Red and Blues of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords

It was calm at the Peragus mining station until...

"FUCK!"

They arrived.

Nine idiots, all wearing red and blue armor of differing shades, and armed to the teeth, were on the ground, in a jumbled pile.

"Simmons, where the hell are we?"

"It ain't the Chaos, that's for sure."

Doc sat up and two lasers were pointed at his face.

"Uh, guys?"

Sarge looked at saw a spider droid pointing low caliber lasers at them.

"Shit."

Sarge activated the red lightsaber that he stole from Bandon several months earlier and hacked the arms off.

Church kicked the droid away and used his SRS99D to blow the CPU of the damn thing to pieces.

Sarge shut off the lightsaber and was shot at seconds later.

A woman with a survival blaster and a modest under layer of clothing had just shot at them.

"Who the hell are you?"

"We're the Reds and Blues."

"The Blood Gulchers? I heard rumors that you appeared, but I never thought I'd meet them here on this mining facility."

"Where the hell have you been?"

"The Outer Rim. Elle Simmons."

"Another one? First Grif, now Simmons! Who's next: Caboose?"

"Don't start, Church."

Then more droids appeared.

"Where's Tex when you need her?"

Then a familiar tune was heard.

"I know that song."

Then a five ton death machine known as the Warthog ran over two of the droids. A black armored woman was in the driver's seat.

"What's up, people?"

"Tex? How the hell did you get that Warthog?"

"Does it matter? We're under attack by crazy-ass robots and that's the only thing you're wondering?"

"How many of you people are there?"

"Stow it, Jedi, and get in!"

"How-"

Sarge grabbed her and pushed her onto the 12.5mm Gatling gun, and Grif got in the driver's seat, pushing Tex over.

"No offence, but I survived you shooting at us driving this thing. I'm the better driver."

He ran over two more droids and drove into a tunnel. Kaikaina was shooting at the droids with the rocket launcher.

"We need to get through these mining tunnels! Drive, damn it!" Grif, being both an ex-UNSC driver and Pelican pilot, got through the tunnels with no trouble.

A few uses of the Force never hurt, either.

"Hey, what's going on down there?" "Atton, now isn't the TTTIIIMMMEEE!" Grif barreled through a door leading to a maintenance room just as the door shut behind them. "Nice driving, Grif." "On my scale of driving, that was a zero, as in the worst driving experience I've ever had." "Ah, shut up." Then a familiar looking droid walked over. "HK-47? When the hell did you get here?" "Statement: I am not an HK-47. I am an HK-50 protocol droid."

Church chuckled.

"More like 'assassination droid'."

Church took aim with his SRS99D. There was no way in hell he could miss. "While HK-47 was a good little bastard, you, on the other hand, are going to be a pain later." "Church..."

He fired, missing the droid completely. "Damn it! CABOOSE!" The sights were useless and covered in crayon wax.

And only Caboose used crayons.

Church grabbed Tucker's Plasma Sword and impaled the droid.

"Systems failing, Master..."

"Stay dead!"

The weapon shut off, and he handed the hilt back to Tucker. Caboose grabbed the body of the droid.

"Caboose..."

"I need a new best friend!"

"Caboose, shut up! That is the worst idea you've ever come up with! We just recovered from a massive battle on a Dark Side factory of death, the 5th IGIB is nowhere to be seen, our ship is missing and YOU WANT A DROID?"

"Well..."

"SPRIGGS!"

Spriggs and her Mongoose drove past the Warthog and Willy, with his rocket launcher, followed.

Elle, now wearing a space suit, saw the crazy idiots enter the airlock.

Willy fired off two rockets, breaching the doors on both sides.

Both the Blood Gulchers and the exiled Jedi were blown into space.

"FFUUCCKK!"

They got caught on a walkway, but Grif managed to get them across.

"I'm picking you up outside the mining facility. That can't be right."

"Really, Atton? Look up."

A man looked up.

"What are you doing out there?"

"Getting to the dormitories! It's the only way to get through."

"You're insane, even for a Jedi!"

