"This is going to sound weird."

"Then just don't say it."

"I have no choice."

Laxus considered this as he stood there, staring across the bar at Mirajane's younger sister, a request held in one hand.

"We all have choices."

"Not this time I don't."

"Is there a gun to your head?"

"No-"

"Because if there is, you still have the choice to let them just pull the trigger, you know. Hardly anything more serious than that, don't you think?'

Lisanna had her turn to frown then before saying, "That's insensitive, you know."

"How?"

"I died, Laxus."

"Yeah, and that was a choice too. Now are you gonna fill my request or not?"

Huffing a bit, the woman said, "I haven't had a chance to explain yet!"

"Lisanna, would you just-"

"I need your help with something," she insisted. "Literally only you could do it."

"What about Dragneel, huh? You two on the outs?'

"No."

"Then ask his dumbass to do whatever it is."

"Uh, no, I'd rather not."

"What is it, anyways?' he finally conceded. "Lisanna?"

"I need you to help me convince Mirajane that Bickslow and I belong together and that I should be able to move in with him and marry him and probably have kids with him, I dunno, but-"

"Slow down," the slayer complained. "What the fuck did you just say?"

Taking a deep breath, she began again.

"I need you to help me convince Mirajane that-"

"A condensed version."

"Bickslow and I are in love and going to get married that's just how it is."

"Then what do you need me-"

"Because that's not just how it is, when Mirajane's involved."

For a moment, the two regarded one another closely.

Then, slowly, Laxus asked, "Since when are you and Bickslow even a thing?"

"Since last weekend."

Again, there was a regarding that went on between them before Laxus asked, "What if I don't like you with him? 'cause I don't."

"What if I don't care?"

She had him there.

"You know how crazy you sound anyways, right?" he asked with a frown. "Why do you need to move in with a guy you barely know?"

"We know one another loads."

"I literally never see you together."

"So? You don't think that there's any possible way that people interact when you are not around and possibly even have deep connections that you never know about because you don't get to see it?"

This time, he considered alone before saying, "If a woman wanted to marry and move in with me after a week, I think I'd move."

"Bickslow asked me."

And that just sounded so fishy Laxus' nostrils burned.

"They're completely in love," he heard then from behind the counter and, when he glanced behind it, he saw Happy down there, back against the bar, munching on a fish. Of fucking course. "Lisanna and Bickslow. It makes me sick, almost."

"The smell of your gross fish is making me sick."

"Laxus, pay attention," Lisanna complained. "This is important."

No. No, it wasn't. None of it was important. None of it even made sense. The last Laxus had seen Bickslow, he hadn't mentioned even a smidgen of interest of so much as going out on a date with a woman, much less his girlfriend's younger sister. And marriage? Moving someone in with him? It was all so absurd. Lunacy, no doubt. Something that he had no reason risking his standing with Mirajane over, for sure.

But…

"What do you want me to do, Lisanna?"

"I want you to help me break it to her real easy, you know? And be there for support," she continued. "Oh, and I also want you to pay for dinner."

"You know-"

"Can I come?" came the request from down on the floor behind the counter. "Lisanna?"

"No," Laxus answered because it was his money.

"Yes," Lisanna answered because it wasn't her money.

Again, they had a staring game going before, being the one to huff then, Laxus said, "He can't order fish."

"Can I bring Nat-"

"That's it, I'm revoking his opportunity to come."

"Hey!"

"Laxus-"

"You put this job away for me," Laxus grumbled, handing it over to Lisanna. "As soon as dinner's over."

"When are we going?" Lisanna asked to which, over his shoulder as he headed through the hall then, towards the back area. "Laxus?"

"As soon as I get your sister."

"Awh," Happy carped. "But I just ate!"

Luckily for the stupid Exceed, Laxus was so into trying to figure out how he was going to break the news to Mirajane that her little sister was getting hitched to a creep that spent the majority of his down time trolling women at the bar and the majority of his busy time possessing other women that he didn't catch what the stupid feline had said. So lucky. So very, very lucky…

In the storage room, Laxus found Kinana who pointed him further back, towards the freezer, where he found Mirajane dutifully going through a checklist.

"Hi, Laxus," she greeted, not even looking up from her clipboard. "What can I do you for?"

"A date, actually," he said in the most boring way possible because it honestly didn' tmatter how he asked; Mirajane never turned him down for dates.

"Sorry. Busy."

This made him growl because, not only did that now make him a liar, but it was also further complicating things. "Mira-"

"Go out to eat with someone else," was her solution. "Oh, Freed's in town."

"I don't wanna go eat with Freed."

"Why not?" She gave him a sad look. "Are you guys fighting?"

