he? Was that next? Would he vanish in the night without a trace or a word again? Would he do it to protect her from him? Would he do it to prove a point? Her brain was working on overdrive as she pondered these questions. She felt an enormous wave of nervousness and unease wash over her frame. The momentary tenacity she had mustered up was gone at the mere mention of him running. Whether he had mentioned it as a tactic to get her to agree with him or not, it definitely sent her mind reeling.
"What?" Tyler asked suddenly, the look on her face as well as the silence, like she was somehow weighing her options, confused him. He thought maybe, just maybe he had gotten through to her.
"You're not running away?" Caroline repeated the very words he had just used only in the form of a question.
"No," Tyler offered lightly. She was nervous about it, he could tell. She was only asking him to confirm it because she honestly believed that there was a possibility that he would run.
But he couldn't leave for good, he needed her too much.
"Promise me." Caroline demanded gently.
"You promise me something first." Tyler countered. Caroline had walked right into that one.
"God, Tyler." Caroline exclaimed, her hands flying up in aggravation.
"I'm just as frustrated as you are." Tyler replied evenly. His head throbbed and his nerves felt raw from the emotional rollercoaster that they were on.
"So what, now you're going to just disappear in the middle of the night without so much as a word again? Cause that's your style right? Someone is justifiably upset with you or doesn't agree to do what you say and you just up and leave? It's very noble." Caroline proclaimed sarcastically.
"Yeah, I'm such a great person." Tyler replied bitterly.
Caroline didn't speak. She was tired. This back and forth, this cat and mouse. She just wanted him to give it up, she wanted him to let it go. But then again, she supposed that's probably what he wanted as well.
"I was there that night," Tyler began softly as his eyes left her face for a moment, as he tried to compile his thoughts.
"What?" Caroline inquired. She had no idea what he was even referring to.
"The night that I left town," Tyler began recalling the instance. "I went to your place."
"You did?" Caroline questioned, she didn't understand. "The night I saw you at the grill?"
"Yeah, the night you reiterated you wanted nothing to do with me." Tyler recalled.
"But you didn't ring the bell or anything." Caroline replied, choosing to bypass his last remark, she was still trying to piece together the images of that night.
"I didn't want to make you more upset than you already were. You had made your feelings very clear. I don't even know why I went really, well that's not true, I do know. I guess I just wanted to be close to you before I left. Even if you didn't know." Tyler finished with an exhale. He saw her eyes flicker as the memories revisited her.
"I heard something that night," Caroline recalled as his words penetrated her being. "I remember because I came downstairs and I locked the door. You were there?"
"On the porch." Tyler nodded.
"I heard you." Caroline whispered, she was overwhelmed by his admission. Just when she was feeling a plethora of more emotions than she could adequately deal with, realizing that he had, in his own way, attempted to see her before he left town, meant a great deal to her.
Maybe more than it should. She had been aware of this strange magnetism that emanated between them for some time and the fact that something had propelled him to her porch, even when she had been furious with him before he left, spoke volumes to her.
"I'm going to ask you a question," Tyler stated, interrupting her spiraling thoughts. "And I want you to me honest with me."
"Of course," Caroline replied, nodding her head. She suddenly felt at the edge of her body as the anticipation of what he was going to ask her floated in the air. Any question that had to be preceded with a plea for honesty was usually a tough one.
"Can you honestly tell me you weren't scared for even a second?" Tyler asked directly, assessing her expression for any hints of her initial reaction. "That you weren't frightened being in an enclosed cellar with a vicious wolf?"
"No," Caroline answered after debating her response for a few moments. "I mean, yes but it was more so during the actual transformation. I was more scared when you were actually turning than when you had turned completely. I was scared because I knew how much you were suffering, I was scared because I knew how horrible it was, I was scared because I knew that you were."
Tyler was stunned. He felt as though there had been countless times during their short closeness that he must have looked at her with such astonishment and wonder. Almost as if the very fragments of her personality, her essence, her disposition left him speechless. This time was no exception. In that moment Tyler couldn't discern when she had become such an incandescent, remarkable person.
She was like sunlight. She was a deeper layer. She was grace, personified.
He had never known anyone like her. He suddenly felt an agonizing need to kiss her. He dug his fingernails into his palms quickly to bring himself back to reality. He couldn't kiss her, was he crazy? He was standing there trying to convince her to stay away from him. Albeit only for one night a month but still. Kissing her would be taking their already tumultuous entanglement to a level that they couldn't really deal with. They couldn't even reach a solution in their current argument.
He was supposed to be protecting her, not kissing her. But he couldn't deny being consumed by the thought with an aching clarity.
"You probably think I'm so ungrateful," Caroline proclaimed, tipping him back into the present.
"What?" Tyler questioned, his mind was a mess of things.
"I don't want to seem ungrateful. I understand that your intentions in trying to do this are good. I get that you're just trying to protect me. That isn't lost on me, Tyler." Caroline explained.
"Why can't you just do this? Just on full moons. Please?" Tyler posed, he felt he had a small window of opportunity while she was feeling gratuitous.
"Because I can't." Caroline replied. "Because it's you. Because I…"
Caroline didn't finish her sentence because the word that was going to swiftly expel from her mouth felt a lot like a word she shouldn't be using. Especially in this situation. Especially with him.
What was she even thinking? Caroline chalked it up to emotions running rapid but it still didn't stop her from feeling something similar to disbelief just at the thought of what she had almost slipped and said.
"Because you what?" Tyler had an underlying need for her to finish what she was going to say.
"Because I just can't." Caroline covered gently. She was nervous again, but for completely different reasons.
"Well I guess we're at an impasse," Tyler sighed, his mind fatigued.
"Yeah, I guess so." Caroline agreed, for the first time that night.