For Blue who loves the Black brothers.
Sorry it took so long, my darling.
I'm sorry it's rubbish.

Dead Man Walking

You can save them all, I believe you can
even though you never listen, you never listen
- Glitter & Trauma, Biffy Clyro

.

He's the son that made them proud (and a dead man walking).

What does he know about being a man? Nothing. The only role models he's had since he was ten have been weak, cowardly men who took their fear out on people weaker than themselves and crawled to the wishes of a madman who encouraged the habit. It's not like his older brother was around enough to pick up the pieces, to put him back together so that instead of being broken he could be a proper man. Then again Sirius would never think about it that way. He wouldn't see all the things his little brother did just trying to get his attention because he felt abandoned by the brother who went away to Hogwarts and found himself new brothers.

He resents his brother but all he's ever wanted was his respect, even just his attention would have been enough. He was tired of being brushed aside. He could never be his brother because even after Sirius had deserted the family he was always the oldest son. Regulus could never replace him and, Merlin, wasn't that just like a dagger in his back? So he had to step up, show his parents how much he was worth, worth so much more than Sirius. After all, he couldn't get any lower in his brother's eyes so he might as well go all the way.

Well, it was foolish to try and impress them because now he's stuck somewhere he doesn't want to be, on the opposite side from Sirius, carrying out orders of murder and torture. It makes him sick to his stomach. He doesn't want to do this anymore. He just can't face it because he's not a man. He had no man to look up to.

He's very hesitant when he knocks on the door. He's standing in the well lit corridor of a block of flats somewhere in muggle London dressed in muggle clothing and he glances around as he waits, waiting for Death Eaters, his friends, to pop up from nowhere and demand why he is there.

Of course they never materialise and so he waits, staring determinedly at the number four on the door willing himself not to run away. He can hear the noises of someone moving around behind the door. There's a thump, a muttered curse word and the sound of the door closing. What is he doing there? What is he going to say when the door opens? He doesn't have time to compose a reply because the next moment the door to flat four opens.

He supposes that it is a little like looking in the mirror except his older brother is taller, definitely more dishevelled and his eyes are maybe a little bit closer to that blue/grey borderline than his own are. Regulus is also fully dressed unlike Sirius who is only wearing a pair of jean showing off a well sculpted torso.

He watches in silence as Sirius' face swiftly changes from mild curiosity to complete astonishment when he registers who is knocking at his door.

"Regulus?" his brother questions him, his eyebrows raised in shock so much so that they seem willing to disappear into his hairline. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?" he asks in a rather stiff voice unable to muster any sort of facial greeting to indicate what this sudden visit is all about. He is sure that he's just nervous, worried in case any of his own kind might spot him.

Sirius doesn't say anything in response but just opens the door wider. Regulus steps past him managing not to flinch at the feel of his brother's eyes boring into him. The flat is not exactly tidy. There are items of clothing trailing over the floor, shoes that look as though they've been kicked off in a hurry and empty bottles of firewhiskey rolling around on the floor. Regulus spots several glasses sitting on the coffee table, a couple with a delicate pink lipstick mark on the rim and there is a pile of things in a heap on the floor by the dining table whilst the table itself is clear, almost as though everything had been swept off the table and onto the floor.

"Is there someone else here?" he asks his brother cautiously as Sirius closes the door.

"She's asleep," Sirius responds with a broad grin looking well pleased with himself. Regulus steels himself so he doesn't roll his eyes. For as long as he can remember his brother had attracted women without much effort. He remembers the way girls at Hogwarts used to accost him in the hallways, drool over him and do anything they could to get his attention, just so they could be his girlfriend for all of one week, if they even lasted that long.

"What are you doing here, Reggie?" his brother asks as he picks his way carefully around the stuff on the floor and throws himself onto the sofa. Regulus doesn't sit. He rakes a hand through his dark hair, a trait he shares with his brother, and sighs.

"I don't know," he says.

"I'm surprised dear mother and father would let you anywhere near me," Sirius responds with a smirk, "not your filthy, blood traitor brother."

"They don't know I'm here," he tells him swiftly focusing on him. "No one does."

They stare at each other for a moment, Regulus trying to make him understand what a dangerous position he is in and Sirius trying to read his brother's intentions.

"So," Sirius breaks the silence, "have they managed to get you to join the followers of Lord Voldemort yet? I hear the rest of your little band of friends are Death Eaters now. That is what he's calling them, isn't it?"

Regulus tries not to flinch but he does and it doesn't escape Sirius' notice. His eyes immediately zero in on his little brother and he is off the couch in one swift and graceful movement. Before Regulus can do anything Sirius is upon him, reaching for his left arm and pulling back the black sleeve of his jumper. There, on the pale skin of his forearm, standing out like a fresh tattoo, was the skull and snake that had so recently been marked upon him.

Sirius stares at it in horror for a moment and Regulus closes his eyes with despair. Suddenly, a hand is at his throat and he's being propelled backwards into the wall. His back makes painful contact with it as Sirius thrust him against it in his anger.

"Why are you here?" he growls furiously as Regulus fights to free himself. "Did he send you for me? Did our parents send you for me?"

Sirius is hissing worse than any Slytherin at this point, his face close to his brother's and his eyes flaming with fury. Regulus struggles harder, tearing at Sirius' claw like hand squeezing around his throat.

"No one sent me," Regulus manages to choke out. "Sirius, let me go."

