A/N: Happy kinktober! This is going to be a multichapter kink fic. Be advised it is going to be mostly pwp, only with slight plot. I will post most trigger warnings that may apply at the beginnings of each chapter, just know that there is likely at least one thing in this fic that will make you at least slightly uncomfortable. Over-arching trigger warnings for self harm.
Cowritten by eriksangel12. Enjoy! This will be up to an m rating very, very soon.
"I just don't understand why you'd break up with him, Chris. You two seemed really good for each other." Meg sat on the ratty couch in Christine's apartment, watching as Christine dug a spoon directly into a cheap gallon of chocolate ice cream.
"I dunno," she said around her mouthful, shrugging one shoulder. Christine stabbed the spoon into the ice cream, letting go of it and sighing. "So much has changed and i just… it was time for change. That's all." She said leaning back into the cushions of her couch.
"Were you happy with him? I mean, Raoul is a pretty good dude, and he was always super sweet and gentle. Y'know especially when your dad passed." Meg said gently, placing her hand on Christine's knee, trying to comfort her best friend.
"It wasn't him, well I mean- I don't know. He was super sweet and caring. He always has been, but Raoul was, ugh, I don't know how to say it." Christine grumbled, putting her hands over her face.
"... was the sex good?" Meg asked picking the ice cream up and taking another bite.
Christine sighed, "I mean, yeah. He was just, super gentle, and like never, well-"
"He wasn't very controlling, huh?" Meg inferred, and Christine nodded.
"He was the sweetest Meg, and I told him I always want to be friends, 'cause we've known each other since we were kids. He just, is so laid back. I mean, he's in maritime studies and wants to move to the islands to study aquatic life and live in a house on the beach!" Christine said, somewhere between a laugh and a sad statement.
"De Changy has always been that way. I swear the man would cry if he saw a dead goldfish," Meg laughed, trying to lighten her friends sour mood.
"He probably would," Christine huffed in a laugh.
"But, we aren't talking about Raoul, we are talking about you, Chris. What to you want? Someone more dominant?" Meg asked,
"I mean, yeah. But like- how do you tell with a guy? I can't just walk up to someone and say 'Hi I'm Christine, are you a dominant dude? Cool. Let's date.'" She joked, and Meg bit her lip.
"Ok, don't judge me Chris,"
"I'm your best friend. I won't."
"So, senior year, after I broke up with Sam, I found this website."
"...okay?" Christine said, furrowing her brows.
Meg sighed and her cheeks flushed a bit, "And it was for kinks and stuff, I didn't use it for long but I talked to a few guys from there. Its like Facebook for kinky people-"
Christine scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest, "I wouldn't say I'm kinky Meg-"
"I'm not saying you are, but just take a look on it. There's like groups and stuff that you can join and meet people who are into the same thing you are. Some of the guys are creeps, but some are in the same position as you." Meg suggested, taking another bite of the now melting ice cream.
Long after Meg left Christine couldn't stop thinking about that website, FetLife Meg had called it. Christine didn't know what to make of the whole ordeal. She had found herself distracted from a writing assignment for her Literature History class.
"Oh screw it," she said, clicking off of her paper and opening a new browser.
She moused up to the address bar and before she could give it too much thought she clicked, typing in the name of the website and hitting enter. It took it a long minute to load on her stolen wifi and she leaned back, crossing her arms in front of her chest while she watched the loading bar stutter.
"FetLife is the Social Network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kink Community" the website's main page boasted. "Like Facebook, but run by kinksters like you and me. We think it's more fun that way. Don't you?"
The red join button in the middle of the black and grey webpage almost mocked her and she scrolled down lower on the page, reading the smaller grey print. Over seven million members, thirty six million pictures… the numbers listed were nearly too difficult to comprehend and she stared at it for a long while.
Seven million was a lot of people - a lot of potential to be seen by someone she knew. Then again, wouldn't they have to admit to being part of the community to expose her?
With a sigh she finally gave in to the temptation, clicking on the join button.
It took another long minute to load and she tapped her nail impatiently on the plastic of her laptop, taking a few deeper breaths to calm herself down. It wasn't a big deal, that's what she told herself. It was just curiosity - if she didn't like it she could just delete the profile and it would be like it never happened. It's not like she really had anyone to judge her anymore - Meg was her only friend and she had recommended it, she had no family left to be ashamed of her… what was the harm in just looking?
It loaded in and she stared at it. It seemed generic enough. Nickname… nickname. She typed the only thing that came to mind in the box; LittleLotte. It was a nickname her father gave to her a long time ago - it had never made much sense to her, her name was Christine and not Charlotte, but it was sweet all the same.
Gender - female, sexual orientation - straight. As she scrolled through the options she wondered if she even belonged in a place like this. It wasn't until she hit the role option that she was truly lost.
