Despite all the attention the villagers are giving her as she walks down the aisle, she fixes her gaze straight ahead, looking entranced at the man standing at the end of the aisle. She briefly notes the tuxedo he has donned and how relaxed he seemed wearing the uncomfortable suit in the middle of Summer but the thought was pushed to the back of her mind when the man turns to her. It is unusual for Sebastian to wear an expression aside from apathy but right now he is anything but apathetic. Sebastian gives Catalina a boyish grin as he takes her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.
Catalina, gazing lovingly at Sebastian, finds herself lost in his eyes.
(...)
She glances absentmindedly at the wall clock in front of her. Two hours left before the end of my shift, she sighs dejectedly. Catalina recalls how today had been particularly harsh to her (if not more than usual). Her boss at the Joja Co. lashed out on her earlier this morning, blaming her for the inefficiency of their division. She knew very well it wasn't her fault, she was in fact the first (and only) employee to compensate for the loss of profit. It was her boss' fault but the shrew was too proud to take the blame himself. While being thrown harsh words, even being threatened at one point, she kept her lips pursed and endured the verbal abuse. Arguing with her boss twice in a row will not bring any good. She was just recently demoted and she doesn't want her (supposedly unbecoming) behavior to reflect on her father's company. No matter, as soon as I have earned enough, I'm getting out of this hell hole.
Unenthusiastically, Catalina goes back to work, forcing herself to continue as she keeps her emotions at bay.
"This is not the life I wanted," she mumbles. The life she has always dreamed of achieving is something serene and idyllic, kind of like what her grandfather told her about many years ago. Living off of the produce the countryside offers while making real connections with the locals in the process, living away from people who dictate your life and superiors who boss you around, and best of all, living without a toxic system managed by a multinational company.
"That is what you call living! This is just... surviving."
The end of her shift eventually comes. As Catalina gathers her things, she notices an envelope tucked inside her drawer. It was signed by Grandpa.
(...)
Catalina is 100% sure of her decision.
Dad was reluctant to see her go and Catalina tells herself it isn't because his only daughter is leaving him. She didn't think much about it, nor the strained relationship between her and her father. Instead, what went on her mind when she left the city are memories of her grandfather when he was still alive and managing Flores Farm. Before, whenever her school comes to a recess, she would immediately pack her bags and go to the farm to spend her vacation. Grandpa was a kind and funny old man, and with him, she feels more at home than with her father. She soon arrives in the valley and her nostalgia momentarily stops.
Looking at the expanse piece of land in front makes Catalina's heart tighten with dread. The farm land Grandpa left for her was not what she expected it would be. Flores Farm was a mess and it will take more than sheer determination for change in order to live her new life. Catalina thinks she will need a great amount of hard work and most importantly, knowledge.
Sadly, she knows nothing on being a good farmer like her grandfather. While there may be guide books on farming that she could read in the library, it will be difficult to apply it in real time especially if said land is covered with decades worth of debris, and the only things she have at the moment are hand me down tools from Grandpa and a couple of parsnips seeds from the likable Mayor Lewis. Even if the tools maybe enough, her energy will surely be insufficient.
Now, Catalina isn't so sure of her decision in moving to Stardew Valley. Alone.
(...)
By now, Catalina has more or less adjusted to her daily life in the farm. She has learned the basics of agriculture for her to earn enough money to get by everyday. Although farming is time and energy consuming, she finds herself enjoying her new profession.
Aside from farming, Catalina also finds herself spending her while exploring the woods and the mountains. The first time was scary, yes. The forest was particularly nasty for its humongous trees and wild animals, both unusual in the city, but eventually she got used to the alien surroundings. She had to, for those areas offered abundant forageable goods which she sells for extra cash. The wild flowers she finds outdoors serve great gifts for the villagers as well when she comes to them to introduce herself. While the flowers may be an inexpensive choice, she feels that the villagers nevertheless appreciate the thoughtful gesture.
Today, it was Robin and her family's turn to receive the flowers.
"Thank you. This might come in handy," Robin comments as she accepts the flowers. "I'll appreciate it if you're here to do some business with me too!"
Catalina chuckles nervously. She knows she can't commission Robin for any carpentry job yet until the harvest season comes for her most profitable crops.
Thankfully, Robin drops the topic. "Have you met my son, Catalina?"
The thought of Robin having another child aside from Maru is a bit surprising. Her first week is almost over and she's somewhat shocked that she never got to meet Robin's son. Catalina shakes her head, wondering where the mysterious son might be hiding.
With a friendly smile on her face, Robin leads her down the basement of her house. She knocks the door thrice and then lets the two of them in.
"Sebby, look who I brought here!"
"Sebby" turns his head away from the computer and shifts it towards both her mother and the farmer.
"Can't you see I'm working, Mom?" he snorted while still typing, looking intently at the monitor.
"Come on, honey. I just want you to meet the new farmer. You know, the one who-"
"Yeah yeah. I heard from Sam."
The young man makes his way in front his mother. He is wearing a black hoodie with wear and tear in some places, but nevertheless his choice of attire seemed to suit him perfectly. Catalina also notices the dark hair he's been sporting with bangs so long it covered almost half of his face. With this blocking her view, she won't be able to see his facial features until he faces her.
