Choices

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Squee…because if I did Id be one happy kid. I don't own the song either.

WARNING: How many friggin times? ABUSE, VIOLENCE, AND HELL! ALL IN ONE! BEWARE SOCCER MOMS!

*He fell, faster and faster as the darkness of the sky and the mistiness and gray-ness of the fog swirled around him. He tried to scream, but his own voice could not be heard over the roar of the wind blowing beside him. His hands clenched into themselves creating fists, and he clenched his own eyes shut. Hopefully the ground wouldn't hurt THAT much, he thought, and braced him-self. The fall seemed to last for minutes, rather than seconds. Suddenly, he stopped, jolted back slightly and frozen in place. He opened his eyes slowly and screamed a blood-chilling scream. *

Todd screamed himself awake. The sheets were knotted around him and he thrashed about, clinging to his bed garments and kicking at invisible villains. His copper-brown eyes opened at once and he froze, listening carefully to the silence and struggling to hold in his breath so he could hear well. After about 30 seconds of pain and dizziness from holding in his breath, the boy began to pant. Unwanted tears rolled down his cheeks. He cursed himself silently. A boy of sixteen should not cry after a stupid dream. This was pitiful! He bit down on his bottom lip so hard that it began to bleed. Sobs racked his body and the coppery taste of blood filled his mouth.

"Why?" he whispered into the darkness and held in his breath and pressed down on it hard, trying to force the sobs to come out. After a few minutes he relaxed and calmed. Footsteps in the hall told him that someone was up and about. "Please not Daddy!" The boy prayed and clenched his eyes shut again when his bedroom door creaked open.

"Hey…Squee-gee? You okay?" A strong, yet weak voice asked from the doorway. Oh hell no, Todd, now Squee, thought. " Yea…yea I'm fine." Squee reassured the man. This man was no ordinary man, though. Well, maybe he could've been as this time era in the world is full of homicidal-maniacs. Yes, It was the crazy next-door-neighbor-man, coming for another visit. Only he wasn't AS crazy AS before. His black, spiky hair had grown back, even wilder than before giving him a crazy and fierce look. Squee propped himself on his elbows and looked over at the man, Johnny (AKA – Nny). "I'm seriously okay, I just had another bad dream."

"Are you sure?" asked Nny who looked like he didn't believe him. "Yea, I'll be okay. I'll tell you about it tomorrow." Hopefully this will take him off my case for a while, Squee thought. Nny smiled a crooked, scary smile and smiled a bit. "Your growing up so fast Squee. Well, G'nite!" Nny gently shut the door and the light footsteps were heard walking back down the hall.

It wasn't that Squee didn't like Nny. They had actually become good friends, or so Nny thought so. Squee was still scared of him, but he had grown up faster than he should have. He should've been enjoying his time as a kid, but under certain "circumstances" Squee was forced to grow up to fast. Nny had been helping him adapt to adult life, because soon enough Squee would be out there in the scary world. He wasn't even sure if he was ready for that but it would come faster than he'd ever think.

He took a few more deep breaths and slowly untangled himself from the sheets. He brought his breathing down to that of a sleeping child's. He carefully swung his legs over the side of his bed. He stood up gently and yelped slightly, bringing himself back down onto his bed. His left leg was asleep and was at the stage where when you placed weight upon it; it felt like needles were piercing it. A muffled cough came from down the hall, followed by a sniff. Squee gulped and held his breath in, listening very hard to the darkness. His parent's bedroom door open, scarping against the rub that covered their short hallway. Squee's fist clenched and his eyes shut tight. He hoped that whomever it was that was coming out of that room would not pay Squee a visit. A feminine groan was heard and Squee sighed and relaxed. It was only his mother, who was probably too high to notice him these days. The hallway bathroom door creaked open and shut. Squee got back up and tested out his legs. They were okay now, no longer asleep. Squee got up and walked to his door quietly and opened it slightly, stuck his head out, and peaked around. It seemed that no one else was awake, nor will they ever be awake again. He tiptoed down the hall, going extremely quiet in front of his parents room (which seemed to be too quiet) and sneaking down the stairs, through the living room, and into the kitchen.

It wasn't that he was suicidal. He was just tired. Tired of being scared. Tired of his parents. Tired of the evil school systems. Tired of life. Tired…of being tired.

