Title: If I Didn't Care
Author: Blondezilla90/BlondezillasMaid
Pairing,Character(s): Finn/Rachel, Carole Hudson, Ralph & Michael Berry
Rating: G
Words: 3025
Disclaimer: The characters ain't mine, but if they were they'd be happily married by now lol
Spoilers: None
Summary: Future-Fic....Finn thinks she doesn't care
Author's Note: So this song is like one of my favorite songs ever (cause c'mon Lee Pace sings with Amy Adams) and I kinda wanted to use this song for something. Gladly I picked it for a future song fic, cause I love future fics of Finchel :D
Ralph and Michael are not the real names of Rachel's father (so far we don't know them yet) but I am a sucker for weird stuff so I decided to call them Ralph and Michael, because you can form Rachel out of the names.
I still don't have beta, so excuse moi.
This is dedicated to Mélanie, cause I decided she's awesome enough to have a fic written for her :D
- - -
Rachel Berry didn't know how she ended up in her apartment in New York City all alone. As a teenager she already knew that it was lonely at the top and if she wanted to be a start she had to sacrafice. But it all had changed when she met Finn Hudson, the man she fell madly in love with. He wasn't the perfect man, but he was all she needed. Someone who kept her grounded and pulled her down from her high, telling that her dreams are not always real life. Rachel Berry was 27 years old, sitting alone in her apartment. Her body was wrapped in a thick quilt to keep herself warm, while thick tears were running down her cheeks. Her boyfriend of 11 years was gone, left her alone. And she knew it had been her own fault.
- - -
"Hey Finn it's me Rachel.....I'll be home a little later, because there is another open audition for a play. I wanna try my best and see if I'll get it. Talk to you later." BEEP.
Finn let out a long breath and sighed. He looked at the table that was set up in front of him with candles, plates and cutlery. Rachel's favorite meal standing in the middle of it. They both had a date, because after all it was their 10th anniversary. 10 years of being Finn and Rachel. It was something special and she yet managed to make it the worst day of his life. He thought it was bad when she forgot his birthday, or didn't show up for the family dinner with her dads when they were in town, but this was the last straw.
He loved Rachel, he had loved her the first moment he saw her, but lately it was all too much. He knew she wanted to be a star and he knew she would do everything to achieve it, but she totally left her relationship behind for it. Sometimes Finn questioned himself why exactly he was with her after all. It didn't seem like she cared at all. He tried his best, but he did end up being hurt, he couldn't help it. He needed to sort this out, before it was too late.
- - -
Rachel entered her apartment and tried to be as quiet as she could. She knew it was late and she knew Finn was asleep, so she quietly put her bag down and took of her coat, tip toeing towards the living room, caught off guard when she walked past the kitchen. There was sitting Finn on his chair, the food on his plate was half eaten and he was playing around with the wax of the candle.
"Hey Rach...," he said a little colder than usual, his head not turning towards her. Rachel swallowed hard and tensed up a little, her heat feeling heavy all of the sudden. She knew what this was about.
"I'm so sorry Finn...I didn't mean to stay out so long...I just...the audition was so long..and...and afterward the director of the movie called and told me I didn't get the role, so a few people too me out to a karaoke bar. I wanted to call you, but my phone had died after I called here..." She bit her lower lip and stepped towards him, touching his shoulder. She felt Finn tensing up and he got up from his chair, almost knocking over the glasses on the table.
"It's out 10th anniversary....and you...you decide that's more important to go out?" He said harshly and turned towards her, his eyes filled with anger and hurt.
"I'm sorry..I didn't...want too..but I was so crushed and....," she spoke but Finn interrupted her.
"And you didn't think of coming home? Maybe thinking that your boyfriend might be able to make you feel better? This is bullshit Rachel....all this time I thought...well she wants to be famous, cut her some slack, she must somewhere in her heart care. But you don't....You don't care for anything unless it has to do with you." His words left his mouth quickly, tears filling Rachel's eyes. A part of her was sad, but the other part was getting angry.
"You knew exactly what'd you be in for when you got together with me...," she mumbled under her breath and raised her gaze to meet his.
"I thought I did.....I didn't know that this all was more important than the one person who gave up his whole life to be with you....I lost most of my friends, I moved away from my mother...just to be with you...and this is the thanks I get? No, I don't because you do not care...." He's voice was loud, almost screaming like, which cause Rachel's anger to grow.
"I never asked you to do it all...did ? Don't put this all on me Finn...it's not only ma fault..and I do care...." She spat back and turned to leave. "If you think I don't care..I assume you can leave as well...."
