The Akatsuki Tale
An Akatsuki Story by:
Tobi, Deidara, Sasori, Konan, Pain, Kakuzu, Hidan, Itachi, Kisame and Zetsu.
There once was a boy named Naga-
"Shut up Tobi!" Pain shouted.
Anyways as I was saying, There once was a boy named... Pain... he originally believed in the power of Santa Claus, but as life progessed, and as most children, he stopped believing in the power of Santa Claus, or in the joy of Christmas.
"What the fuck?" Hidan whispered. "Why do I have to be this Bob Cratchit kid?"
"Shut up Hidan."
"No you shut up Kakuzu! Or should I say Ebenezer Scrooge?!"
"But I'm not playing Scrooge... Pain is."
"What? But you were...?"
"No."
Ahem. Anyways, as I was saying, Pain. He is.
"Scrooge?!" Hidan shouted.
Kakuzu dragged Hidan off the stage.
"Why don't we just start this...play, Tobi?" Konan asked.
"Wait! I have a question!"
"What is it Hidan?" Tobi asked.
"Why the fuck isn't Kakuzu Scrooge?!"
"Because... even if he was shown his future he would never ever change." Pain stated.
"But why am I Bob Cratchit?!"
"Because... I actually do not know..." Pain stated.
"And why the hell is Konan my wife?!"
"I don't-what?" Pain asked.
"Why. Is. Konan. My. Wife?!"
"..." Pain blinked, then stared at the producer of the show, Tobi.
"Tobi, I have a problem with this script."
"And why the hell is Kakuzu's character dead? It makes no goddamn sense seeing as Kakuzu can't die...and his character is dead..."
"Where are you going with this Hidan?" Kakuzu asked.
"I don't even know anymore!"
"But, Tobi, I also have a problem with this script. You see, I don't give advice for free."
"Guys, in the spirit of Christmas lighten up." Konan stated. "Oh, Hidan, in the script, your not a complainer, I am."
Hidan gaped. "But... complaining is my character..."
"Konan! I refuse to have you be this person's wife."
"Person?!" Hidan shouted.
"Oh boy... It seems that we came at the wrong time..." Itachi said.
"Your right. Tobi? Why am I a nice character?" Kisame asked.
"Yeah, and why am I crippled?" Deidara asked.
"Well, senpai, um you seem to lose the most limbs, so it seemed fair." Tobi stated.
Deidara twitched. "Tobi!! I'll kill you!"
"With what? Clay?"
"Suffocation!"
"...Um Can we get to the play?" The only person happy with her characters, Konan asked.
"Nobody even wants to do this play, Konan." Zetsu stated.
"Well, I do." Konan replyed.
"Hell no! You are not going to be a housewife to anyone but me!" Pain shouted.
"Excuse me? If I want to be a wife, I think its up to me who I marry don't you think?"
"But why Hidan?!"
"I'm not marrying Hidan, you stupid idiot! Besides I have another part in this play. I'm the ghost of Christmas Past."
"You are? So I get to see you in the play? You'll be by my side?"
"Yes, yes, and yes, you weirdo."
"Wait, don't I have a fiancee?"
"You did... until you became obssessed with money..."
"Well, who plays her...?" Pain asked, hoping it was Konan.
Konan coughed and pointed at Deidara.
Pain fainted.
"Wait, what? Since when was I playing a girl?!" Deidara shouted, while squeezing harder on Tobi's windpipe.
"Since you looked so much like a girl, Deidara, brat." Sasori stated.
"Well..." Deidara finally released Tobi's neck, who passed out from lack of air. Deidara took out the script, and flipped through the pages. "Hahahaaha! Look who plays my future husband!"
Hidan looked at the script too. "Hahaha! At least I get a hot girl!"
Deidara glared at him. "What? Are you saying I wouldn't make a hot girl?!"
Hidan nodded. "You shouldn't be wanting to be a girl at all!"
"At least I have looks!"
Hidan glared at him.
Sasori finally looked at the script. "Oh please god, do not have us kiss...."
Hidan laughed harder at that. "Hahaha."
Sasori too fainted.
"Wait... We can't do the script now..." Konan stated.
"Why not?" Deidara and Hidan asked.
"Because "Scrooge", "Narrator" and "Ghost of Christmas Present" passed out." Konan pointed at them.
"Ooooh..." Hidan and Deidara said.
"And it's all because of Deidara being a girl... this is either a sign they dislike crossdressing, or they passed out from imagining it... and also for Deidara choking the narrator to death." Konan stated.
"Well, Kakuzu can be Scrooge. I can be that Marley fucker." Hidan stated.
"Sorry. No can do." Kakuzu stated.
"And why not?" Hidan asked.
"Mainly because I already memorized my lines while you two idiots destroyed the play." Kakuzu said.
"You asshole." Hidan said.
Kakuzu shrugged. "Plus, Tobi was already starting the play when you two jumped in. So the fact is, the audience has already left."
"We had an audience?" Hidan and Deidara asked.
"We did. Yes." Kakuzu said.
"Well, shit then." Hidan said.
"Yes! I can go home now!" Deidara jumped with glee.
"Not so fast" Zetsu said. "You have to clean up your fallen allies." Zetsu said again. "And also pick up the equipment."
Deidara pouted.
Hidan pouted.
"Well, Kisame shall we head out then." Itachi said.
"Yep, it's too bad about the play, I would have loved to be this Mr. Fezziwig."
"And me the nephew of Scrooge... Fred."
Itachi and Kisame left the room.
"Sigh, Well, see you boys." Konan stated as she too left the room, dragging an unconcious Pain behind her.
Deidara sighed as he grabbed Sasori and tried to carry him outside.
"Why don't you just use clay to carry him?" Hidan asked.
"Good idea, who would've thought you had ideas, let alone thoughts..." Deidara said.
"You want to go punk?! Jashin would love for me to sacrifice your body to him!"
Deidara looked, disgusted, and shocked.
Hidan picked up Kakuzu and left the room.
"Wait, what about Tobi!? Hmm?!" Deidara used clay to make a bird to carry Tobi and Sasori out of the room.
"So much for cleaning the props..." "Tell me about it, we didn't even rent the place...""Oh well, let them pick up..." "What about the guards in the closet? Shouldn't we release them?" "Wouldn't they be dead by now?" "What do you mean?" "Well, it has been a week...." "Still we should check..."Zetsu walked to the closet, he opened the door and... "Yep, they're dead." "Let's leave." "Yes."
The End?
No.
See you for part 2. :P If you like it. Review please?