Title: Submersed

Rating: PG-13, as Inuyasha is mouthy. ^_^

Disclaimer: …..Yu know, with so many fics under my belt, you would think SOMEONE would get the hint that I DON'T own Inuyasha! Although I did get an art book for Christmas, so now I can try drawing him…. *giggle*

AN: "It does make me sad, however, that they have to go back to being as they were before, pretending nothing had changed while they are in front of others. Which leads me to my question. Why? Why do they have to pretend? Why doesn't Inuyasha want people to know that he cares for Kagome?"

Ah, thank you once again, squeakyinuears. ^_^ Your question plagued me over the Christmas break. I think it took me a week to write the fic, and then for the rest of the month I couldn't wait to post it. ^_^ Yes, this was my trying to answer that question. It's the unofficial follow up to 'Battleships', and I sat unofficial because I think it does well on it's own. It has no real tie to Battleships except that they are kissing and stuff. And it's done by Inyyasha's point of view.

If anybody has any other questions they want me to try and answer, I will do my best! ^_^ God knows I need someplace to drain of my muse's meanderings before she bursts. ^_^ (Although if anyone was going to ask why Miroku has to be such a lecher, I will always claim that it is because his hand has a mind of it's own.)

~*~

Well, Kagome had her turn to try and explain our relationship, so I guess it's my turn now. Of course someone like her would think that our arguments were nothing but a simple game. Still... it's kind of cute, don't you think?

I guess that the time I do most of my thinking -yes, I'm sure that you've heard I'm the type of guy that goes in swinging the Tetsusaiga without so much as a thought to the consequences, but I have been known to use my brain once in a while- is when everybody is trying to fall asleep at night, and I stay awake to make sure that everybody goes to bed and that there's nothing prowling around. It's not that I don't distrust Miroku's ofuda or Kirara's senses or anything, I just feel better knowing that everything is set to rights before I nod off myself.

At the times when all I can hear is the fire, broken once or twice by the sounds of night wildlife or Shippo yawning and talking in his sleep, I wonder why Kagome and I don't do things other people do, like hold hands when they walk. I don't think I'd mind it if she wanted to hold my hand.

. . .

Okay, okay! So technically what I mean to say is that I wouldn't mind if we held hands... because I think I kind of want to.

. . .

What the hell else do you expect me to say? I aint good at this kind of shit! This is Kagome's area, not mine. I'm doing the best I can here, got that? I mean: shit people! If Kaede was expecting a lot when she asked me to pair up with Kagome and find the jewels, then you folks want a goddamn miracle if you think I'm going to sit down and write: 'Gee. I love Kagome so very much. Maybe I will grab her and kiss her tomorrow in front of everybody and there will be birds singing and the sky will turn a very romantic shade of pink. Then we can live happily ever after.'

Alright, let me start over. How's this: What exactly are Kagome and I?

Like it so far? Good.

Now here's the answer: I don't fucking know! I know that things would be a hell of a lot simpler if I did know the answer. I respect Kagome; I think I have since we fought Yura together. As much as I teased her about being scared or wanting to cry, she didn't. Even more stupefying -you can stop celebrating over the fact that I used a good vocabulary word that's over two syllables, you know- is the fact she actually showed some guts. Climbing up hair like that, crawling out of fire, grabbing hair that she knew would cut her just to try and help me save my own skin... yeah, I can respect that a lot.

I care for her to. People tell me that I fight harder when Kagome's in trouble, and I won't argue. I think she's going to die and I think... hell, I don't know what I think. Maybe feel would be a better word, because when Kagome looks like she's about to die, I'm not even certain that there's a thought in my head, but I know that I feel something. It hurts to think about Kagome being injured, but to lose her completely... I can't let that happen. If I lost Kagome...