Her voice was barely above a whisper and she stomped off into the bedroom, letting herself fall on the bed. Tears were filling her eyes, regretting what she just said. She didn't want Finn to leave and she did care. She felt horrible about what happened. But it finally paid off. She landed a role that would make her a little more known and would finally pay all the bills, that so far he had been paying. Silent sobs escaped her mouth, which grew louder when she heard rustling of clothes and the the sound of keys dangling, followed by a loud bang of the door. He was gone.
- - -
This is how Rachel ended up on her couch a week later, curled up in a fetal position under her blanket. Several attempts of calling Finn failed. She knew from Artie that he was back in Lima with his mom. He avoided contact to her and their old friends and just seemed to pass time. Tina told her he did not look happy at all. This all broke Rachel's heart even more and she felt gultier than ever before.
Her eyes found the clock at the wall and sighed. She had to get ready for her flight to Dayton. Her dads expected her to fly in for their wedding anniversary. She hoped that way she'd be able to catch Finn and talk to him. She missed him so much it hurt her. A sigh escaped her lips and she pushed the blanket off her body, getting up to go to the bathroom.
- - -
"Hey Finn..." Rachel's father said as he saw him, giving him a confused look. Finn heard his name being called and turned around.
"Shit....," he whispered. "Hello Michael...." he said friendly and pushed his cart towards him.
"Hey...what are you doing here? Is Rachel here as well?" Michael asked and grabbed some pasta from the shelf. Seems like Rachel hasn't told her father about their situation.
"Err...uhm..no she's in New York...I'm here to visit my mom..How's Ralph?" His voice was strained and Michael didn't fail to notice.
"Well she's coming in tomorrow for our anniversary party...and Ralph is good, a little too excited for my taste," he chuckled and looked at Finn. Finn looked like he was punched in the stomach. Rachel was coming in for the party? He totally forgot about it with everything that is going on.
"Anyways...I guess I will see you in two days..." Michael leaned over to hug him, which Finn returned. He watched him leave and sighed. This couldn't be true.
- - -
"Honey....?" Ralph said as he knocked at Rachel's door. She sighed and got up from the bed, unlocking the door and immediately walking back to bed.
"Sweety...don't you wanna join us for dinner? You dad and I are worried." His voice was calm and he walked towards the bed, sitting down on the edge to touch her hair. Rachel shook her head in response and sighed.
"I'm not hungry..." She replied in a sad voice. She finally told her dad's the whole story and she didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.
"I know..but still...you don't look very good..you're pale and you look like you haven't slept in a while..." Rachel flopped on her back to look at her daddy.
"Daddy...I haven't really slept in days....All I do is crying and not eating...all because I am hurting...I just wanna be alone..why does nobody understand that?" She yelled now and got up from her bed, rushing into the bathroom. Ralph let out a sigh and got up from her bed, walking downstairs.
"She's not coming down...the whole thing with Finn...is pulling her down..." He sighed and sat down at the table. Michael nodded and grabbed the phone.
"I guess we have to help out little girl than.." He said and dialed a number, pressing the phone to his ear.
"Hey Carole..it's me Michael...I need your help...."
- - -
"Mom...why do I have to go to?" Finn sighed and fumbled with the tie around his neck. Carole smiled and walked over to her son, fixing the tie.
"You and Rachel might have problem..and you and Rachel might be in a hard place right now, but that doesn't mean that it changes anything between myself, you and the Berrys. Michael and Ralph are our friends. So when they invite us for a party, we go." He knew how persistent his mother was and Finn knew he didn't stand a chance arguing back.
"I guess...but what if Rachel's there?" He sighed and turned away from his mother to look at himself in the mirror.
"We'll see than...okay?" With that she left the room, a smile playing around her lips.
- - -
Rachel smoothed her hands over the red dress she was wearing and made sure no wrinkle was showing. She adjusted her strapless bra and moved her dress up a little more, smiling at her satisfied. Quickly she applied some make up, trying to hide the slight bags under her eyes and her place cheeks. A little rouge should do the job.
"Honey...are you ready?" Michael asked as he walked into her room, gasping at his daughter. "Wow..you look stunning." A small and shy smile played around her lips and she walked over to her dad to hug him,
"Thanks dad...," she whispered into his ear and gave him one more squeeze before pulling away. "For everything..."
"You're welcome honey...now try to have a good time...please." Michael cupped her cheek and placed a kiss on her forehead, pulling away to leave. Rachel took a deep breath and looked at herself once more in the mirror, before she turned around and walked downstairs. She stopped dead on her tracks halfway on the staircase and froze completely, staring at the guy that just entered the house.
"Finn...," she rasped out and took the last steps towards the hall. She had a feeling he had seen her, but he simply turned around and walked into the living room with his mother. Her heart sunk into her stomach and she stared after him, suddenly feeling a hand on her shoulder.
"I hope it's okay...he came.." Ralph said in a low voice, and Rachel nodded her head.
