5 years old, and a little terror. Well, to Rachel Berry you were.
You would often run up to her, and push her off of the swings, then bust in the hysterics as you thought it was so funny.
The real deal was that later in life you pictured yourself marrying this tiny brunette, with a beaming smile and chocolate brown eyes, but you knew that girls couldn't marry girls, so you had to pretend these feelings didn't exist.
...She said to you as you finished watching a movie together, it had a happy ending, the girl got the boy, and all that stuff
"Wouldn't it be a nice change if for once, the girl married another girl"
You looked down at her and frowned
"Girls marrying girls is stupid...its not normal..."
Even though you wished that it was.
...You were on the swings with her, she turned to you, took your hand and said
"My dads are married you know"
You don't want to answer as your afraid about what might come out you turn to her shyly and let go of her hand, then you - without thinking - take the chain of her swing and shake it slightly so she's unbalanced, and then you put your hand on her back and push her off of the swing. You sit there; not saying a word, as she lies on the ground covered in dirt, with her little white dress ruined, and her nose bleeding. You want to laugh but can't bring yourself to do it. She stands up and says,
"Why did you do that? That was very uncalled for Quinn"
A girl with long dark brown hair walks past, she is quite tall, Latina, about your age, she gives you a high five and says
"Good job"
Then a boy, quite small, chubby, light brown hair, says from over the fence
"THE FREAK IS DOWN!"
And then shouts
"Hooray!"
In joy. You get up off of the swing, and walk away quickly as you don't want to been seen being nice to Rachel, but inside, you want to help her up, give her a huge hug and help her clean up her bloody nose.
She gets up and follows you, running quite fast, as you walk faster and faster. she shouts
"QUINN! QUINN WAIT FOR ME!"
Then she falls, and grazes her knee, and all the way down the size of her arm. You look around to see if those kids are still around, and you hear someone shout
"Don't touch her! You'll get the gay disease! Its infectious you know!"
And another that shouts
"Your a freak Berry!"
But she just ignores them, and picks herself up again, turns around and begins walking to her house.
You walk up to the girl, and the two boys, and you rise to as tall as you can possibly be, your face bright red in fury, and your fists clenched, you punch the middle boy in the mouth, so his lip starts bleeding, and so does his gum as one of his teeth is knocked wonky you turn so all of them can see you and you shout
"Don't you dare say anything like that ever again!"
But they just laugh in your face, except for the boy that you just hit, which is sitting on the floor with tears in his eyes you turn around and run after Rachel, wrapping your arms around her and hugging her firmly
"Sorry I pushed you, are you okay? Come back to my house, and my mom will clean you up"
You fish a tissue out of your pocket and gently place it on her nose. She screams. You look really concerned as you take away the tissue she says quietly
"c-can you t-take me home, my n-nose really h-hurts"
You want to give her a kiss to make it better, but you force yourself to hold back the feelings.
Her nose was broken, you felt so horrible for it, and you sat with her at the hospital while the fixed it, holding her hand tight and then in the car on the way home, you continue to do the same. You take her out into her garden and lay down and stare up to the clouds
"That one looks like a teddy bear"
She smiled at you slightly, and pointed to another cloud
"That one looks like a star, like myself"
You looked slightly confused, but didn't comment, you just smiled at her. You two laid there for a while. It was nice. You didn't know that you wouldn't be able to be friends with her anymore. One of her dads came out with plasters for her arms and knee, you took the plasters from him and gently stuck the plasters onto her wounds, trying not to hurt her.
Your dad came to take you home. When you got into the car he asked you if her dads were married you remembered Rachel mentioning that before, after you'd finished watching that movie, so you answered
"Yeh, they are, I never knew men could marry men, does this mean girls can-"
Your dad stopped you
"NO!"
He shouted. Your face went red in shock, and started to tear up
"Daddy, are you mad?"
You said, slightly confused about why your dad had just shouted at you for asking a question.
He stopped the car. And turned to you, with a bright red face, the type he only had when he was really angry
"I don't want you mixing with her type anymore"
You were confused by what he meant by 'her type' but then quickly understood that he was talking about her dads.
"So what if her dads are married, she's my friend daddy"
He didn't speak to you for the rest of that day, and the next day. You weren't sure what you had done wrong. Until your mother came to speak to you about it you were sitting in your room playing with your dolls.
"Quinny"
She said, quietly, in that voice that she only uses when she either wants something, or is upset.
"Quinny"
She repeated, to be sure she had your attention
"Your father doesn't want you being friends with that Rachel Berry any longer, im sorry Quinny, but...she has 2 dads..."
You stood up, ripped the head off one of your dolls because you were so angry, and then you stormed out of your house
"SO WHAT?"