"Sebby, I want you to meet farmer Catalina. She's the one who moved in to the abandoned farm. Apparently, she inherited it from the previous owner, who was her Grandfather. You remember the good old farmer...?"
When "Sebby" turns his head to her, Catalina raises her chin to meet his eye. He's beautiful, she almost says out loud. Despite the scowl on his face.
Whereas Robins' eyes are full of warmth and amity, his eyes exhibited none of those. His eyes seemed to be conveying... nothing. Maybe a bit of annoyance but for the most part, his were apathetic.
"I'm Sebastian."
His eyes remind her of the night skies in the city. Dull and lifeless, without the stars scattered in the sky. And like how she always ends up whenever she searches for constellations in the city night sky, Catalina finds herself getting lost in Sebastian's dark orbs.
(...)
Her first festival in Stardew Valley comes in the middle of Spring. The annual celebration of festivals is among the many things that separates the city and the countryside and she's glad for this difference. Here in Stardew Valley, the rural folk celebrate festivals as frequently as they could.
The Egg Festival was memorable because of her win in the egg hunt. At first, she was feeling guilty for her competitiveness. A true adult will let the children win, she thinks. However in the end, she can't help herself in doing her best. She only let go her feelings of self-guilt when she sees how happy the children were with her victory. Maybe she'll cut some slack the next year. Maybe...
Her second festival was the Flower Dance and she enjoyed herself as much in watching the people her age dance with their respective partners. she would have liked to dance as well and join the merriment but she isn't familiar with the steps. Besides, no person would surely want to dance with "Farmer Catalina," she chastises herself. I always smell of soil and sweat whenever I go to town and meet them. Catalina shrugs her shoulders. She doesn't seem to mind if she isn't able to catch the attention of any of the bachelors or bachelorettes. Although during the whole period of the dance, her eyes unconsciously follow Sebastian. She almost lets out a chuckle seeing how the young man had his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. He clearly doesn't enjoy the dance as much as she does.
(...)
Summer comes and Catalina celebrates her 21st birthday with her dog, and her cows Alpha and Bravo. Not being able to afford anything extravagant for her day (her money had been exhausted not long ago for the building of the barn and buying her two baby cows), she settles for munching the grapes she picked in the forest. She was also able to give Willy some Sweet Pea as a gift since his birthday coincided with hers.
Catalina has been having a great day so far, albeit missing her friends who used to always surprise her during her birthday. She also misses Grandpa, who made it a habit to bring her to the farm to celebrate. There are lots of things she misses, both from the near past and the far past, and pinpointing each is sure to take a whole day. Compared to those, it's a lot easier to say what she doesn't miss, things she's more than glad to be rid of. For instance, walking on the polluted streets of the city, working at Joja Co. and being underpaid, seeking constant praise and recognition from Dad.
Perhaps in search for something "special" to do on her "special" day, she decides to do something out of her usual routine. It is Catalina's first time in the mines and she finds it fascinating. The absence of sunlight seeping through its ceilings contributes to its gloomy nature, and the presence of countless aggressive monsters makes it appear more sinister, but nevertheless she likes how those made the mines a foreign land. A place that made her past anxieties as well as future worries blur into oblivion.
True enough, while inside the mines, she only thinks of the now. She can only think of the present with how groups of slimes are attacking her, not even giving her adequate rest. Catalina embraces the fear as she tightens her grip on the sword the muscular Marlon gave her.
Time passes while she defends herself, killing slimes in the process, and after completing 4 levels in the mines, she calls it quits. She has filled her rucksack with loot although she doubts it would amount much. I should have read some books from the library so I know how to maximize my stay here.
On her way home, she spots a hooded man with jet black hair smoking by the lake. His eyes are cast off far in the distance and he seems not to notice her presence.
"Hello," Catalina calls his attention. In response, the young man gives her a nod. His attention is brought back to the lake almost immediately.
It would be easy to walk away and continue her duties but Catalina chooses to stay rooted in her place near him. She is intrigued by this young man ever since their first meeting and she wants to know him more. Besides, Stardew Valley will be her home for years and it would be best for her to be acquainted with the people living in the valley.
Making friends with the locals is easier said than done, especially if the person is indifferent towards her. And so, she allows her actions to speak on her behalf.
"I got a lot of these down the mines. Do you want it?" Carefully, she takes out one of the quartz she gathered. She presents it to him.
As he takes it, his fingers brush her palms and it brings funny sensations at the pit of her stomach but the warmth it brings is gone as soon as he retracts his hands. When Catalina looks at Sebastian, a small smile is ghosting his features and the funny sensations are back, this time in the fluttering of her heart.
"Thanks, I like this," he says.
When the time comes in the future where she reminisces celebrating her past birthday celebrations, she will remember lots of special things and special someones surprising her. Among them will be Sebastian's small but sincere smile.
(...)
Catalina is not a fan of mining nor combat, so she only goes down the mines if things are in her favor (as per the spirits' daily whim), if it's absolutely necessary (commissioned quests or favors), or if it's too suffocating to stay in the farm (bad dreams). But since her birthday, she looks forward to her trips down the mines.
