Author's Notes: I should give a fair warning that there is slight mentions of Hood/Hook, but that is all it is, slight mentions. If you have issues with either/both, I can safely say that getting through said slight mentions is worth it, and you'll see why once you read through the first few chapters...
I was apprehensive of writing a Dark Swan fic, mostly because almost everyone is doing it, but I believe what I am about to present to you comes with an original plot and (hopefully) not one that has been done before.
I cannot guarantee updates at the moment, but my muse is definitely gearing towards this story right now. I have a lot planned out for this one and I'm quite excited for the ride ahead! Don't forget to leave any thoughts/comments after the first chapter, but be patient because this is most definitely a slow burn SwanQueen story (my ultimate favorite!)
Enjoy :)
It had been weeks since it happened, weeks since the realization that Emma Swan had sacrificed herself to save her and not just the entire town. It had been weeks since Emma had been pulled into the darkness and up into the night sky. Emma Swan had essentially disappeared not just from Storybrooke, but from the rest of the world as well it seemed.
No matter how hard she looked for her, there was no sign of her anywhere. Not even using the dagger to call her forth had worked. Emma's parents had tried to call her forth to no avail. Henry tried only once and had been left devastatingly heartbroken that his birth mother refused to answer to him too. Regina had taken possession of the dagger before anyone else could try and she hid it in her vault, beyond a protection spell that would grant only her access to the Dark One's dagger.
"Mom?" Henry called out as he descended down the stairs into the vault. "Are you down there?"
"Yes, Henry."
Regina sat on a trunk, flipping through one of the hundreds of spell books she'd acquired from Gold's shop while he lay in the hospital in a coma. She had hoped to find some answers or anything that would help her find out where Emma Swan had disappeared to, but the books had proven to be useless thus far.
She looked up as Henry entered the main room of the vault and he frowned slightly as he took in the sight of the books scattered all around the floor. She knew he was upset that she hadn't been home in a handful of days and submersed herself in the useless books while looking for answers, for anything.
"Did you find anything?" Henry asked, looking around at the contents of her vault and knowing better than to touch things he wasn't supposed to touch. "Mom?"
"Not yet," Regina sighed as she shut the book she had open in her lap. "What are you doing here, Henry? Shouldn't you be in school?"
Henry shrugged and Regina looked at him with a disappointed glare. "I'm worried about her, Mom."
"Worried enough to skip school?" Regina asked. "Henry, you know your studies are important. You shouldn't—"
"I can't focus on school work right now," he said quietly. "All I can think about is where she might be and if she's okay. What if she isn't okay, Mom?"
"I'm sure she's fine."
"What if she isn't? What if she's hurt? She's all alone, Mom. What if—"
"Henry, I'm doing everything that I can right now," Regina sighed tiredly, this very conversation not the first but one of many they'd had over the last couple of weeks.
"What about the dagger?" Henry inquired. "Have you tried to use it again?"
She had tried and failed many times, much more than she cared to admit. She stood up from the trunk and smoothed her hands down her black blazer before she walked over to her distraught son. She pulled him in for a hug and rested her head against his, taking a moment to marvel over how much he'd grown up, especially ever since he had brought Emma Swan into their lives. She sighed and kissed the side of his head before stepping out of his tight embrace.
"You have, haven't you?" Henry asked and he nodded in understanding when she didn't say a word. "What if it doesn't work the way that it used to?"
"Henry, there is so much we will never know about the Dark One and the dagger. If Gold was awake, there is only so much that he could tell us too. Nothing like this has happened, not since the Dark One was tethered to a human soul and the dagger. For all we know, the connection between the Dark One and the dagger could have been severed when she—when she—"
"Saved you," Henry finished for her. "She saved you, Mom."
"She did," Regina nodded with a tight grimace. "Come on, why don't we go home and I'll fix us some lunch?"
"You're not going to send me back to school?"
"I should," Regina said and Henry frowned. "I suppose I can allow you the day off, but you are going to go tomorrow and you are not going to skip another day of school. Do you understand, Henry? It is important for you to keep up with your studies regardless of what else is happening in our lives at the moment."
