"Seto," A hoarse voice called out quietly to the young boy with dark maroon hair that the name belonged to. The young boy turned his attention from the wall he was drawing on to the source of the voice. Then he hopped up from his seat on the creaky wooden floor to run past the filled but dusty bookshelves. The maze of bookshelves came to an end as Seto reached the desk where his grandpa sat, poised in the riggidy chair that seemed like it would topple at any moment.
"Are you okay, Grandpa?" Seto asked worryingly. At the age of six, he's already grown the understanding of worry and care towards his grandpa. Many times, he would wake up to the sound of his grandpa coughing erratically in the middle of the night, and he would be told in between each hacking and wheezing to grab some water. Unfortunately, he had to mature far too quickly for a boy his age in the situation the two were trapped in.
Seto gazed cautiously over the way that his grandpa sat, but there were no signs that showed that Grandpa was in trouble whatsoever.
Grandpa waved his hand, as though trying to waft out Seto's radiating worry. When he laid his hand down on his lap, he responded, "I'm fine, Seto. Don't worry. But, we need to talk."
"Oh, uh…" Seto already felt his palms run sweaty at those words. It's rare for Seto to ever hear those words, but anytime the words "we need to talk" came up, Seto's mind would start sounding alarms.
His grandpa, however, sensed Seto's unease, just by the frozen stature of the boy. He rose his hand up to Seto's shoulder and rested it there gently. Apprehensively, Seto would raise his head to look up to his grandpa.
"It's nothing wrong, but I just wanted to tell you that I don't mind if you decide to wander out at night," His grandpa explained.
"At night?" Seto blinked in confusion.
"Yes," His grandpa nodded before turning back to his desk, "I feel bad for keeping you cooped up in here all the time and having you take care of me all the time. You're merely six, and you're taking better care of me than I am of you. You deserve to live a free life of ease."
"Cooped up? Life of ease?" The words spun around in Seto's small head and it made him rather dizzy, unsure of what it all meant.
"Ah, silly me," His grandpa chuckled quietly to himself, "I keep forgetting that you are of a new era… A… lonely era."
His grandpa very much stressed that concept to Seto: "a lonely era." Seto wasn't entirely sure what it meant. He had asked before what it meant to be "lonely" and his grandpa did explain to the best of his abilities, considering the limited knowledge Seto had. Seto had come to believe that he's never been lonely, though. He's always had Grandpa by his side, and he's always had the cats that would wander in as his company as well. He couldn't really feel lonely when he had them by his side to share a moment with, even if it is small.
"Seto," His grandpa called to him again, and Seto looked back to his grandpa's eyes, "Please feel free to go out if you ever wanted."
Go out? The concept seemed scary to the little Seto's mind. It's only rarely did he ever go out, and if he did, he was always holding his grandpa's feeble hand as they hobbled around the observatory. When his eyes wandered around the areas they walked, Seto just saw an endless path to the unknown — something much bigger than he was that he couldn't really understand.
Seto shook his head in fear, "Nuh...No. It's okay. I'll just go out when you go out. I like being here anyways."
"Seto…" His grandpa cooed softly. His eyes were gentle at the sight of his adopted grandson being terrified of the world outside.
That's when Grandpa placed his hand on Seto's cheek, feeling the trembles of the boy's small jaw.
"It'll be fine, Seto. You'll see that the world outside isn't as scary as you think. It's really beautiful, I promise. Someday, you'll have to go out there on your own."
"Someday? But why? What about you? Can't you come with me?" Seto frantically asked, but his grandpa's eyes laid low, averting the young boy's looks.
"It's something you have yet to understand. You'll… understand eventually."
To those words, Seto remained silent, unsure of what else to say, thinking back on going out on his own. Then another question popped inside his mind that startled the beckoning silence between the two.
"But what if I get lost?" Seto bowed his head and pouted. The boy's purple eyes billowed with tears. "What if I can't go back home?"
"You will," Grandpa assured Seto, moving his hand onto the top of Seto's head, "You will always find your way back home."
"No." Seto shook his head defiantly, "I don't want to go outside without you, Grandpa."
His grandpa rubbed Seto's head and let out a heavy sigh before pushing himself roughly off his seat and walked towards the bookshelves. Seto began to follow after his grandpa in worry.
The two exited out of the library and into the main room, where the two would lounge every day. Seto had found his grandpa standing at the window by the door, seemingly busy with something in his hands.
"Grandpa?" The maroon haired boy called out. Apologetically, he started, "I'm sorry… that I don't want to go outside. I just don't want to get lost."
"Getting lost is certainly scary for a boy your size and age." His grandpa admitted, "But perhaps what may help is something to tell you where home is, as you wander."
Seto took a few steps closer to his granddad to see what he was conjuring. In front of his grandpa was a candle sitting neatly on top of a corresponding holder placed on the windowsill. In the old and wrinkly hands of the old man was a box and a stick. The old man quickly rubbed the stick against the box a couple of times until suddenly light bloomed onto the stick with fire. Seto watched in awe as Grandpa brought the fire close to the candle and transferred the flame to the candle, soon after blowing the stick he was holding to put out the stick's flame. The old man moved the candle closer to the window before taking a step back and turning to Seto.