"What? No. I-"

"You should go to dinner and work it out."

"Mira-"

"Imagine going through life not having dinner with your best friend."

"Would you listen to me?"

"Sorry, dragon, I can't," she said with a shake of her head as, once more, she checked something off on her clipboard. "It's stock day."

"So? Blow it off. Come with me."

"I'm working. Do I disturb your work?"

"My work has the possibility to be life and death. You're going over the same shit that was in this freezer two months ago when you-"

"Watch your mouth." She frowned over at him finally, giving him her attention for the first time that night. "And I'll have you know that if we mismanage our supply, then we'll overspend on supplies and then what, Laxus? Then what?"

"I don't know-"

"That's right. You don't know. Because you're not head barmaid, are you?"

"I guess not."

"Right again."

"But-"

"Three strikes and you're out."

"But I was getting the questions right! How can that be a strike?"

Mira blinked. Then she giggled and went back to her clipboard. "I love you, Laxus."

This got a grunt out of the man before, "Then why won't you go to dinner with me?"

"Will it hurt your feelings if I don't?"

He had to grind his teeth to the roots, but did get out, "Yes, it will, demon," through the clenching.

"Mmmm… Okay then!" And Mirajane bounced some, clapping her hands together. "Just let me ask Lisanna-"

"That's the thing," he interrupted. "It's Lisanna I want us to go out with."

That got the bounces to stop. Staring at him, Mira asked, "But why? Laxus?"

"What difference does it make?"

"Is it because you love her too and you're such a good brother and-"

"You're about to lose this, Mirajane."

"Fine, spoilsport." After sticking her tongue out at him, she said, "Inventory can wait until tomorrow, I guess. Let me talk to Kinana and then we can go."

This took hardly any time at all and, once they found Lisanna, one of Mirajane and Laxus were shocked to see who she was with. The other just really wished he'd gone on his damn job.

"Oh. Bickslow. Did you need something?" Mirajane asked as she and Laxus came to a stop before the other pair. "Lisanna and I are going off duty and Laxus isn't a barmaid. We just went over that, actually."

"What?" Lisanna asked with a frown as Laxus considered how great it would have been, leaving so late. A nice night walk through the forest to clear his head as he headed a few towns over to take care of some serious work. Nothing like it. Solitude. Being the savior of those less worthy. Mmmm.

"Actually, Mrs. Boss," the other man snickered as his tongue tumbled from his mouth, "I'm going with ya, yeah?"

"With us where?"

"To dinner, of course."

"Of course," Mira repeated slowly before glancing up at her boyfriend. "But Laxus-"

"Let's," he grumbled as he wrapped an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders and started directing her away, "just go, huh?"

"But-"

"The sooner we leave," he went on, "the sooner you can get back and stay up all night doing all the inventory you want, till your heart is content."

That did sound rather enjoyable, actually, for the woman.

Still, something was off. Mira, though she played quite the ditz, wasn't an easy one to pull the wool over the eyes of. She might not be the most perceptive person in the world, but she certainly wasn't the least!

"Hey, you almost forgot me!"

It was as they were walking though, headed down the road, that a blue blur came rushing at them from behind.

"Happy?" Mirajane asked as, with a groan, Laxus didn't stop walking with the others and instead sped up his pace. "You're coming with us?"

"Yes!" The cat immediately collapsed on Lisanna's shoulder when he was near enough and, with a giggle, she moved to cradle him in her arms. "I was invited. By Laxus, even."

"He sure is inviting a lot of people," Mira mused as she glanced after the man who was still forging on ahead down the road, the rest of them be damned. "Hmmm. What if...what if he's proposing to me? Oh, that has to be it!"

"No," Lisanna said slowly with a frown as Bickslow gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up and his floating around wooden dolls cheered as well, "it doesn't."

"Although," Happy said slowly as, with a bit more of a devious grin, he said, "that would be much better than what's gonna happen."

"What's gonna happen?" Mira asked slowly. "Happy?"

"Well-"

"Nothing!" Lisanna, once more, was walking rather quickly. "Come on. Both of you. And Mira, why would he invite me, Happy, and Bickslow with you guys if he was proposing?"

"To throw me off the trail, of course," Mira insisted as she continued after her sister. "It's the only thing that makes sense."

"Well," Bickslow said with a shrug, "about as much as anything else, sure."

Laxus chose where they would eat that night and, though he seemed rather tense and uncomfortable, Mirajane could find no other reason why he would feel that way short of he wanted to marry her and live happily ever after. Literally no other reason. At all. Nope. No way.