"Fine. Whatever."
Regina chuckled at his defiant attitude. He was a growing boy, a teenager, and the changes he was going through were all too clear to see. With the changes came the shift in his attitude and Regina knew it wasn't all because his other mother was missing, but that did account for it in some ways, more than the natural changes he was currently going through.
They were silent on the drive home. Henry just stared out the window and Regina kept her eyes on the road despite her wandering thoughts that distracted her endlessly. She thought about everyone that was involved in their lives, the people closest to them. She had barely passed much thought on Robin Hood since Emma's sacrifice and the distance she'd put between them had agitated the man to no end. She hadn't seen nor spoken with him since that night and she hadn't planned on seeking him out either. Things were already a mess between them and her weeks spent trying to find Emma gave her purchase on what her relationship with Robin really was.
It had only been a few days before that she had spent the night locked in her bathroom, soaking in a hot bubble bath while her thoughts ran wild. It was then she came to the realization that what had broken her heart weeks before was that she wasn't in love with that man she was destined to be with. She was in love with the idea of having a soul mate and not the man himself. She couldn't further degrade herself because she had not been his first choice, first with Marian when she came back through the portal and then again when it was revealed that Marian hadn't been Marian all along.
He had chosen her sister, long since thought dead. It had hurt deeply, of course, but the more she thought back to those moments when he had chosen another over her willingly and because he had a code to live by, the more she realized that she didn't want him to choose her again.
It was also that very night she thought of Emma, of their history together and of their friendship they'd developed more recently. Regina had never had a friend like Emma Swan and she had never grown to care about someone in the way she cared about her. It wasn't just because they were friends or because they were both Henry's mothers, it went far deeper than that and it was only during that hour long bath that she explored her feelings for the new Dark One.
Regina hadn't seen it coming until it hit her hard, like a pulse of white magic that burned deliciously through her body when it mingled with the darkness inside of her heart and soul. Love was power, not weakness as she had believed for most of her life. Love was power that chased away the darkness that had lingered inside of her for a long time. Love was power that came in the form of Emma Swan, the Savior and daughter of Prince Charming and Snow White.
The realization had caused her to break down in tears and not because she was in love with Emma Swan, but because of who, of what Emma had become. The tears only stopped when Henry knocked on the bathroom door because he had heard her crying and was increasingly concerned about her state of being. She assured him that she was all right, that she was merely exhausted over the events of the last couple of weeks, and he looked at her in that way she knew he didn't believe her, but had left it alone. The last thing she wanted to do was confess her feelings about his other mother before she had a chance to tell Emma herself.
Love, being in love with Emma Swan, it shouldn't have been possible, but it was there and the realization of it only made those feelings stronger and deeper than they had before. It sent her on an endless path, one shrouded with wonder and questions that she had no answers for. Love was something that had built over time, love that came after the deep hatred that was there in the very beginning, love that came with friendship, of understanding, of being two people that nobody else could understand yet they could with one another. Love had come without her realizing it until it was too late, too late to change the course they were on, too late to change their future, however they may have been able to do that.
It came with more questions, especially about how Emma may feel about her in return. As far as Regina knew, Emma loved the pirate. She had watched their relationship evolve slowly over time and she had watched him pine over and chase Emma to no avail. When she looked back now, she realized there had been so many small moments where the jealously had singed her heart, jealousy because she had longed to be in the pirate's place, to be the one that had won over Emma's heart.
He had been useless since that night when she tore the dagger out of his hands as he screamed out for Emma. She had watched him fall into a pit of despair, his nights spent at the Rabbit Hole drinking until he passed out cold. He had tried to spend time with Henry, but even Regina knew her son was not a fan of the handless wonder. Not one ounce of her felt any pity for that man and the distress he was going through with Emma's sacrifice and disappearance.
"Mom?" Henry asked, pulling her from her thoughts. "Mom, are you all right? You just passed the house."
"Oh," Regina said as she shook herself from her daze and realized she had indeed driven right past their house. "I—I didn't realize."
"Mom, are you sure you're okay?" Henry asked and he placed a hand on her shoulder as she came to a slow stop and put the car in reverse. "Have you been sleeping at all?"
