Interlude
In which Roy is tired and guilty, and Riza talks him through it. Nothing special, but implied spoilers for chapter 100. Royai if you're a mind reader.
Roy stretches and looks around, not quite satisfied until he finds what—who, actually—he is looking for.
Riza massages a stiff muscle in her neck. She'll always have trouble with that spot, Roy is reminded, and he winces a little, guilty.
Somehow, Riza catches it and turns to look at him fully. "Do we really have to go over this again?" Before Roy can feign ignorance, she sighs and assures him, "I know you were there. I know I got hurt and you couldn't do anything about it. Yet, by some miracle, I'm here, alive and well, and I'm not going to up and disappear."
"It was horrible," Roy says, caught up in the memory more quickly than he would care to admit. "To see that, to think for a moment that that was really the end…"
"It wasn't. It never will be. That's not where the story ends." Riza looks at him pointedly. "I'm not going to say I still don't have the occasional nightmare, or that I don't wish it didn't happen. It did. Things ran their course. It's time to let them go and run your course."
"Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it," counters Roy.
Riza is quick to retort, "Those who wallow in history are never able to move forward. Tell me, which is worse?"
She means it. She doesn't want another argument, another emotional episode. She wants to be done with all of that. She's tired of it—Roy can understand that. He is, too. His apologetic gaze moves to the floor, afraid to meet her eyes. She walks over. "Look at me, Roy."
He does.
"I'm here, as real as any of this. I'm not going away—I made that promise. But you've made promises, too, and you need to keep them. Edward is as stubborn as you are, but even he's getting impatient. He told me to tell you that he's getting tired of waiting to repay you, and that if you don't want your money back, you should just tell him. He'll be glad to keep it."
Roy is ashamed to do it, but he considers the proposal nonetheless. Ed would probably beat him and throw the money at him instead, so it's probably not his best choice.
No, his only choice is to keep going. In the face of all those memories, it's hard. But Riza's right: he has to move past it. And he will, someday, but he'll never forget. He was right about one thing: those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it.
But it all comes back to what Riza said: if he wallows, he won't be able to move forward. The shame of that, after coming so far, would be intolerable.
He toys with his pen, then signs yet another paper. Riza half-smiles. "That was easy enough, wasn't it?"
"Shhhh… I'm trying to concentrate on the papers."
If Roy's response wasn't so reassuring, Riza would be offended. But he's found his drive again, so she's content. She's always believed in him, even when he hasn't believed in himself, and she knows that that is what keeps Roy going some days. She's all too happy to offer him a reason, because she knows, in the end, he'll see that he was right: it is worth it.
And then, maybe, he really will move past it, once and for all.
A/N: Writing this was okay. Re-reading it was like, "Whaaaa?"
So, as usual, I'm debating posting this. If you see it, you know my answer.