Don't even make me think about it! It makes my skin crawl. So yeah, I care for Kagome. She means a lot to me. Did I ever feel this way about Kikyo? I don't know. Let's just hop back fifty years ago, let Kikyo jump stupidly into a portal or be dumped in a vat of some shit that sucks the soul from out of her body, and then I'll let you know. Honestly, I don't think you can compare the two like that.

Can't you feel the same way about two people after all?

Course, then you have to figure that Kagome is Kikyo reincarnated and all...

Life is going to give me a headache.

Alright: I care for her, and she cares for me back. And yet, we fight. Personally, I think Kagome was right about our fighting, even if I will never tell her that. Now that we've been together -travelling companions, I mean- for so long, it really is like a game. We try and egg the other person on, and trap them using words... In some weird way, I think it's like a courting ritual. We try and feel each other out, and yet at the same time, we'll never step out of bounds. She never calls me anything degrading about my heritage -I doubt 'dog boy' counts, after all, as, well, look at me- and I don't bring up Kikyo.

I don't mean to, anyway.

I screw up a lot. Kagome's a complicated person. I don't mean to offend her so much, I really don't. Unless I do mean to, and even then... Look at it this way: remember when I took her jewel shard? I didn't need to hug her before I took it. I didn't need to say what I did before I stole it. But I did.

I don't think I could have let her go thinking I would never see her again without holding her like that, just once.

So, okay, we fight because it's fun. At least until I insult Kagome, in which case I find my nose stuck very painfully -er, I mean, simply painfully- in the dirt, I get the cold shoulder from anybody I know of the female sex, and then it's back to normal. Which, sadly, usually means we're being attack by something large, ugly, and strong.

Or Sesshomaru, but that's still two out of three.

Doing better this time, ain't I?

Now for the big question: now Kagome and I are... ah.... getting more physical with each other...

Oh for... we're kissing whenever we possibly can! Get it? Yeesh. I never knew how many of you were as lecherous as the damn monk! It's not like Kagome and I are that physical or anything. We... I can't believe I'm writing this... we cuddle and kiss and stuff, and that's about it, okay? When I stay up late, sometimes she joins me, and we snuggle under my fire robe, and she'll fall asleep against my shoulder, but not before she manages to pet my ears a few times. Other times we'll go off hunting together, and we really will hold hands. Sometimes, when I carry Kagome, she'll... I don't know... I guess 'nuzzle' is the right word. She'll nuzzle my neck -and again play with my goddamn ears- and then I can't get her pinned up against the nearest tree and away from prying eyes quick enough.

But it's still just kissing! Goddamn perverts....

So if we're always hiding and doing this stuff, why not just come out and admit that we like each other to Miroku and Sango and Shippo -Kirara too- right? Well, it's a fair question, at least. Only a small fraction is the fact that I have an image to maintain. I don't know how, but I'm fairly certain that I could still be a tough guy and still... still be whatever I am with Kagome. Be Inuyasha, perhaps? Besides, I'm a guy. Guys are supposed to find women and protect them, right? At least, they are in epic poetry. So obviously I can be with Kagome, and still be myself.

And then there's my half brother. Him, and every other demon out there. I don't know what it is, maybe pure assumption on their part, but it seems like almost every single demon we ever came across made comments about Kagome and I. Or she gets involved, and they always make a big show about killing her. Hell, maybe I'm crazy and it only feels that way to me but...

"Can I join you?"

Remember how I said that the best time for me to think is when everyone else is asleep? Well, not everyone is asleep now. I stifled a yawn and found Kagome staring down at me. I shrugged out of my jacket and leaned on the tree trunk behind me. Another thing that's great about Kagome is that she's learned to read me really well. I didn't need to struggle to respond; moving over was enough of an invitation for her to join me.

She sat beside me, and spread her blanket over our legs. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, drawing my jacket with it. Kagome snuggled in closer. It was warm under our jacket and blanket, and I doubt the fire a few feet in front of us had nothing to do with the warmth I felt. Kagome, unafraid to yawn, placed her head on my shoulder, and I laid my cheek against her soft hair. The other nice thing about being this close to Kagome was the fact that I could smell her. Alright, so because I'm half demon I can always tell where Kagome is, but there's something about knowing the other person wants to be this close, that takes something commonplace, like scent and warmth, and makes it special.