"Y—yes I have, Henry," she sighed and she backed up on the street and turned into the driveway. She forced a smile as she turned to him. "What do you feel like for lunch?"
"Could you make some grilled cheese?"
Regina swallowed hard and smiled. "Grilled cheese it is," she said as she pulled the keys out of the ignition and got out of the car before Henry could see the pained look on her face.
The last time she'd made grilled cheese was the week before everything had fallen apart again, before the trip to New York City. Emma had come around to the house, as she normally did on Sunday's for lunch with her and Henry, only Henry had gone to visit the Charming's that morning and Emma came alone. Even without Henry being around, Emma still wanted Regina to cook up a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches. Regina remembered the laughter that followed when she told Emma, for the umpteenth time, that she ate like a child. She remembered the way Emma winked at her before pulling out the hard cheese from the spot in the refrigerator and sliced enough pieces for three sandwiches. She remembered the way Emma had devoured the first one after she'd finished making them and how she moaned in delight as she ate the second.
It wasn't the first time that had happened, that it had been just the two of them for lunch when it was usually a family affair, a few hours they spent with their son as a family. She enjoyed spending time with Emma, just with Emma. They had gotten so used to one another that they talked about everything and anything. The laughter they shared was something she had missed in the last couple of weeks, something that she craved to hear once again.
"Mom?" Henry called out from the front door and she realized that she hadn't moved from beside the car in a handful of minutes. "Are you coming? I'm starving."
"Be right there, Henry," Regina replied, hating the wavering sound of her voice and hope that Henry hadn't noticed. If he had, she knew she could convince him it was simply because she was tired and not for any other reason at all.
Regina headed up to the front door and she felt it immediately, the small yet steady pulse of magic nearby and not just any magic, Emma's magic. Regina rushed into the house and let the door slam behind her as she ran up the four steps into the foyer. Henry was already halfway up the stairs, his backpack on the landing, but she spun around before she could scold him about picking it up and followed that pulse of magic that felt stronger than it had when she'd first felt it just outside.
She followed it as it pulled her towards the study and she placed her hand on the closed door. She waited until she heard Henry's bedroom door shut before she reached tentatively for the handle, gasping in surprise when the door flung open suddenly. Regina inhaled as she took a step inside and tried not to let her emotions show on her face or in her eyes when she found none other than Emma Swan, dressed all in black and perched on her mahogany desk.
"Hello, Regina," Emma practically purred as Regina took another step inside the study and shut the door quickly behind her. "How have you been?"
"Emma."
Emma smirked as she lifted the crystal glass she had in her right hand to her lips and downed what Regina guessed was one of her finer whisky's in one gulp. She exhaled sharply as she gently placed the crystal glass on the desk beside her, but she didn't move, she just uncrossed her legs and inhaled sharply before crossing them again.
Regina didn't say a word as she walked over to the table to get herself a drink, pouring a glass half full of cider before she turned to Emma. "Would you like another drink?"
"Do you think I came here for a drink, Regina?"
"Well, you've already helped yourself to one, why not have another?" Regina asked and the way that Emma laughed sent chills down her spine. It wasn't her usual laugh, it was bitter and laced with an aura of darkness. "What were you drinking?"
"Tasted like scotch."
"Whisky," Regina said and reached for the tumbler she knew had been a lot fuller than the less than half that was left in it. With her cider in one hand and the tumbler in the other, she approached Emma and stilled her nerves as she poured her a drink in the crystal glass next to her. "Have you been here long?"
"Not really," Emma said with a roll of her eyes and she grabbed on to Regina's wrist when she stopped pouring her drink. "Leave that right here. I like it. Where did you get it?"
"I had it shipped in from out of town about twenty years ago," Regina replied and she took a step back, trying not to let her eyes linger on Emma, but with the way she was dressed, it was hard not to stare. "What are you doing here, Emma?"
"It's been a while, hasn't it? I thought I'd stop by in case you thought I was dead."
"I've been looking for you."
"Have you?" Emma laughed dryly. "I take it you haven't been trying too hard, have you? Or else if you had tried a little harder, you would've found me before now."
