A/N: I've decided to upload all my fics into a single account. eye of the beholder until let the walls break down were originally only uploaded to my AO3 account, callingthequits. Then I went back to my roots and thought, "Hey, why not post it on Fanfiction too?" so here I am.
Title comes from, quite obviously, All These Things That I've Done by The Killers. Do note that this is in no related to A Choice With No Regrets, since I haven't read that. Actually, this story was written without any knowledge of Levi's backstory.
He never thought he'd live a life like this.
He'd always been the loner; kicked around and bullied simply because he was different from the others. Weird and unfeeling, Levi was silent most of all. He would come home, bruised and bleeding, and never say a single word. He learned from the best, after all. With a drunken mother and an ignorant father, it's not like anyone could have expected less. The big, empty house had never felt like home. Levi grew up in a void; he ended up feeling like one as well. The outcast of the Sina walls as a name had never fit him better.
His parents died in a party. A gang had shown up to kill the host - they succeeded, and they brought a few more down. When family friends noticed the quiet boy at the funeral, they assumed he wouldn't talk due to trauma. Levi didn't bother to correct them.
He was still targeted by the runty boys who thought him less than litter. It was at this point in time that he started to fight back. It was also at this point in time that Levi realized just how much he loved winning.
He started to get more and more involved with thugs as they started to take notice of him. No matter who he fought, they said, he'd always win. They would come and flock over to him, asking him, begging him even, would you like to join our ranks sir? You'd be so pleased, sir, we're the very best, sir. And he'd always laughed at them, reigned over them, as he worked his underground and making money with every signed contract like he couldn't believe. He'd started to indulge in himself then. Buying the most ridiculous things; a ring for every finger, a woman for every kill, respect for every breath he took. He'd started to buy cravats, of all things. He didn't even know what they were called when he bought them.
And now he's been dubbed as Humanity's Strongest, being Lance Corporal for the most suicidal assholes he ever had the misfortune to meet. He's now fighting things that make him look like a pesky fly in comparison, things that could easily bat him away with a stray finger. He'd slice that particular finger off before those Titans had a chance, though. He'd kill it before they touched his team. Levi was a silent child, and he didn't grow with love in his heart nor warmth in his soul. But he can understand the sense of familiarity in being so close with people who would quite literally die for you if the situation called for it. He can understand human nature.
So he saves them so that they don't have to risk their lives saving him. Unlike Eren, who wishes to be strong so he can avenge his mother and the rest of humanity in general, or Mikasa, who is strong because she has to be, Levi's strength comes mostly from the fact that he will not allow himself to feel dirty. He can kill Titans and spend time with the Survey Corps and pretend that he's a big part in retaking the human world as their own; but he can still feel the overwhelming sense of disgust when he remembers how he used to be.
"I was simply putting down some dogs. They just happen to look like people."
"Is that really how you think you can live your life?"
"I don't know, Commander. Is there any other way you can tell other people how to live their own?"
He still owes a lot to Erwin, after all. Mostly he tries to repay his debts by obeying his orders and staying out of his way. He doesn't really think he can fully pay the price for what he's done, and he doesn't pretend he can either. However, he does his job and he does it right. He gets to parade around like a clown, people screaming his name and crowding him; they look at him starry-eyed and speak with awe in their voice when they talk about the Great Captain Levi. He hates them, and they should hate him too, but they don't and it's this ignorance that makes him consider doing homicide just to see what they'd do. He detests their existence, the worthless pigs. He would still rather die than see a scratch on their faces.
He wears the wings of freedom on his back and wields the hope of mankind on his blades. Levi couldn't resent it more.