Disclaimer: Buffy and such belong to Joss. The song belongs to Coldplay.
Feedback: For sure.
Distribution: Use the magic word.
A/N: Yet another one shot. One of my shortest. But one of my favorite ideas. Post Same Time, Same Place. I hadn't done anything yet that wasn't B/A centered and this just popped into my head tonight so here goes. Enjoy.
I don't sleep in our bed anymore.
It's too big without you. I don't fit without you. You left your shape imposed on the mattress and I don't fit.
The sheets are cold without you. I can't stay warm without you laying by my side, my personal heater.
There is too much bedding without you. The sheets twist and turn around me, strangling, suffocating.
Your pillow is a constant reminder of where you should be and sometimes I wake in the middle of the night. I feel something behind me and I think your pillow is you but you're gone. Gone…
It is wrong without you. You are gone and I'm here and I only fill half of our bed. Half of what was us is gone and now it's me. I've forgotten how to be me without you.
So for now, I sleep next to our bed. I lay on the floor over the spot where I last held you in my arms, where you took your last breath. I lay over the flower of a stain your blood left on the floor that Buffy could not remove before I got home. I lay here in our room and I miss you.
Our bed has not been touched since the first night I was back. Your imprint is still on the mattress and that first night I found myself sleeping in it, almost believing I was wrapped up in you. Your scent lingers on the sheets. Your favorite pillowcase is still there. Your socks that you would wear when it was cold but kick off in your sleep. You are there and I am here and I can not find you.
Someday, I might climb back into our bed. Someday, I might strip the sheets and wash them. Someday, the imprint in the bed will be Willow shaped instead of Willow and Tara shaped. Someday, I won't be able to smell you until the lilacs bloom in spring. Someday, I might be able to think about something else for two seconds. And someday, I might be able to sleep again.
But for now, I curl up on the floor, a blanket over my shoulders, and my head on Buffy's lap. She strokes my hair, soothing, but we both know I won't sleep. Not until someday.