There is nothing special about it, she reasons out to herself. The mines just has a lot to offer and she's glad that she could help the local museum expand its collection whenever she donates rare gems or historical artifacts. She repeats to herself that there's nothing special about it especially with how she grins whenever she finds a quartz in her mining exploits and how said stone reminds her of jet black hair and eyes as dark as the night.
Catalina is tending to her fall crops and she's disappointed with how distracted she's been lately. While her summer crops had yielded plenty of profit, fall will be the last season she could grow crops and so her profits for this season should be sufficient to sustain her expenses in winter.
Sighing, she heads to the barn for some comfort from her cows, as well as from the newest addition to the family, her baby cow Charlie.
"I think I like someone... and I shouldn't be acting like this just bec-"
She hears a loud 'mooing' from one of the cows, followed by the sound of hooves walking away from her.
"Hey Alpha! Don't dismiss me like that. You're the eledest among you three so don't be a bad example to Charlie!"
As if understanding what was just said, Alpha comes back to her direction. Catalina gives the cow a soft pat in its head.
Charlie, who moves beside her, gives a soft 'moo.' She takes it as a cue to also show the baby cow some affection. Bravo soon comes towards her nudging its head to her side and Catalina feels overwhelmed with how her cows cheer her up.
She goes out of the barn feeling refreshed and motivated.
(...)
Due to her circumstances on love (or lack thereof) in the past, Catalina does not know how to act in front of someone she possibly likes. She puts a stress on the word "possibly," because according to her, "How could I like someone I don't even know well?"
Which is why she now spends her free time inside Sebastian's room. Sure, at first she was shy to go inside his room when it's just the two of them but he hardly gave her his attention since he is too occupied with his work. She explained that she understands how busy he is and that if she's in the way she could go, but he told her to wait, and so Catalina sits down and tries to calm the sudden galloping of her heartbeat.
A week is almost over since she first stayed in his room and Catalina has known a handful of things about Sebastian. The young man allowed her to explore his room in the basement and she's pleasantly surprised to see his collection of comic books, sci fi novels and video games. She squeals in joy when she finds out that he has a complete set of the sci fi comic she always wanted to read but was forbidden by her father.
Now that her daily work in the farm is done as well as her commissioned quests fulfilled, she goes to Robin's house to give Sebastian back the comic books she borrowed. She plans to finish the series today, of course, in Sebastian's room.
Her eyebrows met in confusion as she spots a motorcycle parked in Robin's garage. Someone's underneath the vehicle, presumably fiddling with its machine.
"What, you haven't seen my motorcycle before?" Sebastian says, with spots of grime and grease smearing his face. "Hmmm... I guess I haven't shown it to you."
Catalina stands near the garage to watch him work on his motorcycle.
"Sometimes, after sundown, I make the long ride out of Stardew Valley..."
He continues explaining his travels on his motorcycle while she nods her head at some points to show him that she's listening intently.
"Once I've saved up enough money, I'm going to head out on my own... to the city and beyond. Just me and my bike."
Catalina's heart squeezes unpleasantly at the thought of Sebastian leaving the countryside for good, and she finds it hard to hold her tongue lest she voices out her disagreeance.
After a while of silence, she comments, "It's great to travel and to widen your horizons. A change of environment doesn't sound so bad..." She says it with all the enthusiasm she could muster, but she fails and it comes out with a trace of bittersweet. Thankfully, he doesn't seem to notice
"Hey... maybe I'll take you for a ride someday..."
He finished fixing his motorcycle and stood in front of her. Although he meant the question as an invitation between friends, she, dumbstruck and flabbergasted, takes it as an invitation for a future date. The thumping of her heart quickens and after a couple of moments she finds her voice coming back.
"Th-that sounds fun..."
"Great."
She sleeps at night later that day forgetting about the comic book and instead wondering how many days and how many nights have to pass before someday comes. She just hopes that she will get to have a date with him before he needs to leave.
(...)
Catalina rouses from her slumber a bit too early. She wakes up at 3 am with tears running down her cheeks, her breath quick and shallow.
Although she is wide awake, she still hears the nightmarish deep voice in her head.
"You're not good enough."
"Is that the best you can do? You're a disappointment!"
She closes her eyes and covers her ears in attempts to shield herself from the voice. Then it's gone and Catalina hugs herself as she spends some time sobbing.
The skies join her in her crying and she's thankful that her work has lessened due to the rain doing the watering of her crops. She isn't really in the mood to get some job done today.
After tending her animals, a distressed and emotional she shreds her father's latest mail to pieces. It's the third time he has sent a letter and while she has kept the first two unopened, she can't accept anything from her father today, not when she just reexperienced her father's harsh treatment towards her in her nightmare.
She lets herself inside Robin's house and Robin wasn't in her stall to greet her. No matter. Catalina is sure that the mother and son pair won't mind her constant barging to their abode (in fact, the carpenter seems to always expect her to come even for reasons outside business), but she's not so sure if she would still be welcome after coming inside soaking wet due to the heavy rain.
Her thoughts are suddenly interrupted because of the shouts she hears from the kitchen. Based from the voices, she deduces they're coming from Demetrius, the determined local scientist, and Sebastian.