"Why the hell are you here?" Sirius growls once more. "Did you think I'd want to spend time with a Death Eater? You make me sick."

"Sirius, let fucking go of me."

"What? So you can kill me Regulus? I'm surprised you came alone and didn't bring all your little Death Eater friends with you. I always figured you for a coward or were you just getting sentimental and thought you should be the one to murder your own brother?"

"Sirius, it isn't like that," Regulus protests trying to get away from the hand currently choking him. "Will you let me go so I can explain?"

"Why would I want you to explain?" he growls in response. "Do you want to explain how you were such a big coward that you went along with our disgusting parents? Do you want to explain what a horrible, filthy pureblood manic you are?"

"Let go of me, Sirius," Regulus practically screams struggling furiously against his brother. "Are you trying to be father or something?"

Sirius let go. Regulus gasps for breath knowing as he does so that when he looks up the fury in Sirius' eyes will be even worse than anything he has seen so far. He had known that comparing him to their father would get him stop. Sirius had done everything in his power to stay away from his parents and being told he was turning into their father was enough to shock him into letting go of Regulus' throat. He didn't feel guilty about it. Their father has always been a bastard and right at this moment Sirius was acting like a bastard.

"You'd better take that back, Death Eater," Sirius says in a voice like ice.

That stings but Regulus holds his hands up in surrender as he regains his breath.

"I'll only take it back if you don't start choking me again," he tells him.

He watches as Sirius flexes his fists in anger but then he gives a stiff nod in agreement. Regulus moves away from the wall. Silence fills the space between them and Regulus can see his brother watching him with wary eyes. It kills him a little inside because he never wanted Sirius to mistrust him but he has ever since Regulus was put in Slytherin house in his first year.

"Why?" Sirius chokes out suddenly.

Regulus shakes his head.

"I'm not even sure," he says softly, "maybe because of you, Sirius."

"Me?" Sirius responds startled. "What did I ever do to encourage you to be a Death Eater?"

"Oh, how about ignoring me?" Regulus spits back with venom. "How about replacing me with fucking James Potter and the rest? How about turning your back on me just because I became a Slytherin?"

Sirius glares at him.

"You were the one obsessed by Voldemort and his little gang of followers," he retorts. "You were the one who went along with mother and father's weird, sick ideas."

Retorts dance along the edge of his tongue but he can't voice them because he knows Sirius is right in some respects. He's in far too deep now to ever get out and it's just another nail in his coffin because he knows that he can't get out. He feels himself visibly deflate under the weight of that knowledge. He came here for help and he knows it was foolish as he has now endangered his brother.

"Fuck, Sirius," he says, "Merlin knows, I never meant any of this to happen. I didn't mean to become this."

He can feel salty tears begin to drift down his face and he feels more than embarrassed about that. He wipes a hand across his face to get rid of the tears. He didn't want to cry because of the things his brother had said. He didn't want him to know how helpless he felt.

"I don't even know how this all happened," he tells him. "I don't even know ..."

He's cut off then by Sirius grabbing him and pulling him into a fierce cuddle. He chokes a little as he is crushed into his older brother's chest and he can feel Sirius' heartbeat against his own. He hadn't expected this and it makes him want to cry again but instead he just returns his brother's hug trying to believe for just those few moments that everything was going to be okay, that Sirius would find some way to save him.

That isn't going to happen though and the voice in the back of his head keeps telling him that. He just wants to ignore that reasonable voice and pretend for a few minutes but then what is left of his sanity is destroyed as the door to Sirius' bedroom opens.

She comes into the room looking like an angel with her brown curls a messy tangle around her face and the white sheet from Sirius' bed wrapped around her long, tanned limbs. She looks at him through sleepy green eyes which widen as she recognises him and he can feel blood pounding in his ears. Images flash through his brain of her and his brother having drinks, pulling off their clothes in a hurry, Sirius pushing her up against the wall and sweeping the stuff off the table and onto the floor in his eagerness to have her on it. He feels sick and he immediately pushes himself away from Sirius.

"You," Regulus manages to choke out and Sirius looks at him confused but Regulus isn't looking at him so Sirius follows his line of sight and looks over his shoulder to see Serena standing behind him. Regulus watches as his brother smiles at her and then she smiles back. It something he wishes he didn't see and that he could burn the image out of his mind because there is far too much love in those smiles for him to be comfortable with.

"You bastard," he yells shoving Sirius and taking him completely off balance. Sirius falls in a graceful arc and thumps on the ground. Serena darts over immediately crouching down by Sirius on the floor as he begins to sit up.

Regulus stands over them his heart pumping furiously and he feels like there is a gash in his heart as he looks between Sirius and Serena. He can't believe it and his stomach is churning like he can't believe. All he wants to do is pound his brother's face in and it's taking all his willpower not to. He can feel his hand twitching towards his wand but he grits his teeth as he watches Serena help Sirius up from the floor.

"What the fuck, Reggie?" his brother swears at him angrily raking a clawed hand through his hair.

"What is wrong with you?" Serena asks her green eyes narrowed and he's having a million memories of them sneaking around, talking, laughing. He can still smell the scent of her hair, hear the sound of her laugh, feel the touch of her lips on his cheek and it's killing him.

"I loved you," he whispers.

He watches her eyes widen and his brother is looking between them in horror before he turns on his heel and disapparates into a cloud of confusion, loneliness and pain.

He's the boy who loved her more than anything but he's a dead man walking.