This was the first time you had stood up to your parents, and when you hurt that boy in the playground, was the first time you had hurt someone, it felt good, to let out all this rage it made you feel so much better. You walked out of your room, and sat in the coat closet.
Rachel sat on her bed, tears in her eyes, one of her dads was sitting next to her, wiping her tears with a tissue, and patting her back. You had just called her telling her that you two cant be friends again. You were both so upset. Rachel's dad said
"They'll understand one day sweetie, its gonna be okay"
Little Rachel sat up, and turned to her dad
"But why don't they understand now? People should be able to marry the people they love, no matter if they are 2 boys or 2 girls"
A tear fell slowly down her cheek as she thought of you, who she was hoping to one day marry.
"I don't know sweetie, some people are just like that, but I promise you, everything will be okay"
He patted her head, and then climbed off of the bed, tucking the duvet over her, and passing her her teddy bear, so she can go to sleep. He then kisses her goodnight, and walks out of the room.
You sit on a bench on your own in the school playground the next day. You see 3 boys bullying Rachel and you want to go over there and protect her. But your teacher can see you from the other side of the playground where she is standing. Your father called her yesterday and explained the situation to her, and told her she is to keep a close watch on you incase you mix with Rachel. So you don't dare move from the spot you are sitting in.
A little boy, with brown hair, but taller than you, brown eyes, and a welcoming smile came and sat down next to you.
"Hey, you look lonely, wanna play with me? Im Finn by the way"
You smiled a little, but wearnt really in the mood the play with anyone.
"Hi Finn. Sorry Im not really in the mood for playing right now…"
You looked sadly over at Rachel, who was sitting in the corner of the playground crying.
"Is she your friend?"
Finn said. But you shook your head quickly, without any hesitation, even though you wished that you two were still friends.
"But I saw you two on the swings together on Saturday, and you were talking like friends do"
You shook your head again
"I was being mean to her, I would never be friends with a freak like her"
Finn looked disappointed, and you felt really bad inside for what you had just called Rachel. You didn't mean it, but couldn't let anyone know your feelings for her, or even the fact that you two were friends, until yesterday. Your father had told you that even if your teacher didn't catch you talking, god would, because he sees everything. And then he would punish you for mixing with her kind, and disobeying his orders. So you didn't want to do anything, as you knew it would get you in trouble either way.
You headed to the playground when school had finished, and you saw Rachel on the swings on her own. A boy came up to you, one of the gang that you had met the day before.
"Do it then"
He said, gesturing his hand towards Rachel.
"Do what?"
You said, confused as to what he was talking about.
"Push her off the swing, like you did yesterday, Yeh I was watching, and that was real neat"
You ran up to the swing, and pushed her off of it. She lay on the ground crying. Not knowing it was you that had pushed her yet again. It felt kind of good. But you didn't want to hurt Rachel. She didn't get up. She couldn't get up. She just lay there.
You watched from inside a bush, with that boy. He was quite tall and muscley, even though he was only 7. He had a little Mohawk, from his dark brown hair; he patted you on the back.
"THE FREAK IS DOWN! AGAIN! Well done!"
But this didn't feel like an achievement. You felt horrible for hurting Rachel. He told you his name was Noah, but his friends called him Puck, because his surname was Puckerman, he also said that he was sorry for his friends yesterday, but it was all in good fun. This made your face go that shade of red it was yesterday when you punched that boy, You thought to yourself
"Good fun, that's not good fun, that's just mean!"
And it made you want to punch him too. His mother came into the park calling
"Noah? Noah, its time for dinner"
So, he ran off and went home. You headed over to the swings, where Rachel was still laying on the ground. You kicked her, to see if she was conscious. She winced in pain.
"Ouchhh! Quinn, that was uncalled for…"
Then she realised that it was you, and stood up, with a massive smile on her face.
"QUINN!"
She opened her arms for a hug, but you declined.
"Back off Berry, leave me alone"
Were the only words you could stutter, you were pretty sure that god was going to punish you, for just saying that, even for just kicking her, so you didn't want to make it any worse than it already was.
Rachel looked heartbroken, as those words slipped out of your mouth. The massive smile on her face turned rapidly to a frown, and tears began to roll down her cheeks.
"W-w-what? Quinn, I know we're no longer friends, but-"
You stopped her by putting your hand over her mouth so she couldn't speak anymore. You felt something die inside of you. You felt like your heart had been ripped in two. It was the worst feeling ever. You took your hand off her mouth and slowly walked away, hoping she would run after you like she had before. But she didn't. She just stood in the same spot and watched you walk away.
"Im telling!"
She shouted, as you walked quickly now, away from her. You didn't care anymore; you couldn't be bothered to care. You knew you'd be punished, and you didn't like getting punished. You still loved her more than anything, but you knew that those feelings weren't allowed to exist in this world, so why even bother trying.
Those were just memories.