"That's bullshit. I know you don't even care about me at all so will you just drop the act already!?"
"Show me some respect! You don't talk to your father like that, Sebastian!"
"You were never a father figure to me, Demetrius. So will you do me a favor and continue to pretend I don't exist? I don't want Mom to worry about this every single damn time."
Demetrius raises his voice again but was abruptly cut off when Sebastian leaves the kitchen. He seems to push the issue no further. Then, Sebastian sees Catalina on the hallway standing above the staircase leading to his room.
"Oh shit, Catalina! You're dripping wet!"
"I came at the worst time, didn't I?"
Shelooks at Sebastian apologetically. She half-expects him to be annoyed, or even angry. After all, he just got out from a heated argument with his stepdad and from what little she had heard, Sebastian sounds furious.
When she finds his eyes though, she's surprised to see him with worry written all over his face. This has got to be the most emotional expression she has seen him wear to date. The longer she stares at him, the more she wants to forget her nightmare. Her anxieties are temporarily forgotten and was briefly replaced with feelings of both happiness and guilt when she thinks of how a worried Sebastian leads her in his room.
Catalina shyly takes the towel Sebastian is offering as she is pushed to the bathroom. It is only after she has taken a shower that she realizes he had been kind enough to lend her his clothes as well. After getting dressed, she goes back to his room, feeling slightly embarrassed for her lack of bra underneath the sweater Sebastian gave.
"I apologize. I don't mean to be a bother, especially during this time..."
"You're not a bother," he replies softly. "I'm actually glad you came."
Her heart skips a beat.
"What were you doing in the rain without an umbrella?"
She avoids his gaze and mumbles something incoherently. Catalina doesn't really want to talk about her nightmare to him, especially when the young man got a lot on his own plate as well.
Before he can pry the truth from her, Catalina poses a question to shift his attention, "Would you like it if we talked about what happened earlier?"
He shakes his head.
Maybe the conversation about their respective fathers and the burden they bear because of them will come some time. Maybe after Catalina and Sebastian have sorted their emotions and have received enough comfort from each other.
For now, the two spend the whole afternoon in comfortable silence, sitting side by side, with their shoulders slightly touching. She succumbs to sleep shortly and her head is guided by Sebastian for it to fall on his shoulder.
Catalina sleeps that day free of nightmares.
(...)
Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind but now I see
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear
And Grace, my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
She is at Sam's room at the moment. She is waiting for the blonde to come so she could give him the fruits he requested. While waiting, she sings to herself.
As much as she enjoyed singing, Catalina grew up singing only in her private quarters. Her father disapproved of her being occupied with things unrelated to business and profit and so she had no choice but to sing secretly. Here in Stardew Valley, she can finally sing as much as her heart desires.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
We have already come.
T'was grace that brought us safe thus far
And grace will lead us home,
Amazing grace, How Sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see
She stops from singing when she hears an applause nearby. She glances at the door where the applause is coming from only to see three pairs of mesmerized eyes staring at her.
"Darling, that was so brilliant!" Jodi exclaims as she wipes a non-existent tear from her eyes.
"Hell yeah! Didn't even expect you knew how to sing that good!"
She looks at Sebastian for some verbal recognition but the young man instead purses his lips to give a smile followed by a nod.
"Thank you, Jodi, Sam, Sebastian. But I think you're giving me too much credit..." Catalina rubs the back of her neck. "What I did was pretty average, hehe."
"Look farmer Catalina, you haven't even heard Sam sing and that's below average!"
"Mom, that's totally not true! You're embarrassing me!" Sam stops his mother but Jodi continues giggling. Catalina smiles somberly at the mother and son pair. Deep inside, she envies Sam and Sebastian because of their relationship with their mothers. She had always wanted to have something like that as well.
"You should swing by at our band practice," says Sebastian. "You know, when you have time."
"And hey, I'll let you sing with me. 'Cause you know, I'm the lead vocalist so you would have to settle for being the back-up!" Sam grins at her, seemingly convinced that what he just said was a brilliant idea. Sebastian believes otherwise but he says nothing as he stares at the talented farmer, waiting for her reaction.
She chuckles. "I need to get going. Here are the cranberries you ordered, Sam."
As Catalina leaves the house, she hums her favorite tune, feeling giddy at what just transpired. She tells herself that not only would she have the chance to enjoy singing (which she wasn't able to in the past) she would also have an additional reason to spend more tine with Sebastian.
If only I knew they would like my singing voice, I would have sung in public way back then.
(...)
After an enjoyable and not to mention, challenging game of Solarion Chronicles, Sam leaves Sebastian and Catalina alone, as per the farmer's request.
She thinks the time has come for her to open up about her father. She can't keep it any longer and she needs to let it all out to someone she trusts. Sebastian is a good choice. He is among the closest friends she have and she thinks he will understand her with what he is going through with his step father.
"So..." says Sebastian. He busies himself with cleaning the coffee table from the cards they laid out from the game earlier. "I got a weird vibe from you that something's going on."
"Uhmm... Would it be alright if we talk outside?"
Telling him about her problem is going to be more difficult than what she thought. She gulps.
"Sure."