"Ooh, what a fancy menu," Happy remarked as he literally stood on the fucking table while Bickslow's dumbass dolls circle around him and gah! Laxus hated his life.

From the deepest cellar in his core, he hated his life.

"I thought," he asked through clenched teeth, "that you ate fish at the bar? And wouldn't be hungry, cat?"

"I had to rush to catch you after you ditched me," the cat retorted from the safety of a place beside Lisanna and across from Mirajane. "I worked up an appetite."

"Oi, boss, this cat sure is sassy," Bickslow griped with a frown over at him. But just as quickly, he was beaming at the feline, guild marking showing. "I like it!"

"So why did you invite us all out to dinner then? Laxus?" Mirajane was getting to the bottom of things as quickly as possible. If it was an engagement ring, she wanted to see it immediately. If it was anything else, she wanted to stop feeling so antsy. "Hmmm?"

He grunted before saying, "Can't I invite my woman, her sister, and my follower all out to dinner without it being a big deal?"

"And me," Happy insisted as he was honestly growing fearful that Laxus would be buying his dinner. Then what was this all for? Oh, no, yeah, Lisanna and Bickslow too, but mostly… "I'm here too."

"Maybe," Lisanna spoke up then, finally, "I wanted us all to come to dinner."

"You?" And Mira couldn't hide her disappointment. "Lisanna?"

"Me. Lisanna."

"I Bickslow," the seith intervened then as he rarely liked to be silent for long. "As well."

"I Bickslow what?" Mira asked.

"No, I Bickslow, you Mira."

"I know, but-"

"Well, you clearly don't-"

"Bickslow!" And Lisanna sent him such a death glare that, for a second, yeah, Laxus could see it. He couldn't before, the two of them together, but the way she just laid into him like that, why, it felt very couple-ish indeed.

And after only one week…

Poor fuck. Bickslow didn't know what he was getting into.

"Lisanna!" he barked back because it was true, he didn't at all understand what he was getting into.

"Lisanna!" his dolls hissed as Happy, thoughtfully, turned the page in the menu.

"Here! The desserts," he snickered with a lip of his furry lips.

Wait. Did cats have lips? Laxus decided that he'd try to spend the majority of the dinner focusing on that rather than the train wreck that was soon approaching.

It's not like he thought that there would be anything good happening that day.

"I said I'd buy you an entree, you filfhy feline," the slayer did growl though because, hey, he had. "That's it."

"Dessert might sound nice though, Lax, after...this," Mirajane said a bit uneasily as she took a few glances between her sister and his follower. "At least, maybe."

"Yeah, sure, whatever you say, demon," he agreed because, for one, you always agreed and, for two, because he had a good inkling that there was no way that it would sound nice after what was going to be taking place.

"I for one," Lisanna was saying quickly then, as to attempt to regain control of the situation (as if she were ever in it), "am so thankful, you know? To be here, right now? Together? The three of us."

"Four of us," Happy griped.

"There's five of us here," Mira said with a burrowed brow.

"There's ten," Bickslow retorted with a glare from behind his visor as his dolls moaned over the lack of acknowledgment.

"Sorry," Lisanna giggled a bit, clearly nervous. "I'm just so used to say that to, you know, Mira and Elfman. The three of us. Since we all live together. Still. Into our twenties. Which is perfectly healthy and not at all debilitating."

"Well, of course it isn't," Mira agreed though her face was still heavy. "Why would you even-"

"I dunno," Bickslow whistled then and, as if someone snapped their fingers, he sat up and rolled his tongue into his mouth and almost looked like a normal human being. Almost. Other than the haircut and the face tattoo. And, you know, the visor. But other that… "Seems plenty weird to me."

Mira, still disconcerted by this whole thing, was clearly uncomfortable then and, in her own way, kind of lashed out.

Maybe.

At the very least, she did say, "Some people say that you're weird, Bickslow."

He lonely stared at her for this though, the seith did, for a long few moments before, slowly, he told her, "No. People tell me I'm creepy. There's a difference."

"Is there?"

"Aye. Eating a cow turd is weird, but smearing it on a woman you like's mailbox is creepy."

Lisanna choked on air while Laxus only blinked before, slowly, saying, "An action can be both."

"That's true," Happy offered up then. "Bickslow. So don't feel too creepy."

"If he's doing something like that?" Laxus snorted. "No, do."

"Dodo, as it were," Bickslow said with a nod.

"As it's not," Lisanna complained as she made a face at him. "Seriously, cut it out."

"What? I was being helpful."

"You're ruining this!"

"This wasn't my idea, Lisanna," he reminded. "It was yours."

"It was Laxus'."

