There I was, in the blackness, humiliated in front of the most important people in my life. Carmen Tidibeaux had just walked away with my chances of Broadway, being a star, meeting Barbra Streisand. I couldn't breathe, frozen in the stillness of the moment. All I could do was fall to the floor, on my knees praying that this was a horrible dream. How could I have choked on a song I've practised since I was two years old? Why out of all the times this could have happened, it chose to happen now? I could hear my pleas for another chance replaying in my head over and over again. Finn, Mr Shuester, Kurt and Blaine had seen the most embarrassing moment in my entire life. I couldn't look at them. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I couldn't take their sympathetic stares and attempts to make me realise this wasn't the end and I would be a star. Maybe it wasn't. But right then, it sure felt like it had. The words, the song, Finn's flowers overwhelmed my mind with sadness and disappointment. What could I do now?
I felt the strong arms of a large shadow pull me close. I knew it was Finn. What could I say? How could I tell him that I failed?
"I'm sorry", I said with my face in my hands and tears endlessly streaming down my face.
That was all I could say without breaking down in front of the love of my life.
"Shh baby. It's okay. Just breathe." Finn replied holding her tightly in his arms, stroking her hair and kissed her forehead to calm her down.
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
I slowly started to calm down from the sound of my fiancée's voice. He still loved me and saw me as a star. That was all I needed right now.
We stayed in each other's arms for the next hour.
"How am I going to tell my dads that I failed them?" I asked brushing off the tear stains on my cheeks.
"Hey. Look at me." Finn says as he pulls her sad face up to look in his eyes.
"You Rachel Berry are not a failure. You are the most beautiful, smart, talented and kind hearted person that I know. If Carmen Tidibeaux didn't see that, well maybe she is the one that failed…" Rachel shook her head and sobbed quietly. Finn cupped her face and brought her to look in his eyes.
"because she missed the best person in the entire world. And if she gave you another chance, she would know that." He says with a slight grin on his face.
"I love you Finn."
At least, at the end of the day I still have Finn. He was my home, my life, my dream. He was the only one I never could stop loving.
"I love you too babe. I'm forever yours faithfully."
"Babe, can you take me home please? I need to tell my dads before I lose my strength."
He doesn't hesitate for a second. She was his star, his beacon of light and he would do anything for her.
"I'd do anything for you."
We both got up and headed to his truck. I couldn't have a normal talk with Finn while I'm contemplating the reactions I'm going to get from my dads when I tell them what happened. It was sweet that Finn understood and gave me space. He turned on the radio.
Don't tell me not to live,
Just sit and putter,
Life's candy and the sun's
A ball of butter.
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade.
Don't tell me not to fly-
I've simply got to.
If someone takes a spill,
It's me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed
To rain on my parade!
I turned it off as fast as I could.
"I'm sorry I didn't know it was on." He apologizes.
"It's not your fault the world is having a good laugh at my defeat. Anyway I deserve it." I admit with a single tear rolling down my cheek.
"Don't say that." He consoles me as he reaches for my hand.
"Why not? I tortured everyone with my selfish, vindictive attitude and now I get it back. I deserve all of this."
Before he could respond, we reached my house. This was the moment of truth. What am I going to say? I opened the door and I could hear the loud, moving footsteps of my dads coming. Finn intertwined my hands with his as he kissed the top of my head. I took a deep breath and stepped forward.
"How did it go sweetie? Did you make us proud?" dad asked.
"I'm sorry I disappointed you guys. All of you. I promise I will never hurt you again." I reply with all the passion pouring out.
"What do you mean honey?" my dad asked.
"I'm never singing again."
I rush upstairs before anyone can stop me from making this decision. Carmen Tidibeaux was right. I had no place in Broadway or becoming a star. It hurts too much to sing now. I don't think I can ever again. Most importantly, I don't think I want to anymore.