Leonardo had discovered his own affinity for spiritual intuition when he was very young, just as they began their ninjitsu training, but of course he'd had to work at it, under Master Splinter's gentle guidance.
What had irked him was the first time he had sent his aura out to feel for his brothers, and realized that his youngest brother, the irritable, loud, bouncy, forever smiling, always giggling Michelangelo had a stronger aura than his own, and that his very potential for spiritual intuition was better.
He had known that Splinter had sensed it, but had kept silent, although that tiny tiny smile had stirred something strange inside him. He kept training. He kept pushing. He kept straining.
Michelangelo literally flipped, spun, skipped, and danced through it all.
Leonardo breathed as though ninjitsu were his very life.
Michelangelo breathed as though life would come tumbling into his hands like a shining toy.
Leo learned to stop being jealous very quickly and to begin delighting that his baby brother was naturally talented and skilled.
And then, Michelangelo began to slide back. He stopped being magnificently skilled at every turn. Splinter's eyes narrowed in concern, and soon in disappointment.
But Leo reached out with his spiritual senses, and discovered that Michelangelo was holding back on purpose.
He wanted to let Leo come forward and shine more than him.
It was deliberate.
To this day, Leonardo still doesn't understand why Michelangelo keeps this up, and why Splinter lets him get away with it.
But the secret's out now. It was out when Agent Bishop confessed to April that Mikey's brain was permanently affected by Dimension X, the Utroms, the mutagen, and that Mikey himself was just as psychic as she. The freckled ocean-eyed human simply squealed and threw her arms around Mikey, and "Hey there, little brother!" was greeted with"Dude! I got another sister! This rocks!" and the freckled ocean-eyed turtle had spun her in his arms and laughed that amazing, sunlit laugh of his, and even Raphael couldn't help the proud silly smirk on his face.
That was months ago, and even before that, Leo had tried to sense Mikey's aura and energy, before April confessed to accidentally burning him with her crystal-enhanced powers. Mikey's excuse that the incident had jumpstarted his abilities was probably true, in any case.
And Donnie still was begging Bishop to translate the Utrom Queen's seemingly brand new files on Michelangelo.
Leo stopped caring about all that technical stuff and started spending more time around his ridiculously cheery baby brother. Even when the episodes struck.
Mikey's last bout with clinical depression had honestly been short according to Donnie. It broke Leo's heart anyway, seeing that dimpled smile fade, those fidgeting limbs droop, that happy raspy voice dull flatly. Raph was the most sympathetic, leading Mikey on long walks, spending time with the training dummies, and Leo learned to tune out those cries of numb anguish as he meditated with Sensei, although they sliced into him.
Donnie has been teaching Mikey to stop holding in his most morbid thoughts for the sake of the family, but Mikey is the most stubborn out of all of them. It's slow going. Leo is just grateful it's happening at all.
Right now, he leans against the dojo tree, not meditating, merely basking in silence and strips of sunlight. Splinter is out on a walk, Donnie is in his lab, Raph is with Casey, Mikey is playing video games. He breathes deeply and thinks about absolutely nothing.
"Leo?"
Mikey's voice jolts him, although a decade of training hides it. Leo opens his eyes languidly and smiles widely. "Hi, Mikey. What's up?"
Mikey is kneeling next to him, looking at him anxiously. Leo carefully hides his worry, and meets his brother's piercing eyes.
"Leo, Splinter says you're trying too hard."
Leo's mouth quirks. "Is that his official opinion?"
"Kinda. He mostly said a lot of things in wisdom. Close enough."
"Mikey, will this be like the time you tried to show me your way of meditation and my aura expanded all over the place?"
"Nah, bro, this is the opposite." Mikey gently pokes him in the center of his forehead, in the third eye. "You've been reaching too much. It's putting a strain on you. The headaches, Leo."
Leonardo stiffens. Nobody is supposed to know about the headaches. He wakes up with them, he goes to sleep with them, he keeps aspirin on his nightstand. But this is Mikey. Mikey, who naturally developed alien-created psionic powers in a way that baffled everyone but April. This is the new Empath Mikey, who feels everything his loved ones feel and acts accordingly.
Mikey nods, apparently satisfied. "Yeah." And then he presses his finger to Leo's forehead a little harder. "Breathe in, breathe out," he says, voice soft and low. Leo finds his eyelids fluttering.
There is a burst of amber orange, of deep sunset yellow. The aura fills the space around his entire head. Mikey is humming.
Leo loses track of time. Suddenly, Mikey's humming sounds strained and ragged, and his breathing becomes harsh. When Leo opens his eyes, he sees sweat rolling down his brother's face, sees a muscle in his jaw twitch.
Leo's head pains are vanishing, smothered by that sunset energy, sinking howling beneath sunrise force, bursting pale orange gold and summer blue.
"Mikey," he yells, or tries to. His voice his detached, he can't hold on to it. "Mikey, stop, please!"
Sluggishly, Leo tugs his arms up and grabs Mikey's wrist and yanks his hand away. Mikey tumbles back and just lies there, trembling. Leo's entire body, not just his head, feels relaxed and free of pain. But it's hard to move. He groans and pushes as hard as he can, feeling his own sapphire blue energy move against the citrine orange surrounding him. Finally, he breaks free. He crawls to Mikey, straddles him, stares at him.
Mikey's eyes are half-open and glassy, dilated and staring without seeing. His hands twitch, his head jerks to the side. Leo recognizes a small, partial seizure. He cups his brother's face in his hands and says soothing words.
He counts. Thirty-seven seconds later, Mikey lets out a pitiful cry and blinks, panting. "L-Leo," he says hoarsely.
"Mikey," Leo says softly. "Weren't we just talking about trying to hard?"