"Wait," Mira said then, looking to her boyfriend. :I thought that we said it was Lisanna that wanted us to come out tonight?"

"The three of us," her sister sighed.

"Five."

"Ten."

"Shut up." Laxus was growing very impatient. Mainly because the demon would pitch a fit if he dared to put on his headphones. "All of you."

"Excuse me?"

"Except you, Mira. You're fine." And as he slammed his menu down, eh gave the rest of them all looks. Even the stupid wooden dolls. "The rest of you though-"

"Is everyone ready to order?"

Luckily, the waitress saved them from the dressing down that Laxus was just itching to give them.

Things were in an awkward place, however, once she left and they all just kind of sat there, unsure of how to proceed. After downing half a glass of water though, Bickslow, for some reason, though that he knew.

"So," he began slowly as Lisanna eyed him suspiciously and Mirajane quizzically. "What do you think about your sister moving out, Mirajane? Getting married? Shacking up with a man?"

"What?"

"Bickslow!"

Laxus groaned then while Happy only beamed. It was the exact thing both were expecting, but both were reacting widely differently to each. Nothing major had happened as of yet, but already, it was the best outing Happy had had in a long time.

Laxus would argue then that the cat should get out more.

Or not.

Or at the very least with someone else.

Literally anyone else.

The two Strauss sister's, who had been the ones to speak previously, both were making faces at Bickslow who only held his head high, undeterred.

"What?" he repeated back to Mirajane. "It's only a question."

Looking then between them all, slowly, Mira said, "I think I know what's going on here."

"No, probably not," Laxus sighed as Happy snickered. Then his girlfriend threw him one from left field and Laxus did well just to not get smacked in the face by it.

"You're leaving me for Lisanna, aren't you, Laxus? And have brought Happy and Bickslow along to cheer me up?"

Actually, no, she did hit him in the face. Hard. Imagine getting knocked in the head by your own teammate. The audacity.

"What?" he just about roared but somehow was able to remember to use his inside voice. Somehow. "Mira-"

"Why would I make you feel better?" Bickslow asked with a frown. "If I'm weird, apparently."

"Apparently?" Happy giggled because they were just all so much fun. Why did he hang around with Natsu so much when Lisanna offered up much more interesting encounters?

"Yes, apparently." Bickslow even nodded. "I prefer creepy, but some of you here-"

"Mirajane, why would you even say that?" Laxus kept up. "That's gross. That's-"

"You're a jester, right?" Mira asked the seith then, ignoring her boyfriend (soon to be ex, it was seeming or, ugh, brother-in-law; she might just leave town…). "Did he put you up to this? Is that why you were talking about poop? To make me laugh?'

"I'm concerned that you think that I think that that has the possibility to make you laugh," Laxus complained.

"I'm just offended that she thinks I can't talk about poop for my own damn entertainment," Bickslow scoffed.

"Mira," Lisanna finally interrupted. "Do you really think that I would steal Laxus from you?"

"I didn't before. But now-"

"I mean, even if you think for some insane reason that I would ever do that to you, like ever," Lisanna continued on, "do you really think that Laxus would ever choose me over you? I mean, you're, you know; you. Who would ever choose me over you?"

Mirajane's face changed then from one of betrayal (Laxus had to give it to his woman, even when she was a big fucking idiot, she was an in character big fucking idiot) to one of concern as she asked, "Why would you say that, Lisanna?"

"Mira-"

"No, honestly, why?"

"You know why."

"No, I don't."

"Mirajane-"

"Just say-"

"You're prettier than I am, you're sweeter than I am, you're-"

"Prettier?"

"You're beautiful, Mira," her sister said with a frown. "Why pretend like you're not?"

"I know I am."

Even Bickslow snickered along with Happy at that one. Laxus though just rolled his eyes.

"But," the elder Strauss continued on, "you are too, Lisanna."

"Not like you."

"Yes, like me."

"No."

"Fine."

"Fine?" Lisanna asked as if, somehow, being agreed with was an egregious error.

"Like you then," her older sister told her. "You're beautiful like you. That's what's important. Why would you even ever compare yourself to me?"

For a lot of reasons actually. But in that moment?

"You brought it up!"

"Oh, yeah." Then Mira giggled. "Don't focus on it though. And besides, I bet Laxus would love to date someone like you. You, even. Right, Laxus?"

"What?" He even groaned. "Mirajane-"

"So what were we talking about before?" she asked then as she looked around the table. "Hmm?"

No one quite knew what to say in response to that so, for a few moments, they actually said nothing.

Then, ever the helpful one, Bickslow reminded, "I asked if you were ready for your sister to move out of your loving home and shack up with a man."

