A/N: I wanted to write something tragic and sad so that most of you guys end up probably hating me. I'm an evil writer, after all. =u=

Pairing: Implied MakoHaru

Warning: Past character death, angst

Disclaimer: I don't own Free!/Swimming anime

"It's that time of year again, Haru."

Staring blankly at the floor, Haruka didn't respond for a moment. He was huddled in a corner, hugging his knees tightly and eyes flickering back and forth as several thoughts went through his mind. Haruka had heard Makoto's statement, but had chose not to respond right away. However, realizing that his friend was actually waiting for a response from him instead of just stating the obvious, Haruka's glanced up and locked eyes with Makoto's for a moment before he slowly nodded his head. He was aware of what time of year it was and he wasn't looking forward to it. He never looked forward to it. In fact, each year, it just seemed to get much harder for him to deal with. Every year, he found himself sinking into what his therapist had called a depression-like state (although, he was fairly sure that he just suffered from depression, period).

During this time of year, he would rarely leave his house the days right before and after the date. Even though Makoto would stay at his house and try to get him to leave, he wouldn't do so. Haruka had already learned his lesson one year after going to the store to buy milk. He hadn't been doing anything really, just about to grab a carton of milk when he suddenly heard laughter and saw two kids rushing past him. Seeing the two kids having fun, so much like how he used to act, made him so upset. He had ended up breaking down right in the center of the store in a screaming, crying heap. Thankfully, he had known the store owners (who also happened to know how he acted during that time of year), so the humiliation that he suffered was minimal.

It was much better than being around complete strangers. He had learned over the years that the presence of other people he wasn't immediately close with just made his pain sharper. Walking around strangers made his pain feel worse. But not just that. It was the sight of strangers who were happy with their families, their significant others. Just the thought of seeing others happy and content with their lives, while he felt like he was drowning in his guilt, anger, and sadness...

It made him bitter.

Clenching his hands tight together, Haruka schooled his expression before glancing up at his friend. While he was clearly upset, he didn't want to actually end up breaking down or pushing the burden of his feelings onto his friend. This day was just as hard for Makoto as it was for him. However, based on how Makoto was looking at him, it looked as though he already knew what he was thinking and how he was feeling. There was a look of understanding on his face, which made Haruka grimace a little bit. Makoto always knew. Ever since they were little, the older male always seemed to be looking out for him. It only made the ugly emotions inside of him grow.

"Haru-chan, we should head out if we want to reach the place before sunset," Makoto said gently, standing up and walking over to where Haruka was huddled in a corner.

Noticing his friend standing over him with a worried look, Haruka just sighed and stood up. He honestly didn't want to make the trip today. It would only make this moment hurt more. But he knew that he had to. It had become something of a tradition for him to go out to the beach at this time of year, and he wasn't about to break that tradition today. Plus, skipping out on the trip would just end up with him feeling regretful, as well as angry with himself. Not to mention, Makoto would be just as upset. Neither of them enjoyed the trip, but in a way, it helped to bring them closer.

Haruka just wished that they could find something else that brought them closer in a way that wasn't visiting a grave.

The sound of the crashing waves filled the air and the crisp ocean water blew past the two males as they looked out on the open sea. It was a calm day surprisingly, with very little people around the shore. Usually at this time of year, the beach was packed. In fact, Haruka remembered sometime last year, the entire beach had been filled from one end to the other with tourists, families, and residents. He had barely been able to say his blessings before the sound of some kid screaming filled the air. It was simple to say that that visit hadn't ended very well for Makoto or Haruka. But this time, there was only one small family farther down the beach, and an elderly couple walking through the shallow water. And what was even better was the fact that they were both on the other side of the beach, far from where the two of them would eventually end up.

Noticing that the sun was starting to set in the background, Haruka's heart twisted in his chest. It was nearing that time. He wasn't ready to face the end yet. He needed more time. However, time waited for no one apparently, not even some kid that went through the tragedy of seeing his friend drown in front of his eyes. No, time seemed especially cruel towards that kid. And each year, time only seemed to speed up and make these visits go by much faster. The days got shorter and shorter each year.

Whether that in itself was a blessing had yet to be seen.

Haruka honestly wasn't sure how many of these trips he could make. He had told himself last year that he wouldn't come back any more. That he'd go to the grave site instead of visiting the makeshift grave marker along the side of the beach. But the fact that Makoto continued to come and stand by him during this time was enough to keep him from doing so. It was a selfish wish, to stay away from the beach. Makoto somehow was able to have the strength to come back every year. He needed to be strong too.

