Authors Note- OKay so You are probably all sitting there going what the hell? Whyd id she post a new story with the same title... The answer? When I went to uplaod the other chapters, I am assuming the other was too big, I would just get the outline of the page, I wouldn't get all the scroll bars and stuff... But I did for all my other fics chapter installment pages. Make any sense? Probably not. I am not sure if it is my computer, or if it is FF.net. Either way I am forced to start a brand new story despite it so this chapter 76! Thanks for your patience while I worked all this out. I apologize for not being able to upload a chapter yesterday, I just recently realised whta the problem was.
~*~
I deserved that. I really deserved that. As much as my back might not have, it's definitely not helping my cause. I don't know what I'm doing here. Hell I don't even know how I got here. I'm just here, and I hope it's real. I hope I'm not dreaming. I summon enough courage to look up at her, she just slapped Bryce, pretty hard might I add. He might have not deserved that either. I hear his footsteps running off towards some room, the door slamming. I don't know what to say. I expect her to react the same way, to push me away. She has every reason to. And then internally I hope to god she doesn't because I would loose every reason to live. I slowly get up, standing only a few feet away from her, a look of surprise, shock, and hate all strewn across her face. I expected it. I'm lying again. I didn't. I keep on hoping somehow she'll forgive me. The door is still open. She hasn't shut me out completely. Just looking at, sends tears flowing down my cheeks. I dreamt of her, I can't live without her, and now she's here, living, breathing, flesh. Not an illusion I've kept alive. She's real.
She's shaking her head in disbelief at me, I can't let her go. No. I refuse to let go. I gently, cautiously start moving closer to her, she moves farther away. For every step I take closer, she takes one back, getting farther away from me. I halt in the doorway, the pain is coming out in her eyes. I hate myself for everything I've done to her. I can feel the tears coming down, I make no effort to stop them.
"I'm sorry..."
I manage to emit it through sobs. There's nothing else to say. There's nothing I can say to her. I pray she can forgive me, somehow manage to take me back. She shouldn't. Hell someone should yell at her, never to let me back in her life again. Build up those stone walls all over again. I'm breaking down. God so many emotions pouring out, too many to describe, nothing coming out, nothing happening the way I wished it would. But what had I expected. I left without a trace, changed their lives for the worse. I just look at her, if there was any way to express what I am feeling then I would, but I can't find a single way. And it's so frustrating. I love her. I love her more than anything in this world, so much I would give my life up if it would mean that she would be happy and healthy. I divert my gaze from her to the floor. I can't hold this pain in any longer. I can't stand right in front of her and not be able to tell her everything. All those miserable nights alone, all those tears, the constant thoughts of her that flooded my days. She controls me like nothing ever has. I feel her delicate touch sweeping the tears away from my cheeks. I'm a goddamn wreck without her. She's standing mere centimetres apart, my heart beating faster than it ever has before, my pulse racing, my world spinning. Nothing else exists but her. The back of her hand runs over my cheek again. I need her. I need her more than air to breath, if I never see the light of day I would sacrifice it all to be with her just one more night. Just to hold her.
If I could only tell her how much I really love her, how sorry I am. She wouldn't believe any of it, but I wish she would. My hand reaches up to hers, holding it. She looks up at me, the expression on her face eased, tears brimming her eyes, she's trying to hold them back. I know she is. I know she's battling within herself to push me away. But some things are harder than others.
"Are you... are you real?"
I sigh gently, captivated by her voice, the sound of a thousand angels could not compare. I nod my head, awaiting condemnation. She just looks at me, biting on her bottom lip, unsure of what to do. I'm unsure of what to do. I could start to explain, apologize, but it would seem pointless. There is nothing to be said or done, just felt. Words can only say so much, but feelings, feelings come deep from the heart. I feel her soft frame reach around me, digging into me, the warmth of her breath and the cold tears come raging at me at once. And I hold her, the only thing that makes me believe that this moment is real. I'm finally real. The weights that I've carried for months have finally been let free, I feel renewed, alive. I finally feel truly happy. Happiness always comes with a price, but I'm ready to pay it, at any circumstances. I just, I need her. I need her. I don't know how long we've stood there. It could be centuries. It doesn't matter, I can't let go. Not now, not ever. Soul mates, fate, destiny, it's all brought us together for a reason. I stopped asking those stupid questions why and just followed them. I need to let myself take a chance, I need to follow my heart. It's been here all along, god why did it take me so long to realize it. I kiss the top of her forehead. How I've missed the little things, the scent of her shampoo, her touch, her laugh. Her. Just her. Nothing will ever take her away from me. I pull her closer to me. I can't get her close enough. I can't believe I've missed so much in only a few short months. I can't believe its possible to love someone so much that it induces pain. And that love can never surpass life. She is my life.