"What's the matter?" I asked her.

"I couldn't sleep," Kagome admitted, her voice sounding drowsy. Before I could point out that she had seemed perfectly asleep to me, she continued, shifting uncomfortably. "I had a nightmare."

"You slept pretty quietly for someone who had a nightmare. What was it about?"

"I can't remember."

Smiling softly, I kissed her black hair. "Then don't try to remember. It's over now, so you can go back to sleep."

Kagome lifted her head, looking up at me. She smiled back at me, and lifted a hand from my waist to brush my cheek softly. Sooner or later, I knew, her hand would sneak up to my ears. She liked to play with them, and honestly, I don't think I can complain. Hard to believe that a woman who once bashed me on the head with a rock can be so gentle, but... this is Kagome, after all. She's complicated.

Then again, so am I.

"I was slightly surprised to see you up," she told me, her hand sure enough sneaking up further. Kagome giggled. She didn't look tired in the slightest, now. And I didn't really feel like thinking anymore. "It's late. I know you like being the last one to fall asleep, Inuyasha, but I thought that even you would have nodded off by now." She blushed slightly. "I was glad to see that you were still awake. If you hadn't been... I doubted I could have had the heart to wake you, and I don't think I would have been able to come over and cuddle with you like this if you weren't awake."

"Why not? I wouldn't have minded, so you can feel free to do it anytime you want."

You know how sometimes when you scratch a dog's ears, their tail wags and their legs kind of start going? And their eyes close and it looks like they are in puppy heaven? Well, just because that physical stuff doesn't happen with me, doesn't mean the mental stuff is non-existent too. I was quite happy, and so, in my defence, I really wasn't aware of what I was saying until after I said that.

Kagome suddenly stopped, and just stared at me. Her fingers trailed back down, running over my bottom lip. My own hands itched to touch her back, but I was able to keep control of myself. "What are we, Inuyasha?" she asked suddenly. "In your opinion, what are we?"

That was so not the question I wanted to hear at that moment. "Friends," I answered without skipping a beat, and her brown eyes fell slightly. I tightened my grip around her, and leaned my forehead against hers. "Friends who kiss," I added, before I kissed her softly.

I won't even bother describe what it feels like to kiss Kagome, because I couldn't do it. I don't know if anybody could actually describe what it feels like to kiss someone they care for, even just a simple kiss as the one I gave her.

I brushed aside her hair as I gazed down at her. She's cute, Kagome. I wonder if I've ever told her that. Feh, I'd probably screw it up. "What do you want us to be, Kagome?"

Maybe it was a stupid question to ask. Maybe I was being an idiot again. I mean, I'd just practically insulted her by not giving her what she wanted, and then turned around offered her the chance to make us something more. I could have just told her that I wanted her, and that I felt like I was floating around pointlessly when she wasn't there, but I hadn't. Things would never get figured out if we just passed questions around back and forth.

I told you I screwed these things up.

Kagome was quiet for a moment, increasing my panic. "I want to tell Hojo that I can't go out with him because I'm taken." Okay, apparently it wasn't that stupid of a question. "I want to be able to be jealous when some other girl pulls on your ears. But, Inuyasha, if you're not ready to be mine and let me be yours, then...."

I silenced her with a kiss that was deeper and longer than the last one I had given her. When I stopped, I was smiling again. "I think I like the sound of it, Kagome. But what about Sango and Miroku and company over there? What are we going to tell them?"

"Why do we have to tell them anything?" she retorted. "They'll figure it out on their own after we kiss in the morning, or curl up like this at night time."

My arms slackened. Kagome froze as a response. She peered at me, and sighed, and pulled away from me completely. "I've gotten better at reading your body language, Inuyasha. But you still confuse me sometimes. We've been sneaking around for two months now. I'd like to be honest with our friends. Why don't you?"

