Author's Note: A few of my friends and I made this out of pure boredom and insanity. I have to thank fellow writer, Trevaacin, for his help. I am so sorry.

POKÉIDIOTƧ

Chapter 1: The Adventure Begins!

It was a perfectly ordinary day. The sun was shining, birds were singing, the local Bolsheviks were demonstrating outside the town's Walmart… nothing was amiss. Inside a store whose name shall not be disclosed, because product placement lawsuits are no joke, a group of guys stood waiting to purchase the latest and greatest generation of PCs. Like all technology, they would likely become obsolete in a few short years, but these men were not known for their foresight. Why exactly were they doing this? No one knew, not even them.

In short, things were going well. Too well. But most importantly, too slow. "Ugh," complained Gavin, the squad's resident blond, and among the smarter ones (though this is a low bar), "this line is taking forever to move, why did I let you guys drag me into this anyways?"

Christian, the only black guy in the group, retorted, "Why are you blaming me? I don't even play on PC!"

A hand slapped his face, as Austin, the guy with khakis and unkempt brown hair, interrupted, "Silence mortals! PC is the master race!"

Isaac, who was standing in the back fiddling with his glasses, which had miraculously remained unbroken despite previous antics, took offense to this. "Blasphemy! The only master race is that of the Helix fossil!"

Next to Christian, Jake sighed and pulled at his own light brown hair in irritation, "Great… Gavin, look what you've started now, they'll never shut up about this."

Gavin looked back to Austin and Isaac, who had been joined by Ben and Sebastian (who will go undescribed, because everyone looks too similar to differentiate by appearance) in their debate on which of their obscure cults was clearly superior. Their discussion continued, to the embarrassment of their friends, all the way until they reached the front of the line. Most of them anyways. Nobody even paused when Joey touched a random PC and immediately got shocked by a random power surge, collapsing in a twitching heap as his red hair singed. A moment later, he jumped back up, like nothing had happened, and rejoined his friends, determined to revive before someone could teabag his body like the last time. As stated earlier, today was a perfectly normal day.

In the corner, a random life insurance agent cursed beneath his breath, "Great, at this rate he's gonna drive us to bankruptcy. We should have known better than to insure a ginger. They have no souls, so they just keep coming back!"

"Um," a woman interjected, "I don't really think that's how it works…"

"Shut up! This is serious business!"

Back at the counter, Gavin stood before the store clerk, surrounded by the idiots his friends. "One next gen PC please"

"Sure, they're on sale for you, that'll be only $100."

"Oh really? Sweet!"

The employee muttered, "Yeah, anything to get you out before you scare off all the customers"

"What was that?"

"Uh, nothing! Have a nice day!"

Having paid for the PC, Gavin left, his friends close behind them, as they planned to actually use the thing before what little left they had of that day ran out. No sooner had they plugged it in, when Isaac ran out of patience. "Gavin, turn it on, I crave more memes. If I don't get my fill soon Imma go into withdrawal."

"Isaac, you can't literally go into a withdrawal over me-"

"Oh yeah, then how do you explain that one time I passed out while drinking my ninth energy drink? WebMD clearly said withdrawal was the cause."

Jake coughed, "Isaac, I don't think WebMD is the best method of determining those things. You should probably see a doctor."

"Don't be silly," Isaac laughed, "if it weren't for WebMD, how else would I have realized I had cancer those five times last year. Good thing apples are the cure to all illnesses, or I wouldn't be alive!"

Gavin spoke up before they could get any further, "Back on track, let's go ahead and turn this thing on"

With a dramatic gesture, Gavin pressed the power button, the screen lighting up to reveal… Now loading update 1 of 5,426.

"DAMMIT"

Speaking for all of them, Christian announced, "And now… we wait."

Three hours later…

The PC screen changed, the message now reading, Updates complete, loading computer.

"Finally, it's working!" Sebastian exclaimed, "Let's look up stuff!"

"First, let's test the search eng-" began Gavin before he was promptly pushed out of the way.

"Dibs!" Isaac was already at the keyboard, immediately attempting to open Internet Explorer. After five minutes of sheer lag, Gavin gave up and dragged him away from the keyboard. "Let me do this."

The others watched in anticipation, not because it was that neat, but because there wasn't much else to do while cramped into the room. Really, whoever planned this gathering was never going to hear the end of it. Naturally, Gavin looked up the only thing he ever looks up, Dragon Ball Z. The group facepalmed, and Isaac took the opportunity to get back to the computer. Gavin groaned, "Why Isaac? We all know what he's going to look up."

"Somewhat obscure Pokemon spin offs that most people have never heard of?" asked Jake, who hadn't spoken until this moment in hopes nobody he knew would notice him hanging out with the other guys. A futile endeavor, but he tried.

