I in no way own the rights to Hunger Games or any character mentioned in this fan fiction nor did I create the pictures used for the illustration.

"After the Fire"

As the ashes settled and disappeared from the rebellion,lives became a sort of normal no one had ever known. Except for flash backs and nightmares lurking with the pain of grief and guilt for all who survived and lost loved ones. As the weeks became months Peeta and I spent most of our waking hours together. I was careful not to push anything too much. I did not want to overwhelm his mind or feelings. I feared doing so might bring on a flashback or terrible pain of some kind. These demons the capitol created to try and overtake his mind and his love for me were the toughest of all the games Snow put me in. And he knew this one would be the most painful. Peeta would bake,I would hunt, and each evening we would spend time painting,writing memories in the memory book, or talking.

Life had a sense of peace most days with Peeta. But after two years of living in the same home, sleeping in the same bed,kissing and loving each other. I wondered if it would ever be more than this? I know I was undeniably in love with him, I knew I was never losing him no matter what. But he was not really opening up like he once did. He sometimes seemed to be walking around this tortured soul. I would soothe him, console him,be his sanctuary. But was this to truly be the only relationship we would have after everything we had survived to be together? How was I to be sure he wanted the same dream as myself. So I being the fearful person I can be at times, decided I needed to talk to Peeta. But how was I going to truly open my soul and let out the words I was no good at speaking? I was scared, but determined to find answers.

It was very fitting how it all finally happened, It began with a rainy morning. We had been sitting in the doorway that morning watching the rain and waiting on it to slow,Peeta left for the bakery and I could not help but begin going down memory lane ,of the rain and the bread, then the remark Peeta made about the pig at the hospital in 13. When I came to my senses I decided to watch some clips of our nicer moments during the interviews and events we had attended that were televised. I had been emotional all day, thinking about the right time to tell him that I wanted and needed more. He still had doubts about my love for him. I could see it in his eyes from time to time. And today before he left for the bakery he gave me that look of longing like he had so many times before. I was watching a compilation of clips of our moments in each others arms, looking at his expressions and our kisses, especially the one on the beach. I had done this many times alone for fear that Peeta watching might trigger some horrible flash back. I thought about all the loving tender exchanges, all the daggers of words used when we were angry. All the looks of longing Peeta gave me time after time. All the pain and hurt I had caused him and the moments I wasted being stubborn and scared. Not seeing what a gift I had right in front of me. I could have been loving Peeta all along, showing him my love and being given his in return 10 times what he had already. Maybe the highjacking would not have worked? Maybe he would have been a weaker pawn if I had shared my feelings sooner, it could have killed him. But now it was killing me .My heart was breaking as the flashes of Peeta's expressions raced through my mind.

I sat in the floor close to the fire, As the storm outside raged harder and thunder rumbled,I became consumed by pain and longing as well as with guilt. All the feelings had to come out of me I could not hold them in any longer my tears became out of control. Peeta walked in and he was taken back by finding me kneeling in the floor at the fire sobbing. He knelt next to me asking me what was wrong. I choked out the words "us". Peeta's voice shook as he asked "What about us?".

I looked up at him through the haze of the salty clouds in my vision, " I was thinking back on the way you loved me, before any of the horrors we had gone through tainted your memories, and I wonder if you could ever love me, be in love with me, and trust in me the way you once did". Peeta looked at me with concern and pain all at once,"I am not certain what you mean Katniss,,I ,,I". Before he could finish I put my finger over his beautiful full lips. " Peeta you fell in love with all sorts of things about me as a young child, you memorized my clothes and hair on the first day of school, songs I sang, my behaviors, you followed me home everyday, and you saved my life in the rain with intentionally burnt bread that you got beat for giving to me'," That is where our life really began". Peeta rose from the floor and looked at me like he was wrenching inside." Katniss I.." I interrupt "Peeta please, hear me out, "

