This is not owned by me. It is a story based on the characters of NANA by Ai Yazawa
I hope you like this Nana letter-story-reflection
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Hachi,
I keep forgetting what it was that I wanted to do. For a long time I found myself letting things slide, letting things stay the way they were because it was comfortable without realizing how damaging it would be in the end.
I kept thinking that it shouldn't be bad to rely on Ren more, to let him take care of me more, but I realize now that I was just avoiding my problems. Because if I allowed Ren to be my protector, my knight in shining armor, then any hurt that befell me would not be my own fault. It would be my failed knight's fault; it was the beginning of the end once I started on that path. I see that now.
I am frustrated, Hachi, why did I stubbornly refuse to follow Ren in the first place, if after not following him I have ended up being what I hated most. I'm a hanger-on, a dead wait on Ren and on my band. What did I work so hard for, trying to make it in Tokyo if all I would become was Ren's woman. I'm disgusted with myself, with my lifestyle.
Change. I must change myself, reevaluate my lifestyle, and think. I must gather my strength and decide for myself what is the best course. I must make my own decision and take more responsibility for my failures and stop taking out my frustration on my friends, and even on you Hachi. I have a short temper, unfortunately, and I say things I don't mean without thinking. I often wonder what I would do if I were in your guy's position and had to withstand a nasty person's nasty behaviour. I've thought it over and the only answer I get is that I'd leave a person such as myself and never look back except maybe to pity them..
I have a confession to make to you, Hachi. You know Hachi, when I heard you were going to marry Takumi, I was upset, I was miserable. I'm still not sure why, but I felt betrayed, I felt that you had chosen Trapnest over Blackstones, over me. I realize how selfish of me that thinking was. After all, just like I have to live my life and make my own decisions, you have to live by yours. And I should respect that more than anything. You needed to think about what would make you happiest in the long run, and perhaps you have made the wisest, and the best decision. However I still feel sometimes that I do not understand your choice, why the sarcastic bastard over the sweet Nobu. Was it because of the financial security that Takumi could provide you? But I don't think that's it, you might be like a little dog and a little spacey, but you are not that materialistic, you love too much to be that superficial. You must see in Takumi something good, something worthwhile that would complete you. And alas, I've seen that while you have grown stronger and more confident in yourself and your decisions, I've become weak and have lost my sense of self.
And this is what has brought me here to writing this letter. it is time for me to grow up, to change. I want to become stronger and be able to stand comfortably and without feeling burdened in the shoes that you have left behind for me to fill. The change that I talk of will probably take many years, but if I begin now then maybe when you see me next I will have more individuality and a more positive outlook on my life, So Nana, keep this hidden in your mind and in your heart: I Nana Oosaki will leave Japan in order to find myself. Do not search for me, Do not clip my wings for me, because I must learn to soar.
- Nana Oosaki
Nana looked at the letter she had written and couldn't stop the tears from falling on the envelope. she cried for all the mistakes of Yesterday, but tomorrow the future would begin and a new Nana would emerge.