"Where have you been?" Regina tried again, ignoring the sneer that curled over Emma's red lips. She knew this woman in front of her now was not the same woman she'd grown to love and care for, but she knew that there was still a part of her underneath the darkness that had gripped her soul. "Where have you been, Emma? Everyone has been worried sick about you."
Emma looked indifferent and slightly amused as she lifted the glass to her lips. Her red lipstick left an imprint behind when she pulled the glass away and those very same lips curled into another smirk and it made Regina long for the playful one she'd grown to love seeing, especially after Emma told a joke that wasn't entirely appropriate.
Regina sipped her cider and took another step back, wanting to put some distance between herself and Emma because she could not only feel the darkness inside of her, she could practically taste it. Emma chuckled dryly as she slipped off the desk and pulled at her tight leather jacket and downed the rest of her drink.
"I've been around," Emma said slowly. "Here and there. Mostly there and not here."
Regina clenched her jaw tightly, watching Emma as she stalked around her in a predatory-like fashion. The heels that Emma wore gave her a bit of a height advantage and it was almost intimidating the way that Emma's eyes roamed over her body. Regina inhaled sharply and caught the faintest smell of sweet vanilla underneath the strong smell of whisky that clung to Emma's breath.
"Aren't you going to ask me again where I've been, Regina? Aren't you going to ask me how I am doing? Aren't you going to ask if I've been a good girl all this time?"
"No."
"No?" Emma laughed and Regina lifted her glass to take another sip, to try and swallow the lump that was beginning to rise in her throat. "Come on, Regina, you can't tell me that you don't want to know where I've been all this time, if I'm okay, if I'm resisting the darkness that floods through my fucking veins like fire. You can't tell me you don't want to know what it feels like, if it hurts any less if I give into temptation. Do you want to know what temptations I've had since I saved you?"
"And what would those be exactly, hmm?" Regina caved despite not wanting to further aggravate Emma since it was clear she was on edge and about to snap. "Do share if you must, but keep your voice down. I do not want Henry to know you are here right now."
"Trying to keep him from seeing me again?"
"Emma—"
"Oh, is it because of who I am now?" Emma asked and she batted her eyelashes and gasped in mock surprise. "Afraid that I'll corrupt him, Regina? That I'll hurt him?"
"You would never hurt Henry."
"No, you're right, I would never hurt my son," Emma replied and she scoffed. "You, however, I might just play around with you for a little while. Why, you ask?" Emma paused as she tapped her index finger against her chin. "Oh, I know, because if there is one thing I haven't forgotten is how you treated me when I first came to Storybrooke. What? Did you think that just because we were friends that I've somehow magically forgotten how things used to be between us?"
"I was under the impression that we had moved past that a long time ago."
"Wrong," Emma snapped. "You might have, but I haven't."
"That is not true," Regina said as she struggled to keep her voice down. "Have you forgotten everything that we've been through together?"
"No," Emma murmured and Regina could see that she was fighting something inside of her, whether it was the voices in her head or the darkness that burned through her veins. Emma's mood shifted quickly and Regina felt the force of magic throw her across the room and pin her to the wall. "You know what darkness tastes like, don't you, Regina?"
"Emma—"
"I bet you wished I hadn't saved you at all, that maybe it wouldn't have killed you, but filled you with this incredibly intoxicating power I have right now. I bet you wished it were you going through this, hmm? I bet you've dreamt of having power like this, to be even a shred of who you once were. Am I right, your majesty?"
"No," she whispered hoarsely and her fingers lost grip on her glass and the crystal smashed to pieces the moment it hit the floor. "Don't do this, Emma. You are better than this. You can fight it. I know you can. You can fight it long enough for us to figure out a way to rid you of it completely."
Emma smirked as she stepped closer to her, her heels crunching against the shattered glass. Emma's eyes raked up and down her body just before she felt herself being lowered down until her feet just barely touched the floor.
"Mom?" Henry called out and Emma shot a hand out towards the door, magically locking it in place. Henry tried to open it and started pounding on the door. "Mom, are you okay? Mom! Open the door!"
