It happened again. Someone touched my chest, someone lost their life.

He got too close again, he keeps creeping closer to...to my chest. I don't know how to tell him the consequences.

My name is Hajime Hinata. I'm a high schooler at the famous Hopes Peak Academy. It's been my dream to get in. Everyone there is chosen because they have a talent, a unique talent. For example, I am the ultimate hygienist. And the white haired guy, Nagito, is the ultimate lucky student.

For some unknown reason, a group of us, sixteen in total, have been thrown on this island in the middle of nowhere. Byakuya started getting worried and wanted to throw a party...I don't see the point really, I would prefer to stay at my cottage. You see, I have this problem with my upper body...

"Hey... can you hear me? Hey..."

"Hmm what? Oh Nagito, it's you."

"Are you ready for Byakuya's party at the old lodge?"

"Oh yeah, sure. Let's go."

As we arrived at the lodge, it honestly felt like my heart dropped into my stomach. Byakuya was doing body searches. Of course he would – he's determined to protect everyone. Nagito passed through fine and carried on into the main hall – probably assumed I wouldn't be too far behind him.

"Hajime I need to check you for dangerous items."

"No please, you really can't!"

"Hajime, this is serious, now let me search you, or leave."

"Wow Hajime, your chest is very...refined."

"Byakuya stop touching me please!"

"Okay, you don't seem to have any dangerous obj-"

After I hastily put my shirt back on, I ran from the scene of a murder - disappearance rather. I ended up in the kitchen. I should be alone for now. Wait, I hear something. Oh of course, it is the kitchen after all. I shouldn't even be surprised.

"Ooooh Hajime... I see you're already one step ahead of me~"

Teruteru Hanamura. As the ultimate chef, why wouldn't he be lingering around in the kitchen? But now he's edging closer toward the buttons on my shirt. Shit.

"But you know you love it Hajime~"

"Teruteru I really don't! Please! You have to stop!"

"Oh Hajime, what a... delectable chest you have!"

After Teruteru...became one with me, I slumped down with my back to the fridge, and sighed.

But of course, someone had to knock at the door.

"Hey Teruteru is the food almost done? Oh hi Hajime, have you seen Teruteru?"

Mahiru Koizumi was the voice at the door. Shit, how am I gonna cover this?

"Hey, Mahiru. Can I help you with anything?"

"Hajime, are you drunk?"

"No. Why would you think that?"

"Your shirt is unbuttoned and you're slumped against the fridge."

"..."

"Well do you mind if I photograph some of the food? Though it's not like I need your permission anyway."

I honestly don't have time for this. I just want this party to be over so I can go back to my cottage. I got up to leave, but of course. She had to, didn't she.

"If you see Teruteru let me know. Hey, you still haven't fixed your shirt. You really ought to take better care of yourself, Hajime!"

"M-Mahiru! Don't!"

God this can't be happening. That's 3 so far, what am I gonna do? I know, I can wait out this party in the bathroom! Oh for christ sake... she had to leave the bathroom at that exact moment, didn't she.

"Sorry for running into you."

"That's ok, Peko. Could you just... uh, move your hand please?"

"My hand? Oh it's on your chest. Sorry, I'll be going now."

She didn't end up going far, did she. Shit. Wait... is it just me, or do I hear stomping coming towards me?

"Get out the way, ya big chested freak!"

Great. Hiyoko is also... gone. Shit, this is bad. What's gonna happen when people start to notice all the missing people?! I threw my shirt off in a mini fit of rage.

"HAJIMEEEEEEE~!"

Fuck me sideways. It's Ibuki. This is gonna suck.

"What's Hajime doing on the floooor!? OHH Ibuki likes this side of hajime! Ibuki's gonna join ya~!"

Pfft. That didn't last long. Long enough to feel the pain of a teenage girl jumping you though. You know what, though? This is beyond ridiculous. If I can't leave and go back to my own cottage, I'll just take a nap here. After all this shit, I deserve a rest.

I grabbed some sheets from the storage room, discarded the rest of my clothes, and fell asleep in the hallway. I honestly couldn't give a fuck.