"Wasn't trying," Mikey whispers. "was just opening and letting it go."
Frowning, Leo embraces him and pulls him up. "So your aura just…does what it wants? You direct it and it does whatever?"
A shaky grin. "Still workin' on that."
"Mikey, here, I'll help you to the lab. We'll call Splinter. He and Donnie can help you."
"I wanted you to help me," Mikey mumbles, sounding disappointed. Leo feels his heart lurch.
Donatello frets like a hummingbird, giving Mikey as many tests as he can think of. Mikey simply reclines on the cot, tired and complacent. Multiple times, the two are pressed together, murmuring, Donnie sounding like his heart could break, and Leo frowns at Raph, whose green eyes hold a shining emotion Leo can't quite identify. He catches bits of "promise" and "scare me" and "so sorry" and "remember our pact" and he feels an old jealousy rise in his gut.
Master Splinter holds Mikey from behind, nuzzling him, hands on his shoulders. Mikey automatically leans into him, safe and warm. Leo senses the psychic conversation between them, the shape of it, emotions and sensations and some words.
Eventually, Splinter sits on the cot and pulls Mikey down with him, head in his lap, and begins to sing.
Donnie pulls the others aside. "I need to ask Dr. Rockwell to help me build or find the proper medical scanning equipment," he begins, "but Mikey's mental state is…all over the place. He's in a sort of flux. It's not like a human dealing with neurological disorders, this is directly connected to the Utrom psionics. His…his brain is so full of energy and power that it's not sure how to handle it all. I've been trying to teach him about compartmentalization-"
"What's that?" Raph asks.
"You know how you have your rages and those blackouts? Think of it as training yourself to put those parts of your identity in sections in your mind, so you can separate them from your ordinary every day mindset. So you're not so constantly, permanently…"
"Pure reaction," Raph fills in. "Sheer emotion."
"That makes sense," Leo nods.
"But…" Raph taps his chin. "Mikey isn't really used to so much all at once. And we know he sometimes pretends with his goofy stupidness. And he hides in his imagination when things get bad. So maybe he hasn't been dealing with it well."
Donnie nods. "Yes, exactly! The Utrom Council's revelation and confirmation about Mikey and April affected Mikey more than he let on."
Leo bites his lip. "How do we help him?"
Don holds him with a look. "He's reaching out to you, whether or not he knows it. He wants to control these powers but he doesn't quite know where to start. He's afraid."
Leo smiles. "I can work with that."
He glances over at the cot. Mikey is curled up like a cat and Splinter is stroking his head and neck. Leo sits on another edge of the bed and presses his hand against Mikey's temple.
I'm gonna help you, little brother. You'll get through this, we all will. Don't be afraid.
In his mind is an image of six-year-old Mikey wrapping his arms around six-year-old Leo, nuzzling his chest, saying with confidence, "You can do it, Leo. I believe in you. I'll always believe in you."
In his sleep, Mikey smiles. Leo smiles back, tears in his eyes.
That night, Mikey comes to his room, teddy bear clutched to his side. Leo sits up, eyes widening in the dark. "Mikey? Did you have a nightmare?"
"Yeah," and the raspiness tells him his brother has been crying hard.
"Come here," Leo says, opening his arms, and in the dark Mikey moves like a breeze, falling against him, chin on his shoulder. Leo pulls them down and shifts so Mikey can curl into his side, under his arm. Mikey shudders and suddenly bursts into tears.
"Oh, Little One," and Leo rubs his hand up and down the arm thrown across his plastron. "Talk to me. I'm here. I'm here."
Mikey is gasping for breath, and Leo feels a nudge against his mind, a gentle soft starburst of amber, gold, deep pink. He opens his surface mind, and Mikey's voice floods him, the nightmares grim and gory, Leo himself nearly fully decapitated, Donnie sliced almost in half, Raph with both arms cut off, Mikey dragged away by claws, claws ripping into his legs, claws pinning him to the ground and he can't even scream anymore.
Leo conjures up soothing images, tries to push them into his brother, but Mikey's psychic shields are naturally strong and he has to ask permission, like leaving gifts against a moving wall. Mikey burrows against him, nuzzling his neck, and Leo realizes that he's making sure Leo's head is still attached and for an instant Leo shivers. He shifts and wraps his other arm around Mikey, plastrons scraping, foreheads pressing.
"Sleep, Mikey, I'm here. I'll protect you. I love you."
For the first time in a long time, his spiritual senses are wide open and he feels Mikey's drowsiness, his relief, his immediate optimism – Mikey somehow always manages to find a positive in a world of nightmares. Big brother is holding him, big brother is here, he won't fall.
Leo presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth and repeats, "You're all right Mikey. I'll be here to help you. I promise. You'll get through this."
Leonardo's dream is of playing in a field with Mikey, sparring and chasing each other as the sun shines down on them.
I tried to face the fight within
But it's over
I'm ready for the riot to begin and surrender
I walked the path, it led me to the end, remember
I'm caught beneath with nothing left to give, forever
When angels fall with broken wings
I can't give up, I can't give in
When all is lost and daylight ends
I'll carry you and we will live forever, for ever
Grey skies will chase the light away, no longer
I fought the fight, now only dark remains forever
Divided I will stand
And I will let this end
When angels fall with broken wings
I can't give up, I can't give in
When all is lost and daylight ends
I'll carry you and we will live forever, for ever
The sun begins to rise and wash away the sky
The turning of the tide, don't leave it all behind
And I will never say goodbye
When angels fall with broken wings
I can't give up, I can't give in
When all is lost and daylight ends
I'll carry you and we will live forever, for ever
Forever, forever
Breakin Benjamin, "Angels Fall"