"Tell him everything is fine, Regina," Emma said as she leaned in to whisper into her ear.
"Everything is fine, Henry," Regina called out, her voice sounding a little strained.
"What happened? I heard a crash," Henry replied and tried the door again. "Why is the door locked, Mom?"
"I—I dropped a glass of cider, dear. There's glass everywhere. It's best if you don't come in here right now."
"Do you want me to get the broom?"
"No," Regina said as Emma practically pressed her body up against hers. "I'll clean it up. Go back upstairs, Henry, and I'll let you know when lunch is ready."
"Good girl," Emma purred into her ear and Regina tensed when she felt Emma's hot tongue traced over the shell of her ear ever so lightly. "Don't you want me to play with you, Regina? Hmm?"
"No," she said with a tremble in her voice. "Stop it, Emma. This isn't you. This is—"
"The Dark One?" Emma chuckled dryly. "Maybe it is or have you considered that perhaps becoming what I am now has allowed me to be who I was so afraid of before?"
Regina pulled her magic deep from inside of her to break the hold that Emma had on her and she shoved her back, not with the force of magic, but by her own two hands. "Get out of my house. Now."
"I thought you were looking for me, Regina, and now you're telling me to get out? My, my, it seems as if someone can't make up her mind," Emma tittered. "Try the dagger again, maybe this time I'll come a running and you can make me do whatever you want me to do…"
Regina barely breathed until Emma disappeared in a swirl of white and black smoke. She gasped as she clutched at her chest, her heart racing wildly against her ribs. With a wave of her hand, she cleaned up the broken shards of crystal from the floor and pulled open the study door, relieved to find that Henry had, for once, listened to her.
Henry was in the kitchen when she walked in a moment later and she gasped in surprise since she hadn't expected him to be in there at all. She was still rather flustered after her encounter with Emma Swan and she fanned at her face at an attempt to calm herself down and hoped that Henry wasn't as nearly observant as he normally was. Luckily for her, he was at the stove, frying up his own grilled cheese sandwich.
"I was getting hungry," Henry said without turning around. "Couldn't wait any longer so I started cooking it myself. Don't worry about the mess," he continued and for the first time Regina looked over at the mess on the island countertop. "I'll clean it up after."
Regina nodded and removed her blazer, draping it over her left arm as she walked over to the small table by the back door. She placed the blazer on the back of one of the chairs and sat down, a heavy sigh escaping past her lips and one that went unheard by Henry at the stove. She ran her fingers through her hair a few times before reaching around to pull her Blackberry out of her blazer pocket.
Scrolling through her contacts, she stopped when she reached Snow's name. She knew she had to call them, to tell them that Emma had come to her, but a part of her didn't want to have anyone know. Not yet.
She needed to see Emma once more, to talk to her, to find out a little more of who she had become in the last couple of weeks since that fateful night that forever changed all of their lives. She placed her phone on the kitchen table and turned to watch as Henry flipped his grilled cheese sandwich in the pan effortlessly and smiled to himself when it didn't fall apart like it normally did when he tried to make it himself.
"Henry?"
"Yeah, Mom?" Henry asked as he looked over at her. "What is it?"
"Could you make me one too?" She asked and he laughed softly. "What?"
"You're kidding, right?" Henry asked. "You don't even like grilled cheese."
"I do, I just—I haven't had it in a little while, that's all."
"When was the last time you even ate it? I don't remember you ever eating it when you made it for me and Ma when she used to come around for lunch sometimes."
Regina sighed and glanced down at her hands as she folded them in her lap. There was still so much that Henry didn't know about her friendship with Emma and it wasn't just the feelings that Regina had developed for her either. He had no idea that on those days he was at the Charming's instead of at the house that Emma came for lunch anyway. He had no idea just how much time they truly spent together nor did he know of their almost daily lunches that took place at the Charming's loft when Snow and David took the baby out to the park for their midday walk.
"A few weeks, Henry," Regina finally replied, but he was no longer looking at her and she was grateful because she knew as hard as it was to hide her true feelings from Emma was, it was almost impossible with him. "So, how about it? Will you make me one too?"