Bringing a hand up to his mouth to keep himself from sobbing out right, Haruka clenched his eyes tightly together before looking over towards Makoto. He couldn't believe that he was about to cry, in front of Makoto of all people. Sure, they were best friends and extremely close, but that didn't make it any less uncomfortable. What he ended up seeing when he turned to his friend was something that he hadn't been expecting though.

Usually, Makoto was composed. He would shed a few tears during this meeting, but would always end up smiling at him in comfort before showering him in a feeling that could only be described as love and adoration. His presence would wrap around Haruka like a cocoon and provide him with enough motivation to go on with the the rest of the tradition.

But this time, it was different. This time, there was a heartbreaking look in Makoto's eyes. Tears were glimmering in his eyes, threatening to fall, but not succumbing to the urge. Haruka didn't think that he had ever seen such a look in the other male's eyes before. It was almost like a punch in the gut for Haruka.

Neither male said anything as the sun slowly set in the distance. The reds and oranges in the sky melded together and darkened in the skies. The water soon took their color as well, the shades and colors reflecting off of the water. It was nearing that time, and Haruka didn't want it to come. But he knew that it had to.

"We need to get to the grave before nightfall," Makoto said suddenly, his voice a bit strained.

Haruka didn't respond to the obvious statement, still staring out to the ocean. His legs felt like they were made out of lead all of a sudden, refusing to move for a moment. Noticing movement out of the corner of his eyes though, he turned his head to the side and saw that Makoto was walking off towards the direction where the grave marker was. Taking in a shuddering breath and trying to control his rapidly beating heart, Haruka followed after his friend, falling into step behind him.

Silence fell between the two of them as they walked across the beach. However, it wasn't the comfortable silence that usually accompanied them whenever they walked together. No, this silence was much tenser than usual and it hung heavy between them. Haruka didn't think that he had ever dealt with such a silence before when it came to Makoto. The two of them were always so comfortable with each other, so for them to be tense around each other...it made him feel weird.

Even when he knew the reason for the tenseness, it still made him uncomfortable.

Eventually, the two of them stumbled upon the grave marker. It was a about a yard or so from the water, surrounded by a small moat so that it wouldn't get swept away. Coming to a stop, they stared down at the simple grave for a moment. It obviously wasn't the official grave, but it had seemed fitting to have one at the beach while the other was at the family plot, since the death had occurred in the ocean. There were already flowers and photos from the others that had stopped by to pay their condolences. Haruka could recognize the gifts from his family, as well as Makoto's, Rin's, and Nagisa's.

Trying to reign in his emotions for a moment, Haruka let himself fall to his knees in front of the grave. He didn't really care so much that his pants were probably going to end up getting ruined by the sand and water. At the moment, all he cared about was sharing his part message before delivering his gift. Reaching into his pocket, Haruka tried to grasp onto the small box that he had been saving for years. However, it was a bit difficult to do, considering the fact that his hands were both sweaty and trembling. Thankfully though, his fingers curled around the box before pulling it out and slowly opening it.

Inside was a simple gold ring with a silver chain looped through the center. It was meant to be worn around the neck, but it wouldn't really have much use otherwise, considering where he was going to place it.

Swallowing thickly, Haruka cleared his throat for a moment before lifting the ring from out of the box. Behind him, he heard Makoto gasp in what he believed to be shock. However, he didn't pay him any mind, his full attention on the grave in front of him. He needed to do this. He had been putting this off for years now, and now seemed like the perfect time.

Taking in a deep breath, Haruka finally worked up the courage to start talking. "You know...you promised me that we'd end up living together...when we were little. You said that we'd end up living together and that you'd take care of me, because I'd be too busy cooking fish and swimming to take of myself," he remarked softly, his fingers rubbing the surface of the ring. His mouth twitched a bit at the wave of emotion that washed over him, but he kept himself together for the moment. "I think you even proposed to me one time when he were on the playground. Then Rin kicked you in the sand and said that he'd duel you for my hand in marriage. You two were idiots."

A faint smile came to his face at the memories and he chuckled as more tears fell down his face. Unlike last time though, he made no movement to try and stop himself from crying. He needed to get this all out. Holding himself back wouldn't help anyone and would only result in him lying to himself more.

Behind him, he could hear Makoto coming up from behind him, now standing beside him. "You promised that you'd protect me from anyone that wanted to hurt me. I didn't say anything, but I was happy that you would want to do that...I was so pleased that you wanted to take care of me, even though I can take care of myself," he said, brushing his hair out of his face.

"I think Nagisa even called us mom and dad. He seemed to have it in his mind we'd end up marrying each other." Haruka just shook his head and placed the ring down in front of the grave, a frown coming to his face.

