"Just shut up, Axel. Please."
"Rox-"
"Fucking shut your mouth!" the blonde screeched. "Don't fucking talk to me!"
The redhead opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it. There was nothing he could say that would make Roxas happy again, so he would say nothing.
"Why would y-..." the younger boy started, but his voice gave out when he felt a tear on his cheek. He clenched his fists. "It d-doesn't matter. I should've known that you were an asshole the moment I first saw you - seven months, twelve days, and-" he checked the time on his cell phone, "forty-seven minutes ago. So, really, it's my fault for wasting five months of my life being with you when this was bound to happen. Everyone told me - Sora, Naminé, even that Marluxia guy - you would hurt me, Axel. I just chose not to believe them."
Axel stood there through it all, never breaking eye contact. Though he did look away when Roxas muttered, "Big. Mistake."
"Alright, Rox," Axel said calmly. "You got everything out? Good, 'cause now it's my turn."
Roxas wiped the tear that had made its way down his cheek and did not interrupt Axel.
"You didn't even ask me, you know. If I really did it. I'm not denying it... I cheated on you and you're right to call me an asshole. I wasn't - I'm not lying when I say I'm sorry. I really, really am." He stuck his hands into his sweatshirt pockets, searching for words. "I can't change what I did. If I could, I would do it in a heartbeat. You know that, right? I really care about you. Like, a fucking lot."
Roxas scoffed at that. "If you cared-"
"No, shut up. I'm talking," Axel growled. "And don't tell me what I feel. I swear to God, I've never felt this way before. I think I might be in love with you, Roxas. Only you. What about all those times you said you loved me? Is that irrelevant now?"
"Those feelings tend to dissipate when you find out your boyfriend's had someone else's tongue in their mouth," he said. "Not to mention their cock."
Axel flinched slightly. "You know what? If you're not going to listen to me, this isn't worth my time. Later, Rox," he muttered, turning to walk away. "I love you," he mumbled over his shoulder before he closed the door to the blonde's house. Roxas could see him pull his hood over his bright red hair before he turned the corner, effectively ridding himself of everything that made him Axel. At least, in Roxas's eyes.
The redhead's breathing had been shaky as he gripped the edge of the counter tight. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror, bit his lip. It was really a "should I, shouldn't I" type of moment, and the voice in his head kept chanting do it, do it, do it...
So he yanked up his sleeve to his elbow, barely noticing the scars that showed that he had not cut in a long time. Everything had healed. Axel had thought that he had healed. He forgot everything when he flung the drawer on his nightstand open. Hiding on the bottom of the drawer was a single-edged razor blade. It was taped in place.
With shaking hands, Axel tried to peel the tape off. It took him a few minutes because he couldn't get it to come off in one piece. Finally, when he got it, he peeled the blade from it and stumbled into the bathroom. He could only stare at his reflection as he dragged the blade vertically down his left wrist. He could only stare and hurt and bleed. It occured to him vaguely that he wanted to cry.
When he was finished with that - the bleeding, hurting, and staring - he nursed his wound. He searched for the roll of gauze he used to keep in here. He found it in the third drawer from the top. He wrapped his arm with the fabric a few times, covering the cut completely.
Axel closed his eyes and pulled his sleeve back down over his wrist. Hecursed mentally. Roxas is going to blow up when... He cringed inwardly, remembering that Roxas no longer cared what he did or said. Or who, for that matter. For all he knows, they're broken up.
Axel did not want them to be broken up. Maybe that's why, for the first time in four months and six days, he cut himself again.
Fuck.
The weather sucked. It was pouring outside. Three days had passed and Roxas called Axel twice. He was not completely sure why. He knew that he could not trust him, but he seemed genuinely sorry.
But still, that wasn't good enough. No words could describe how it made Roxas feel when a shit faced Demyx had called him four days ago, laughing.
"No, man, I fucking swear! Oh, shh! He answered! Heyyy Roxy..."
"Demyx?"
"Man, I gotta say... your boyfriend is fuckin' great at blowjobs..." There was howling laughter in the background. "Dude, shut up!" Demyx growled, but then he too started laughing. Roxas knew he was drunk. He knew it. He was lying, that's it. Demyx was drunk and he was lying.