"Oh. Right." Mirajane giggled again. "Not particularly. Why?"

Laxus wanted to bang his head against the table, but Happy was thoroughly entertained. It wasn't often he got a show with his dinner, after all. And a free one at that. On both regards. Bickslow though just let his tongue slither back out as Lisanna blinked and stared, wondering how it was that she felt so inadequate at times to a woman who couldn't even coherently get through a night away from the bar.

"She's not your property though, Mira, you know," Laxus said with a sigh because, oh, he wasn't sure why of anything anymore. Other than the food couldn't arrive fast enough. Then he could sped everyone along through the meal and get out of the terrible situation he had found himself in. Why couldn't he just, for once, mind his own business? Why? "You don't really get to decide that. Lisanna is grown."

"Right," his girlfriend slowly agreed, glancing at her sister then. "But Lisanna isn't running off and marrying someone. Is she? I mean, are you? Lisanna?"

The woman looked to Bickslow then, but he was too busy downing the second half of his water to care.

"W-Well," she started slowly. "I-"

"Food's here!" Happy almost bounced right off the table. "Look how good it all smells."

"Happy, that doesn't make any sense," Mira said with a smile though Laxus only took to placing his water glass between him and the cat, hoping it would somehow magically keep all his gross blue fur from floating over and possibly getting on his meal.

"It does when you're me," the feline replied with a bright smile.

Things were moving too quickly for Lisanna though. When she'd asked Laxus to help her out with this whole thing, she hadn't expected to have to put whatever plan he put into action that night. But here they were. And she had no game plan! No time for one, even! If she didn't hurry, everything would sink.

"So when are you guys going to tell me then?" Mira asked after everyone had had their first bite of food. "I mean...unless you are proposing to me, Laxus?"

And he choked then, the slayer did, literally on a piece of meat. Mira had to reach over and pat at his back, even, it was that bad. After he'd gotten that swallowed though, he only made a face at the woman.

"Where the fuck did you get the idea that was even a possibility?" he complained. "Mira?"

"W-Well-"

"'cause it's not. It's fucking not. Don't even start to think about it because-"

"You don't have to be such a jerk."

"Think I'm tying myself down?" Laxus, now offended for some reason, took to shaking his head. "Ever? Literally ever? Never. Ever. At all."

"Evergreen will be so disappointed," Bickslow whispered to Lisanna, but for some reason, only Happy laughed.

"Then why are we here, Laxus?" Mira had been sympathetic, before, to his choking, but now he was being a bit of an ass and, well, she wasn't having it. "Huh? Why-"

"Lisanna's dumbass thinks she's marrying Bickslow's dumbass and I came because she asked me to help her break this news to you slowly or some stupid shit because she thinks that you'll put a stop to it and the cat is here because he doesn't know what the fuck it good for him."

For a long moment, they all sat around the table silently. Happy, who had been, well, happily stuffing his face full of food had a bad feeling that the joyride was over and he was about to get stuck in the slammer with the rest of them. It was probably time to cut in run. But no! As he turned to tell this to Natsu, he realized he'd gone off with Lisanna instead and there was no way she was leaving and oh, man, he just realized why he and Natsu needed each other so much; for all the quick escapes!

"Oh," was all Mirajane said at first though. Then, again, she said whispered, "Oh."

And Laxus was losing the steam he had over the whole misunderstanding (but seriously, marriage? Him? Fuck that shit) so he coughed a bit before saying, "It could be worse, Mira. She could be running off with a circus freak. Instead, they'll live in town. What's better than that?"

"Freak?" Bickslow himself was growing angry then. "I prefer creep! How many times do I have to tell you people-"

"Mirajane," Lisanna was saying then slowly. "Are you okay? With all of this?"

She wasn't sure honest, Mira wasn't. At all. It was all too much. The biggest blow, honestly, was that apparently there were other things that Laxus could invite them all out together for besides either leaving her for her sister or asking her to marry her and that just didn't compute.

Then there was the whole situation at large. None of it made sense. Any of it. Lisanna and Bickslow were...dating? And marrying? A lot of things about that didn't make any sense. The main one was that, somehow, Lisanna had landed Bickslow when Mira was still struggling at tying Laxus down (apparently, she never would) and that just wasn't fair or right and, oh, gosh, was she crying.

"Oh, demon," Laxus sighed.

Happy, not so giddy anymore and definitely wanting out as soon as possible, offered up, "If it makes you feel better, Mira, I'm sure you get to be the Maid of Honor."

That, somehow, made the already shit situation worse. Much worse.

