Gonna Miss You, Jesus
"A few of you might have heard that-" Jesus took in a deep breath as he stood in front of all of us. His closest friends and followers. "I'm leaving."
My heart sped up in my chest. I had heard rumors about this, but I hadn't believed them. I figured I would have heard about it from Jesus Himself. And now here it was.
"In a few hours, I'm going to be betrayed, put on trial and..." Jesus looked up towards the heavens. "Crucified." I took in a sharp breath and immediately there were whispers around me. Others were completely silent and in shock like me. Even when Jesus said it out loud, His eyes gave away the terror and sadness for the event coming.
"It's hurts me to tell you all this, but this needs to happen. It is God's will and I must complete the mission I have been sent for. I will rise again in three days. But right now I will be here to offer comfort to anyone who needs it. I love all of you." His Voice wavered at the end of his sentence and His eyes glistened, but still held a strong endearment for us.
A couple of people stood up and went over to hug him. I wanted to talk to him in private. I needed some kid of reassurance, something. I needed to understand why, most of all.
Why now? Why would he have to be crucified? Why couldn't he just die peacefully? Why the worst execution ever? The thought of it sickened me and scared me.
Jesus walked over to me and looked at me with that same usual look of love and adoration, but tinged with pain and sadness.
He opened his arms for me but I shook my head. speaking silently with my eyes 'not yet'. He looked slightly hurt, yet nodded in understanding.
One of my friends who I had been sitting next to was getting teary eyed. "They need a hug." Someone told Jesus.
Jesus came over, stepping around me to comfort them. I tilted my face away from him so he wouldn't see the tears running down my face, but He did anyway.
"Oh my Child." He said, bending down and pulling me close.
I immediately returned the affection, but the comforting action did worse for my emotions. Knowing in a few days He wouldn't be here to provide comfort and embraces. After He let me go I got up to contain myself. But it didn't seem to work and I ended up just crying more. When He stepped away I stood up and walked out, not wanting any others to see my emotions. When I got outside I let the tears out freely. At first I tried to stop, but I realized it was no use. I braced myself with my hands on the wall of the house.
There was footsteps next to me and I heard my name. The voice made my heart speed up. I didn't respond, not knowing what to say. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.
"Hey," Jesus said to get my attention.
I looked over at him sadly and meekly, my eyes and nose red. "Hey," I responded back to him.
"I know this is difficult to hear." He sympathized.
"I already knew you were leaving, but you actually saying it just made it all real I guess. And I can't-"
Jesus gave me his all too well known look of empathy.
"I can't-" my voice broke not letting me complete my sentence.
He removed the space between us within a few strides, enveloping me in his arms. I could hear his heart beating rapidly. I felt his chest expand as he took a deep breath.
"I'm scared too." He admitted.
"How are you scared? You're God, you already know everything that's going to happen."
"Maybe that's part of why I'm scared. I'm still going to feel every inch of those nails through me. Every thorn pressed against my head. Every lash and every hit. Every word spoken against me. And it hurts."
My eyes fell closed as I cried freely. "I don't want you to go through that. You don't deserve it. Please, please stay." I prayed gripping the sleeves of his robe. He didn't seem bothered by it. Only distraught at my reaction.
"Look at me, my child." I pull back and He places His hands on my shoulders, His beautiful green eyes locked with mine. "Believe me when I tell you, that you're worth it. And I would die for you all over again if I had to, so you could be with me forever."
His words made my heart skip a beat and melt. How could anyone be so loving? With such an ability to look past all of the flaws and sins within me. Why does He have to be so perfect?
"I love you, Jesus. So much." I told Him honestly.
"You're going to see how much I love you in a few hours."
"No," I begged, when I realized how soon this was to occur. I reached for His hand and hugging it under my chin. I closed my eyes and kissed his knuckles. I didn't want to imagine what they would do to His hand, His arm, His entire body. When I looked up at Him, His eyes were red and shinning. "I'm gonna miss you." I whispered, curling into Him again.
"We will see each other again." He promised me.
"Face to face? Once everything's okay again?"
"Yes, in three days, I promise." At His words, I let go. He placed his hand on my back. "Let's go back inside and enjoy the time we have together." He smiled encouragingly.
"okay," I said, hoping everything He said was true and reluctantly walked back inside. I wondered if this would be the last time I would see Him before everything.