Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, or the video "Cry from the Diary of a
Métis Child"
A/N: ^_^() My stories are so far all very angst and depressing but that doesn't really reflect who I am. This is my first real fic so please don't flame and yes I got the idea from a very sad video I saw. The speaker will not be identified until the end but for now, there is a choice between Yugi, Ryou or Malik (Marik). Please read and review.
~~~Cry from the Diary of a Young Hikari~~~
Prologue
Dear yami,
Although you are part of the reason why I did this, I don't want you to blame yourself. This was my decision to make and I have a free will to choose the path I want to take.
When I think about it, I don't know why you would blame yourself anyways since you never really cared about what I thought or did. For all I know, the instant you look upon this letter, you'll just throw it away thinking its some stupid attempt to get attention.
Actually, you'd be right it you thought that. I've always wanted to get your attention. Do you know that? But I have long since given up on getting you to notice me when I found out my attempts were futile. All this time, I was slowly changing from your hikari, your equal, into a mere shadow of your existence, a shadow which follows you around without any purpose or reason.
I laugh when I think back to who the shadow is really supposed to be. Isn't "yami" believed to mean darkness and shadows? You dwell upon the shadows, hiding away your nature from the peering eyes of the world, lurking in the darkness of mystery. It's in your very essence. You're never who everyone else thought of you to be, you only cover yourself up with a façade of deception.
Slowly, as days went by, you took my place, became who I am, stole my very own identity. So what happened to me? I became a lost soul pushed back into the dark corner from which you came and emerged into the light, my light.
And that was how I became this way, bitter cold and disheartened. Still, I never blamed you for what happened, because my life has never been too bright in the first place. Whether I met you or not, my life's path still contained many rapids and pitfalls.
I do, however, feel I should tell you about the anguish I have been through watching you slowly push me aside into the dust while you speed on ahead of me on the road of life leaving me behind to wallow in self pity. Although I have been through many tragedies, your presence seemed to have increased the magnitude of pain in me and thus I am writing this to tell you.
The others, they were only pulled into your deceptive and welcoming radiance unaware of who you really are. You used your advantage over me, the advantage of being my dark, to lure them into your hand and sway them into befriending you.
No one knew what your nature was. No one that is, except me. I saw right through you from the first time we met. And that is why I submitted myself into the changes you've put me through. I could have fought back against it but because of what I knew, chose not to. That façade I spoke of before only served a purpose in hiding the deep loneliness and pain you harboured deep inside your heart. You may appear strong and powerful, but being trapped so long in the vast darkness deprived you of any type of affiliation whatsoever.
I only did this to help you, but I never knew you would so forcefully push me away after having that first taste of affection and kinship. I was willing to go great lengths to help you, my yami, but losing my own life to give you a second one seemed too heavy a burden to bear.
Your thirst for companionship was quenched quickly enough, but that was when the true darkness inside you took over. You were like a bomb, ready to explode at the slightest touch. The change was abrupt, yet somewhat slow. This side of you only knew of selfishness and deceit. Once you had what you wanted, nothing could tear that way from you and you held onto it with an iron grip. You probably saw your own hikari as a threat to what you had and hence thrust me as far away as possible.
I never wanted my good deed for you to turn out that way. All my life, I have been struck with one blow after another leaving my self confidence a mere loose thread barely enough for me to hold my head up. I stopped caring about myself knowing anything I wanted would be far from my grasp. Instead, I focused on your needs and hoped to unbind you from the misfortune of having me as your hikari.
Maybe it's not my place to feel this way. This began as my idea and I must be the one to accept the consequences for my actions with sealed lips and an accepting manner. But all people pity themselves at one point or another for a loss that they purposefully offered away. I still do not blame you for anything.
My only hope is that you would take this seriously and reflect on what I have said.
As for me, I have decided to leave this place and find another. If you give a second thought or even a first of where I may be, let's just say I'm in my rightful place.
