Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
.
.
.
.
I'm bleeding out for you (for you)
.
.
.
"Call it what you want; that's not what this is. This is Andy McNally running away, one more time," Sam accused.
"I'm not running!" she denied much too quickly.
"I guess I should've seen that coming, right?! Should have seen that coming!" he almost yelled back, his dark-brown eyes wild with emotion. Then after a pause. "Alright, I've got some work to do, so I'm just gonna go and do that."
.
.
The argument played on an endless loop inside Andy's mind—there's neither a pause or off button to end it.
Deep down she knew that's what it was, just another reason to run, only this time offered up wrapped in pretty packaging and a neat bow. Only Sam Swarek had always been able to see through her bullshit; her beautiful lies transparent as he could hear the ugly truths hidden underneath.
If it weren't so horribly ironic, it could almost be considered funny, that sometime ago Andy had learned to use her parents' modus operandi. Claire McNally leaving them when she was twelve, to find a new husband and family. Tommy McNally didn't run per se, he just used alcohol to escape all his problems. All leaving her with abandonment issues, because despite having her dad and knowing bone deep he loved her, he wasn't with her a hundred percent. And by the time Andy was eighteen she learned to wield running and escapism better than any other weapon.
Like dating the wrong guys to avoid attachments. Or, if they weren't terrible, silently slipping out the door uncomfortable with staying the night. Never truly giving all of herself to anyone, because then it wouldn't hurt as much when they left.
Yet from day one Sam Swarek was different. Not just because he was her T.O. and partner, but because of the seemingly inevitable connection that was between every interaction. All she had done the first two years after meeting him had been to run. That's what Luke was at the time, a shield, to guard her heart from this impossibly amazing man.
Andy had run during their suspension—not that it'd been a wholly terrible idea, she wasn't just thinking of herself, Sam was a great cop and never wanted to be the reason he could no longer be that. Although the words he'd thrown at her with so much hurt still live in Andy's heart—"All you wanted was to keep being a cop and all I wanted was you."
His openness and completely trusting nature greatly subsided from that point on. Something she now feels very foolish for not really noticing, but Andy had wanted to revel in being with Sam out in the open. Now, she honestly wonders if he wasn't just waiting for her to run again.
However she thinks the biggest betrayal lied in leaving to go undercover. Assumes it hangs somewhere up there around her mom's. Left after Sam finally said "I love you," and made heartfelt promises to do whatever to gain her favor, to be his again. Smashed his already delicate heart to pieces leaving him to drink alone at the Penny waiting for no one.
But… This time, Andy truly didn't want to run. Just to give Sam an out if he needed, a way to let go without fear of hurting her. Only the truth of what'd happened was worse than Andy's wildest imaginings.
That wild mixture of hurt, fear, and panic in those intense dark-brown eyes, the desperation and utter sadness that laced his words, and the slightest crack in his voice towards the end. Her foolish gesture had done that to Sam. To the man who'd worked so hard to become the man he was now—one who told Andy he loved her every day (multiple times a day), was open and honest hiding nothing. Sam, the same Sam, who not long ago got down on one knee and proposed, with a look in his eyes that made her knees weak.
Leaning back against her locker, a thunk echoed the locker room when it hit the metal, and Andy exhaled a gust of air. This was it. Now was the time to really accept that her life was never going to be like her dreams or plans. And to walk away from this would be like cutting her heart out. There was never any other option, she'd only been lying to herself.
It was past time to go to Sam's and make this right. Promise him she was all in, swear that the running was beyond over. Then become Mrs. Swarek.
.
.
[End]