Disclaimer – I don't own Bleach. This was written for Wattpad's FanFicFriday contest number eleven. The theme was a crackfic under 2,000 words. Writing hard-core crackfic is not my strong point.
Maru-Maru
"By the way Hitsugaya Taicho – there is a Quincy who claims she is your twin sister." Kyoraku announced at the very end of the meeting with the captains of the Gotei Thirteen.
The young taicho of the tenth division stared at the head captain with disbelief. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me. One of the Quincy we've pardoned claims to be your twin sister."
"I died and came to soul society."
A rather childish voice popped into the back of his head. "Bambi-chan's telling the truth."
"I think I'll be heading back to my division now." Toshiro looked at Kyoraku as if he were insane.
"That's likely a good idea as she said she would be waiting for you in your office."
A sudden feeling of dread came over the small taicho causing him to shunpoo out of the meeting hall. A loud clicking sound was heard as he slid the door open with flourish, and he felt his facial features twitched at the site of the papers he worked so hard on that morning flying through the air, and a loud cacophonous music blared out.
On his desk was a violet haired female dressed in a violet blouse, skirt and boots. On her head was a helmet with a skull designed emblazoned upon it's surface, and attached to said helmet was a set of bat wings. The girl strummed the air for some strange reason which was incomprehensible to the young taicho.
"What are you doing?"
"Air guitar. What does it look like?"
"Who are you?"
"You don't recognize me Shiro-chan?"
"Don't call me Shiro-chan!" Toshiro felt his facial features suddenly twitch as the dreaded nickname came up.
"But you are Shiro-chan."
"Just like she's Bambi-chan."
Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times as he heard the strange voice which wasn't his zampaktuo spirit pipe up. "Wait... are you Bambi-chan?"
"Y... don't call me that!"
"Then don't call me Shiro-chan!" Toshiro took a few steps back as he looked at the girl claiming to be his twin sister. "I wasn't born in Soul Society. I died and came here." He watched as she began to kick more things off of his desk while 'playing air guitar'. The young taicho felt his facial features twitch again. "You!"
One thin hand reached for his zampaktuo while the girl dashed out of the room laughing maniacally at him. Officially today was a very bad nightmare come true. He tried creating a sheet of ice with his powers in order to make her slip, but instead ended up chasing her around the building... and slipping on his own ice. A rather sharp pain hit the back of his skull, and he found himself seeing strange flashes of color.
When he came to he saw a pair of bright teal eyes looking down at him along with a pair of bright violet eyes belonging to her. He was on the couch in his office and couldn't figure out who the second figure was. "Who are you?"
"I'm your twin sister. Remember?"
"No... whose he?"
The little kid continued to grin at him in a maniacaly manner which matched the girls. "Don't ya know. Maru-chan's Maru-chan!"
"Who?"
"Maru-chan's Maru-Maru's other."
"Who?"
"You know... Maru-Maru."
"I don't know who this Maru-Maru is."
The little kid blinked a couple of times as his smile suddenly fell. "You don't remember Maru-Maru?" Quickly the child fell into a sobbing fit. "You don't remember Maru-Maru!"
Toshiro sat up to look at the child now beating his hands on the floor making a ruckus while the purple haired female leaned over the back of the couch grinning maniacally. The child work clothing with coloring similar to the clothes his zampaktuo spirit Hyorinmaru wore with the exception of a strange thing around the neck, and on his face was an ice mask. "Wait... my Maru-Maru do you mean Hyorinmaru?"
The child stopped crying and sat up with a rather large smile on his face. "You remembered Maru-Maru?"
"Kind of?" Toshiro reached one hand up to mess with his white hair.
"Maru-chan's Maru-chan by the way in case you can't remember."
The young taicho found himself snapping at the … child. "How could I forget! We just met!"
A pout appeared on the child's face. "But this isn't the first time metting Maru-chan..."
"Are you saying you're also my zampaktuo spirit?"
"Kind of. Maru-chan thinks Maru-chan's a Hollow. Maru-chan wants a hug!" The small child suddenly stood up and made to glomp Toshiro.
The young taicho stopped such thing occurring by placing a hand on the child's forehead while said child struggled to hug him. "I'm not sure if I should be asking why you're outside of my inner world without me bringing you here, or if I should ask why you claim to be a Hollow, but lack any form of hostility."
"Maru-chan doesn't know." The child continued to struggle.