The two took a seat by the lake. Catalina calms herself from the nervousness she's feeling by carefully phrasing in her mind the words she will say. Moments after, Sebastian interrupts her thoughts.
"You okay?"
She looks at him and she sees him taking a cigarette and a lighter out from the pocket of his hoodie. She remains silent as she watches him light a cigarette and places it on his lips.
"Catalina?" She sees him raise a questioning eyebrow at her.
And with that, her thoughts went all over the place as she looks mesmerizingly at him. She immediately directs her attention to her long dark brown locks as she plays with it, trying to hide her flushed cheeks from his gaze. Really, this guy makes her feel like an infatuated middle schooler.
She clears her throat and starts, "You remember the day I came to your house soaked from the rain?"
He gaves her a nod.
"I woke up from a nightmare that day. I saw my father scolding a younger me, telling her how much of a failure she is. My father, in the past, he..." Catalina struggles with speaking as she feels tears escaping her eyes.
"I used to do a lot of things, everything actually, just to impress my father. He has high expectations for me, telling me how I should act and be prepared once I take over his company. You see, being the best at everything was the only way to get his attention and as a child, I thought that if I do what he wants, he'll eventually love me. My father basically did all the decisions, all the talking, the thinking for me."
She stops playing with her hair to wipe the tears on her face. Still, she can't look at Sebastian so she fixes her gaze on the ground.
"When I entered college, in a course he chose for me, I realized how wrong I was when I thought the time will come when he will accept me. He only thinks of himself in the end."
He waits for the continuation of her tale.
"Can you imagine how painful it feels to be treated like a puppet by your very own father? I was just a pawn for him for his business! But what hurts more was the realization of how much of a willing victim I was..."
Her breathing becomes unsteady as she covers her eyes with both of her palms, willing her tears to go back her eyes by failing miserably.
"I... How can I- Can you- I- What the fuck! I wasted 20 years of my life worshipping that man, hoping he'll be a good father to her only daughter, and what did I get in the end? Him telling me that I am a disappointment?!"
When she, with tears still on her eyes, glances at him, she notices how his cigarette is gone already. His face contorted in a scowl.
"You know what I told him in the end of my nightmare, I told him how I wish I died along with my mother when she gave birth to me. Because, living with him, living with that pathetic excuse of a father is a slow but painful death. But when I said that, I don't know but I felt my heart squeeze uncomfortably. I should hate him... He ruined my life."
Sebastian, guessing that this must be the end of her tale, carefully places his hand on Catalina's shoulder in comfort. Her head falls on his shoulder like last time but unlike before, he frowns instead of giving her a smile. He seems to be pained hearing her bawling her eyes out but he doesn't do anything to stop her cries. If anything, he only encourages her to continue doing so.
"I'm sure you know how unpleasant my relationship with my step dad is," he says after a long time.
"Demetrius doesn't know how to be a good father to me. He's always so concerned about Maru's welfare but when it comes to me, he's a lot colder and more stuck-up." When she has calmed down, he draws his hand back to his hoodie to take a cigarette stick.
"It really hurts to feel unwanted and to be constantly compared to someone. But I grew older and I learned to gradually tolerate the way things are, though it still hurts to be unwanted."
As he lights the stick, he continues, "That's why I can't wait to leave from this place. I want to start a new life away from the things that remind me of my past." Then, he turns to Catalina and says "Kind of like what you did when you left the city to inherit your grandfather's farm. It was brave of you to venture into a new life all by yourself and I hope I get to do the same someday."
She feels a slight pang of pain seeing Sebastian so excited about leaving the valley. More aptly, leaving her in the valley, but who is she in the first place to stop him from doing what he wants? She's just farmer Catalina, a neighbor, a friend to the loner Sebastian. She shouldn't be feeling like this in the first place.
He applauds her for her bravery and although she thinks how wrong he is in making that statement, she puts on a brave front as she tells him "I wish you all the happiness the world can possibly give you, be it here or in Zuzu."
"You deserve as much as well, probably even more. Let's go?"
(...)
When she sees his astounded face after she gives him his birthday present, Catalina finally admits to herself that there is indeed something special about how she feels towards Sebastian.
"You remembered my birthday... Thank you."
"You can open it while I'm still here," she states as she tries her best to contain her excitement. She doesn't want to spoil the surprise she has in store for the birthday boy. he looks at her confused. Nevertheless he proceeds in tearing the gift wrapper. When he's done, his jaw drops.
"You- You got me a frozen tear?! How did you- Wow... I'm impressed!"
"Well... Do you like it?"
"Do I like it? Catalina, I have been itching to get this for the longest time and here I have it! How did you even know I want this?"
She flashes him a smile and then she shrugs her shoulders. Her grin only gets wider as she watches an overjoyed Sebastian holding the frozen tear preciously in his palms. Whatever he plans to do with it, she absolutely has no idea. The important thing is that weeks of tirelessly exploring the mines have paid off now that she sees his eyes sparkling with delight. She thinks how she might gladly dive down even to the deepest and nastiest floor on the mines to hoard frozen tears just so she could see him this elated again.
Catalina's cheeks goes tomato red and her heart beats several times faster. She finally understands the unexplained actions her heart was doing these past few days.
Yes. I like Sebastian.