As Laxus now was the one to (tentatively) pat at Mira's back, Bickslow just went about eating his food as if he wasn't bothered in the slightest. And he probably wasn't. The weird creepy freak. But Lisanna was beyond bothered.

"Mira," she whispered then. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd-"

"How can you marry someone that you don't even really know, Lisanna?" her sister asked then through tears. Happy, suddenly, was reminded why he came in the first place and decided that he could ride out the tears if Mira could be a vindictive bitch through them. "Bickslow's literally the slimiest, grossest person in the whole guildhall. In what way are you even attracted to him? Do you know that he mooches off others to get by? He literally is sleeping on Freed's couch right now because Laxus kicked him out, finally, because he's such a creep even his own friends don't really want him. Did he tell you that? How about the odd amount of women that have disappeared that have had contact with him over the years? Did you know about that? Huh?"

"W-Well-"

"Wait, can we go back to the women thing?" Happy asked. "I...I think we should focus on that one."

"Conjecture," Bickslow declared with a glare around at all of them. "Purely."

"They all move, probably," Mira kept up. "That's what Freed and I think. To get away from him."

"Yeah, well, Ever and I have different feelings on that one," Laxus muttered.

"It's not even that serious," Lisanna insisted then though Happy continued to eye the seith suspiciously. No way he was letting Lisanna go anywhere alone with him ever again! "Marriage or whatever. So-"

"It is serious, Lisanna. How could you say that?" Mira was off, for the moment, the supposed missing women though Happy wasn't so sure he'd ever be off that topic. "It's one of the biggest things you'll ever do. It only happens once! It's a commitment to another person-"

"Mira-"

"No. No. Lisanna, you can't marry him."

"You can't tell me what to do."

"Can statistics?" Happy asked. "Because apparently there's some that backup not going around him if you're a woman-"

"Con," Bickslow insisted, "jecture."

"Do you even know what conjecture means?" Laxus asked with a sigh.

But did it really matter? Did it? When you said it so convincingly?

"Yes, Lisanna, I can," Mira said with a heavy frown. "You're not marrying him. You're not doing anything with him!"

"Mainly because it's dangerous," Happy kept trying to interject because, man, this just wasn't any fun at all anymore.

He was never going anywhere without Natsu again…

Natsu! He'd protect Lisanna!

But...she was safe for the moment, what with Mira and Laxus there.

And they might be having dessert soon.

Sure, with all that was going on it seemed unlikely, but there was still a chance.

A slim chance, but a chance all the same.

"Do you think that maybe I'm an adult, Mira? And I know what I'm doing with my life?" Lisanna asked with a frown? "Huh? Ever think of that?'

"No, I didn't, Lisanna, because you still live in my house and don't pay any bills and-"

"I bought groceries."

"Yes. Bought. Once. One time."

"A solid four, at least."

"Lisanna-"

"Maybe I want to pay bills, Mira, too," she continued on. "Maybe I don't want to live with you and Elfman. Maybe I want to be better, but I can't because you won't let me. Did you ever think of that?"

"I don't even know where all of this is coming from, so no, I haven't."

"Well, you should."

Mirajane and Lisanna stared at one another then, right in the eyes. With a shake of her head, finally, Mira turned away.

"Fine," she said finally. "Get married. Move out. Live with Bickslow literally on Freed's couch, as we've covered because somehow that will make you more of an adult, then go be one there."

"Moocher level up, maybe," Laxus grumbled as things felt like they were dying down then and like they might end somewhat peacefully.

Other than, you know, the fact that Happy was now convinced at least one member of the table was a homicidal maniac and the other three were all complicit in this. But yeah, peaceful besides that.

"Fine," Lisanna agreed, but Bickslow, who'd seemed confident in the direction that things were moving only moments before, suddenly looked very annoyed by the turn of events.

"Uh, Lisanna," he griped with a frown. "What do you think you're doing?"

Being an adult! One who forges their own way! And gets out from under the tyrannical rule of Mirajane Strauss!

"I'm...marrying you," she said with what looked like accompanied a gulp. "Apparently."

"Yeah, but that wasn't part of the deal."

"Deal?" Mira repeated as Laxus let out an involuntary groan because that wasn't it. Was it? The worst wasn't over because the worst had yet to begin. No, because the worst was a terribly rehearsed plan between two fucking idiots and arg! Why did Laxus have to constantly get caught between these clowns? What was it that got made him feels poorly for these stupid idiots that he found himself tripped up in their plans? He could have been out on a job. And if not, he could have been home, alone, or with Mirajane, by themselves, but here he was, out to a terrible dinner with two of the biggest idiots he knew and why?

No, seriously, why?

Why did he do this to himself?