"Well, these guys are crazier!"

"The Blood Gulchers? I've heard of them, and they're evil!"

"We're not evil. The Meta is evil!"

Then Atton Rand's control console beeped.

"Oh, what now?"

Sarge looked off into the distance.

"Looks like a ship."

Peragus Control Room

"The ship's called the Harbinger, a Republic warship. And it's docking."

Elle groaned over the comlink.

"Well, that's just fucking great! We've got someone trying to kill his ex-girlfriend, a shitload of droids trying to kill us and a Republic warship! What the fuck's next? A Freelancer?"

Republic warship Harbinger

A men wearing grey-and-yellow MOLJINIR-VII armor dodged a grenade from another set of MOLJINIR-VII, only white.

"Go away, Wyoming! I'm not in the mood to deal with you!"

"Ah, Washington. I thought it was you."

The white Freelancer raised his new Brute Shot and fired at the other Freelancer.

The wounded man coughed up some blood.

Wyoming had ambushed him the second he came on board; now the white armored bastard had a Brute Shot and was shooting at him with it!

"The Sith want to speak with you, Wash! After all, you've screwed up their plans on a number of planets!"

"Well, sorry, Wyoming, but I'm not in the mood to talk to a Sith Lord!"

Then a 14.5x114mm sabot round went into Wyoming's arm, nearly removing the Freelancer's arm.

"Get back here, Wyoming, and die!"

Washington looked in the direction that the shot came from.

Church was aiming down the corridor.

And actually hit the Freelancer?

"What the hell? You hit him?"

"I've made sure that the sights can't be fucked with. And this thing stays on me at all fucking times!"

He glared at Caboose.

"Never touch this sniper rifle ever again!"

"Let's get to the bridge. We need those asteroid charts to make it through the field."

"You've got a ship?"

"The good old Ebon Hawk."

"Look, you don't need the charts. Grif can fly the ship through the field with ease. Hell, anyone can."

"Then let's get the fuck out of here!"

A number of curses flew through the comlinks.

"We've got Sith Troopers coming out of our asses here! Get back to the fucking Hawk!"

"We won't need the asteroid drift charts if Grif can pilot that damned thing!"

"Good news! I've spoted your ship, the Chaos, just outside the asteroid field! If we can get to it, we're homeward bound!" Church helped the Freelancer up.

"Let's get the fuck out of here."

"Fucking A!"

Light transport Ebon Hawk

"Get your asses on board, now!"

Sarge blasted a Sith Shock Trooper with his shotgun.

"Right! Fucking! Now!"

Then the Warthog drove into the ship's cargo bay, with the Blues on board.

"Grif, take off! Get us to the Chaos, NOW!"

"On it, Sarge! Lifting off!"

Republic warship Harbinger

Darth Sion was pissed off. (more so then usual)

Now he had to deal with the Blood Gulchers.

"Destroy that ship! I want those Blood Gulchers dead! DESTROY THEM!"

Light transport Ebon Hawk

"Grif, step on it!"

"I am stepping on it! If there was a petal, my foot would be through the Goddamned floor!"

"The Chaos is in sight! Damn, this is easier then piloting a Pelican!"

Then blaster fire barely missed the Hawk.

"Fuck! Those assholes are trying to kill us!" "No shit! Open fire!"

Grif locked out the weapons controls.

"We're surrounded by a shitload of explosive asteroids! We are not firing back!"

The Ebon Hawk cleared the field and docked with the larger Chaos.

Sarge managed to get to the bridge and the ship jumped into hyperspace just before the asteroid field exploded.

"I hate this job."

It's been over a year since the end of Reds and Blues of the Old Republic, and I've had writer's block on the RvB stuff for just as long.

Still, I've watched a few walkthroughs for KOTOR 2 and the last 8 seasons of RvB, and they have got me into the mood.

Time to make up for it.

Next Time, on Reds and Blues of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords: "Finally! Free from that damned ship!" "You're under arrest for destroying the planet Peragus!" "Fuck!"

Ja Ne!