I am doll eyes, Doll mouth,

Doll legs, I am doll arms

Big veins, dog bait

He sighed and opened the fridge door and took the cap off a bottle of water that he had. For a moment he became lost in his thoughts. What he would give to have a family that loved him, to have a normal life, and to know what it was like to be truly happy. He could not wait till he was eighteen. Then life could start. He and Nny would travel around and get out of his hellhole. He and Nny…It seemed like that would never happen. He would have loved to be Nny's son, or even younger brother. Then he'd have someone to look out for him all the time. If only…

He took a sip of the water. That sip turned into another sip, which turned into another sip, which then turned into a gulp. Soon, Squee found himself chugging down the whole thing of water. He couldn't help himself. The tears began to flow again and he was soon choking on water, tears, and sobs combined. The coughs racked his body like an earthquake and it began to hurt. The sobs were uneven and rough, shaking his whole body. His arms flew around his waist and he hugged himself as he cried and choked.

Yeah, they really want you

They really want you, they really do

Yeah, they really want you

They really want you, but I do too

Before he could stop it or even protect himself, the fridge door slammed against him, shoving him to the ground. Squee couldn't stop crying and just laid there, surprised and sobbing. A dark figure stop above him and slammed the fridge door so hard that stuff on top of it fell off and crashed to the floor. A stink came to Squee and he coughed and choked from it, still gasping from the sobs. It was of alcohol. Oh no, he thought. He's drinking again. "GET UP!" Yelled a rough and drunken voice. It was Squee's father. The sound of the voice made Squee do something he hadn't done in a while, he infamous 'squee' sound. What a sad sight, he thought. A sixteen year old lying on his kitchen floor sobbing and cowering from his father.

I want to be the girl with the most cake

I love him so much; it just turns to hate

I fake it so real I am beyond fake

And someday you will ache like I ache

Someday you will ache like I ache.

Someday you will ache like I ache.

Someday you will ache like I ache.

Someday you will ache like I ache.

"Get up!" His father yelled again. This time he leaned down and picked Squee up by his shirt. "WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME!" He yelled, the stink of alcohol filling Squee's nose. "I'm Sorry" he whispered. "WHAT!" His father held him up to his face. "Say it louder!" he said through gritted teeth. " I'M SORRY!" Tears rolled down his pale face. "Stop crying you little bitch!" A hand flew across Squee's face and he let out a yelp. "Stop…please…" Squee Whimpered. "STOP!" his father, yelled a bit too loudly. "WHY SHOULD I STOP! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" His father threw Squee to the floor and kicked him in the stomach. Hard. Squee yelped and rolled into fetal position, crying and hugging his stomach. "STOP CRYING YOU LITTLE WUSS!" His father grabbed his shirt and dragged him to the living room. He kicked him again. "Do you know how much I HATE you?" He went to a drawer in a small side table and began to toss things out. Squee barely paid attention. The taste of blood filled his mouth again and he coughed and choked on it.

I am doll parts Bad skin,

Doll heart it stands for a knife

For the rest of my life

Yeah, they really want you

They really want you, they really do

Yeah, they really want you

They really want you, but I do too

His father pulled something out of the drawer and pushed something into it. Squee peeked up and his father glared down at him. He kicked him yet again in the face and Squee whimpered back, clutching it in pain. "Sit up." Growled his father. Squee could barely hear him. "SIT UP!" His father kicked him again. Squee began to shake and slowly, painfully he pushed himself up into a sitting position. He looked up to his father and began to sob. "Please Daddy…please…"

"You ruined my LIFE! All of our LIVES! I fucking HATE you!" His father leaned down and showed Squee what he had taken out of the drawer. A handgun already loaded and just waiting to take someone's life away. My life, Squee thought and gulped. "I'm…I'm sorry Da-" Another cough racked his body and blood dribbled out of his mouth. The older man's face seemed to relax a bit and even look sorry but then soon returned to its hard look. "Sorry's not good enough! Life's a bitch, get used to it." He held the gun up to Squee's temple and pulled the trigger.

I want to be the girl with the most cake

He only loves those things because he loves to see them break

I fake it so real I am beyond fake

And someday you will ache like I ache

And someday you will ache like I ache

And someday you will ache like I ache

Someday you will ache like I ache

The gunshot brought Nny back to reality, his mind a-drift in a sea of memories. He glanced over at the Casil household. A thought raced across his mind. "Squee?" He whispered. "No, it couldn't have happened. It wouldn't have happened…" But the young man knew that he was fooling himself. Todd's father had gone too far.

And someday you will ache like I ache!

And someday you will ache like I ache

And someday you will ache like I ache

And someday you will ache like I ache

And someday you will ache like I ache

Someday you will ache like I ache...

Author's Note: Wow…that was really disturbing and upsetting. My baby…He won't be dead for long though, but the angst in this story is far from being done. "Doll Parts" seemed appropriate, even though it was from a female point of view. Please ignore those She's. Hehe…more soon!