Camp Green Lake. What a joke. There's no lake, and there's definitely no green. Barren desert stretches out here forever. Like infinity, whatever that is. Never ending. Like the time I've spent here. God knows how long I've spent digging hole after hole, day after day. To 'build character'. To help me become a law-abiding citizen.
I am law-abiding… most of the time. Steal just the once and suddenly I'm on the FBI's most wanted list. A dangerous criminal. WANTED - Dead or Alive. You could say that I was the victim. Walking along a dark road at night, minding my own business, when suddenly, something catches my eye. A 21" Plasma TV. I stroll over to take a closer look. Who's to blame me if the gate has been broken by some vandal? I get closer, until my nose is almost touching the window pane. Still just looking. How's it my fault if the window was unlocked and just happened to slide open? I climb in, intoxicated by the silver sheen of the TV. I draw closer. And closer. I reach out with my hands…
"Hold it right there!"
Shit. I turn round slowly to look at my captor. He's old. He has thinning grey hair and stripy pyjamas on. He's unarmed.
"Don't even think of running, laddie. I know what you look like. The police are coming." He laughs gaily. "One more piece of scum off the streets today".
As he speaks I hear a police siren wail in the distance.
"See boy? There's NO escape."
He was right. There was no escape. I looked around me desperately, hoping for some miracle to take place. It didn't. All that happened was that the sirens grew louder. They grew so near that I could see the blue light flashing out of the corner of my eye.
"He's in here!"
I had a trail, and, unsurprisingly, I was found guilty. I was told I had a choice between Camp Green Lake or prison. I didn't want to go to prison, so I chose Camp Green Lake. In a way, it sounded kind of - I don't know- nice. Wow, I was wrong.
It's like a living hell. Working all day under the hot, hot sun. Then, when I've finished, summoning up the energy I have left to spit in my "character".
Was the TV worth it? Well, it was a damn nice TV.