I recently saw the Lizzie McGuire movie and was "inspired" [to put it
more accurately, I was summoned by the Devil] to write this parody. If you
are an overprotective Lizzie fan, don't read this! It's a parody! What do
you expect?! For me to get cuddly bunnies to sing 'Best Friend' with candy
canes and Lizzie McGuire with hearts and rainbows so it looks like a bowl
of Lucky Charms?! No. I insult Lizzie frequently.
I do not own Lizzie McGuire or anything I may mention.
THE LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE: RELOADED
Chapter 1: The Indestructible Camera and the Not-So Indestructible Computer
The scene opens to Matt's room. He is staring at a camera deviously, his right eye twitching slightly. He looks like Mr.Burns from the Simpsons. He even says 'Excellent' like Mr.Burns. It seems he owns a digital camera. Don't ask me how a 7-year-old kid is able to afford a digital camera. Maybe he gambles. But anyway, he spits out a wad of gum (Juicy Fruit, if you're interested) and sticks it on a remote control car. He then sticks the digital camera onto the car. He uses the remote to make the car move. The digital camera shakes a little bit, but it's nothing too serious.
After the car bangs into Matt's door a few times, Matt finally remembers to open his bedroom door and maneuvers the car (only breaking one vase in doing so) around the hallway.
Scene switches to Dizzy Miss Lizzie (to quote Larry Williams) who is trying on makeup. With all of those coats of makeup on she resembles Ronald McDonald. Maybe they're related. They do both have Irish last names. But anyway.that's not important. All of the fumes from the makeup spell out 'The Lizzie McGuire Movie: Reloaded.' By the way, the fumes have made Lizzie's animated-self pass out.
All of the sudden the car with the camera comes flying into Lizzie's room (part of her wall is now missing). Lizzie is too light-headed from all of the noxious fumes to notice. Lizzie (whose brain is so baked by the fumes that are now acting as pot) is imagining herself at American Idol. After telling Simon that he's "nothing but a stiff old torry" she begins to sing the "I love you, you love me" song from Barney.
Matt is cracking up (his computer is networked to the camera that was catapulted through a wall and didn't get damaged so he can see everything the camera can) and for some odd reason banging his head against his I- book. Yes, the 7 year old kid owns and I-Book too. I've got it! Matt is in the Mafia! That's how he has enough money for all of this stuff!
Lizzie is now dancing (if you can call it that). It looks like something in between the Monkey and the Electric Slide. For some odd reason she goes into the bathroom and falls into the bathtub. I think the fumes are making her dizzy. Oh wait, she already is because of 'Dizzy Miss Lizzie' and.okay, I'll shut up.
Matt bangs his head against the computer again (I don't know why he is doing that) and ends up breaking the computer.
Matt: Oops. Oh well, I have a spare or 2. (Remember, he's in the Mafia)
Chapter 2: Gordo-Teenager Without Hormones
Scene opens to this dinky little room that could pass for a janitor's closet. This is where graduation is taking place.
Lizzie is talking to Gordo. Gordo, you know, the guy that's played by a 17- year-old that never hit puberty. He's like Gary Coleman without the talent. It appears Gordo has a miniature 'fro (Afro) going. He looks quite freaky.
Lizzie: okay Gordo, how do I look (strikes a pose)
Gordo: (in a 'what the heck' one) how should I know? Ask Miranda.
Lizzie: yeah, but Miranda has mysteriously disappeared from this movie, remember? We mention her once. They kept her out so it wouldn't be weird, you know, what with you and me g-
Gordo: (terrified) are you nuts-
Lizzie: (like the ditz she is) nuts about y-
Gordo: you can't give away the surprise ending! There's no telling what the author will do to you [all of the sudden gets pale and sweaty and begins shaking]
On one of the walls there is a picture of me holding a spatula menacingly. It is labeled 'Our Hero.' Doodlers have given me a mustache and a beret.
Lizzie: so anyway, how do I look? [Strikes a 'I'm ready for my close-up' pose]
Gordo: [sarcastically] you look great Lizzie. That blue robe looks better on you than on anybody else in this room.
Lizzie: (oblivious to the obvious sarcasm) thanks!
Gordo: (mutters something about not knowing why he's friends with such nethanderthals)
Kate comes up.
Kate: Hi, Lizzie. Or should I say Dizzie Miss Lizzie
Lizzie: huh?
Kate: (big sigh)
Gordo: (big sigh)
Kate: (acting all Hermione-y) 'Dizzy Miss Lizzie' was a song penned by Larry Williams. It's a back pan alley song-
Lizzie: is back pan alley a band?
Kate and Gordo: (HUGE sigh)
Gordo: no Lizzie
Lizzie: a movie?
Gordo: no.
Lizzie: an instrument?
Gordo: no Lizzie
Lizzie: a-
A vein in Kate's forehead is throbbing.
Kate: SHUT UP!
Kate runs away.