"See this light, Seto?" His grandpa slowly crouched down to look at Seto at eye-level. He gestured over to the candle with his head, "Lights always tell you that there is someone nearby. So long as this light is on, you'll know that I'm here. You'll know that I'm home."
Seto nodded quietly and murmured, "As long as this light is on, you're here?"
"That is correct," His grandpa smiled at the repetition of words. "Then you'll know your way back home. Does that make you feel a little more confident about going out?"
Seto nodded again with a smile back to the elder. "Even if I go out to the big world outside, I can always find my way back here with that light."
"Yes," His grandpa nodded. "So don't worry, Seto. I shall keep the light on for you and you shall always know that I'm here."
It was then that Grandpa placed a kiss on Seto's forehead before rubbing the boy's back, as Seto, slowly but surely, began to envision the various adventures he may have real soon because with this light, he knew that he'll be alright, no matter where he was.
He'll be alright, no matter where he was.
He remembered that light flickering in the observatory window. He remembered how as soon as he was done for the night and wanted to come back home, he would look for that small flicker in the distance that would uplift his spirits and make him sprint quickly in its direction. It didn't matter just how far he wandered off to, he would still see it somehow at some point, and he knew instantly that he was perfectly fine — that he was home.
How many years, he wondered, had it been since he saw that little flame in the window? How many years had it been since he was back home in the observatory? So many things have changed since then. His grandpa had longed passed with many summers, and he left on this large journey because of a letter left behind by his grandpa. He met so many other people that he didn't expect to meet — lost so many people that he didn't expect to meet.
So many people lost… He pondered on that. He thought of all those moments he shared with those he met. The joys and sorrows he felt with those people, cherishing it all but aching at the pain of a distant memory.
The one person he thought would stay. Even she too had to go away. They couldn't find anymore medicine to treat her fragile body and soon, she withered away, just as everything in this world did. He didn't like thinking of it too much, not the way that he held her weak pale hand and watched the lights go out in her eyes, especially watching those lights through the tears he shed. It seemed that everytime he found that light, it would always flicker out… with every single person he met, no matter who they were.
He just wants to hold onto a light for once. To at least feel like he was home again.
But so many years has passed since then. His body's grown tired from the years of wandering aimlessly, desperately searching for another person to be with and to just survive with.
The night sky that he used to love in his youth only seemingly mocks him now at his forced role as a lone survivor. The moon that he loved seems to only reflect his own loneliness that he dared not to think about for too long.
But it's been so long since he's dealt with these feelings that all the feelings he hid floods him dreadfully.
As he walks on this dirty path, he begins to feel his legs give out on him, and soon, Seto crashes to the floor. His head aches at the impact against the ground and his arms feel so weak that it refuses to push him up at that moment. He only stares blankly at whatever is in front of him, his vision completely unfocused.
He wonders if this is some punishment that he has to face for something he had done in his life. He wonders what on earth did he do to deserve such a painful, heartcrushing fate, but his mind couldn't come up with a single answer.
The words "lonely era" prances in his mind. Yet again, another concept — a memory — that he would think about from time to time, even moreso now than ever.
Oh, how he loathes that his grandpa was correct in labeling this time as the "lonely era." He wishes he can return back to those times where he didn't have the faintest idea what loneliness was. Back to those peaceful days where he would just have to worry about Grandpa and nothing else beyond that. Back to when he would venture out from the beginning of the day until late at night just to find his way back home with a singular light.
It's so cold, Seto thinks to himself, still laying on the ground. He needs to rest. He's been walking for such a long time now without rest; his desperation weighed out his basic necessities that it only wore him out even more.
With all the power he could, Seto pushes himself off the ground and looks around for some wood. He spots a couple of logs here and there and begin to stack them together. He flips open the bag he's been carrying for years to get his box of matches. After getting a match out, he begins to strike the box with the match, just like the way his grandpa once used to whenever he had to set a new candle out by the window of their beloved home. Seto then drops the matchstick into the pile of logs, and soon enough, the entire pile becomes enveloped in bright lights.
He sits down, watching the orange and red of the flames dance amongst each other on the burning wood: a scene he's grown used to as well. The warmth they provide used to make him feel more at ease, but nowadays he couldn't bring himself to smile at them like he used to.
His body is growing all the more tired, and soon, Seto lays down a far distance away from the flames, but close enough so that he can feel the heat. He watches as parts of the flame break apart and fly unknowingly into the dark sky. The light of these flames are definitely bigger than the small flame of Grandpa's candle, Seto joked with himself, causing a faint smile to appear on his face.
But that smile doesn't last too long. Not when he began to think of those times once again. Not when he began to think of the people that he has long left behind. The light he saw and felt from them that eventually flickered out. He knows that this light before him shall too flicker away.
But the meaning behind these lights will still remain with him.
"So long as this light is on, you'll know that I'm here," He whispers quietly, beyond the chattering of the bugs in the fields surrounding him. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath with those words encircling his mind, but with his eyes closed, he can feel his eyelids grow heavier and even wetter from the oncoming tears that he can't help but shed now.
To the small flames that break away from the large fire, he prays that somehow these lights will help him find another… or rather, he's grown so tired of trying to find someone that he just wants to stay here by the flames where he felt a little bit at ease.
So he prays to those small flames that break away into the night sky that someone will see it and come find him.
And with sleep overwhelming him, he quietly murmurs to those future people that would come find him.
"I'm here…. I'm….here."