Darkness surrounded me. I was alone, completely stranded in a mass of suffocating black. It terrified me. A voice called out to me. But not just any voice...his voice. His silky smooth voice called out to me, and my name seemed to roll off his tongue. I span in every direction, squinting through the darkness that pressed in on me, trying to catch even a glimpse of the one I longed for. I need to see him, just once more. A spotlight bloomed suddenly, blinding me in the contrast to darkness that had surrounded me just moments before. I squinted into the light, trying to make out the figure that was silhouetted against the intense rays.

He was tall and slender, dressed in all black. He slouched uncaringly with his hands shoved into his pockets. His indigo hair shone lightly in the light, as it fell carelessly across his face, and I couldn't help but notice how silky and smooth it looked. Oh, how I longed to reach out and stroke it. His cool sapphire eyes seemed to bore into me, sending shivers down my spine. I stared into them for what seemed like hours, his penetrating stare making me want to melt into his arms.

He called out again, and I ran towards him as he stood there calling out my name. I was just a few feet away. The spotlight died and I was plunged into darkness once more. I froze. I had been so close this time. So close....

I fell to my knees and let the tears fall. It was always the same, he would call out to me and I would run to him, but just when I thought I was going to reach him, the spotlight would die. It tore me apart. I just needed to hold him. Just one last time.

The dazzling light reappeared suddenly...well this is different. This is the first time this had happened. I would usually just sit and cry, until the darkness engulfed me altogether. But the spotlight was back...and so was he. I looked up at him and felt my body freeze. He was staring at me, his beautiful eyes filled with pure hatred and disgust. My breath hitched. He had never stared at me with such hate-filled eyes before. It ripped my heart apart. He sneered down at me as his arms tightened around a figure next to him. I stared up at the two, and one word escaped my lips.... "Why?"

"Oh, the silly girl actually thought I cared about her," he spat, in a mock baby tone.

I stared up in disbelief, tears cascading down my cheeks. My whole world was falling apart as I stared up at the pair. And as I thought it couldn't get any worse...he turned to the figure at his side, their faces drew closer, their arms winding around each other, pressing their bodies together. Their faces were inches apart. Closer, closer....

.x-X-x.

My eyes snapped open and I lay there panting. I could feel the sweat dripping off of me. I was completely soaked. Slowly, I sat up, still breathing heavily, and looked at the clock: 3:00am. I climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom, turning on the shower when I got there. I pulled of the soaking clothes and threw them in the hamper, before stepping into the warm water, allowing it to wash away the horrors of the nightmare that tormented me almost every night.

As the warm water cascaded over my body, I thought back over the dream. It had been different this time. The man had reappeared....and he had been with another woman. And what's more they had almost...they had almost...almost...well what does it matter? I woke up before that happened. Yeah...but what if you hadn't? Oh, how I wished I could have been that thatwoman. Locked in his warm embrace... but what does it matter? He's never coming back anyway. The only way I'll ever see him again is in my dreams. My dreams of him were always so bittersweet. I was always anxious for them to come, for a chance to see him again. And yet at the same time I knew I was just setting myself up for more hurt once I woke up and realised it was all just a dream, that the thought of ever looking into his eyes was near impossible. He was gone.

I found myself thinking about him. A million questions racing through my mind. Where is he now? Is he safe? What's he doing? Did he find his dad? Then came the ones that often reduced me to tears: why didn't he come back for me? Does he still remember me? Why did he hurt me so badly? Didn't he say he loved me?

I still remember the day he left. Our little scene in the middle of the airport. He told me he loved me. It wasn't the first time, but this time I realised that he wasn't teasing me. He really did love me. Key word being did. Then there was the bet....and...The kiss. I didn't realise it then, but I had been waiting for that kiss for so long. If only I'd realised then. If only I'd realised how I felt. I could have at least gotten a real kiss. How I longed to feel his soft lips against mine, to know the taste of him. But no, I was left with a quick peck on the cheek. I guess that's the closest I'll ever get to you though. You see, I gave up believing he'd come back for me years ago. It's been 10 long years since he left, I'm 21 now. I'm no longer the gullible little kid he once knew. I know now that fairy tale endings are just that, fairytales.

After he left, I cried for weeks. I could never understand why though. I mean it's not like I missed him. Why would I? After all, all he ever did was tease me. He'd always act perverted, and make perverted comments. He'd sneak in through my balcony almost every night for that exact reason, always leaving me flustered and speechless with a face as red as a tomato. It drove me nuts, yet, for some strange reason, I came to enjoy his night time visits. It just made it even harder when he left; knowing there would be no more visits in the night, no more teasing, no more perverted comments or actions, no more staring into those deep sapphire eyes...wait! What? Then, after 3 months of tears, it hit me. I loved him! I love Tsukoymi Ikuto!

Yes! I loved him! But wait...didn't I love Tadase? No. I thought it over and I came to realise that I never really loved Tadase. I think I was drawn to him because of his princely character, I became infatuated, but I never felt real love for him. He couldn't make my heart race with a single look, I didn't blush at his every word, he couldn't make me stutter and stumble over myself. In short, he wasn't Ikuto. I longed for Ikuto. Oh, how I wanted to be wrapped up in his warm embrace, to feel his strong arms around me, feel his warm body pressed against mine. To be safe from the world, just staring into his dazzling eyes.

Though, by the time I realised all of this, it was too late. He was gone.

Of course, at first, I believed he would come back, that he would keep his promise. So I waited. But he never came. Over the years I lost more and more faith, as the loneliness took over. Then, finally, I gave up. I realised that he was gone, and he was never coming back. I would be forced to live my life in loneliness. That was four years ago.

Now I live alone, in a small apartment, living a life full of tears and regrets.

I still have my charas, though. Sometimes I think they're the only reason I keep going. 'Cause after I realised that he was gone for good, I broke down. I refused to eat, I barely slept, I was slowly killing myself. I became depressed. I locked myself in my room and refused to talk to anyone for weeks. I just lay in bed and cried. My heart was in pieces, and the only person who could repair it was gone. The pain got so bad I nearly resorted to suicide. I decided it would be easier if I just died. I knew that it would rid me of my pain. I could finally be happy....My charas soon snapped me out of that. They made me realise that I had to keep going, I had to be strong. After all, I still had plenty of people around me that loved me and cared for me, I couldn't put them through that kind of pain. I didn't want them to know how it feels to have your heart broken into pieces. I didn't want them to feel the same pain that I did. Because, to put it bluntly, it sucks.

I never really found my true self. I guess that's why my charas are still with me. After Ikuto left, my 'Cool & Spicy' facade went back up, and I let barely anyone in. He's the only person who could see the real me. He saw straight through my act, and always seemed to know how I was feeling....no matter how hard I tried to hide it. He always made me open up to him. I spilled all my feelings to him, told him my fears and troubles. I miss that. Now all my fears and emotions stay bottled up. There's no point letting them out. He was the only person to truly understand me...

I turned the faucet, stopping the flow of water on my body. I stepped out and wrapped myself in a towel, before walking back to my bedroom. I quickly changed into a pair of shorts and one of my baggy t-shirts, before changing the bed covers, which were still soaked with sweat. Once I was done, I crawled back into bed and curled up in the warmth of the blankets. As I started to drift off, I glanced up at the clock...4:30am...

And with that, I let the darkness take me.