"I love you."
I've never meant it more in my life. Through those simple three words I promised her a lifetime of devotion. I will never leave her, hurt her, only cherish her, adore her. She is my angel, my life is again worth living. Never again will I send her through the hell that we both lived through. Never again will I ever cause her to hurt so much. I still can't believe that I'm here, that this is real. I still think that it's a cruel, twisted dream and I will wake up alone in an empty bed. But it's not. It's true to life. It's her. Flesh and bones. Everything that she is, her faults, her weaknesses, her problems. I'll take it all. Love her for every single thing she is. In the worst of times and the best, through happiness and sorrow, I'll always be there. No matter what. No more running away.
She pulls away from me a bit, probably having the same thoughts as I was. This isn't a dream. I lightly kiss her tears away, a small smile forming, hesitant, afraid, but there. I'm shaking. I'm completely shaking. I have never been more terrified in my whole life. I'm terrified of loosing her, of not having her with me every single day of my life. It took me so long to realize this, too long. I see her in my life forever, not just for the next year, or next two years. Every time I look at her, I picture her in my life, for the rest of my life. I wouldn't make it any other way. It's amazing.
She pulls my hand, heading to the couch. We sit down, facing each other. My hand reaches up to her face, rubbing her red check. She's absolutely real. I have to keep reassuring myself. In her eyes I still see the hate and scorn, and I don't expect it to disappear right away. It will be there. But as long as there is some hope, I'll do anything to make up, to fix it. Some things will be easier than others, but I'll work on. We'll work on it. I look at her fingers, her hand, her face, her eyes, her nose, her hair. Everything. It's all gained new meaning to me. She's gained new meaning to me. She's my sunshine, my life. I pull her closer towards me. The distance is still distance. I need to feel her in my arms, or else she might disappear again. And I doubt I would ever recover. I wish there were words I could say. But there's nothing that would tell her how much I really love her. Somehow I think she knows. And god I hope she feels the same. She curls up against me, arms reaching as far as they can around me. She's as close as she can be, yet she can never be close enough. I stopped caring about my tears, my eyes are stinging and burning from the overdrive I've sent them on. We're both breathing hard, bodies trembling, minds mixed with emotions. Nothing has ever felt more right. Through everything that we could have gone through, this might have been the ultimate test. I failed. I know I failed, but somehow I've managed to pass. I rock back and forth with her. The cold air from the window hitting us both, making us shiver, a reason more to hold tighter. My hand runs up and down the small of her back, my other hand pushing the hair out of her beautiful face. She's real. This is real. I can't convince myself of that yet. I look her in her eyes, so afraid, so open, so vulnerable.
"I'm so sorry."
She closes her eyes, shedding the last few tears. I doubt we have any more left.
"Never say your sorry. Just promise me you won't leave."
I give her a small smile.
"Never again."
She pushes the tears out of my eyes.
"I love you."
Who knew three simple words could move planets? Realign the stars? Bring fate and destiny together? Who knew it was possible to love someone so much that the earth moved and the heavens opened? Who knew love could be so blinding and controlling? Who knew we would fall in love headfirst and forever?
Who knew?
***PREVIEW***
I would wish I never met him, but today, toady I am so glad I did, because anyone who can make me feel like this so quickly is definitely worth keeping around. He moves forward and kisses my forehead gently. I sit up closer to him, and our lips meet, soft at first, then our kisses deepen, months of passion to make up for keeps us from parting, I am out of breath, but I can't stop.
***REVIEW RESPONSES***
Kitkatgurl- Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy our fic... We definitely enjoy twists and turns.... it keeps things interesting.
katybaby2318- Your name is so close to mine I thought I reviewed this... I was like whoa? I don't remember reviewing haha moving on lol- love the name tho hehe. Definetly Carbyfuzz. It can always be expected, later rather then sooner of course.
CamilaC- We love long reviews, I am glad she is still in love with Carter, but don't worry its not smooth sailing, at least not right of the bat, we let her be a little ticked, she just has a momentary memory lapse, that prevent her from remembering what a butthead he was :P
CamilaC (CHAP 74)- Don't worry Annette isn't gone forever, we like Annette too, but she is way to perfect.
