Chapter 1
"Abash'd at its own joy, withdrew in deep despair, lest he had done amiss"
Don Juan – Byron – Canto the First
He had run.
He knew that he could have hung around, waited for a response, but wouldn't that have meant being able to face rejection? So in fear he fled.
The resisting body trapped against the wall had part-confirmed his dread and spurred him to imagine the whole situation as hopeless.
Harry left his quarry in the alcove behind the "wall only pretending to be a wall" that had hidden the uncomfortable and embarrassing encounter, an encounter both momentous and catastrophic.
Hurrying up to the Gryffindor common room he drew out his invisibility cloak to hide in case he was being chased, this way he would escape the anticipated retaliatory hex or curse, at least until later. Beneath it his face displayed a mixture of fear and joy, something of course that would have set the many portraits lining the corridors into full on gossip mode.
Right now he felt he needed time to himself, even just a few seconds, to contemplate the situation that had led up to this impromptu flurry of out of character impulses and current, seemingly necessary, escape.
He also had some things he needed to admit to his two best friends though who, no doubt, would be waiting for him worriedly under the guise of homework, as he had hadn't seen them since lunch.
Shirking off the cloak he hurriedly choked out "Nifflers" to the Fat Lady who admitted him with a questioning stare at his, he realised abashedly, distinctly ruffled appearance.
Flopping into an armchair next to Ron he took a few deep breaths and held up his hand to ward off Hermione's immediate attempts to question his harassed appearance.
"Look," he started, knowing that if he didn't say what he was feeling now he might not have the chance (as retaliation might occur as soon as he stepped out of the portrait hole!), "there are things I haven't told you, things you should definitely know and that, Hermione, I'm sure you've probably have guessed at, but really I do need to tell you myself…"
The looks of startled amusement across his two best friend's faces almost stopped Harry from pressing on, but he had started and he had to continue, both of them were waiting so he bit the bullet, so to speak, and continued.
"I have been thinking for a while, and something has just happened that has made me sure, and I don't want to disappoint you, or to freak you out, to disgust you or to make you feel terrible for not knowing earlier or whatever. I had trouble myself coming to terms with what I'm about to tell you but I suppose I have to say it now that -"
"Just say it already, you're making me nervous" Ron interrupted.
Hermione glared at Ron but Harry looked glad that nothing he had said so far had upset them. Confused them of course but there was a thankful lack of hostility.
Re-mustering the courage that had, just ten minutes ago, altered his life in ways beyond imagination, Harry prepared himself for complete honesty with the two people he trusted most in the world.
Stumbling slightly, although he knew that honesty and straightforwardness was his best bet, Harry whispered, "I like men".
He had uttered this secret with his chin to his chest looking intently at his hands clasped in his lap, but then, peering under his fringe at the two people whom he needed to understand, he sat up straighter and took his time to study their reactions.
Hermione was smiling contentedly to herself, a look of "I told you so" just grazing her chocolate eyes.
Ron looked a bit confused but, as Harry continued to study his face, he saw the Knut drop and Ron's eyes widened.
"Men, you say, well, I didn't see that coming, I thought your breakup with Ginny this summer was to do with the fame thing and the fact that during the war you'd both changed. Not that you didn't like girls! But then again… Oh Harry does this mean you're going to go all funny on us and start putting bows on things?"
Ron's rambling reaction was a perfect summary of his acceptance though and Harry sighed back into his chair in anticipation for Hermione's overdue contribution.
Astute as ever, Hermione chipped in with, "Something just happened? Harry what has just happened that made you need to pour your heart out to us like this?"
Squirming under her intense but comforting glare he found himself blushing as he mumbled,
"IjustgrabbedtheboyIlikepushedhimthroughawallkissedhimandranaway"
It flashed through Harry's mind once again.
The walk from the loos down the corridor.
The sight of the infuriating and enticing blonde half way up the stairs.
The hurried walk just to be near him.
The sly grasp on his arm and drag through the wall into one of those hidden alcoves.
The tight hug he had given the startled Slytherin.
The whispered words of an apology.
"I'm sorry, for anything, everything, I'm sorry."
The quick, forced, one-sided kiss that felt so right and yet so wrong.
The realisation that this was not a dream, as it so often was, instead a real, true, dangerous and embarrassing reality.
The hurried escape without the chance for wide green eyes to meet startled grey.
Shit.
Harry's internal monologue was interrupted by Hermione replying.
"Despite that being the most incoherent sentence I have heard since Professor Lockhart's memory charm backfired, I got the gist Harry, please indulge us with the full story?"
Realising suddenly that tonight might not be the night for a total admittance of all his woes, Harry recounted the event with mounting trepidation, consciously evading the use of any names or distinguishing features, especially house. Slightly lost in the memory of an unresponsive tense kiss that could have been so much more, Harry once again failed to notice his immediate surroundings until…
"Erm, Harry," Hermione blushed, "You're, erm," she look pointedly at his crotch, "that."
Harry blanched, if only thinking of his unsatisfying and awkward encounter with that boy could make him, well, aroused, he had a whole lot of problems heading his way.
"Gunna tell us who it is mate?" inquired an exceedingly embarrassed Ron.
Harry shook his head sadly and left swiftly ascending the steps to his dorm and slamming the door behind him.
Author Note: Gosh, sorry we've not posted in AGES. This is Scribble, writing alone because Slither (being the awesome rower she is) is training nearly daily and when on the computer doesn't have writing time. I'm hoping this story will be a continual and frequent thing over the next few weeks!
Any feedback is adored.