Guilty
The water that lapped around Jin's ankles was cold, causing a shiver to creep through his body despite the excruciating heat of the midday sun. He ignored it, hoping that its icy bite might help alleviate some of the guilt that was eating at him. It didn't help, nothing he had done did, he deserved to suffer, he knew that, he could feel it, his guilt coursing through his veins, infused in his blood.
The man he saw reflected in the clear water wasn't Jin, he was some alien figure, a man that had never existed. The real Jin would have blood on his shirt and murder in his eyes. That was the man he was, the man who he had become. He had done it for her, but that didn't change anything, he had done it and nothing could justify that. He had beaten men, felt their blood on his hands, the warmth from them sinking into his skin, invading his soul. He had terrified his wife into subservience, just to see the fear in her eyes, to convince himself that this was all worth it. But of course, it wasn't. He loved her completely, and would have done anything for her, but what he did do had cost him more than he had to give. He didn't deserve her anymore. She was a perfect being and even amongst all the destruction her goodness shone, illuminating her beauty. His every touch corrupted her purity, leaving a tainted film of filth on her perfect complexion. But she was addictive, his body craved her perfection as his mind demanded her submission.
So he stood in the freezing water, numbness spreading up his legs, hoping that it might spread to his mind, exterminate the guilt he felt. Because he knew he was not going to let her go, no matter how much he was hurting her, he needed her, and having her was all that mattered.