CamilaC (CHAP 73) Nope I am not spoiler free, I couldn't live with being spoiler free, I love reading spoilers I just read the ones for 10.16 hehe morris is such a moron, I think the Sam/ Luka stuff will be amusing.
CamilaC (CHAP 72) Carter's just being a dildo (my new favourite word, I'm not really sure why though) As you know he gets over it, I think he had a memory lapse too.
~*~
I deserved that. I really deserved that. As much as my back might not have, it's definitely not helping my cause. I don't know what I'm doing here. Hell I don't even know how I got here. I'm just here, and I hope it's real. I hope I'm not dreaming. I summon enough courage to look up at her, she just slapped Bryce, pretty hard might I add. He might have not deserved that either. I hear his footsteps running off towards some room, the door slamming. I don't know what to say. I expect her to react the same way, to push me away. She has every reason to. And then internally I hope to god she doesn't because I would loose every reason to live. I slowly get up, standing only a few feet away from her, a look of surprise, shock, and hate all strewn across her face. I expected it. I'm lying again. I didn't. I keep on hoping somehow she'll forgive me. The door is still open. She hasn't shut me out completely. Just looking at, sends tears flowing down my cheeks. I dreamt of her, I can't live without her, and now she's here, living, breathing, flesh. Not an illusion I've kept alive. She's real.
She's shaking her head in disbelief at me, I can't let her go. No. I refuse to let go. I gently, cautiously start moving closer to her, she moves farther away. For every step I take closer, she takes one back, getting farther away from me. I halt in the doorway, the pain is coming out in her eyes. I hate myself for everything I've done to her. I can feel the tears coming down, I make no effort to stop them.
"I'm sorry..."
I manage to emit it through sobs. There's nothing else to say. There's nothing I can say to her. I pray she can forgive me, somehow manage to take me back. She shouldn't. Hell someone should yell at her, never to let me back in her life again. Build up those stone walls all over again. I'm breaking down. God so many emotions pouring out, too many to describe, nothing coming out, nothing happening the way I wished it would. But what had I expected. I left without a trace, changed their lives for the worse. I just look at her, if there was any way to express what I am feeling then I would, but I can't find a single way. And it's so frustrating. I love her. I love her more than anything in this world, so much I would give my life up if it would mean that she would be happy and healthy. I divert my gaze from her to the floor. I can't hold this pain in any longer. I can't stand right in front of her and not be able to tell her everything. All those miserable nights alone, all those tears, the constant thoughts of her that flooded my days. She controls me like nothing ever has. I feel her delicate touch sweeping the tears away from my cheeks. I'm a goddamn wreck without her. She's standing mere centimetres apart, my heart beating faster than it ever has before, my pulse racing, my world spinning. Nothing else exists but her. The back of her hand runs over my cheek again. I need her. I need her more than air to breath, if I never see the light of day I would sacrifice it all to be with her just one more night. Just to hold her.
If I could only tell her how much I really love her, how sorry I am. She wouldn't believe any of it, but I wish she would. My hand reaches up to hers, holding it. She looks up at me, the expression on her face eased, tears brimming her eyes, she's trying to hold them back. I know she is. I know she's battling within herself to push me away. But some things are harder than others.
"Are you... are you real?"
I sigh gently, captivated by her voice, the sound of a thousand angels could not compare. I nod my head, awaiting condemnation. She just looks at me, biting on her bottom lip, unsure of what to do. I'm unsure of what to do. I could start to explain, apologize, but it would seem pointless. There is nothing to be said or done, just felt. Words can only say so much, but feelings, feelings come deep from the heart. I feel her soft frame reach around me, digging into me, the warmth of her breath and the cold tears come raging at me at once. And I hold her, the only thing that makes me believe that this moment is real. I'm finally real. The weights that I've carried for months have finally been let free, I feel renewed, alive. I finally feel truly happy. Happiness always comes with a price, but I'm ready to pay it, at any circumstances. I just, I need her. I need her. I don't know how long we've stood there. It could be centuries. It doesn't matter, I can't let go. Not now, not ever. Soul mates, fate, destiny, it's all brought us together for a reason. I stopped asking those stupid questions why and just followed them. I need to let myself take a chance, I need to follow my heart. It's been here all along, god why did it take me so long to realize it. I kiss the top of her forehead. How I've missed the little things, the scent of her shampoo, her touch, her laugh. Her. Just her. Nothing will ever take her away from me. I pull her closer to me. I can't get her close enough. I can't believe I've missed so much in only a few short months. I can't believe its possible to love someone so much that it induces pain. And that love can never surpass life. She is my life.
"I love you."
