Disclaimer: I do not own transformers. Any original characters, however, are mine. Please do not take them without permission, although I will probably say yes.

My left shoulder presses against the wall as I shake with silent laughter. Shutting off your vocal processors will only do so much, and there are times when you just plain can't help yourself.

Right now, for instance. Seeing the Twins so flabbergasted is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Seriously, their mouths are hanging open like gasping fish. I think I displaced something, but I'm still laughing so hard that if I try to go see Ratchet I'll fall back against the wall and bang my doorwings, and they'll figure out where I am for sure, making my prank a moot point.

Sorry. I'm forgetting that you're new to this whole situation, and probably wondering just what's so funny. For this to make sense, I'll need to tell you some of my history.

Okay, long story short, my parents are the weirdest couple you will ever come across. My dad's a giant robot from another planet who can turn into a semi truck (or anything else he wants, so long as it's his size and approximate mass) and is the leader of a force of other giant robots that battle evil giant robots to keep them from taking over the world. (Try saying that in one breath.) My mom is a human and therefore organic and roughly one sixth my dad's height.

You're thinking, Wait, so exactly how is this supposed to work? Not in the conventional way, I can tell you that much. Keeping this as simple (and PG) as possible, Dad gave Mom part of his Spark (life force) somehow, and her soul merged with it. Before this, I was basically a vegetable, half a person. I could think, but not do, and I had none of the normal human feelings—pretty much a really smart organic computer that couldn't act on what it thinks (thankfully). When Mom's soul merged with that part of Dad's Spark, it created a chain reaction that not only allowed them intimacy on a spiritual level but also reacted with me, adding the other half of my being, the part of my soul that actually made it a soul. The best guess I can come up with is that it's related to the whole "two become one flesh" thing. It really creeps me out to think that there could be something out there running around with no soul, though.

The other half of my soul being from Spark created quite the interesting results. I can switch back and forth between human and Transformer, and I can use a couple of my Transformer abilities as a human. Such advantages do not come without a price, though. My learning speed is about equal to that of someone with a 246 IQ, so I don't process anywhere near as fast as the other Transformers and I still have to learn things even after I download them. I also lack a womb in human form and a sparking hollow as a femme, so I can't have kids outside of a major miracle. Pooh. I've pretty much come to terms with that for the time being, however. At least I don't have to worry about the Decepticons coming after me to make me a deceptibaby machine or something.

So what's with pranking the Twins? Oh, yeah. That was how this started, wasn't it? Anyway, by the time I came along, every Autobot guy was pretty much femme starved in every sense, due to the fact that most of us went into hiding or got wiped out when they refused to be part of the Decepticreeps' collection. Nobody made any advances on me or anything (not even being in a war for millennia made them lose that much of their decency), but I can tell that they're glad to have a girl around again. The Twins got a HUGE crush on me (possibly due to the aforementioned lack of femmes their age—or any age), and started flirting with me. It's kind of a game, because they know that there's no way in all of heaven and earth I'd ever go for one of them.

Game or not, though, they can get really annoying sometimes though, and earlier today was one of those times. They started pestering me very early in the morning, banging on the door to my quarters at 5:30 a.m. to ask me if I wanted to do some target practice. It escalated from there, to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to ditch the little boogers before I glued them to the ceiling.

Then I remembered that none of the Autobots besides Dad knows that I do the species switch-thing. (They also don't know that I'm the daughter of Optimus Prime, mainly because Dad didn't have a daughter before, and they all know it. They'd overload if we told them were I really came from, and Dad doesn't exactly want Mom to be brought into the picture anyway. The whole Decepticons being able to squish her if they found out about her thing makes him jumpy. Heck, makes me jumpy, too.)

So, picking up where I was before I so rudely interrupted myself, I decided it would be fun to use my shapeshifter power to pull a fast one on the Lambo Twins. I show up in human form a lot around the base, so they wouldn't freak about some random human getting in.

I started pestering the two of them back, yawning when they flirted with me, ignoring them, and throwing in a couple of "Hm? Did you say something?"s and "Are the vents malfunctioning again?"s for good measure. I finally got them to chase me into a dead-end hall with only one open room. I darted inside and did my thing, getting into position on a crate just as Sunny came barreling through the doorway. He stopped suddenly when he saw the human me, causing the still-charging Sides to run into him, only to fall back and land on his bumper.

"Uh, Jess? Did you see Sitka come in here?" the befuddled Sunny asked.

"Nope." Well, it's the truth, isn't it?

"Did you see her run by?"

"Nuh-uh."

"You sure?"

"Yes, Sunny, I'm positive. It's kinda hard to miss a blue-and-chrome, fairy-winged, thirteen-foot-nine femmebot dashing down the hall." I had to fight to keep a straight face, and it took all of my acting skills to sound annoyed. I dropped off of my crate, random book in hand, and stalked out into the hall, past Sides, and around the corner. Then I shifted back, shut down my voice emitter, and busted up laughing.

8888888

I'm still shaking when Bumblebee comes by. He cocks his head like, "What?" Speechless (obviously), I point to the room where Sunstreaker and Sideswipe are still trying to puzzle out where I went. Bee listens for a few minutes, then covers his voice emitter to muffle the soft laughter bubbling in his processor. When we finally calm down, he whispers, "How in the world did you manage to pull that off?"

"A good magician never reveals her secrets," is my only reply.

"I DON'T GET IT! HOW THE BLUE BLAZES DID SHE JUST DISAPPEAR?"

Bee and I crack up laughing again. Sunny apparently picked up on the phrase that I use all the time as Jess.

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