I felt tears falling down my cheeks and my chin quivering like a child. I must have looked awful,I had been sobbing off and on, hysterical really. 'Peeta, I need you to understand that I have loved you for such a long time, I didn't even let myself admit it for the longest time. All of my fears and the fight to survive was all I could focus on most of all. But all that changed when I thought I lost you forever. Peeta it was always you I fought for, always you I needed when I was scared and alone. Your goodness and that beautiful soul of yours, it intoxicated me. With the highjacking and the war, everything that has brought us right here in this moment, I know it all happened so I would have you , just you were the gift of all that agony Peeta. And I know I do not deserve you. Can't you see I love you? ,,, I am so deeply in love with you and I cannot live another day without you knowing. All my fears of horrors and death are gone, now my fears match the ones you once had, of losing me, only my greatest fear is losing you,losing your presence in my life, and you never being able to love me again like I wish you to,,,I love you Peeta, so much".

I broke again, sobbing into my own hands. I fell to the sofa and sat there weeping. All the while he is trembling , looking me and tears began streaming from his eyes long before my speech ended, he never wavered from holding my every word, never looked away or spoke. After a moment of silence my eyes raised to see him. Searching his expression I realized he had not moved from the spot he stood. He caught his breath, "Oh Katniss". And then he raced over to me scooped me into his arms and kissed me, so gentle and wanting. As I pulled back after a moment for air, in his eyes I swear I could see to his soul. the purest reflection of where I belonged. He picked me up in an embrace that lifted me off my seat,he kissed me for what seemed like forever. Peeta pulled away and tearfully looked at me, I touched his cheek. He smiled a half grin and said;" Do you know how happy I am right now? I waited my whole life to hear you say those words to me. I never thought I would get lucky enough to hear them.'' Then he embraced me again so tightly, like I would disappear if he did not hold on with all his might. This was a time of tears and whispers of apology for the hurt we had caused each other. For any damage we created to the others heart. Forgiveness and forgetting the past as much as possible was granted. Promises of always and kisses in between words.

Time was standing still in this moment, I was elated and overwhelmed with all the feelings inside. I am not certain how much time passed or how we made our way to our bed. I just know that the man before me was my forever and I finally felt free with him. To love him and be loved by him, it took my breath looking at him. The way he was gentle with every touch and gesture towards me. How he barely looked away from my gaze the both of us unsure and scared of the events about to take all the while that we had been made to fit perfectly together in every our lives had been mapped out in the stars by a greater being than ourselves. In the past I tried not believe anyone like that existed with the ugliness of my world how could He be real. But oh how I believe that He is there, protecting and only something as amazing as Peeta could come that creator. I wondered if this is how all people in love felt the first time they opened themselves to each other fully? I think it is more for Peeta and I, we had fought so long and hard for this. And my God was it all worth it!

As we began to undress each others bodies it was like slow motion, taking in every curve and movement of each other. We reveled in each other, enchanted discovering every inch of one another. Not one scar, one spot of skin, one inch of him did I let go untouched and unkissed. Nor did he allow that for me. The warmth of his being and the feeling of his touch against my skin brought my body to a loss of control. He made me do things I never knew I was capable of in such a way that I wanted more still. The kissing was amazing, the touching thrilling and pleasing. But my instincts kept overtaking me moving my body and sensations escaping me. Peeta's name and sounds came without filter from my mouth between kisses. He paused for a moment above me searching my eyes," I do love you Katniss...Always!''

I could not handle the slight distance between our bodies once he spoke.I grabbed him and pulled him closer to me. I wanted to melt into him, he made me feel so safe and secure. Peeta made me feel as if I was created just for him. His love was the feeling that made me feel whole . Every nerve ending in my body was so alive and only when he was near. I felt like someone I did'nt even know, not in control of myself but he had the strings, and I liked it .

Then there was a look of distress in his eyes. He paused and looked closely at me. It was a look I had seen many times when he was feeling overwhelmed with upsetting thought or emotion he could not let out. He pulled himself up from against me and tenderly spoke, I could feel the warmth of his breath on my skin. So shyly he whispers, "Katniss, I have never done any of this before".Then he looked almost ashamed of himself. He looked at me in search of redemption from this feeling he was having. I replied"Good, neither have I Peeta." This made him relieved with a beautiful grin. He had to be the most beautiful creature i had ever detail of him was perfect, even the scars.I pulled him into my arms and kissed him pleadingly.