I've never meant it more in my life. Through those simple three words I promised her a lifetime of devotion. I will never leave her, hurt her, only cherish her, adore her. She is my angel, my life is again worth living. Never again will I send her through the hell that we both lived through. Never again will I ever cause her to hurt so much. I still can't believe that I'm here, that this is real. I still think that it's a cruel, twisted dream and I will wake up alone in an empty bed. But it's not. It's true to life. It's her. Flesh and bones. Everything that she is, her faults, her weaknesses, her problems. I'll take it all. Love her for every single thing she is. In the worst of times and the best, through happiness and sorrow, I'll always be there. No matter what. No more running away.
She pulls away from me a bit, probably having the same thoughts as I was. This isn't a dream. I lightly kiss her tears away, a small smile forming, hesitant, afraid, but there. I'm shaking. I'm completely shaking. I have never been more terrified in my whole life. I'm terrified of loosing her, of not having her with me every single day of my life. It took me so long to realize this, too long. I see her in my life forever, not just for the next year, or next two years. Every time I look at her, I picture her in my life, for the rest of my life. I wouldn't make it any other way. It's amazing.
She pulls my hand, heading to the couch. We sit down, facing each other. My hand reaches up to her face, rubbing her red check. She's absolutely real. I have to keep reassuring myself. In her eyes I still see the hate and scorn, and I don't expect it to disappear right away. It will be there. But as long as there is some hope, I'll do anything to make up, to fix it. Some things will be easier than others, but I'll work on. We'll work on it. I look at her fingers, her hand, her face, her eyes, her nose, her hair. Everything. It's all gained new meaning to me. She's gained new meaning to me. She's my sunshine, my life. I pull her closer towards me. The distance is still distance. I need to feel her in my arms, or else she might disappear again. And I doubt I would ever recover. I wish there were words I could say. But there's nothing that would tell her how much I really love her. Somehow I think she knows. And god I hope she feels the same. She curls up against me, arms reaching as far as they can around me. She's as close as she can be, yet she can never be close enough. I stopped caring about my tears, my eyes are stinging and burning from the overdrive I've sent them on. We're both breathing hard, bodies trembling, minds mixed with emotions. Nothing has ever felt more right. Through everything that we could have gone through, this might have been the ultimate test. I failed. I know I failed, but somehow I've managed to pass. I rock back and forth with her. The cold air from the window hitting us both, making us shiver, a reason more to hold tighter. My hand runs up and down the small of her back, my other hand pushing the hair out of her beautiful face. She's real. This is real. I can't convince myself of that yet. I look her in her eyes, so afraid, so open, so vulnerable.
"I'm so sorry."
She closes her eyes, shedding the last few tears. I doubt we have any more left.
"Never say your sorry. Just promise me you won't leave."
I give her a small smile.
"Never again."
She pushes the tears out of my eyes.
"I love you."
Who knew three simple words could move planets? Realign the stars? Bring fate and destiny together? Who knew it was possible to love someone so much that the earth moved and the heavens opened? Who knew love could be so blinding and controlling? Who knew we would fall in love headfirst and forever?
Who knew?
***PREVIEW***
I would wish I never met him, but today, toady I am so glad I did, because anyone who can make me feel like this so quickly is definitely worth keeping around. He moves forward and kisses my forehead gently. I sit up closer to him, and our lips meet, soft at first, then our kisses deepen, months of passion to make up for keeps us from parting, I am out of breath, but I can't stop.
***REVIEW RESPONSES***
Kitkatgurl- Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy our fic... We definitely enjoy twists and turns.... it keeps things interesting.
katybaby2318- Your name is so close to mine I thought I reviewed this... I was like whoa? I don't remember reviewing haha moving on lol- love the name tho hehe. Definetly Carbyfuzz. It can always be expected, later rather then sooner of course.
CamilaC- We love long reviews, I am glad she is still in love with Carter, but don't worry its not smooth sailing, at least not right of the bat, we let her be a little ticked, she just has a momentary memory lapse, that prevent her from remembering what a butthead he was :P
CamilaC (CHAP 74)- Don't worry Annette isn't gone forever, we like Annette too, but she is way to perfect.
CamilaC (CHAP 73) Nope I am not spoiler free, I couldn't live with being spoiler free, I love reading spoilers I just read the ones for 10.16 hehe morris is such a moron, I think the Sam/ Luka stuff will be amusing.
CamilaC (CHAP 72) Carter's just being a dildo (my new favourite word, I'm not really sure why though) As you know he gets over it, I think he had a memory lapse too.