"Ye---ah.. I guess, it's your party...," she whispered and walked towards the kitchen.
- - -
Finn looked around the living room in hope to catch a glimpse of Rachel, but so far he hadn't seen her. While he was deep in thoughts someone approached him and smiled, startling him a little when the person hugged him. It wasn't until the person pulled away, that Finn recognized him.
"Ralph..hey...," he greeted him and smiled, grabbing a drink from the table.
"Hi Finn...I'm glad you came...," he smiled. Finn's heart sank as he started to look around for Rachel again and Ralph knew what he was looking for.
"Rachel's in the kitchen...," he said in a low voice which made Finn's breath hitch.
"How...how is she?" He asked and swallowed hard, taking a big gulp of his drink.
"Not good...She hasn't been sleeping..or eating....and...she quit her job at the theater....and-" Ralph was about to go on, but Finn cut him off.
"Her job? What job?" Finn was confused and Ralph bit his tongue.
"Well....A day..after you left...she found out she landed a role in Spring Awakening..as the lead....but with all that was going on...She quit it...Said fame wasn't worth it anymore....Finn I know she has hurt you....but she misses you. She said she wants to give up everything and just be with you....She even talked about moving back to Lima...to make you happy...but so far...you've been ignoring her." Finn felt his breath getting stuck in his throat and his stomach turn. His heart felt like stone and he lowered his gaze to the ground.
"Talk to her..." he said and walked away, leaving Finn alone with his thoughts.
- - -
Rachel nervously chewed on her lower lip and sighed as she looked around the room, trying to find Finn, but he was nowhere to be found. She sighed and felt her nervousness growing, when her dad announced their little start, who was now a big star and singing a song for them. She closed her eyes for a second and swallowed hard as she walked over to her dads.
"Hey guys...I know it's my dad's anniversary and that it usually is a happy occasion and I might have picked a song that isn't as appropriated, but I know my dad's love the song and lately so do I..." The music started to play and Rachel bit her lower lip, waiting for her cute to start.
If I didn't care more than words can say
If I didn't care would I feel this way?
She closed her eyes tightly to concentrate, hoping Finn was around to hear her sing. She put all her strength into the song, belting it out like she has never before.
If this isn't love then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head go 'round and 'round
While my heart stands still?
She slowly opened her eyes again, scanning the room. She felt like someone knocked the air out of her body when she spotted Finn, who was standing at the staircase and watched her sing. Her eyes locked with his as she kept on singing.
If I didn't care would it be the same?
Would my every prayer begin and end with just your name?
A few tears pooled in her eyes, having a hard time to carry on with the song. Finn started to walk closer to the people in the living room, making his way to the front.
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn't care for you?
The last line did it for Rachel. She slightly for the first time in her life chocked up during a song. Tears were slowly running down her face and she tried to control her breathing. Her heart made a jump when she heard another voice fill the room.
If I didn't care would it be the same?
Finn walked towards Rachel and took her hand, looking at her as he kept on singing the song, a smile displaying in the corner of his lips.
Would my every prayer begin and end with just your name?
He pulled her closer with his hand and turned her body towards his, making her look up. Tears were now freely falling down her cheeks while her gaze found his. She took a deep breath and decided to join him for the last lines.
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn't care for you?
They both finished the song, which ended up in a cheerful applause from the people in the living room. Finn and Rachel did not seem to hear them as they stared into each others eyes, slight smiles on their faces. Slowly the people around them dissolved, leaving Finn and Rachel alone. He guided her towards the couch in a state of trance, sitting down next to her.
"I heard what you did...Rach....," he whispered silently, causing Rachel to shake her head and scoot closer.
"I'm sorry Finn... I am so unbelievable sorry....I didn't mean to put you and everything else second...I am so sorry....I love you so much....so much....," she whispered more and more tears rolling down her cheeks.
"It's okay....shhht...it's okay...." He mumbled back and finally wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her against his chest while he pressed his lips against her forehead. She quietly sobbed into his shoulder, mumbling senseless words.
"Hey....Rach...," he pulled away softly and used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. Her lower lip wobbled still and she tried hard not to start crying again.
"I...I wanted to ask you this...a week ago....but..well...I guess the moment is perfect...," he whispered and reached underneath his shirt, revealing a ring that was hanging on a necklace. He quickly took off the necklace and grabbed the ring.
"I carried this around with me ever since I left....I never gave up the hope...i guess....So...Rachel..please..marry me...let's start over our life. Here in Lima, with our family. Let's start a family of our own. I love you....." he said and took her hand to slide the ring on her finger. Rachel gasped and stared at the ring, before she looked up and nodded her head.
"Yes....," she squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer for a searing kiss. After all she did care and she knew she wouldn't mess this up a second time.
THE END