Your hikari
A/N: ^_^() My stories are so far all very angst and depressing but that doesn't really reflect who I am. This is my first real fic so please don't flame and yes I got the idea from a very sad video I saw. The speaker will not be identified until the end but for now, there is a choice between Yugi, Ryou or Malik (Marik). Please read and review.
~~~Cry from the Diary of a Young Hikari~~~
Prologue
Dear yami,
Although you are part of the reason why I did this, I don't want you to blame yourself. This was my decision to make and I have a free will to choose the path I want to take.
When I think about it, I don't know why you would blame yourself anyways since you never really cared about what I thought or did. For all I know, the instant you look upon this letter, you'll just throw it away thinking its some stupid attempt to get attention.
Actually, you'd be right it you thought that. I've always wanted to get your attention. Do you know that? But I have long since given up on getting you to notice me when I found out my attempts were futile. All this time, I was slowly changing from your hikari, your equal, into a mere shadow of your existence, a shadow which follows you around without any purpose or reason.
I laugh when I think back to who the shadow is really supposed to be. Isn't "yami" believed to mean darkness and shadows? You dwell upon the shadows, hiding away your nature from the peering eyes of the world, lurking in the darkness of mystery. It's in your very essence. You're never who everyone else thought of you to be, you only cover yourself up with a façade of deception.
Slowly, as days went by, you took my place, became who I am, stole my very own identity. So what happened to me? I became a lost soul pushed back into the dark corner from which you came and emerged into the light, my light.
And that was how I became this way, bitter cold and disheartened. Still, I never blamed you for what happened, because my life has never been too bright in the first place. Whether I met you or not, my life's path still contained many rapids and pitfalls.
I do, however, feel I should tell you about the anguish I have been through watching you slowly push me aside into the dust while you speed on ahead of me on the road of life leaving me behind to wallow in self pity. Although I have been through many tragedies, your presence seemed to have increased the magnitude of pain in me and thus I am writing this to tell you.
The others, they were only pulled into your deceptive and welcoming radiance unaware of who you really are. You used your advantage over me, the advantage of being my dark, to lure them into your hand and sway them into befriending you.
No one knew what your nature was. No one that is, except me. I saw right through you from the first time we met. And that is why I submitted myself into the changes you've put me through. I could have fought back against it but because of what I knew, chose not to. That façade I spoke of before only served a purpose in hiding the deep loneliness and pain you harboured deep inside your heart. You may appear strong and powerful, but being trapped so long in the vast darkness deprived you of any type of affiliation whatsoever.
I only did this to help you, but I never knew you would so forcefully push me away after having that first taste of affection and kinship. I was willing to go great lengths to help you, my yami, but losing my own life to give you a second one seemed too heavy a burden to bear.
Your thirst for companionship was quenched quickly enough, but that was when the true darkness inside you took over. You were like a bomb, ready to explode at the slightest touch. The change was abrupt, yet somewhat slow. This side of you only knew of selfishness and deceit. Once you had what you wanted, nothing could tear that way from you and you held onto it with an iron grip. You probably saw your own hikari as a threat to what you had and hence thrust me as far away as possible.
I never wanted my good deed for you to turn out that way. All my life, I have been struck with one blow after another leaving my self confidence a mere loose thread barely enough for me to hold my head up. I stopped caring about myself knowing anything I wanted would be far from my grasp. Instead, I focused on your needs and hoped to unbind you from the misfortune of having me as your hikari.
Maybe it's not my place to feel this way. This began as my idea and I must be the one to accept the consequences for my actions with sealed lips and an accepting manner. But all people pity themselves at one point or another for a loss that they purposefully offered away. I still do not blame you for anything.
My only hope is that you would take this seriously and reflect on what I have said.
As for me, I have decided to leave this place and find another. If you give a second thought or even a first of where I may be, let's just say I'm in my rightful place.
Your hikari