"No, I was going to say- is that Explorers of Sky? Dangit Isaac!"

"Sweet, Christian owes me five bucks."

"You placed bets on this?"

"Hey," Christian defended himself, "Half Life 3 was a solid bet on what he'd search first."

"Can someone just get Isaac away from the computer?"

"No need," Austin replied before he could get to it, "he's currently having a staring contest with the your dog."

"Yeah," Joey added, "You never told us your dog was so good at those."

"I… I…" Gavin trailed off, "Fine. This is fine. Let's get onto it. This is a big moment. We have to look up something."

Christian shot to his feet, having earlier sat down in boredom, "that's it, we'll look up Idiots!"

They all stared at him, and Austin punched him in the arm, "You idiot, you just broke the fourth wall! That thing isn't cheap you know, we can't afford to keep repairing it if we break it at this rate!"

"Wait," Joey interrupted his staring contest with Gavin's dog (having taken over after Isaac's surprising defeat) to process this new information, "You guys get paid?"

Jake banged his head into the wall, "We've been working full time for several years, of course you get paid. What, did you think the money would just magically appear in your bank account? You have to sign up for that first."

"Maybe? How was I supposed to know, I wasn't paying attention in economics."

"They told us… nevermind."

"They told us nevermind? What an odd thing to say…"

Jake resumed banging his head into the wall. It was less painful that way.

"You know," said Gavin as he looked at what they had accomplished, "I'm starting to realize there's nothing special about this PC. Welp you guys can go I guess there's nothing else to do now."

"Aww…" most of them complained, even Joey, who had joined Isaac and now Ben in moping at their crushing defeat at the hands of Gavin's dog.

They turned to leave, and had almost reached the doorway when the computer began humming and whirring uncontrollably. ERROR ERROR played across the screen as the group stared in varying degrees of shock.

"Um…" Jake started, "What's going on?"

Nobody responded, too busy staring at the computer. Well, Ben and Isaac were staring at it, and Gavin couldn't get around them to attempt to do something. Same difference. Naturally, messages continued to scrawl across the glitched screen, now reading WARNING OVERLOAD repeating time and time again.

Something in Isaac finally clicked, "Oh no! Twitch warned me about this! The PC demands blood!" Hey, I said something clicked, never said it clicked in the right place.

Not giving Isaac any heed, Sebastian began dragging them to the others could go to investigate, "What does it mean?"

Christian reached it, alongside Gavin, the two having pushed Isaac and Ben forewords to get there, " I think it means-"

He would have finished, had the PC not began doing what they always seem to do in fiction, dragging the four towards it. They attempted to resist, but actually pulling that off would end the tale here, so naturally their attempts were fickle, and they plummeted sideways into the screen with a cry of "What the hell?" Do not try this at home kids, results may vary.

The PC returned suspiciously to normal as soon as the four were absorbed, leaving the remainder still staring, because what else would they be doing, and highly confused.

Back with our four unsuspecting victims, they found themselves falling through a colorless void.

"AHHHHHHH!"

"What just happened?" Gavin called out, even through there wasn't really any sound to speak over.

"I don't know," Christian called back, also yelling out of habit, "One moment we're searching the internet, the next we're being sucked into the computer!"

"Yeah," Ben agreed, in a perfectly level voice, "It's like the cliche from that one show…"

Isaac pondered this, forgetting the fact that he was still falling through the nothingness, "You mean 'Santa Claus Conquers the Martians'? Though I'm not sure I remember that scene…"

Gavin stopped screaming long enough to stare at his friend, "How do you even find these things?"

"Dedication and boredom. Mostly boredom."

Before their discussion could devolve into something else, they stopped falling. Not because they hit anything, mind you, they simply began hovering in the darkness. They looked amongst themselves, confused, before a voice rang out from around them.

'Welcome to a new world. I have summoned you here, never to return until you pass my trial.'

Ben perked up, "Oh boy, a trial! Are we going to get to be heroes or something?"

'Oh, nothing like that. I'm just bored and needed some entertainment. Being an all powerful fifth dimensional being does get dull after a while

"Really?" Gavin demanded of it, annoyance leaking through his tone, "You just dragged us out of our lives so we could amuse you? Was the computer part even necessary?"

'Of course not, but it wouldn't have been as dramatic if I'd just warped you here from the middle of the sidewalk. Your friends might have actually realized something was up.'

"He does make a good point Gavin," Isaac said studiously, "Dramatic effect is one of the most important things to maintain when doing things. That's why the sacred monologue should never be interrupted, or why we should probably stop breaking the fourth wall."

"What? That's the dumbest- wait, should something have happened when you mentioned the fourth wall?"