"...I just...I don't understand...why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me that swimming in the ocean made you uncomfortable? Why didn't you tell me that you've never swam out that deep into the ocean before?" he asked, his voice croaking a bit.

At that point, Makoto was kneeling down right beside him, his hand hovering almost as though he was trying to comfort him. "H-Haru-"

"Why did you have to leave me? Why did you have to leave, Makoto? Why did you have to die?!" Haruka asked hysterically, tears falling steadily down his face at that point.

Haruka snapped his head towards his friend, who was staring at him with wide eyes. Gazing at Makoto with equally wide eyes, he gritted his teeth and clenched his fists together. The tears in his eyes made it hard for him to see his friend clearly, but he could easily recognize the guilty look on his face. That made him even more upset and Haruka bowed his head, bringing a hand up to his face to wipe away the tears on his face.

"Haru...I didn't mean to let it happen...I just...the wave just came out of nowhere and I was...I was caught by surprise...,"Makoto trailed off hesitantly, letting his hovering hand fall in defeat.

Sobs racked at his body as memories slowly began tunneling into his head. Haruka remembered the moment almost as though he was there again. The sound of laughter, the hot sun beating down on his skin while he splashed around in the water. The calmness that he had felt, almost as though he had been one with the ocean...

"Haru! I don't think you should be that far out!" Makoto called out with slight worry.

Opening his eyes for a moment, Haruka glanced over to where Makoto was standing in the water. He could see that his friend was a ways away, probably several yards away. However, that fact didn't really bring any fear to Haruka's veins. He was completely comfortable with water, no matter the depth.

Makoto, however, didn't seem quite as comfortable. In fact, he looked almost as though he was going to cry if Haruka stayed out in the deeper part of the water. Sighing softly, Haruka slipped under the water for a moment before breaking the surface. Wiping the salty water from his face, he wadded back towards his friend, who was nibbling his bottom lip in worry.

"You know that we shouldn't be out that far in the water," he scolded lightly.

Haruka just grunted in response before he grabbed a hold of Makoto's hand. "It's fine. We can both swim." He then began dragging Makoto a little bit farther out into the water.

A faint gasp left his friend's mouth as the ground underneath them slowly left. Eventually, neither of them could touch the bottom and were left with only their bodies to hold them up. Makoto's anxiousness filled the air around them and Haruka gazed back at his friend for a moment. He didn't think that he had ever seen him so nervous before. He certainly wasn't nervous whenever he was at the pool. Makoto was used to swimming in eight feet of water. So, why was the ocean any different?

"Haru...I'm not so sure about this...," Makoto said when Haruka finally released his hand. He kicked his legs and moved his arms around to keep himself afloat in the water.

"Why?' Haruka asked simply, not understanding his friend's plight.

Bowing his head down in shame, Makoto bit his bottom lip yet again. "W-well...I mean...I've never really been out this far...," he trailed off, looking around nervously.

A sigh left Haruka's mouth and he just rolled his eyes before returning to his back. His legs and arms were flapping lazily through the cool water, keeping him just above the surface. His eyes fell shut and he took the time to just relax in the water. It wasn't that hard for him to slip back into the calming atmosphere that he had been lost in before Makoto interrupted it.

However, Haruka heard a choking noise right next to him a few seconds later, causing him to sigh and open his eyes. Not moving from his position, he stared up at Makoto, who was staring off into the distance, mouth wide open. Furrowing his eyebrows, Haruka stared at Makoto in confusion. It wasn't until a few seconds later, he heard a loud crashing noise coming from behind him. Eyebrows flying up, Haruka quickly turned around and gasped loudly as he saw a large wave barreling towards them. It was much taller than either one of the them and looked like it was gaining speed and height fast. Eyes widening in horror, Haruka gazed back at Makoto, who was paling at the sight of the wave.

Without hesitation, Haruka reached under the water and grabbed a hold of his friend's hand before swimming back towards the shore. Fingers clawing at the water, he kicked his legs furiously through the water, Makoto picking up the rear. Harsh breaths left his mouth and he went through the water and he could see several of the lifeguards on post standing up, about to get off of their chairs and run towards the water. Haruka tried moving faster, so that it would haven't to come to that.

But they weren't fast enough.

The large wave swallowed the both of them up, dragging them underneath the surface of the water and sending them rolling deep in the water. The water roared in his ears as the wave forced him back and forth like a tennis ball. Haruka kicked wildly at the water, moving his arms around to try and find Makoto in the water. Sometime during the wave crashing on them, their hands had ended up separating. He tried opening his eyes for a moment, but the salt in the water stung his eyes, causing him to wince in pain. He quickly shut them and began looking around blindly for his friend. The water was a bit calmer than it was a few minutes ago, but it was getting harder to look for Makoto when he didn't even have any idea where he was at the moment.

