Shut Up, Madison!

by Minjonet

Doesn't everyone wish Madison would mind her own business? Well, this is about Ephram trying to avoid Madison and how he deals with her. Amy and Madison fans, beware.

Disclaimer: I don't own Everwood or any of the characters. Don't sue!

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Shut Up, Madison!

Overview: Is it just me, or is Madison really annoying? I think she might rival Lucy Camden as the all time most annoying TV character. So I decided to write a story while PMSing after a hard day at school. Thank God seniors get to come in late tomorrow..

As Ephram walked into his house, he could already hear the prattling of Delia's babysitter, Madison. He rolled his eyes and quietly closed the door behind him, hoping the evil chipmunk demon wouldn't hear him and skip on over to accost him about what an evil Stone Age woman-hater he was. Or try to get his 9 year old sister to give a report to her 4th grade class about the woman who set up abortion clinics. Really appropriate for a class of 9 year olds, you friggin moron. He tried to tip toe up the staircase, in vain. Madison galloped in, saying, "You weren't trying to avoid me, were you, Squirt?" Ephram was sure he had just thrown up in mouth, but managed to mumble, "I have to study." " I may be called the salt of the earth, but it takes the salt to bring out the flavor in everyone I meet." Madison wanna-be quipped. Ephram gave her a quizzical look, and proceeded to throw up a little again. "Well you better go do your homework Sport, good to forgive, better to forget!" Ephram decided it was better not to ask; she would answer with another stupid quote anyway.

Andy was working late, dealing with dozens of bratty, self-centered, Everwood teens in denial that they where all drunken whores. Therefore, Madison made dinner, much to Ephram's disgust. "What's wrong, Pookie?" she asked, seeing Ephram's scowl. "I just wish this day was over.", he grunted, sitting down and seeing that Madison made pancakes with apple slice smiles, cherry eyes, and raisin noses. Regurgitation. "Life is a gift we receive every day, that's why it's called the present." Delia banged her head on the table. Ephram pushed away from the table. "That's it, I lost my appetite." "What? You don't appreciate what I do for you, you little boy! When I was in high school I never acted like you." "YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL LIKE, LAST YEAR!" Ephram shouted, "YOUR 'WISDOM' COMES FROM 3 MONTHS OF BEING A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE!" "What wisdom?" Madison asked, being a confused little idiot. "How you always try to analyze me, like when you called me an old soul and always say stupid quotes." "Age is a number, old is an attitude!" "JUST SHUT UP, MADISON!" Ephram and Delia screamed. Her lip quivered and tears filled her eyes. As she gathered her things, Madison said "Keep company with those who make you better." Taking one last tearful look at Ephram and Delia, she left.

It would have been nice to end the story like that. But come on, that's not realistic. Time to show what Madison is REALLY like.

"JUST SHUT UP MADISON!" Ephram and Delia screamed. Madison's eyes turned radioactive green. Ugly, veiny, Jeepers Creepers wings popped out of her back. Coarse hair sprouted out of her body. Her 2 front teeth grew and grew, becoming large buckteeth. Yes, Madison had become am 8 foot rabid chipmunk monsterFROM HELL!! "GET THE CLEAVER!" Ephram shouted to Delia, who raced into the kitchen. Ephram grabbed the lit torch, which had magically appeared on the wall, and kept EvilChipmunkMadison! at bay. Delia jumped on EvilChipmunkMadison!'s back, hacking her with the cleaver. The Hell-monster squealed and shook, throwing Delia off. Ephram stabbed one of Madison's eyes with the torch to gain more time. He magically found a sword and engaged in combat with the chipmonster. After an hour or so, EvilChipmunkMadison! grabbed the sword with her huge buckteeth and threw it aside. "IT'S OVER FOR YOU, SKWOOCHY!" Ephram, Delia, and EvilChipmunkMadison! all turned to The Author and said "Skwoochy?" "DO NOT QUESTION ME!" The Author shouted, and the frightened characters returned to their battle of doom. Madison threw Ephram aside when all of sudden, Amy walked in, complaining and going psycho about something and blah blah blah, no one cares cuz you're a bitch. "Ephram, you spend so much time battling an evil demon, fighting for your life, that you have no time to concentrate on my problems! Who cares if I totally used you and threw you aside after my loser boyfriend, who wanted to dump me anyway, 'recovered' from his coma? He died and I have no one to talk to, which is totally ridiculous because I'm the most popular girl at school for some inexplicable reason. And now that some other girl made goo-goo eyes at you and is trying to kill you, I suddenly care about you again. I suddenly have the urge to go out and get 'drunk', even though I'm really horribly bad at acting drunk, and engage in 'sexual, rebellious' activities like dancing." Then, (thank God) she was interrupted by the explosion of EvilChipmunkMadison's! head. I guess Amy's constant bitching just made the she-devil go crazy. Relieved, Ephram said, "If we all worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true is really true, there would be little hope of advance. Oh."

Moral of the story:

Buffy rules. Madison don't. Stop trying to be quippy like Buffy, you suck. =)