'That's no concern here. The fifth dimension has far more than a mere four walls. I would look out for the eight dimensional whales though, they get hungry this time of hour.'

"Oh, of course, how could I have forgotten? I don't suppose you'll tell us what you want now?"

'Ah! Yes, yes. It's quite simple. You'll be transported to the world of Pokemon through my dimension, and gather all the badges of the first six regions and defeat their champions while I watch. That should give me enough to pass the time.'

Gavin balked, "That's… quite a task." Behind him, Ben and Isaac cheered, until Christian hit them over the head, "Are you two insane? It's a world of super powered animals, we're gonna die, jack $$es!"

Frustration seeped back into Gavin's voice, "Couldn't you at least give us a little preparation? This is insane!"

'Of course it's insane, that's why I picked the experts!'

"...fair."

'And besides, it'd be no fun if you all lost instantly, so I decided to give you some powers to help you through.'

"Is there anything you can't do?"

'Play a ukulele.'

Seeing this as a perfectly fit response, the voice fell silent for a moment, the only movement begin the sudden appearance of a light above Isaac's forehead. He stared at it, then began flailing in circles in the darkness trying to catch it. The voice returned before Christian could attempt to smack him. 'There, now you'll be able to have visions of the future… or the past… or the present… basically it'll be completely random. But helpful. Most of the time. Maybe.'

Isaac's eyes gleamed with excitement, "Whoa, it's like before I was mute, and now I can taste! I… can see everyone! And we're floating in this void, and…"

"We've been here for the past five minutes, dumb %$!" Christian and Gavin yelled simultaneously.

"Oh…"

Gavin looked beyond them, attempting to address the mysterious, plot convenient voice, "Will I get powers too?"

'Well, I was gonna give you some, but those are copyrighted… so I got you a mallet instead.'

Gavin held the large rubber mallet, which had appeared in his hands a moment before, with visible confusion.

'Trust me, you'll need it.'

"Hey," Christian protested as he looked at the first two, "How come I don't get anything?"

'Oh. Uhh… here!'

A pair of dark glasses appeared over Christian's eyes, shading them. 'It's a magical pair of glasses to keep the sun out of your eyes!"

"Yo, that's pret- hey! These are just sunglasses!"

'Don't say I never got you anything'

"Can I have something too?" Ben begged of the spirit thing whose identity is irrelevant anyways.

'Hold on, wait. One second… aha!'

A piece of paper materialized in Ben's hand, which he read eagerly, "Buy two get one free? Score! Thanks disembodied voice!"

'No problem amusing mortal! Now off to your quest!"

"Yeah!"

"Wait," Gavin attempted to stop it, "We need more prepa-" before he could finish, they stopped hovering and began plummeting once more, towards a light below them at began to grow larger as they approached it, "DANGIT!"

The light grew in size and intensity, until the four finally found themselves plummeting through an open sky. The air finally began tugging at them as they fell through clouds and towards the surface, they more alert two screaming all the way. "Guys?!" Ben called over the howl of the wind, "What are we going to do?"

"Easy!" Isaac shouted back, strangely confident, "Aim for the water, I've played minecraft before. If we hit it we won't take fall damage!"

Gavin threw a punch, only to miss as he fell slightly below Isaac, "This is reality, moron! The surface tension alone would kill us on im-"

"SHUT UP!" Christian interrupted him, covering his ears as he watched the ground come to meet them, "If we're going to die, can I at least die thinking I have a chance."

Isaac gave him a thumbs up, "That's the spirit!"

"Alright…" Gavin allowed, though no one heard him over the overwhelming wind, "AIM FOR THE WATER IT IS!"

The group linked together, doing their best to redirect themselves towards a patch of blue they were fast approaching. They finally hit it, impacting with a huge splash. A moment later, the group resurfaced, and dragged themselves out to the bank of the pond they had landed in.

"What…" Gavin gasped between breaths, "just happened?"

"Shouldn't you be more surprised about how we SURVIVED falling into water at high speed?!" Christian shot back.

"Christian's right," Ben agreed, "How did we survive that? Was it the mysterious voice dude?"

"Maybe it was the communists," Isaac suggested.

Gavin clenched his fist as he attempted to shake himself dry, "That's it. You die tonight."

Used to it, Christian turned his attention to the surrounding foliage, "We're in Kanto, right? We should look for a town or something."

"Nah," Ben decided, "We'll just find ourselves a pokemon."

"Isn't that a bit dangerous?"

"They're just birds and rats around here. How bad could it be?"

Five minutes later, the four dragged themselves out of a bush, covered in bruises and scratch marks, "Owww…" Isaac complained, "Maybe we should get something first…"

"Like pokeballs?" Gavin suggested.

"I was thinking rocks, but that works too."

"Maybe a starter would help?" Christian threw in.

