New Year's Eve: A TFIOS Fanfiction

"I'm in love with you," he said quietly.

"Augustus," I said.

"I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you."

-Augustus Waters, The Fault in Our Stars

It was New Year's Eve.

It has been almost a year since he died.

Midnight would mark the end of the year I met him, the year I knew him and all that he was: funny, tragically good looking, and wonderful, all mixed together.

It has been a rollercoaster ride since his death, and like all of my downs, my parents understand-just like tonight when I refused to watch the ball being dropped in Times Square NYC. After Christmas without Gus, I didn't feel like I could handle another huge celebration without him. Just thinking about him not being here for this yearly event makes my heart stutter. I am so grateful to have parents like the ones I have and it is because of them that I continue living, or continue trying to.

They are the only people that I have left to live for in this world.

I climb into bed and cover myself with the covers, while trying to ignore the miniscule sounds coming from the TV and my parents shuffling about. My eyes close and I slowly fall into darkness-but not for long. Behind my eyelids flash colors-red, and green, all of the Christmas colors that you can see. The colors aren't what make me open my eyes, though; it's the voice that gets to me.

"What's wrong, Hazel?" A familiar voice asks me and my eyes fly open. I stumble about, confused, and my legs are suddenly slipping and sliding from under me. Augustus catches me and steadies me before I fall to the icy floor. "Careful! I didn't know you were this clumsy, since you always act so prim and proper." Augustus tells me while chuckling. After I am steadied and am standing, I take a few seconds to register where we are. We are at the ice skating rink at Rockefeller Center in Manhattan, right by a huge and lit Christmas tree, and not far from Times Square where we can get a good view of the ball that is going to be dropped.

I've never been to New York City, yet everything seemed like I would have imagined it. I hear the cars and honks of traffic and smell the city food wafting through the air. Surprisingly, for a nice brisk night in the city, there are very few people ice skating, the usual bustle of the city surrounds me and after I've realized this, I look at Augustus who has been standing there, holding me, and…smirking. "Augustus!" I exclaim and ram into him, knocking us both to the hard icy ground. "Ouch! What was that for?" I lay my head on his chest, wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly all while muttering, "I love you please don't leave me please I love you please Gus don't leave I love you," over and over. My eyes tear up and I choke back tears as he whispers "Shhh" hugs me back and kisses me on my forehead. Augustus stands, holds out his hand for me, and helps me up. "Calm down, Hazel. Come on, let's skate." He takes my hand and we skate. We let go at times to skate fast by ourselves. Augustus teases and taunts me calling out, "Can't catch me! I'm too fast for you!" "Damn it!" I call out, "And you only have one leg too!" The face he made at me made me crack a smile, and giggle uncontrollably. When finally catch up to him, I stick my tongue out at him, which he does back, and I start laughing, making him laugh. Soon we're doubled over in laughter, laughing until our chests hurt. I miss it, laughing like a madwoman because of Gus. I notice that there are even less people at the rink than before, and they seemed to all be leaving little by little.

After our laughing fit, Gus grabs my hand and makes me touch his leg. "What?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. "No metal." He says seriously. My eyes widen and I realize that Gus doesn't have a prosthetic leg anymore…and don't have my nose piece or my crap lungs. I was…healthy, god how I miss being healthy, and so was Gus. Gus just smiles at me and whispers, "You look more beautiful now that I can see your face without those annoying thingies in your nose." His warm breath tickles my face and I playfully punch him in the shoulder. We skate over to the side of the rink that has the perfect view of the ball in Times Square getting ready to be dropped. "The ball is going to be dropped soon…but before it is, I want the universe to know something." I raise my eyebrows at him as he skates away from me, looks up to the stars in the sky and shouts: "I LOVE HAZEL GRACE LANCASTER! I LOVE HER! HEAR THAT UNIVERSE? I AM IN LOVE WITH HAZEL GRACE!" I smile at him and thankfully, there are no more people at the rink to see what he just did as he skates back to me and wraps his arms around me again. "Now that the universe is informed, I want you to know, Hazel Grace, that I will never leave you. I will always be here and in love-with you. I want you to know that and I want to make sure that you do. Do you?"

I look into his blue eyes, now dancing with Christmas lights and as the ball is dropped signaling the New Year behind me, and as cheers erupt from Times Square, I kiss him hard on the lips. I melt into the kiss, into Augustus Waters, and into darkness.

I wake up looking up at the ceiling in my bedroom. I hear my parents clapping and hugging, the cheers on the TV. I get up, almost like I am in a trance, and walk out of my room, past the living room, right by my parents and out the back door. My parents stop clapping and celebrating as I walk past, but they don't stop me or question me. I walk out barefoot on the cold grass and lay down in the middle of my backyard. I look up at the stars and the dark sky, and I think about what Augustus asked me.

I want you to know, Hazel Grace, that I will never leave you. I will always be here and in love-with you. I want you to know that and I want to make sure that you do. Do you?

I whisper the answer to his question and while I do, I wonder if the universe can hear me.

"I do, Augustus."

"I do."