AUTHOR: Kristen Kilar (chickadee(underscore)from(underscore)3(at)yahoo(dot)com)

TITLE: Excitement and Adventure and Really Wild Things

RATING: PG. Angst. Language (including the dreaded 'B' word). Alcohol.

DISCLAIMER: Characters and situations contained within are the sole property of the amazing Douglas Adams, rest in peace. I own nothing. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

ARCHIVE: Sure, but please ask. I like to visit and make sure my stories are doing okay all on their own.

SUMMARY: Zaphod reflects on Trillian, love, and improbability. "Life, The Universe, and Everything", end of chapter 26.

SPOILERS: Everything up to the beginning of chapter 27 in "Life, The Universe, and Everything" is fair game. Some blatant, some not so much.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I've had this sitting around on my hard drive for a while (I think I wrote it shortly after the movie premiered, because I was annoyed by the Arthur/Trillian shipping) and I am just now getting around to sending it to my beta and posting it.
I'm a shameless Zaphod/Trillian shipper and have always been greatly distressed by the lack of Z/T stories around. So I sat down to write one, and this is what came out. It was originally intended as a two-parter, with the second part being Trillian's thoughts on Zaphod, but when I tried to write it I discovered I was incapable of writing Trillian believably. So I let it sit while I tried to figure out how to get in Trillian's head, then finally gave up and decided to post this as a one-shot. (If anyone at all is interested in writing the second part, please contact me. I'd be thrilled to have someone complete this.)
As always, much love and gratitude to my wonderful beta, Allie. Couldn't do this without ya, darlin'.
In the meantime, here we go. This takes place at the very end of chapter 26 in LTUAE. From the original text:

"You want to come? Heart of Gold? Excitement and adventure and really wild things?"
"I'm going down to Krikkit," she said.

Excitement and Adventure and Really Wild Things

"You want to come? Heart of Gold? Excitement and adventure and really wild things?"

Please say yes.

Please come with me.

I can't promise you much, baby, but it'll be exciting.

And I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to do it alone.

I don't like being alone.

Yeah, I know what you'd say to that—"So then come along with us, Zaphod. Help us and we'll all do it together."

Well, I'm afraid of dying, too, so there! Anyway the Universe can take care of itself, right? And if not then Ford and Slartibartfast and the monkey can take care of it. They don't need you and me.

We can just…leave.

We can just go, baby.

And it'll be exciting.

So please say yes.

I do love you, you know, Trill.

I'm not good at showing it. I know that. Hell, I'm zarking lousy at it. I'm self-absorbed and egocentric and thoughtless and stupid and a show-off and you deserve better than me.

But I do love you.

I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and I've met some damned beautiful women in my time. I know you're brilliant, light-years smarter than me, and without your help I couldn't have gotten even half as far as I've gotten. You make me laugh and you make me brave and you just plain make me a better person.

Anyway, it hasn't been so bad, has it? Being with me? I mean, I saved you from dying when your planet was destroyed. And because of me you found out the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. And I took you to the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. And because of me you've gotten the chance to see the stars and play with the Infinite Improbability Drive, the most awesome technology ever. And, zark it, I'm just a cool frood, right? I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox, baby!

And we're all entwined in this Improbability Field, so I can dare to hope that you love me. Whatever's most improbable is, logically, most likely to happen…so it's not that impossible anymore that you could love me like I love you…

Please, Trill.

Please say you'll come with me.

To Belgium with the rest of the Universe! All I care about is you and me and a wild adventure.

That's what I promised you in the beginning.

Do you remember that?

Hey, doll, is this guy boring you? Why don't you talk to me instead? I'm from a different planet.

Really?

Do you want to go along with me?

Yes, okay. Wait a moment while I go get my bag and then I'll be happy to go to another planet with you.

Forget your bag, baby. You won't need it where we're going. I can promise you excitement and adventure and really wild things. So are you in?

…I'm in.

I don't think either of us really knew what we were getting into, then. You probably thought I was an amusing drunk, or a lunatic; I thought you'd just be a one-night stand; neither of our lives was ever the same.

And here we are now.

We've met the man who runs the Universe. We've found the legendary planet-builders of Magrathea. We've stolen the coolest ship in all the galaxies. We've rescued hitchhikers on the verge of death and then discovered that they were my semicousin and your spurned suitor.

I've made you famous.

I've made your life miserable.

I've given you reasons to hate me.

I've given you reasons to love me…or at least I hope I have.

And I know I screwed up something awful, baby, but I'm sorry, okay? I was depressed and I was aimless and my life had no meaning left and I didn't want to screw things up with you, I didn't want you to leave me, but oddly enough that much alcohol seems to screw with my judgment…

So I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't go out with you on Han Wavel for gambling and spending time at the hotels. I'm sorry I didn't go trekking with you on Allosimanius Syneca. I'm sorry I didn't eat the meal you made for me and I'm sorry I didn't talk to you.

I'm sorry.

I'll try harder.

I know I come across as conceited and insensitive, Trillian baby, but it's only because I don't know any other way to be. Maybe I did, once, before I decided I had to be President, before I lobotomized myself, before I killed the part of me that cared, but now I don't know any other way to be. I don't know anymore how to show you that I care about you. I don't know how to be the guy you need me to be.

Someday the Universe won't need to be saved, and when that day comes you have to know that I'll still be there to take you away for a life of passion and exhilaration and danger that isn't really. But mostly I'll still be there. No matter what…I'll still be there. If you'll have me.

You deserve better.

But I'm what's here.

So say yes, beautiful.

Say yes and come away with me and let the Universe save itself.

Say yes and come have an exciting time with me on the Heart of Gold, running from cops and press.

Say yes and come be the love of the President of the Universe.

Please, Trillian.

Please don't leave me.

I'm so afraid of being alone.

Please.

Just say yes.

Just say yes and this will all be over…

Chances that you'll say yes: 2 to the power of 523,349,988 to one against.

But there is the power of the Infinite Improbability Drive to contend with.

So say yes, Trill. Say yes and let's leave together and never come back.

"I'm going down to Krikkit."