Did he secretly like the terrible position it all put him in? Was that it? Did he subconsciously set himself up to be stuck in these sorta situations? Because if so, then his subconscious could fucking blow him. Damn.

"B-Bickslow-" Lisanna tried, but no, he could feel a double crossing going on a mile away. Or a seat away, actually, probably would be a more accurate statement.

"I only told her that I'd pretend to marry her to get you to lay off. She'd back out of it and you'd not be on her so much and that was that," the seith carped. "And then she'd throw me some extra jobs my way before others get to them and I'd be able to get enough jewels to get back on my feet."

"And get into your own place?" Mira asked slowly.

"And get even more off my feet if I could help it! What the fuck difference does it make to you? To any of you? Bring me here and treat me like I'm some sort of monster," Bickslow went on. "Prick me and do I not giggle uncontrollably? And yet you sit here and devalue me left and right. Oh, Bickslow, he's such a freak. Hahaha, circus freak, circus freak, circus freak. I'm not a freak! I'm an acrobat! I talented one at that. Yet I hang around with you pathetic excuses for clowns, why? Because my talent is undervalued. Freak, freak, freak. I'm not a freak!"

Why? Why? Why did Laxus allow this all to come together? Huh? Why? He hated himself. Seriously, he hated himself.

Mira looked to Lisanna who only looked off a bit, unsure what to say, and they all sat there in the mess that they'd made like the idiots they all were.

"No one here called you a freak though, Bickslow," Happy said slowly. "Other than Laxus."

"And it's bothered me deeply since it left his lips," the seith said with a nod of his head.

"Clearly," the slayer retorted through clenched ones now.

"Wait, so this was all some sort of big con?" Mira asked. "Lisanna, do you think I'm a tyrant?"

"He said that! Not me."

"But do you?"

"I don't...Mirajane..."

"What have ever done to you that's so bad, Lisanna?" she asked with a frown. "How am I holding you back?"

"You're not," her sister replied. "Well, not alone, I mean. I'm probably holding me back too. But… I was hanging around the bar last week and Bickslow was one of the only customers and I drank, maybe, just a little bit, which I know is bad for a barmaid to do or whatever, but anyways, he was drinking too and I told him about how I've been feeling and he thought that maybe I should do something about it."

"But not like a mature, rational adult, right?" Laxus sighed because what else was there to do that night? Other than sigh?

"Right," Lisanna agreed because fuck logic, that's why. "And he said that if I helped him, he'd help me."

"By defrauding other members of the guild?" Happy asked with round eyes. "Lisanna-"

"It sounds a lot worse when you say it that way," she defended.

"It's actually worse no matter how you say it," Laxus sighed with a shake of his head.

For a long moment, Mirajane sat there, silently, before, with a shake of her head, she said, "Lisanna, you're fired."

"What?" she asked back. "Mira? That doesn't make any-"

"You were planning on hording jobs for a single mage, you drank on the job-"

"In my defense-"

"-you always call in and, when you don't, you're not on time and you're always begging me to let you off so that you can go hangout with Natsu whenever he's in town and-"

"Mira-"

"You're fired, Lisanna." She held her head high too, Mirajane did. It was then though, slowly, a sweet smile began to spread across her face. "But you're still a part of the guild. Maybe it's time you remind yourself of why."

Lisanna, who had been prepared to defend her work up at the hall (which, honestly, would be hard at it was typically haphazard at best), stopped then before slowly saying, "But I know. I go on jobs with Elfman all the-"

"But maybe you should go by yourself. To earn your own way," her sister insisted. "Maybe even go with-"

"Me and Natsu?" Happy asked in excitement. "Do you think? Lisanna?"

Still, Lisanna only stared at her sister. Softly, she whispered, "But you're not afraid of-"

"I can't keep you locked up forever, Lisanna. And neither can Elf." Letting out a long breath, Mira said, "Eventually, you have to go and figure it all out on your own."

The Strauss sisters smiled then, together for the first time that day, and both got up from their seats in the goddamn restaurant to hug one another and fuck, Laxus hated his life. He seriously hated it.

"Oi, what about me then, boss?" Bickslow complained as he watched the sister's embrace. "Where do I get my extra jobs from? My quick cash? My chance at redemption?"

"You don't," the slayer responded coolly. "I guess."

"That's right! I never get anything. Except called a freak. Did I mention that I hate that?"

"You did," Laxus agreed with a nod. "But you know what? You are a freak, Bickslow."

"Hey-"

"But you're my freak," he grumbled. "Don't that make it worth it?"

Well...maybe just a tad.