(...)
Romance isn't among the plans Catalina laid out when she arrived at Stardew Valley. If anything, it is her last priority and it won't change even after admitting to herself that she likes one of the locals. She isn't ready for the commitment, she wants to enjoy her freedom longer. On the other other hand, he will be leaving the valley soon. While a long distance relationship might work for the two of them, in the long run it won't be ideal. Time will come where the two will choose where to settle together and there is no way Catalina is going back to the city. That is if Sebastian even likes her.
It's alright, really, she tells herself for the infinite time. I'm content with remaining friends.
"Hey Catalina? I think you should consider singing for us," asks Abigail. "Your voice jives the best with the kind of music we make, right Seb?"
Sam scratches his head. "Oh yeah, Catalina being the lead? Can't we just do a duet instead?" he insisted.
"You really like the attention you get as both our singer and our guitarist, huh?" Abigail smirks.
"The girls appreciate my talent! Who am I to deprive them of enjoyment?" Sam retorts haughtily.
Catalina shakes his head as the two continue their squabble. She glances at Sebastian if he has anything to say to stop his friends' petty fight. However, it was Jodi who interrupts them. She brings in cookies and juice for everyone. She tells them "I hope you enjoy, the snacks!" and off she goes.
Sebastian passes Abigail her juice while Sam pops a cookie in his mouth. On the other hand, Catalina watches the interactions of the trio. She's more than glad to be here today with them
"How long have you three been friends?" the farmer asks curiously after taking a sip on her grape juice.
It was Abigail who responds, "Seb and Sam has been together longer. They were like, what? Five?" she looks at Sebastian and he gives her a curt nod. "These two have been together since they were five. As for me, I wasn't allowed to step outside our house by myself till I was 13. My mom told me that it's dangerous for me to go out but I felt like she was hiding me from the world for whatever selfish reason so I kept trying to defy her countless times," Abigail giggles as she remembers something funny from her past. "Until now, actually. Anyway, these two heard me playing flute outside our house one day and from there, they kept on urging me to join the band they plan to form."
Sebastian clears his throat to have the other's attention, "It was Sam's idea. I was dragged into the band as well."
Abigail playfully places her hand on his arm and says "Oops, so sorry. Then, I bet Catalina had the same experience!" And she lets out a laugh and then everyone followed suit except Sam who had his arms crossed.
"Come on, you enjoyed being in this band! So stopped using the victim card on me."
Catalina puts her half full glass of juice down as she looks at Sam. "I appreciate you inviting me to sing with you. It is my first time to do something like this fun so you have my gratitude. Again, thank you, and I hope you don't mind me if I continue to stay with you three."
"Awww farmer Catalina, you're making me blush," the blonde says shyly as he scrathes his cheek.
"Catalina, we love having you here! So don't feel so embbarrased nor too polite, and feel free to be yourself!" Abigail gives her a wink and a wide grin.
(...)
As the days pass with her hanging out with the trio, she finds herself thanking the heavens that she became friends with Sebastian, Sam and Abigail. She becomes not only closer to Sebastian (as what she had initially desired) but to the rest of the villagers as well. She especially becomes more acquainted with the residents of the valley whenever she joins the three in going to the local pub, the Stardrop Saloon. Sam and Sebastian spend most of their time playing pool with Abigail switching casually from watching them play to playing the arcades by herself. Catalina too watches the two young men play but whenever it seems that the first game of pool will be won by Sebastian (which happens all the time) she slips away from her new found friends to have a chat with the rest of the people in the pub. She enjoys having to talk with these people without formalities. Except there are some people who do not enjoy her company and would rather be left alone. She doesn't let those instances falter her smile though.
Shane rubs her off tonight and rudely tells her to leave him alone. Catalina obliges but not without leaving him a slice of pizza. The slice was a leftover from the box her friends had bought earlier. It was their dinner and the trio decided to have Hawaiian flavored pizza without telling her. The thing is she abhors pineapples on pizza and so she decides to give her share to this sad man who seemed to not having eaten dinner yet.
Catalina walks away quickly before she could even hear Shane thanking her. She returns to the pool section to check out on her friends. Inside, she hears laughter coming from Abigail and Sebastian as the two tower over a slouching Sam, seemingly defeated yet again for tonight.
All four decided to call it a night. Abigail waves her friends goodbye with a mischievous smirk on her beautiful face, and Sam oddly heads home wordlessly. Soon, Catalina finds out that it is because of a bet he lost between Sebastian and Abigail. She knew this because Sebastian told her himself while the young man was walking her back to her farm.
"You don't really have to this. It's late and I can go home by myself," she tells him for the infinite time. The cold midnight wind blows to their direction and Catalina, feeling chilly, wraps her arms around her torso to warm herself from the cold. Why did she even think it was a good idea to wear such light clothing in the middle of winter?
When Sebastian notices her lightly shuddering, he asks "Are you cold?" He doesn't wait for her answer as he begins removing his jacket to offer it to the farmer. She mumbles thanks and makes an almost inaudible comment on how a good friend Sebastian has been to her.
She asks him, more clearly this time. "Aren't you?"
"I'm used to the cold," he responds shrugging his shoulders. He puts his hands in his jeans pocket.