"I swear man," the sitarist said once he had stopped laughing, "you should get him to suck your dick sometime. I, I think you'd like it. He swallows, too!" More laughter. "Oh, shit, I gotta go. I took Saïx's phone a-and he's gonna kick my ass," he snickered. "Bye, Roxy! You should really think about... uh... oh yeah, getting a blowjob from Axel!" With that, he hung up.
"You're lying," Roxas whispered.
Because Axel had not answered his phone after that, it began to sink in. Maybe Axel really had cheated on him. Maybe their relationship meant nothing to him. After all, Roxas was younger than his boyfriend. Inexperienced. Boring.
Roxas didn't let himself cry, not even when Axel texted him the next morning. It was just two words, but it was enough to break his heart into what seemed like ten thousand pieces.
"I'm sorry."
Axel was too ashamed to answer the phone. He had done two things he had promised Roxas he would never do: cheat and self harm (again). He really was an asshole. He wouldn't blame Roxas for breaking up with him.
The redhead picked up his phone and instead of calling Roxas back, he sent him a text message. He was too afraid to talk to him.
"I can't talk right now. Just text me back."
"I called you."
"I know."
"Why didn't you answer?"
"I was doing something else. Sorry."
"This is fucked up."
"I miss you."
"Fuck you. Why'd you do it? If you care about me so much"
"I was fucking hammered, Rox"
Instead of a reply, Roxas called him. Axel answered this time.
"This is stupid. If I'm going to talk to you, I'm actually going to talk to you..." the blonde boy muttered.
"Okay," Axel said. "We'll talk."
"So..." Roxas mumbled. "You were 'hammered'?"
"..."
"Okay, fine, don't talk to me. I'll talk and you can listen..." Roxas took the silence that followed as an 'okay.'
"I get that you were drunk... but why? I mean, you always complain that you hate these people... Larxene, Xigbar, Luxord, whoever else... And then you go to a party and drink with them? I really just don't get it. Didn't you..." Roxas swallowed hard, nervous about what he was going to say. "Didn't you date that Saïx guy...?"
"Yeah," Axel replied. Finally. "I went to that party because I needed to have fun. I got drunk, you get that, right? And I saw Saïx, and stupid drunken me decided that I wanted to make him jealous. Obviously, you were not there, so I settled for Demyx. I grabbed him and dragged him into Saïx's room - fucking Demyx was more smashed than anyone there. So, anyway... I sat him down on that dog's bed and I gave him a blowjob. Naturally, that mutt didn't expect anyone to be fucking around in his bedroom and walked in on us. I had achieved my goal but instead of being happy about it, I just left. I'm... I'm a whore, right? Can guys be whores? I guess so, because I a-"
"Axel!" Roxas cried, sounding very much hurt.
"What?"
"Please stop talking."
"Roxas?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I come over?"
"No. I'm sorry."
Axel bit his lip. Too bad. He hung up, flung his hood up over his head and trudged through the rain to his boyfriend's house.
Axel pounded on his door. The blonde was shocked, too say the least, that he was here. He strode to the door and let him in, only because he was afraid that Axel would contract pneumonia.
"What are you doing here?" Roxas asked, sounding almost frightened.
"I'm done with this," Axel responded. "I'm not going to fuck around with you anymore." He ran his fingers through his crimson locks. "I know I'm a stupid, selfish, promiscuous nineteen-year-old, and I know that I fuck up a lot. That's why I need you, Rox..." Surprisingly, Axel wrapped Roxas in hug then.
"Oh," Roxas blurted. And then everything registered. "Axel, I... I can't trust you right now... B-but I would hardly consider you promiscuous. If-f we were to get back together... you'd be on a pretty short leash... I don't know if you can handle th-that..."
"Roxas..."
"Mmm?" he mumbled into the redhead's chest.
"I really, really need you. I'll do whatever..."
"Why...? Why do you... need me so much?" Roxas asked, biting his lip.
"Fuck, I don't know... you stop me from hurting myself... I love you..."
The blonde felt his eyes nearly pop out of his head.
AN: Fucking endings, how do they work? (I read that somewhere and decided to steal it, okay?)
I thought this was longer. I still don't have a proper word document... thingy, so I have to use WordPad, which doesn't has spellcheck, word count, etc. So bleh.
Uh, this got kind of bland toward the end, I'm sorry. I should've spent more time on it.