The only man I loved was about to make love to me and I could not believe it. He looked in my eyes ,placed his hand under my head, and all at once pushed into me.I felt nothing in that first second except pure devotion and undying need for him. We locked in our gaze so intensely amazing. The look that came over his face was one of love and as if cold water had made him slightly breathless by suddenly being splashed on his skin for a moment. Brow furrowed in a pleasured pain,this gave me butterflies. I felt so much in my heart I thought it would burst at the seams if I tried to fit any more emotions in there. I had never believed life could be so good, or that an amazing man like Peeta would love me, want me, need me. But he does in every way, and I him. I do not want one moment of my existing to be with out Peeta. I am forever bound to him and this only makes that more real.

Suddenly a burn and stabbing sensation made me jump slightly. Peeta looked in concern, I pulled him even closer, "Don't stop". He kissed me again and wrapped his arms around me tight. The connection we have in this moment, the love, passion, desire, it all consumes my heart and I feel so much. This is a place I have never been, I feel we are one. The act of making love was the only the beginning to the healing and completing our union to each other soul to soul. There was nothing to fear, nothing to hide. As Peeta moved, I moved our bodies against each other I had never felt so alive. This lasted for a long time, and then I felt this sensation in my stomach,it was like a pressure was building and needed to release. Every time Peeta touched a certain place inside me it would grow more intense. He looked at me and lost his breath again, crashing his lips into mine once more his movements became faster and a bit harder. I wrapped my legs up around his hips and he lost control of his body. As I felt the warmth flooding inside I released the same.

Peeta fell onto my chest ,laying his head on the pillow next to mine. I could feel the panting breaths he was taking on my cheek and neck. This gave me chills of a sort that made my insides clamp down again. I felt him smile satisfied with himself I"m sure. He kissed my neck as I cried out ,he brought his lips to mine and kissed me so softly for the longest time. Then after ,He raised his head and with tearful eyes looking at me he asks; " Katniss, you love me ?" .. 'Real or not real?.

I responded "Real".

The moments after that were a bit silent and sweet, touching ecah others skin and kisses here there and everywhere. Peeta still lying against me. I ran my fingers through his blonde hair, he raised his head from my next to mine, smiled and asked " Was I dreaming?". I smiled and said softly " No love, you did not dream this time". And with that he was on top of me again. Our bodies skin to skin it felt like he fit into every curve of my being so perfectly. He laid his head on the pillow hugging into me so tight. I raised my arms higher on his back and tightened my embrace. Then I heard him release his breath and he seemed to be slightly shaking all over. I felt the flutter of his long eye lashes against my shoulder. Was he was silently crying? I whispered in his ear and told him it was ok,"I do love you Katniss,so much!". " I do, please believe me, I have waited my whole life for this, for you, praying you would love me someday in return". And now I have the answers to those prayers and I am so thankful. I don't want this to end,ever".

"Peeta I love you, I am always going to be right here,We will have this forever, I promise you". And with that notion in mind we stayed there all into the light of morning. Well into the afternoon we were still lazily in and out of bed. We talked,planned and dreamed together. We had hope and joy in what the days ahead might bring for us. The fire in my soul was different now. It was the flames of life not death and despair. But something in my soul was different, I felt a sense of fear as I thought of Peeta leaving for the bakery tomorrow morning. I tried to pass it off and felt foolish like a child fearing their first of school without their parent. But this was a feeling that was not fleeting form me.

