One Of My Own

Post "Wednesday's Child"

After the negative pregnancy test that ticking clock bothers Olivia, and finding Baby Boy Doe didn't help. Holding him in her arms, being able to comfort him, only made the ache worse.

Benson/Cassidy/Stabler fic. Eventual E/O. (And smut too)

~~OK everyone. I have older stories from other shows and this is my first stab at an SVU fic or a fic period in years. Of course the show belongs to Dick Wolf and i'm just borrowing the people for a bit. I really hope this has potential cause I have lots of ideas floating around for future chapters. Please review and let me know what you think.~~

One of My Own

*tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock*

The rhythm of the clock passing drove Olivia to a fitful sleep. Brian was out to a conference with Tucker leaving her alone and upset. She couldn't get that baby out of her head. How could parents just abandon their baby, why can people like that have children and she has to ache for one of her own. She could still feel him in her arms, feel herself melt as she cooed at him to settle him; could still feel the heartbreak as she watched the social worker walk away with him. She wanted, needed, all of that, everything except the heartbreak. Olivia sighed heavily and threw her head back on the pillow. "I give up" she muttered as she pried herself out of the bed. She looked over at the clock, the red glowing numbers reading 3:15am, rolled her eyes and moseyed into the kitchen. The hiss of the sink and the clank of the tea kettle hitting the stove were easing her stress, the sound of the water pouring into her mug and the aroma of the green tea eased her even more.

She took in the smell, the taste as she sipped. Her eyes gazed about the apartment and the way it had changed since Cassidy moved in. She realized she missed her old life, this wasn't her. Being Sergeant and acting Captain was amazing but she missed the days where she would sit on her counter, sipping tea and chatting with whoever stayed over; Casey, Munch, Nick, Beck, and… Elliot. She shook her head, refusing to let him invade her thoughts further. Even with the pain of Elliot being gone she still looked back on those days as the happiest ones of her life. They were her everything. Cassidy was nice to be with but some days she felt like she was settling just to not be alone. Wiping the tears that had begun to fall down her cheeks she headed to the couch and flipped on the TV, finding some cheesy movie and dozing on and off until her cell phone ringing jolted her awake.

"Benson."

"Hey baby."

"Hey… Brian. How's the conference?"

"It's a conference, nothing too amusing. You OK?"

"Yea, just tired." She was lying, she wasn't OK. She couldn't stop thinking about Baby Boy Doe.

"You want to have dinner when I…" she cut him off, she wasn't in the mood to talk.

"Sorry hun, work is calling. Got to go."

"OK. Love…" She hung up the phone before he finished.

*tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock*

Olivia just couldn't understand how Cassidy just didn't get it. Looking back at her conversation with her counselor she realized something, she really did want that test to be positive. She wants a baby, Brian doesn't. She closed her eyes and it hit her like a ton of bricks, Cragen was right. She had to live for her, not let the job consume her and prevent her from being happy. She made a pact with herself that moment and she got up and headed to get dressed. "It's time to live for me." And if Brian was going to prevent that or try to change that, then they weren't meant to be and she would be back on her own, hopefully plus one.

Fully clothed she grabbed her coat, pulled on her hat, and headed for the car. She needed a drive, even in the New York City winter. It didn't matter. As she left the garage and headed out her mind escaped her. Next thing she knew she was parked in front of the Social Services/CPS building. Her heart pounded as she walked into the offices and asked to speak with a case worker. She wasn't even seated before a calm voice called her name.

"Miss Benson? I'm Kerry Mitchell."

"Yes. Hi."

"How can I help you?"

"I was looking to check in on a child from a case of mine. Baby Boy Doe, from 3 days ago."

"Oh, yes. He is such a sweet, adorable little boy. He's sadly, currently in one of our facilities. He has a name now though, we call him Caleb." Kerry's sadden look warmed slightly as she spoke the name.

"I love it." Olivia smiled. They had arrived in Kerry's office and sat down.

"I know this sounds crazy but is he up for adoption?"

"Yes, he is. Now that he was deemed a ward of the state he is adoptable. Do you know someone who is interested?" She was staring at his case file on her computer.

"Me." Olivia blushed and Kerry's head whipped up from her screen to meet her gaze.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. I've just become Sergeant. I'll be settling into that role permanently as soon as we get a new captain. I'm ready to settle into a calmer position. I've always wanted to be a mother, and I felt a connection with that little boy. I know my shot at this is slim but I have to try."

"Are you married Miss Benson?"

"No. And my boyfriend doesn't want children. I do. This will be the end of us if I can adopt Caleb. I will be doing it on my own but I have no problem with that and I'm prepared for that. I have done it before as a legal guardian. Is it a problem?" her heart pounded in her chest awaiting an answer.

"Shouldn't be, can be, but shouldn't be. The guardianship experience works to your favor. Would you like to start the paperwork? Yes, I would."

~~Reviews are better than caffine! Thanks for reading the first chapter. Chapter two should be up soon, maybe sooner if you all like it.~~