As he sat there, among those who didn't seem to notice him at the moment (save Bickslow's dolls, who seemed about in the same boat as him), Happy had to let himself smile and relax because it was such a nice moment. And such a bright future should Lisanna actually start going out on jobs with them! It was the best thing he'd heard in awhile!

But it wasn't the first thing he told Natsu when he saw him that night. Rather, it was something else entirely.

And Happy hid behind the bar with Mirajane the next morning when Natsu confronted Bickslow over the missing women that were apparently associated with him.

"Nah, Hap, it wasn't like you thought at all," Natsu said as he came over to inform him of what he'd learned. "He ain't choppin' them up into slop or nothing like that. Bickslow says they just never existed at all!"

"But what sense does that make?" Happy asked as he continued to hide, fearful even more now that Bickslow would do some sort of counterattack against him. "Huh? Why make up fake women and then have them go missing?"

"Is that what he's doing?" Evergreen asked as she walked up to give a flier to Mirajane who paused in her duty to go file it, as to hear the conversation. "Lying? Knew it. Me and Laxus did. Mira over here and Freed, for some reason, actually thought-"

"It wasn't out the realm of possibilities that Bickslow would date women, who we never saw, and then they would disappear because they moved, just to get away from him," Mira defended with a frown at the other woman. "It was a very reasonable explanation."

"But it's not the truth, apparently, so there," Evergreen said with an air of importance. As if she had won. Mirajane only hummed though and turned, off to file her job for her. To Natsu and Happy, Evergreen only asked, "What did you two think he was doing?"

"W-Well," Happy defended as Natsu only shrugged. "The way that Mirajane and Laxus were acting at dinner… I only thought..."

"At least you're wrong, right, Hap?" And Natsu was motioning then for him, turning as well to head over to the job board. "Now let's get to work. Lisanna's gonna be joining us so we gotta preform extra well! Now we gotta get enough jewels for Lucy to pay rent and for Lisanna to get out of Mira's house. We'll have to take extra jobs, probably, now. But who wouldn't wanna partner with us, right?"

"Aye, sir!" Happy agreed as, finally convinced, he came out of from behind the bar and went to head over to where Lucy and Lisanna were discussing which job to take next. As he floated by though, he felt...uneasy, almost.

"What's wrong, Happy?" Lucy asked as, the second he was close enough, the cat jumped into Lisanna's arms, cowering a bit. "You okay?"

It was Bickslow, from across the hall, where he'd just finished having his discussion with Natsu. He was glaring that way, right at the cat, and oh, gosh, he was going to end up the same fate, right? Of those women? It would be horrible. Just horrible.

What would Fairy Tail be, anyways? Without him floating about?

"Oh, it's Bickslow." And Lisanna waved, big and bright, as it was thanks to the seith that she was now going to be able to live out her dream. He returned the wave, tongue falling from his mouth, as Lucy shivered from the creepiness of his entire being. "We're friends now, you know, Happy. After last night. That's all. He just wanted you to wave."

But that didn't make sense, did it? Because why would Bickslow be friendly with Lisanna when she'd balked on their deal?

Why indeed.

Hunkering down in Lisanna's arms as they left the hall, as to hide him from the seith's eyesight, Happy made himself a promise to stay far way from the man. Never go out with Laxus and Mira on their group outings again. No way. Couldn't risk it.

As they left though, another team was getting ready to leave as well.

"Why were you waving at Lisanna?" Freed asked Bickslow as, after Evergreen filled the job, the three connived to go over their mission. "I thought you were pissy at her. About screwing up your stupid scheme?"

"It wasn't stupid," the seith complained. "And I'm not mad at her at all. How can I be? She's, like, the mother, right? To that stupid cat?"

"So?"

"My babies here, they sure liked hanging around him last night," he said with a nod as the dolls all cried Happy in that eerie tone of theirs. "Gotta get in good with her again and set up a playdate, right? Can't go through the Salamander. He thinks I'm some sort of freak, I bet. Did I tell you about how Laxus called me that? Me? A freak?"

Unfortunately, yes. And equally unfortunately, it was probably all they'd talk about for the rest of the day.

"You're okay with everything, Mirajane?" Kinana asked not soon after that when most the early birds of the guild were gone, off on jobs, and things were slowing down until the lunch rush. The older woman was behind the bar while the younger was sweeping up some, much like Lisanna would be doing about then, were she there. "Your sister going out on a job? With Natsu and Lucy?"

"And Happy too," Mira reminded. Then, even though her stomach was in some knots and she probably would worry until Lisanna returned home, she said, "Of course I am. What difference would it make anyways, if I wasn't? Lisanna is, after all, an adult."

Smiling back at the other woman, Kinana nodded. "Yes. She is."