Lizzie: (really cornily, is that even a word?) was it something I said? (smiles at the camera. Her teeth sparkle.)
Gordo: (thinking.oh wait, is that possible for Gordo?) why do I lower my IQ by hanging out with her?
I do not own Lizzie McGuire or anything I may mention.
THE LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE: RELOADED
Chapter 1: The Indestructible Camera and the Not-So Indestructible Computer
The scene opens to Matt's room. He is staring at a camera deviously, his right eye twitching slightly. He looks like Mr.Burns from the Simpsons. He even says 'Excellent' like Mr.Burns. It seems he owns a digital camera. Don't ask me how a 7-year-old kid is able to afford a digital camera. Maybe he gambles. But anyway, he spits out a wad of gum (Juicy Fruit, if you're interested) and sticks it on a remote control car. He then sticks the digital camera onto the car. He uses the remote to make the car move. The digital camera shakes a little bit, but it's nothing too serious.
After the car bangs into Matt's door a few times, Matt finally remembers to open his bedroom door and maneuvers the car (only breaking one vase in doing so) around the hallway.
Scene switches to Dizzy Miss Lizzie (to quote Larry Williams) who is trying on makeup. With all of those coats of makeup on she resembles Ronald McDonald. Maybe they're related. They do both have Irish last names. But anyway.that's not important. All of the fumes from the makeup spell out 'The Lizzie McGuire Movie: Reloaded.' By the way, the fumes have made Lizzie's animated-self pass out.
All of the sudden the car with the camera comes flying into Lizzie's room (part of her wall is now missing). Lizzie is too light-headed from all of the noxious fumes to notice. Lizzie (whose brain is so baked by the fumes that are now acting as pot) is imagining herself at American Idol. After telling Simon that he's "nothing but a stiff old torry" she begins to sing the "I love you, you love me" song from Barney.
Matt is cracking up (his computer is networked to the camera that was catapulted through a wall and didn't get damaged so he can see everything the camera can) and for some odd reason banging his head against his I- book. Yes, the 7 year old kid owns and I-Book too. I've got it! Matt is in the Mafia! That's how he has enough money for all of this stuff!
Lizzie is now dancing (if you can call it that). It looks like something in between the Monkey and the Electric Slide. For some odd reason she goes into the bathroom and falls into the bathtub. I think the fumes are making her dizzy. Oh wait, she already is because of 'Dizzy Miss Lizzie' and.okay, I'll shut up.
Matt bangs his head against the computer again (I don't know why he is doing that) and ends up breaking the computer.
Matt: Oops. Oh well, I have a spare or 2. (Remember, he's in the Mafia)
Chapter 2: Gordo-Teenager Without Hormones
Scene opens to this dinky little room that could pass for a janitor's closet. This is where graduation is taking place.
Lizzie is talking to Gordo. Gordo, you know, the guy that's played by a 17- year-old that never hit puberty. He's like Gary Coleman without the talent. It appears Gordo has a miniature 'fro (Afro) going. He looks quite freaky.
Lizzie: okay Gordo, how do I look (strikes a pose)
Gordo: (in a 'what the heck' one) how should I know? Ask Miranda.
Lizzie: yeah, but Miranda has mysteriously disappeared from this movie, remember? We mention her once. They kept her out so it wouldn't be weird, you know, what with you and me g-
Gordo: (terrified) are you nuts-
Lizzie: (like the ditz she is) nuts about y-
Gordo: you can't give away the surprise ending! There's no telling what the author will do to you [all of the sudden gets pale and sweaty and begins shaking]
On one of the walls there is a picture of me holding a spatula menacingly. It is labeled 'Our Hero.' Doodlers have given me a mustache and a beret.
Lizzie: so anyway, how do I look? [Strikes a 'I'm ready for my close-up' pose]
Gordo: [sarcastically] you look great Lizzie. That blue robe looks better on you than on anybody else in this room.
Lizzie: (oblivious to the obvious sarcasm) thanks!
Gordo: (mutters something about not knowing why he's friends with such nethanderthals)
Kate comes up.
Kate: Hi, Lizzie. Or should I say Dizzie Miss Lizzie
Lizzie: huh?
Kate: (big sigh)
Gordo: (big sigh)
Kate: (acting all Hermione-y) 'Dizzy Miss Lizzie' was a song penned by Larry Williams. It's a back pan alley song-
Lizzie: is back pan alley a band?
Kate and Gordo: (HUGE sigh)
Gordo: no Lizzie
Lizzie: a movie?
Gordo: no.
Lizzie: an instrument?
Gordo: no Lizzie
Lizzie: a-
A vein in Kate's forehead is throbbing.
Kate: SHUT UP!
Kate runs away.
Lizzie: (really cornily, is that even a word?) was it something I said? (smiles at the camera. Her teeth sparkle.)
Gordo: (thinking.oh wait, is that possible for Gordo?) why do I lower my IQ by hanging out with her?