So when morning came we were tangled up in each others naked bodies. Our time together still fresh on our minds over the course of the last 48 hours it felt like it had only been a short time. Peeta woke and kissed my forehead, 'Good morning baby"" I sure hate to get out of this spot". I felt a lump in my throat and tightened my grip on him and buried my face into his chest.I could not stop the emotion from escaping my eyes or hold back the sob in my throat any longer. Peeta lowered his head back against mine and kissed my head."Katniss what's wrong baby?" "Please talk to me" he pleaded softly. "Please don't leave Peeta, please just stay with me today" I managed to choke out the words."Ok,ok..don't cry please" "Tell me what's wrong Katniss". He squeezed up close me and held me until I was calmed enough to try and explain my sudden emotional break.I turned my head so I could look at him, sweet Peeta. He had this fear in his eyes mixed with deep concern at what was about to come from my lips. "I don't know why I am so upset, I just don't want to be away from you right now Peeta. I feel scared and empty at the thought of you not being near me today, It brings back so much fear ,the last time I let my walls down you were taken from me. Flashes of you standing at the lightning tree keep rolling over and over in my mind like a movie that wont stop. The look on your face was as if you would never see me again. And look what happened after. I just need you to be in my sight right now, I need to see you, feel you breath next to my body and hear your heart beating, I know I sound childish, I'm sorry" I whisper.''I just need to be as close to you as possible right now, just please don't let me go". And he moved in closer to me if that was possible until there was barely air between.

'' Look at me Katniss" he said as he tilted my chin with his thumb. I looked at him hesitantly through my watery view. He looked at me like he did the first time he admitted he watched me go home everyday in the cave. ''Always" he whispered. And with that I lost it, I kissed him like I know I never had before.I had my fingers tangled in his hair holding his kiss to my lips as long as he would let me. I was frantic to be in this position and never leave. I had too much emotion for one person to handle. I thought for a moment I might be a bit insane allowing this roller coaster of title waves to roll through me. One minute fear, the next uncontrollable passion and desire that I could not contain. I could not stop my actions of touching and kissing Peeta. I did things in those next hours I never even knew people did. Our pleasure to one another became more intense and we each committed acts to each others bodies I never imagined me allowing to happen. But it was all so amazingly beautiful to me in this moment that it did'nt seem foreign or unnatural gestures of love anymore. It was thrilling and humbling all rolled in one wave of euphoria. And the after glow of looking at Peeta, hearing him breath, feeling him, his heart, looking in those dazzling blue eyes, and being able to tell him how deeply I loved him had to be the best of all.

After several hours I finally slept for a while. Peeta never left me, never let me go even when he changed positions in his sleep. He finally woke me and said we had to get up and shower and use the restroom. So we did and ate dinner with Haymitch who was all smiles because he knew from our behavior what had finally happened. I felt like a different human being. One filled with hope and love. I was almost certain I would never marry or have a family . Much less love someone more than my own life. But Peeta gave me all that and more.

In the years to come we healed together all the wounds and fears from the Capitol. We welcomed every sun rise and sunset knowing we had our love and a life to share together no matter what may come. We were married and had everything we needed to make our life together what it should be, 15 years after our marriage we welcomed our daughter Briallan Willow Mellark into the world, then 3 years later our son Barley Rye Mellark. There are no more reapings to fear,no demons or mutts to run from, and now the nightmares are tamed and the only dreams I have are filled with my family and the events of the day. This makes it all worth it,every bad thing was really for a reason. To create life with Peeta and see the goodness in others . To destroy the wicked was to make the world new for these babies. I was chosen, Peeta was chosen. How blessed am I really that Effie did call Peeta's that fateful day all those years ago. Oh how I love him...

Peeta's POV.

All my days began the same usually. Not much sleep to speak of and the bakery. I loved living with Katniss and sharing the small things like the book and dinner each night. I knew two things, one I was healing because of her,two that I remembered everything about the way I have loved her all my life. And now I was horrified to tell her or admit it. I was fearful to act on any emotion I had really. Would I choke her again or worse if I had a flashback. I would never hurt her again if I could prevent it. So if that means just cuddles and kisses so be it. But now I understand more than ever what Katniss was afraid of. To admit her love to me had to be terrifying, and I know because even though it is for different reasons and circumstances, I fear my love for her and that admitting it could lad to destruction of a different kind. I feel so much for her, I am so deeply in love with her and my heart really longs to have a normal beautiful life with her. i just do not know if it is going to be possible. And I feel hope from Katniss whom I never thought would soften her heart to me and ever feel anything real for me. Should I even hope for these things after all we have each gone through? I know I want a future, possibly a family. And I want all that with only Katniss.

