One day she couldn't take it any longer. So she went straight round to his place, her eyes smarting with the thought of it.
"Livvy?" he asked when he opened the door. God, did he know how that nickname made her heart race? Apparently not.
"Can I come in?" she asked, surprised at how level her voice actually sounded. He gave her a strange smile but let her on through. Walter had taken to sleeping in the lab these days, he finally had the apartment to himself. And he liked his own company. Most of the time he resented the intrusion of others. But having her here - that didn't feel like a burden. That was welcome. He sank into the couch and motioned for her to join him, but she paced the small room instead, running her hand through her hair, making the pale waves ripple.
"What's wrong, Olivia?"
She sighed, ran her hand through her hair once more and then turned to face him, looking him right in the eyes.
"Walter told me something." she said simply, her big eyes full of fear.
He gulped.
She told him all she knew, which was very little. The time of the rapid aging case, when scientists cultivating soldiers had been on the cards, Walter had assumed she knew about "Peter's medical history" whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. She'd tried to push it to the back of her brain, but somehow it kept resurfacing, hurting her when she least expected it, as if a little reminder that nothing good in her life could ever possibly last.
"I asked him about it again once, but he told me he couldn't remember anything. I don't know if he was lying or he really couldn't, Peter, i swear, but I know I should have told you sooner... I just... you can see I had no evidence really, but the ramblings of a mad man and-"
"Why are you telling me this now?" he interrupted, voice hoarse and cold.
"Because I can't get it off my mind and I need you to tell me that it's something stupid, hell I would even take the most sinister disease after everything I've seen! I just need you to tell me it's gonna be ok..."
And he smiled. That little half smile that shouldn't make her pulse quicken like it did. She barely stopped for a breath before carrying on, dreading the silence.
"We can go and get some tests done, we can pay for everything under the sun, Peter, find out what it is, and it'll be ok, we need to make sure it's ok..." she trailed off, looking down at her hands, sinking into the sofa beside him.
Without saying a word, he cupped a hand under her chin and lifted her face to match her eyes with his. The tears in them shocked even him.
"Livvy, why are you telling me this now?" he asked again, softer this time, as if trying to convey some other meaning.
She gulped visibly, trying to look anywhere other than his piercing eyes, and failing. "I... I don't want anything to happen to you." she whispered. "Tell me it's gonna be ok."
He shrugged, let her face go. "I don't know what he's talking about. And I know from experience he doesn't just ramble about something completely made up. I'm gonna try talking to him tomorrow, ok? But... Liv... why now? Why come to my place in the middle of the night and burst out with it?"
Those tears nearly choked her. "Because I don't want things to go unsaid anymore, in case your life's in danger."
The silence was stifling. Neither of them said a word, neither moved their eyes from the other's gaze. Peter was the first to speak. "So what you're saying is..." he prompted.
She swallowed her nerves, reached out and took his hands in hers. He was surprised by how cold they were.
"I don't know what's going to happen, and I'm scared, Peter. And I don't want you to... God forbid, die... without knowing... how... how I feel about you.."
He squeezed her hands a little, encouraging.
"It's soon after John, I know that, but I... I... Jeez-"
He gave her that little smile again.
"So you're saying what, Livvy? How do you feel about me?"
His eyes were twinkling with mirth. Was he teasing her?
"Peter, I..." she started to argue, but he put a finger to her lips, silencing her and making her skin tingle, electric pulses shatter down her spine. She shook her head, looking down, a slight colour coming to her cheeks.
"You've started now, you can't stop there!"
He was making fun of her. She pulled back, giving him a disapproving glare.
"Peter, are you really gonna make me say this?"
He grinned. "Yes." he smiled, but there was something dark in his eyes. He knew how scared she was, he felt it too, he just couldn't resist it.That was it, there. The difference between him and John. He was making her say it, not accepting that she couldn't. He was fighting for her.
"I... I'm in love with you."
It came out like a whisper, and she put her hand up to her mouth afterwards in shock, as if she could hardly believe she'd let it out and that it hadn't been as hard as she expected it to. He lifted her hand from her mouth and pressed his lips to hers, gently, quickly. When he pulled away she was frozen in astonishment, shock and some sort of denial. She was Special Agent Olivia Dunham... she didn't say that to people. She'd hardly been able to say it to John, after weeks of a relationship, let alone with someone she hadn't even kissed... until now. But that was just the thing. With Peter she wasn't Special Agent Olivia Dunham, she was Olivia. It was nonsensical, because the whole time she was with Peter they were working, but when she was talking to him... when she was lost in those eyes she was Livvy.
"I'm in love with you too." he murmured, kissing her gently again. In an ideal world, a normal world, a world she had believed in until only months ago, she would have smiled at that and properly kissed him back. But she didn't live in that world anymore. She lived in a world where nothing was untainted, nothing was final - not even death. She slid away from him and stood up, running her hands through her hair in that way that made Peter's heart race.
"We need to get you to a hospital somewhere, get some tests done straight away, see if we can stop it before anything happens..." she was frantic. Peter smiled at her slightly, but waited for her to finish.
"Then we'll go to Walter and ask him and even if he can't remember we'll get him to run every test he's ever known on you and then..." she trailed off, tears rising in her eyes again. He smiled at her knowingly. "Stay with me tonight." he said simply, standing and taking her hands in his. She shook her head violently. "We can't afford to waste anymore time on this, Peter. We have to find out what it is and fix it now."
"What difference will a night make, Liv?"
"It could make all the difference, we just. don't. know."
"No hospital is gonna do all the possible tests on me at this time of night. We'll go in the morning. Stop panicking!"
She looked at him incredulously. How was it that someone could annoy her senseless yet drive her crazy at the same time? "I don't understand why you're not panicking!" she hissed, her eyes like that of a cornered animal. He caught her lips with his again, wrapping his arms around her body.
"Stay with me. I'm not going anywhere tonight. I refuse."
She looked into his eyes and saw he was completely serious. She sighed. "Please, Peter..."
"Please, Olivia..." he mocked, tucking a strand of loose blonde hair behind her ear.
She shook her head slowly, looking away, unable to meet his eyes. "I can't..." she murmured.
"Why?" he asked, his voice suddenly thickening with concern. "We both know how we feel now, what's wrong?"
A tear shivered down her cheek. "Because when you're all fixed we're gonna go back to dancing around each other, like nothing's changed..."
That was hard for Peter to take. He stepped back from her, turning his face away for a moment. "And what if it's something they can't fix, Liv, what then?"
She met his eyes. "Then I'm right here." she murmured. "Until the end."
Both of them drew breath at the unspoken things.
"Stay with me." he murmured again, "Everything's changing. Nothing stays the same. You, of all people, should know that."
She smiled, almost bitterly. "I... John... I don't know if I can..."
"I'm not going to hurt you." he said confidently, "I promise you that."
"I know." she murmured, "But you might have to leave me"
He rufflled his hair, frustrated, "Isn't this why you came here tonight, Liv? To make sure we didn't run out of time? You can't walk away now"
She shook her head. "I know I can't. I'm just trying to pretend for one more minute that I haven't handed you my plate on a silver platter or something..." her laugh was cold, dry.
He gulped. She'd given him her heart, and there was nothing more precious than that.
"I'll take good care of it." he murmured, and she looked at the floor, her hair covering her expression like a silky golden curtain, and when it raised, he could read the love in her eyes. He crossed the space to her in two strides, catching her up in his arms and holding her tightly, lips already pressed tightly to hers.
Time was a funny thing, Olivia Dunham thought. Just when you thought you didn't have enough of it, it seemed to pause on one heavenly moment for ever.
And even forever's not quite long enough.