"Well, I'm not. I might have underestimated winter in the valley," she shudders for the second time as another wind comes to their direction. Then she wears his jacket, which she muses was too big for her petite body. The sleeves covered her hands completely and the hem of the jacket fell to her bum. She takes a deep breath and she can't help but smile at the thought of Sebastian's smell enveloping her body.
"I'm not really a fan of cold weather but winter here feels and smells nice," she remarks, blushing furiously when she realized she had spoken out loud. Sebastian hears her and agrees with a grunt, not noticing the suggestive comment Catalina has inlaced in her sentence.
As the two walk near the farmer's house, her mind goes back to what her thoughts were a few moments ago. Him and her remaining as friends. Catalina likes Sebastian, but since the conditions are not favorable for the two (she feels that it is a sign from the heavens that they are not meant to be together as more than friends), she convinces herself every single time that it's alright for their relationship to remain platonic. She tells that to her mind constantly but every single time, her heart is screaming otherwise.
(...)
For the next few days, Catalina finds it surprisingly easy to prevent her feelings for Sebastian from showing on her face. After all, for the two decades of her life, she had become used to acting opposite of how she really wants. The pretend becomes much easier with how busy she becomes towards the latter half of winter. She needs to care for her cows and chickens, to upgrade her farming tools, and to make preparations for the coming season among many other chores.
Still, her heart, the ever rebellious part of her, continues to disrupt her carefully maintained facade. It continues to thump loudly and quickly whenever she's with Sebastian. The young man is naturally caring to his mother and close friends, something that made Catalina fall deeper for him, and whenever he shows even an inch of that kindness to her, it gets harder for her not to get swept off of her feet. Her desire to have his kindness, his eyes, his smile (his everything) directed solely for her feels overwhelming that most of the time, her heart constricts in an unpleasant way and in her mind, she curses the heavens for making her fall for someone she could never be with.
The Feast of the Winter Star comes and she distracts herself from staring too much at Sebastian who comes to the town plaza wearing a dark blue trench coat and a white button down shirt underneath. Her jaw almost drops with how handsome he looks in his clothes (maybe even better if he's wearing nothing but the thought is gone immediately once she realizes he can't go nude in public not when there are others who can ogle at him... and yes, by how indecent her imagination was) and if anything, it only makes her fall for him more.
Before drool escape from her mouth, she directs her attention to all the families seated near the tree. All these happy families make her heart tighten for a moment with envy and longing. Nevertheless, she's glad for these people who get to be together on this special holiday. Maybe someday, if Yoba willing, she'll get to experience having a family. Her imagination goes wild and she blushes at the thought of being a wife to a young man with jet black hair and equally dark eyes, while her spouse holds a sleeping baby in his arms... She would like that and hopes that someday it will come true.
Or maybe it wont. Especially if she continues being insecure and anxious over what the future has in store for her love life and so choosing to play safe by not pursuing her loved one.
"It's okay," she says to herself quietly, this time not so convincing, "You may like him, want him, but the world isn't given to you in a silver platter."
The Feast ends that day with Catalina gazing at the heavens, asking the help of Yoba to help her in the following year, that may her growing feelings of like (love?) for Sebastian be suppressed and be tucked in the darkest depths of her heart. The decision breaks her heart but she can live with the pain it brings. She has lots of things to do for Spring next year and that will make her mind focused with much more pressing things.
"It will be okay."
(...)
With the coming of Spring, Catalina finds herself lessening her interactions and conversations with Sebastian. Previously, they used to hang out in his room almost everyday, but now she only comes at most once a week.
"No, ma'am. I'm not avoiding your son," she explains to Robin one day when the carpenter asks her.
"I thought something bad must have happened between you two..."
"Oh no! Things are absolutely fine! Sebastian and I are still friends. I'm just too occupied with my farm," she fibs. While she may have been busy, she still finds time to hang out with the rest of the villagers, but not with him. She thinks things are better this way if she keeps her distance.
"Really? I see..." Robin seems to be buying her lie but it is evident that something is still bothering her.
She catches her unease and she asks the carpenter vaguely, hoping she'll understand what she means without exposing her concern for the young man in the basement explicitly "Is everything... doing okay?"
"Why, yes. I'm just worried about Sebastian... Ever since you two became friends, he's become a lot happier. But lately..." Robin sighs. She looks at the farmer and begins again. "He seems to be going through something. I hoped you know what it is but I guess it's just me overthinking."
She spends the rest of the day trying not to worry too much about what the carpenter said. While Sebastian might be having problems, she's sure that she isn't among those that would preoccupy his mind. After all she's just farmer Catalina, a neighbor, a friend that has been in the valley for only a year. Surely her absence won't make much of a difference in his life.
(...)
Afternoons are usually spent inside the basement of Robin's house, with Catalina lounging in the couch reading comic books or sci fi novels and with Sebastian doing his freelance work or playing MMORPG's in his computer, occasionally having a conversation in between. It usually ends with both dozing off and sharing the couch to take a nap before Robin comes down to announce that dinner is served. But that was before and nowadays, afternoons are spent apart from each other with the two minding their own business.