I awoke about an hour later, give or take. What a shitty nap... okay there's either someone laying on me right now, or I'm fucking delusional. Wouldn't put it past me at this point.

Oh look. It's that clumsy nurse. Actually looking at her, she's pretty cute, my type. No Hajime, conceal don't feel.

"Awh this is nice...OH MY FUCKING GOD MIKAN GET UP QUICK"

Her hand is on my bare chest, and I'm in my underwear. Jesus this is awkward. She just looks up at me. Fucking hell.

"H-Hajime!? What's wrong?"

"You have to get up, now!"

So the cute little nurse went poof and now I'm alone in this hallway. Fuckin great, just what I needed. Fuck this, I'm gonna go back to sleep. I can't feel my arm because she was laying on it. Ugh. Might as well roll over then.

I wasn't even asleep five goddamn minutes and someone decides to knead my back. Great.

I can only think of one person with as big hands as my masseuse. Either its Nekomaru or a lion.

"Hey, is that you, Nekomaru?"

"AHHHHHHH! Hajime! You're really tense, are you having trouble shitting?"

"No, I'm fine- NEKOMARU!? FUCKING HELL I JUST WANTED A REST!"

So now he's gone too. Ugh, I better put my clothes on before the others come looking for me... and the 'missing ones.' Turns out I don't have time. The island's very own lunatic had to show up.

"Gundam I have had it up to fucking here so piss off."

"I can't find the four dark devas of destruction!"

"And tell me, please, why that fact requires you to pat down my bare chest."

"How marvellous! 91cm! Crafted in the depths of hell!"

As Gundam went poof, I looked up in horror. The remaining students stared at me. Guess they just saw my party trick. With a wavering hand, Nagito silenced the others, and walked up to me.

"I knew all along Hajime, but I just have to feel your chest once, and I'll rest peacefully."

How the hell did he know? Has he been stalking me?

"Nagito NO"

"I...I love..."

If he's confessing to me I'm going to flip a fucking table.

"...Nagito?"

"Your mighty fine chest, Hajime."

I have no words. And neither does he, because he went and touched my GODDAMN CHEST.

Chiaki slowly walks up to me.

"You know what? Just do it. Go on. Touch me up all you want."

"...Is something... supposed to happen?"

The way she's staring at me... It's awfully off-putting.

"I've finally found you...Izuru."

Okay I have no fucking clue who Izuru is, but my gut feeling is to get the fuck out. So that's exactly what I do.

With nowhere else to go, I fled to my cottage. However, as soon as I entered the doorway, my head felt weird... and heavy. I heard a weird voice call out to me.

"Damn son...you condition this shit well."

My hands were running through my hair involuntarily...wait what? I could never run my hands through my hair! I always got hurt. Whats going on?

It seems I've finally met Mr. Izuru Kamukura. He's an idiot, I don't like him.

Hey honey, I am you, I can hear your thoughts.

Fuck off, Izuru.

~~~~The next day~~~~

The remaining five students gathered outside Hajime's cottage. They all paused as they heard the commotion from inside.

"Hinata it's okay embrace them."

"Fuck off, Izuru."

"I can't honey."

"They're here. Shut the fuck up, please."

Then, silence. Until Akane kicked the door down. The group frantically search the cottage, but the boy is nowhere to be found.

"Hajime, where the fuck are you?"

Fuyuhiko.

"Hajime, there's no point in hiding from us!"

Sonia.

Not a moment later, Kazuichi's screams echoed through the small room. They all turn and look towards the mechanic, who is looking straight up at the ceiling, pointing a shaky finger towards a cocoon of black hair.

Shit.

"What did you do, Izuru? They found us, you little bitch."

"It wasn't meeee~!"

"Well who was it then? The fairies?"

"Those damn fairies Hajime, gosh! Who knows what they get up to!"

"Fucking hell Izuru, why are you even here?"

"Well someone lost a bet, because they're silly!"

"..."

A few confused and anxious glances were shared between the group.

"Why did I have to lose at fucking rock paper scissors?"