I usually stay by myself, alone, not because no one would want to stay in my company ,but because I don't want no one's company. Long time I decided that the only way, to protect my heart from pain and disappointment , is to keep everyone at a safe distance. Today I came again to my favorite place in New York , the subway station. The subway is a wonderful place. Not because is an architectural wonder, but because the people ,who are always coming and going. Even thought this place can be dirty and smelly, it still has it's appeal to me. I like to watch every person who goes by me and wonder, from where is he or she coming , where is he or she hurrying, what goes in her or his life. So many questions are running in my head every time I am sitting here . Being one of 8.6 million of people in New York should make me small and insignificant, but it just make me feel special, like somewhere I really belong.

When I am not just watching the hurrying people, I am sketching them. I always bring it with me a huge notepad and some of my favorite pencils ,to capture this forever moving moment. I a have tons of drawings with total strangers. Doing this is how I got a good job at a famous gallery. Someone discovered me in central park drawing his toddler. For my luck he owned a pretty good gallery.

Today I am not here because bored and lonely , feeling the need to be close to other's in a safe way. Today I need distraction. Today ,after eight years of silence, I got a message from my ex-best friend, Riley. I haven't spoke with her from high-school when she showed me her true nature and broke my heart. The message was a letter , but it was so short that I call it just a message. Maya, please meet me in front of Topanga's on Wednesday, 5 may at 5 o' clock. Riley. There was no explanation for why she wants to see me after all of this years of distance or why she scribbled in such a hurried desperation. She used to have the prettiest calligraphy, but this writing is almost indecipherable.

Two hours, I have to hours to decide whether I'll go or not to meet Riley. Two hours full of millions of questions fast pacing in my mind. All I can do is to sit still and watch how every person is hurrying and maybe that hurry made me finally decide what to do. Life is short. I am not gonna let this to be one of the what if moments. I'll see Riley, I'll find out what she wants,I'll find out why was a desperation in her when she wrote the letter.

I get up maybe a little bit to sudden,because I became all of sudden dizzy, but I am determined.

I hurry to Topanga's , the little café that once was a dear hang out place for Riley ,me and our gang . As i get closer I feel uncertainty creeping in and old wounds opening up. As I get to the corner of the I change my mind and slowly turn around. I manage to take just one step when I feel a hand one my shoulder. The touch is light , familiar almost comforting. I turn around and look in Riley's eyes. Same colour shape as I remember and once adored. She is the same. Riley got some curves in all the right places , but that's the only difference I sense.

„Maya..." My name , is the only world that leaves her lips after a long uncomfortable silence. I can feel the tension almost like a living being between us. This kind of tension never existed between us. I stay stilk watching her, taking in every inch of my ex best friend.

„Maya.." I can see how she mouths my name ,without hearing her voice.

None of us said anything and we stayed there staring at each other. I can't take my eyes of her. All those years of friendship were nothing if something so stupid destroyed so easily everything we had . I can see how hard she is trying to formulate her thoughts in words. In that moment I realize that I have enough of this silence.

„So? Why did you wanted to see me after all this time?" Old memories are finding their way out . To protect my heart I buried the past deep inside and created myself a new future. A future of loneliness and numbness where no one can ever hurt me. If I don't get attached to no one , no one breaks my heart. Is that easy. But this meeting opened Pandora's box and all those memories found their way to the surface. Riley and I going to school together on the subway. Riley, me and our group hanging out on the school hallway , at Topanga's or at Riley. Our trip to Texas , our late night phone calls. Our differences that always somehow brought us closer. Everything is pacing in front of my eyes and an old ache comes back to my heart. I missed her, all those years she was still awake in my heart, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it , no matter how much I tryed to numb the pain. I did really wished to forget her, but her presence on my life made me ,me. She is a part of me and I couldn't really let her go. I hoped that she will try to reconcile.

„I think... ummm.. no... I know... I-I am stalked..." I was hoping for an apology which I would have ignored a little but afterwards I would have accepted. Not in a million years did I dreamed about this. I was shocked. I opened and closed and opened again my mouth like fish. This left me wordless.

„Wait what?" Now I realize how stressed and anxious she looked from th moment that I laid my eyes on her. Riley looks exhausted,like she didn't slept good for a while. I start to take on all of the signs that shows that she is not alright. There are dark circles around her eyes. Her clothes are a disaster,like she put them on herself randomly. She looks in every direction as if she is searching for something. I believe her . I believe that she is stalked. The only thing that I don't understand is why she called me here ? After all this time after our spit, why did she confess this to me?

„What does this has to do with me?" I ask her nonchalantly, even though my whole body shakes with concern for her. She was my best friend, I trusted and loved her once and she could be in danger. Once again I wonder how could we let a boy come between us. She averts her gaze and watches her shoes , long enough for me think that she wont answer, that she will change her mind, turn around and leave me once again. I realize that I don't want her to go and let me live in my old pain and numbness .

„I want you to live with me. I kept it secret hoping it will pass, but it just worsen." she finally said .

„Tell the police, your parents they'll keep you safe. Your mom is a respected lawyer, she'll know what to do." I say softly. I am sure that, this is what she should do . I want her safe.

„I can't...I just... can't. My parents have enough problems with Auggie, I can't let them be concerned about me too." she said with tears forming in her eyes. I watch her wiping one tear with the back of her hand and wonder how many things changed between us. Years ago she would run to her parents or if I would be in her situation she would tell me to go to her parents. What problems could Auggie make? He was such a sweet child. What happened all this years?

„Are you out of your mind woman? No matter what problems makes Auggie, you need help ,protection."

„That's why I am coming to you Maya. You are the most courageous, fierce girl I ever knew. Move in with for a while..."

„Whaaat." I yell in shock. That's a crazy idea . So many things can go wrong.

„I need you Peaches. You are my protecting angel."

I watch as Helga goes to Riley with a vicious grin on her face. Something is on her mind and is not a good something. Riley smiles sweetly to Helga likea she is not the meanest girl in our grade. I see her greeting the little monster innocently. She is not my concern, I just meet her and even though she was kind to me, she still isn't my concern. Helga pushes her down and insults her drawing of what seems to be a purple cat. Her laugh is echoing in my hand and guilt flows through my veins. After all it seems that she became my concern. I run with my head into Helga's stomach, who instantly begins to cry. „Her drawing isn't stupid, you're stupid" I said courageously. Riley gets up and comes to hug me. „You are my protecting angel. I told you and I'll tell you once again let's be best friends." I never thought that all you have to do to get a best friend is to climb a window and punch a bully. From that moment we became inseparable.

What went wrong , I ask myself once again.

„I don't know,Riles. I need time to think." i scribbled my phone number on a paper and shoved it in her hands. „We'll keep in touch. Bye" I turned around and left, not even once looking back. All he way home I wondered if I destroyed my chances to befriend with Riley again.

...«»«»«»...

Two days. Two days sine i saw Riley. Two days since she left me in shock with her confession. Two days of constant worry . Two days passed and I haven't heard nothing from her. Not once i turned back from my way to her parents place. Not once I blamed myself for leaving her. My phon started to buzz and I jumped up, startled by the sound. An unknown number was calling, probably Riley. I just watched dumbfounded the number, when the buzz stoped. What the hell am I doing? I called her back as fast as I could..

„Riles, I'min. Let's do this."