Her afternoons is packed with volunteer work for the refurbishing of the Community Center. And when she's done, she is either reading at the library or fishing in the ocean with Willy. Though her body may have been apart from him, he never leaves her in her mind and in her heart.
Whenever she thinks of Sebastian, she thinks of what and how he's doing. Among many other things, she hopes he's well, that he's eating at the right time, getting sufficient amount of sleep, and reducing his nicotine intake.
This afternoon, after her shift at fixing the Community Center, she receives an opportunity to check up on him. The young man posted on the bulletin at the town plaza a request for quartz two days ago which she reluctantly obliges.
She knocks on the door to the basement and lets herself in, her head bowed.
"I thought you weren't coming," Sebastian says as he finds her eyes. She is immediately drawn back to the memory of their first meeting, seeing how dull his eyes have become since they last saw each other. Not only his eyes have returned to being apathetic, she sees dark circles of fatigue smearing his handsome face.
"Are you having enough sleep?" she says worriedly. Before she can stop herself, she steps closer to him to get a better view of what he has become. She almost places her palm over his cheeks to stroke him when he moves away from her.
"Why do you even care?" He says it with sharp tone in his voice which she only hears whenever he's talking with his step-father. It hurts her to see that Sebastian is angry with her, so much that tears almost escape her eyes, but this is the consequence of her actions so she must take responsibility.
Catalina draws her mouth to a line and remains quiet lest she may say anything wrong or inappropriate. She chews on her lower lip as she thinks hard of what she should say best in this situation. Fearing that words may fail her, she resorts to action. Wordlessly, she gives him the quartz he requested and afterwards makes her way to the door.
"You're leaving again without even saying goodbye," he says, this time sounding confused and disappointed.
She needs to get out before her facade breaks and her tears fall. But when Sebastian is like this, seemingly pleading her to stay, it's harder for Catalina to go out and leave him hanging. It is only now that she realizes that what she's doing is unfair to him. While the young man had been nothing but a kind friend to her, she has been an asshole for selfishly staying away from him without even explaining herself. Why did she even think it was a good idea to disappear so suddenly? Her IQ might have been too high for her own good, but the same cannot be said for her EQ.
Before the rationale part of her can protest, she runs to him to envelop him in an embrace. She tiptoes as she tightens her arms around his neck, and her heart, though beating uncomfortably faster than usual, feels at home now that's pressing herself to him. She buries her face at the junction of his neck and shoulder and inhales his scent as she allows his very presence to comfort her. "I'm sorry. I missed you," she keeps repeating under her breath.
"You should be. You've been gone for a season, you emotionally-crippled idiot," he replies as he tightens his hug. He gives her a sweet kiss on the forehead and... everything goes black.
When she snaps out of her imagination, she finds herself in front of the door to Robin's house, the quartz still inside her rucksack. She comes inside to see a radiant Robin, looking happy to see her.
The rest of the day is uneventful. Sebastian is inside his room, seemingly busy with another project. When he looks at her, his eyes were apathetic and there were dark circles under them. But aside from those, things did not go like what she had imagined. They exchanged little talks for a bit, nothing too personal, and when both have nothing else to talk about, she leaves the quartz on his coffee table as he bids him goodbye, her voice not quivering a bit.
Things have become different for their friendship since Catalina distanced herself from him a season ago. Sebastian can tell something's wrong but he refuses to talk about it. Though not as close as before, the two remain friends. And she tells herself that this is the way things are supposed to be.
(...)
Catalina isn't sure how she could have missed this. She was trained to have a discerning eye for details, to analyze and to draw conclusions from given information. How could she be so blind when all the clues are clearly pointing out this fact?
Really, even a blind man can see that Sebastian likes Abigail, and Abigail likes him back. Unfortunately, it doesn't come to her crystal clear when she suspects it for the first time, nor the second, the third, and the succeeding times.
Way back from her first Flower Dance Festival, she should have noticed how different Sebastian stole glances at Abigail as if the purple-haired lady was a goddess incarnate, even though it was obvious he wanted nothing but to leave the festival. She should have paid more attention to Maru when they went star-gazing once and when she told her one of her wishes was that her brother soon dates Abigail. Why didn't she even smell something fishy when Sam told her how intent Sebastian was on having Abigail on their band even though the flute was the only instrument she can play?
Now that she thinks about it, there are several other instances that spell out their feelings for each other, especially before when she was still active in their band. Abigail seemed to always touch him every chance she could get while Sebastian's voice and look gets a bit softer whenever he speaks to her. They say love is blind and for this case, love really did cripple Catalina.
Just earlier this day, after a game of The Journey of the Prairie King, Abigail confessed to Catalina that she and Sebastian are now dating. She wore a carefully crafted smile on her face as she congratulated Abigail, saying how she's happy for her. Then, she excused herself out and ran back to her farm.
She spent hours inside the barn crying, and when she finally ran out of tears to cry, she looked back to her memories with Sebastian and Abigail. As she remembers, she slowly realizes how the two have been in love for the longest time already. Though she wants to be genuinely happy for her two close friends, she would only be lying if she said she were. Her heart hurts so much with that knowledge and she does nothing but let the heartbreak consume her.
Only now had she realized that she has fallen too deep for him.