So as time passes and the ashes settle from all the violence. Our life is some what normal. To normal,I keep waiting for the bottom to drop out from under me. Then she is there by my side, gray glimmering eyes staring what feels like straight into my soul. It unnerves my spirit in an amazing way in some moments that this creature i admired from afar is here, sleeping in the same bed beside me. But lately I see this look on her face that tells me her mind is searching and needing answers of some kind. I worry alot and do not communicate like i feel I should with her. I know there is more to love and life than just the bare minimal we have been existing in as of late. But I just do not know how long it will take to trust myself moving forward.

When the rain stopped I went out the door to the bakery. But I stopped briefly to watch Katniss as she turned on the recorded scenes of us. I watched as she smiled and reminised on those moments. My heart pounded and ached as she began to cry. But like a coward i ran to the bakery and tried not to think about it. But as it turns out that is all I ended up thinking about. When I returned in the afternoon the rain was slower but still falling. I walked in our home to find Katniss kneeling before the fire she as sobbing and could not control it. I thought maybe she was having a manic depression episode and was ready to brace myself for it. But I was mistaken. I asked what was wrong and she said "us". My heart sank to my feet. I thought she was about to tell me she did'nt want me there any longer. That she was tired of my trance like state of being , feeling sorry for myself and walking around as if I had lost everything when she was my everything. I wanted to shed my highjacked skin and come out like the old me.

But then Katniss started speaking and even as I tried I was unable to answer her. She would not stop talking, though i am glad she interrupted me over and over. As she spilled her heart out to me I felt I was in a dream world. I thought I was having a shiny memory for a split second. But when I heard her say the word I love you, I melted inside. I took in everything she had said , but that was the the point I had to get her into my arms. I had to be as close to her as possible. My soul was freed when she said those 3 little words that were so huge in that moment. I wrapped my arms around Katniss and she felt light as air. After a long time passed of words and kisses I carried her to our room,our bed. And though I had never made love in any way i knew i was going to with Katniss. I was scared and elated all in one. My heart could not get any fuller.

The taste of her skin,the scent of her hair,the look in her eyes like she wanted to breath me into her soul. I was so overwhelmed and full of all these desires. We spoke on the fact we had neither done anything like this with anyone before. but touching her and loving her came natural to me somehow. I knew every movement I needed to make, every part to touch and how to touch her. I took in every piece of her body that I could touch and place me was magnificent in my view, perfection and all I ever wanted was coming true in these moments. I was complete when we became one. One heart beat, one body, and one soul. I was desperate for this never to end.

I brought her body to a convulsive euphoric state over and over again. I could not bring myself to stop. But when i finally reached that mark in time, I had to ask her if it was it was the most real thing that I had felt in such a long time. I was so in love with her, everything about her consumed me. I will never let this be the last happy moment we share or the last moment she feels every ounce of my heart. I belong to her, with her. My soul is teathered to hers then, now, an for always.

In the morning when we wake she bears her hold on me tight, tighter still when I try to rise. Her fear and memories haunt her mind this morning. She needs me to hold her, tell her i am here to stay. She envelops me and I see that I need this as much as she. I can not contend with the emotions between us. The flood of feelings takes us over and we hold on to each other for dear life. We need each other more and more. And my life has finally come to where I belong. I knew I belonged here in this place. And now I will make every day count and make her life as beautiful and meaningful as possible.

And as time passed, years of happiness and love and all the amazing little moments in between my wife and I wrote a new story for me, for us. She my muse, my beauty, my soul. She carried life in her made of our love. She gave birth to my daughter and son. And my love continued to grow beyond the bounds of my heart into my spirit. My mockingjay. She is and Always will be my solace after the fire