I let out my captured breath, and pulled Kagome against my chest, kissing her hair again and brushing it gently. She relaxed again. Kagome may have gotten good at knowing what was going on in my head, and in return I had gotten better at showing her using my body language. Perhaps an odd trade, and maybe one day I will actually start using words to tell her how I feel about her instead of body language or glances, but not for a while. Not until everything is worked out, and I can be completely honest with her, so that she'll never have to worry that what I'm saying is affected in any way about what's going on in the battle for the Shikon no Tama.

"Kagome, if you want to be honest with Sango, and Miroku, and Shippo, and I don't know why, but I think that Kirara already knows, then I have no problem with it. And when we are here camping, and you wanna kiss in front of them and stuff, I have no problem with it. But in public, Kagome... I don't know if I can do that. I want to, I really do, but... I feel like I'm putting you in danger if I do. It's like I'm saying: please, attack Kagome, because I care for her and if you really want to hurt me, then hurt her."

I couldn't see her face at this confession, and I was glad of it. I was scared to see how she felt. Did she think I was being an idiot again? I hope not, as I was being completely serious. Maybe the idea was slightly stupid, but I hated thinking that just because I cared for her she was going to be the target of my enemy's attack.

And yet I already said that they attack her no matter what... god! What the hell is wrong with me?

"Then that... that's why you sent me back to my time, why you told me to go home."

Duh! Of course it was! Stupid female. Hadn't I already made that perfectly clear to her?

"Yes."

"And... and Inuyasha, would you still have told me to go home... if I was Kikyo?"

I blinked. "What the hell type of question is that?" I sighed. "Kagome, we were paired up for a reason, and my role in our partnership was to protect you and fight demons for the jewel shards, because I'm strong. Maybe if you had a better shot... ow! Stop pinching me! Bloody woman... I'm just trying to say that maybe I've been in that role for too long. I was in it before I met you after all, before I was pinned to the tree, before Kikyo... Fighting seems to be all I know, sometimes. And then you come into my life and you're strong, and independent, and... like I tried to say: if you had a better shot, you probably wouldn't need me. But I am here, and I can only to what I have always done, and that is to try and protect you."

She lifted her head from my chest, and stared at me rather disbelievingly. "You mean what you always tried to do when you weren't trying to kill me, right?"

Laughing nervously, I agreed. "Look, just let me continue to try and be the hero for a little longer, okay? I can't just change; I need time, more time than what I've already had, and hopefully less time than what you can give. And as I learn that I don't always have to be a fighter because otherwise I'll be stifling that independence that I find as charming as I do annoying, you can learn to be a better Priestess than Ki..." I stopped and rephrased my sentence. Already I had learned some things. "A better Priestess than you ever have been, and I'll eventually not have to worry about you because you can take care of yourself."

Kagome pursed her lips. "Alright," she said, curling back up against me and yawning. She was ready to go to bed again. "I'll give you two more months, Inuyasha, to deal with finding a lady who doesn't need a knight. But if you haven't learned by then, than in the next village we come to, I'm jumping on you and kissing you in the middle of the village and demons be damned. They'll come after me anyway, after all, you're just paranoid. But you have reason to be, and so I can't blame you. Good night, Inuyasha."

"Good night, Kagome," I said, closing my own eyes. I waited until Kagome's breathing was deep and regular before I let myself start to fall asleep.

She was right, of course. Kagome understood my reason behind fearing she was going to be used to hurt me. I was used to hurt Kikyo, after all, so why not vice versa? And if demons really did know that she and I cared for each other and would gladly die to save the other, they wouldn't wait to toy with her or devour her: they'd just flat out kill her.

What are Kagome and I? I don't really know, but we belong to each other.

How do I feel about Kagome? That's really none of your business. But I did admit that I would die for her. That has to mean something, right, even in your modern world?

Or are all the knights there dead?