Toshiro then identified the thing around the child's neck as a skirt. "Wait... are you wearing a skirt around your neck?"
"No! Maru-chan's wearing Maru-chan's super hero poncho cape!"
"It's actually the skirt from my cheerleader cos-play."
"What is cos-play?"
"Don't ya know bro? It's costume play. Haven't you ever dressed up as your favorite super villain. Though technically I'm dressed up as a super hero right now. And as a princess. Don't usually do that."
"Do I look like a little kid to you?"
Both Bambietta and Maru-chan chimed in at the same time. "Yes."
Toshiro felt his facial features spasm this time, and suddenly he was chasing the two around the room. This time though he didn't bring out his zampaktuo as he out right learned his lesson. While he continued to chase Bambietta around the room the sudden feeling that Maru-chan was the one chasing him suddenly came to mind. It was then that he crashed into the head captain coming into the room. "I see you've managed to meet your sister. It's good to know the two of you are getting along."
"This is not getting along!"
"It's getting along plenty!" Maru-chan said as he came up next to Toshiro and raised his hands into the air.
Kyoraku pointed his finger at the small figure. "Whose this?"
"A Hollow. I'd appreciate if you would kill it."
Maru-chan suddenly burst into tears. "You want to kill Maru-chan!"
Bambietta quickly hit Toshiro on the back of the head. "You made a little kid cry."
Toshiro turned to the girl. "You mean I made a Hollow cry. I thought you Quincy were supposed to have major issues with Hollow."
"Yeah. You're proof of it."
Toshiro blinked a couple of times at the girl. "What?"
"You're a Quincy."
"I'm a Shinigami!"
"No. You're a Quincy!"
Toshiro's cheeks suddenly puffed out. Kyoraku patted him on the shoulder. "So this little one is Mary-chan?"
The little one in question stopped crying. "Maru-chan's Maru-chan!"
"I see. An inner Hollow?"
"Yes."
"So basically Hitugaya Toshiro's other zampaktuo spirit."
"What?" Toshiro tried preventing his right teal eye from twitching.
"You know. Ukitake and I have due zampaktuo spirits. Didn't you ever wonder why that was? We got in touch with our inner Hollow?"
"I don't want to be."
"You don't like Maru-chan?" The child looked as if he were about to cry. "Is it because Maru-chan's a Hollow?"
Toshiro looked down at the child as the corner of his mouth twisted up. "No. I think it has to do with the fact my inner Hollow is so childish."
"Maru-chan is a child..."
"Yeah!" Bambietta began to pull on Maru-chan's cheeks. "He's really cute."
"He is not!"
"Stop being mean to Maru-chan. Only I'm allowed to pick on him."
"Say what?"
"Well... I'm the only one allowed to pick on you."
"That makes no sense! Nobody should be allowed to pick on me!"
"It's a sister's job to pick on their brother's."
"What! That doesn't..." Toshiro felt Kyoraku place a hand on his shoulder.
"Actually... it is. Look at the Shiba family."
Toshiro suddenly imagined the manner in which Kyoraku punished her brother when he got into trouble, and felt his cheek twitch. "No... that doesn't seem right."
"Isn't your only other experience with siblings Momo-chan?"
Kyoraku bringing up his foster sister caused Toshiro's mouth to twitch again. "On second thought I prefer Bambi-chan!"
"Shiro-chan! Shiro-chan! Shiro-chan!"
"Don't call me that!"
"You called me Bambi-chan, so I got to get you back!" Bambietta pointed a finger at his chest while placing a hand on her hip, and Maru-chan proceeded to mimic her. The only difference between the two was the fact she frowned at him, and Maru-chan smiled.
Toshiro pointed at Maru-chan. "How can that be my inner Hollow? Do I ever act in such a childish manner?"
Kyoraku chuckled. "Actually... he probably represents the fact you want to act your age."
"No I don't."
"Shiro-chan wants to act his age!" Maru-chan quickly grabbed Toshiro's sleeve and began to pull him out of the office.
"Hey!"
"Let's go ice skating!"
"It's the middle of summer!"
"Yeah... but you managed to create a really nice ice rank on your front lawn." Bambietta pointed at the ice Toshiro slipped upon.
Toshiro found himself drug onto the ice where he began to slip and fall on his bottom. Maru-chan though laughed and began to slide around on the ice doing various feats of agility. Bambietta soon joined him with Kyoraku Taicho. Toshiro felt his facial features twitch. "My life is a leaving nightmare."