She wasn't completely out-of-touch - she recognized some of the options. "Dominate," for example. That one was simple enough. "Submissive," even "switch" wasn't too hard to piece together with her limited knowledge. It was as she scrolled further down the list that she was confused - half of the options would require a google search and she wasn't quite sure she was ready to know what they all meant yet.
She made it to the bottom of the list and sighed in relief, clicking "undecided."
Location - USA, Massachusetts, Boston. It was a big enough city that she didn't feel completely uncomfortable giving the information.
She typed in her email, picked a password and clicked the "Almost there!" button at the bottom the the page.
The next page that came up prompted her to add a picture. She sighed, hitting the browse button. She scrolled through the few selfies she had saved on her hard drive, eventually settling on what she decided was the best one. Her skin was clear, her smile was halfway decent and her hair wasn't quite as frizzy and fly-away as it tended to be these days.
The next page was nearly blank. The side of it read "friends feeds" and there was a bar of options across the top next to a search bar. It felt a bit like a wasteland and she was completely lost as she stared at it. Eventually, gathering herself and preparing for anything, she moused up and clicked on the "Explore" tab, trying to be prepared for anything.
The first picture was a girl on her knees, a collar around her throat and a leash leading somewhere out of frame. It wasn't anything too uncomfortable. She was pretty, Christine thought, really pretty with long, straight, dark hair and makeup that looked like it had been done by a professional.
Her confidence restored she scrolled down. Two text posts that the titles didn't even quite make sense to her, she kept scrolling.
The next one was a video. She didn't dare click play - the frozen frame of a girl with a cock in her mouth was more than enough to sate her curiosity.
She wasn't so sure it was a social media platform. The further she scrolled the more it seemed to be nothing but an amature porn agrigate. Disappointed, she moused up to the corner and clicked the spot right next to her picture, scrolling down and clicking log out.
She closed the tab and when she went back to her essay with a much clearer mind.
"I think I'm gonna delete it," Christine said, holding her phone between her shoulder and ear as she scrubbed at the rust-stained bathtub with an old sponge.
"What? Chris, no, don't do that. You've hardly even given it a chance," Meg said. Christine could hear the rustle of the bag of chips and the crunch as her friend rudely chewed on the phone.
Christine leaned back, rubbing her forehead with the back of her forearm. "I saw those pictures - I can't post stuff like that, Meg. It's so embarrassing."
"Not everyone does that!" Meg said in exasperation. "Hey, it's okay, Chris. It'll just make people even more curious about you. Give it one week, for me. If you still want to delete it in a week then go for it."
"I feel like a whore just having a profile. It's just porn, Meg," Christine argued with a huff, running the back of her wrist over her brow and tucking back the few wild curls that had escaped her hair tie. "I just really don't know if it's the place for me."
"Exactly! You don't know. Seven days, Chris. Give it a chance before you shoot it down." Meg crunched on a chip on the other end of the phone. "If you haven't met anyone that interests you at all then you can delete it."
Christine leaned back on her heels and sighed. "Just seven days? And then you promise you won't give me shit if I delete it?"
"Pinky promise, and I'm so not crossing my fingers behind my back."
Christine sighed and turned on the hot water from the tap in the bathtub, wringing the sponge out and trying not to cringe at the temperature. "Seven days and then I'm deleting it. I still think it's just porn… but if you insist, I'll at least give it a try. What do I have to lose, right?"
"Exactly!" Meg exclaimed. Christine could practically hear her grin through the tinny speaker of her phone. "Listen, I really did meet one or two guys there. It's not bad, Christine. I found out it's just not what I'm totally into. If you're safe there's nothing wrong with just exploring a little bit. It's nothing to be ashamed about. Besides, I'm the only one that even knows and I'm totally not judging you."
"I just don't know -"
"You're nineteen, Chris. Have a little fun. Maybe you can meet someone that'll teach you not to take yourself so seriously. It'll be good for you."
"Yeah," Christine finally conceded with a sigh, setting the dripping sponge on the edge of the bathtub. "I guess maybe you could be right."
"I know I'm right," Meg said, right back to crunching on her potato chips. "How're you doing with everything else?"
Christine finally sat back on the floor, crossing her legs in front of her. "Fine. Really, Meg. I'm mostly doing okay. I've just been trying to keep myself busy."
"If you need to get out -"
"I know. I'll call you. I promise," Christine answered, smiling despite herself. "Listen, I've gotta go. I've got class early and I need to finish cleaning or I'll never get it done."
Meg sighed. "Alright. Call me tomorrow, okay?"
"I will. I promise."
"You better, you know I'm not afraid to break down your apartment door if you don't."
Christine laughed. She knew it was true but she appreciated her friend all the same - every time she was ready to close herself off Meg forced her way in and refused to let it happen. Even though she hated it in the moment, Christine knew that she needed it and she was lucky to have a friend like Meg. "I will. Goodnight Meg."
"Goodnight, Chris. Sleep tight."