Haruka spent the next few moments trying desperately to find his friend when he heard the distinct sound of something splashing in the water. A few seconds later, a hand suddenly shot through the water and wrapped around his wrist before pulling him up. Haruka's hand instinctively grasped the other person's wrist tightly and let himself be dragged up through the water until they were both out of the water. Wiping his eyes furiously, he looked over in the direction of whom he assumed was Makoto.

However, his heart plummeted when he saw that he wasn't looking at Makoto at all, but one of the lifeguards. He distinctly heard the lifeguard speaking, asking if he was alright, but the shock of the entire incident was still running through his veins. Mouth falling open, Haruka turned back towards the open sea, trying to spot Makoto. But there was no sign of his friend. There were no bubbles rising to the surface, no strange spots where water was moving, nothing.

"Makoto? Makoto?! MAKOTO!" Haruka screamed, his voice echoing throughout the entire beach.

Makoto's body had been found about an hour or so later, floating in a patch of seaweed. He wasn't breathing at all, his entire body clammy and lips blue. The lifeguards and medics all tried reviving him, but nothing worked. Everyone that had been on the beach during the time were staring down at the poor boy that had lost his life tragically and his friend that was clutching the boy's hand and crying hysterically. It had taken a few people to pull Haruka away from the body, because he refused to let go. He couldn't let go.

Letting go meant forgetting Makoto, in his eyes.

The next few years would be spent with Haruka blaming himself for his friend's death. If he had just listened to Makoto, just trusted that his friend knew best, he wouldn't be dead. But instead, he had let his love for water come before their safety. If he had listened, Makoto would still be there next to him. He'd be sitting next to him, holding onto him while they stared at the sunset.

But instead, all he got was a ghost (or a figment of his imagination, he wasn't quite sure which one it was) haunting him every time that the anniversary of Makoto's death came up. And not only that, but this would end up being the last time that he'd see Makoto, supposedly. According to him, he had spent much too long down in the real world when he should actually be living in peace, his spirit inhabiting the being of another spiritual being. If he stayed any longer, then there was the chance that he'd be stuck in this plane for the rest of time. And while at first, that seemed like it wouldn't be that bad, it would mean that Makoto would watch Haruka grow old, have a family, and die right before his eyes. Makoto wouldn't age with him and he wouldn't pass when he would.

He'd be stuck forever.

So, Haruka had agreed that it was time for Makoto to cross to the other side. It was for the best, after all. It would just be selfish for him to demand Makoto to stay here with him. And he had already ruined his friend's life once by being selfish.

Noticing Makoto move from in front of him, Haruka lifted his head up and his mouth fell open in shock. He noticed that the sun was almost completely set in the background and his heart skipped a beat. This was it. This was the moment that he had been dreading for the past few days. This would be the last moment that he had with Makoto for the rest of his life. It brought bitter tears to his eyes and he gritted his teeth painfully together.

"Haru...it's time for me to go," Makoto said softly, a frown present on his face.

Haruka could do nothing more than shake his head. He knew what time it was, he knew already. Why did Makoto have to keep reminding him and make him feel even worse. He didn't want this to be the end. He wanted more time-!

"I'm sorry that I have to leave you like this, Haru-chan. But I'll always be thinking of you and watching over you. Okay?" Makoto asked in a trembling voice, his hand moving to press against Haruka's cheek.

Just like any other time that the older male tried to touch him, his hand went right through Haruka's face. Both males stared into each others' eyes, tears falling freely down their face. Haruka watched as Makoto pierced his lips together tightly before moving towards him. Although their lips didn't brush against each other since Makoto wasn't truly there with him, there was still a faint spark that occurred between them. It caused Haruka's stomach to knot up.

"M-Makoto...," Haruka choked out, starting to sob once again.

Makoto gave a sad smile and bit his bottom lip before standing up tall, turning to face the sunset. "I'm sorry Haru...I'll miss you."

Haruka watched with sick awe as Makoto slowly disappeared into the wind, faint sparkles moving up into the sky. His face screwed up before he threw himself down onto the ground, crying loudly and pounding at the ground. It would take a while, a long while for him to get over this. But he wouldn't put Makoto's wish in vain. He would miss him with his entire heart. He probably wouldn't move on completely, but he would try and live his life to the best of his abilities.

It was what Makoto would have wanted.