"Cheddar?" Henry asked before platting his own sandwich and grabbed the loaf of bread and twisted off the twist-tie. "Or do you want it with a bit of Monterey Jack too?"
That was Emma's favourite, cheddar with just a few thin slices of Monterey Jack thrown in for a little kick of flavour. She just nodded and cleared her throat. "Yes, that would be lovely, Henry. Would you like a hand with that?"
"I got it, Mom."
"Yours is going to get cold."
"I like it cold," Henry chuckled. "Ma does too."
"I know."
"She'll turn up soon, won't she? Either you'll find her or she'll just come back, right?" Henry asked and it almost broke her heart to hear how hopeful he was and it ripped her to pieces because she wasn't telling him the truth. "Do you think she's okay? That wherever she is, she's okay and maybe she misses us too?"
"I don't know, Henry. I don't know."
He just nodded and she got up from the chair and walked over to where the iPod was charging. She turned it on and flicked through the playlists before finding one that Emma had made the last time she'd hijacked the iPod and tried to "educate" her on what was classified as good music. She put it on the docking station and the sound of "Jumper" by Third Eye Blind filled the kitchen. Henry just laughed as he made up her sandwich and placed it in the frying pan before waving the flipper in time to the beat of the song.
Regina poured him a glass of milk while he cooked her sandwich and instead of eating at the table, they stood at the island and ate together, listening as the iPod shuffled through the playlist several times. She saw the look on his face every time a new song began to play and she knew from that look that he was tempted to say something, but he didn't, he just enjoyed his cold grilled cheese sandwich and drank his milk.
"Did Emma leave her iPod here again?"
"No, she put this on mine," Regina replied as she cleared away their plates.
"Oh," Henry said under his breath. "Didn't think you liked this type of music."
"It's…grown on me, I must admit," she said and she shook her head before tossing a damp dishcloth towards him. "I believe you promised you would clean up the mess that you've made, dear."
"On it," Henry said with a smile.
After they cleaned the kitchen, they retreated to the den where Henry read some comics he'd bought with his allowance the day before and Regina lounged on the couch and idly flipped through the Cosmopolitan magazine that Emma had left just last month. They had a quiet afternoon together and despite her exhaustion, she fought the urge to curl up on the couch and take a much needed nap. The magazine was doing nothing to derail her thoughts that always seemed to turn right back to one Emma Swan, more so now than ever before after that surprise visit of hers.
By the time five o'clock rolled around, Henry retreated upstairs to play some video games and Regina headed into the kitchen to make dinner for the two of them. She took the chicken out of the freezer before moving to pick up her phone from the kitchen table where she'd left it earlier. She had one missed phone call, a voice mail, and a text from David asking her to call him immediately.
She placed her phone back down and returned to preparing dinner. With a little magic, she defrosted the chicken breasts, breaded them with seasoned breadcrumbs and placed them on a tray before putting them in the oven. She peeled and diced the potatoes and when she heard her phone ringing, she wiped her hands on a dishtowel and walked over to the table to pick it up without glancing at the call display.
"Hello?"
"Regina, it's me. Did you get my message?"
"I did, David, but I'm making dinner. Whatever it is, can't it wait?"
"I'm afraid not. Can I come over and talk to you?"
"About what?"
"Hook was attacked this afternoon. He barely made it to the hospital alive."
"I don't see how this concerns me," Regina sighed as she walked over to the stove and turned the burner on to boil the potatoes. "Who attacked him?"
"That's just the thing. He said it was Emma that attacked him."
"Impossible. She's been missing," Regina said as her heart started to race hard enough she could hear the blood rushing through her head. "He's just a drunk now, David. Who is to say he wasn't—"
"That's the thing, Regina. He may be a drunk, but there's security footage. Emma definitely attacked him with intent to kill. Look, can I come over and talk? We—"
"Yes, of course," Regina said quickly. "Come in the back door. I don't want Henry to know you're here. In fact," she paused as she glanced towards the kitchen door and frowned slightly. "I don't want him to know about this at all."
"I'll be there in five minutes."