"Yeah, like from that cool looking building."

"Uh?" Gavin began, "Should we really just barge in there?"

"Well yeah, this is Pokemon. Why wouldn't we just walk into someone's house uninvited and take everything we find? It's common policy."

"I'll hold you to that bet."

The group walked in, and a few minutes later, three of them emerged, each with a pokeball, while Ben remained unseen.

Isaac glanced at the ball in his hand, "I've always wanted a bulbasaur. Now to name it…"

Gavin gagged him with his hand, "No! That's enough references for you! For shame!"

"Mmff!" Isaac struggled until Gavin removed his hand, "No fair, you're the one who got the charmander…" He trailed off, having forgotten what point he was trying to make.

Christian coughed into his hand, succeeding in gaining his friends' attention, "Aren't either of you surprised Professor Oak just gave us pokemon? He's never even seen us before, and we just barged into the lab."

"Well yeah, have you seen us? Probably thought we'd end up killing ourselves without one." Gavin remarked like it was obvious.

"Don't be silly," Isaac laughed, "We can't die, this is a video game, we'll just respawn."

"For the love of God-"

"You mean Lord Helix?"

"NO! This isn't a video game, we've been sent here by a uncaring deity, one wrong move and we could die."

"Really? Dangit, I knew I should've paid attention in chess class!"

"That's not… hey, where did Ben-"

Gavin was silenced by an object slamming into the back of his head, knocking him to the ground where he lay groaning. Ben burst into the group from the same direction, laughing, "BEN EX MACHINA!"

"What… the… fu-"

"NO CURSING!" Isaac interrupted, "At least make the funny bleep noise! We have standards, you know!"

"Do we?" Christian asked, "Do we really?"

The group blonde groaned, getting to his feet, "Really, how did you get that?"

"Oh, easy," Ben responded, "While you three took the boring route of actually asking for pokemon, I just went to the back and took the one I wanted."

"That's illegal!"

"This isn't GTA, silly. If it's at all physically possible, nobody is going to try to stop you."

"I… can't take this anymore. Christian, I'm sorry, but it's up to you. I'm killing both these morons, then I'm putting myself out of my misery."

"Wait, no!" Isaac panicked, "I have so much to live for! How am I supposed to finish my bucket list if I die here? Could you really kill a man before he even gets to vacuum his front lawn?"

"Relax, I'll give you until tonight. Get comfortable."

Ben shrugged indifferently, too eager to recount his most recent decisions, "Anyways, this is my Snorunt, Allahu Akbar!"

Christian sank his head into his hands, murmuring, "So much for standards," while Isaac gleamed back at Ben, "My name is Jafar…"

Ben grinned back, "I come from afar…"

"There's a bomb in my car…"

"ALLAHU AKBAR!" the two finished together, howling like lunatics.

Gavin slammed their heads together, "And this is why I hate going in public with you two."

As if on cue, the Snorunt suddenly detonated behind them, leaving it sizzling in a small crater. Christian stared, "As happy as you are about this, you won't be able to win any battles with a pokemon that only knows explosion unless you get a second pokemon."

Isaac tilted his head in confusion, "Is that a bad thing?"

"It ruins the fun if I do that." Ben countered.

"It is if we ever want to go home. We have to beat every gym, all of them! That could take years!"

"Yeah," Gavin added, "we've been here over an hour and the only thing we have to show are these pokemon we were given and a whole lot of broken bones. We're gonna be here forever!"

"Unless… he never said we have to beat each region in order, if we really want to do this faster we'll have to split up. One of us will travel and defeat the gyms of one of the first four reasons, then we'll have a cakewalk through Unova and Kalos."

"Ooh!" Isaac drooled, "I love cake! I vote for this plan!"

Gavin's eyes widened, "What, no! You want to set those two on the loose, by themselves, with super powered pets by their side? Who knows what will happen!"

"Oh, I did not think this through."

"Too late!" Ben interjected, "I'm voting for plan A. And Christian gives half a vote since it was his idea, so plan A wins!"

Gavin's face began twitching, "What kind of logic is that?"

Isaac ignored him as the more eccentric of the four began drawing with sticks to outline their new plan, "So… Gavin will be the one to defeat Kanto, when we reach Viridian City, Christian will head west to Johto, and when the rest of us reach the port city of Vermillion me and you will head to Sinnoh and Hoenn respectively."

Ben nodded sagely, "Right after I make a stop at the Sevii Islands."

"Why there?"

"I have my reasons."

Christian sighed, defeated, "Well, we've got our complicated plan. Now to just wait and find out what goes wrong."

"You jinxed it!" Isaac exclaimed, "Now everything's gonna go wrong! What have you done?"

"Only one way to find out, let's get started already."