Fate / All's Fair

Chapter One

Gilgamesh sat on a park bench in an almost empty park at sunset. He had left Fuyuki Church about fifteen minutes ago, utterly disgusted with the behavior of his two housemates. Kotomine's Villains Today had just come in and he would have nothing to do with anything else. And Lancer was making himself scarce, something that Gilgamesh was completely fine with. There was no reason he would want to be near an uncultured Irish halfbreed like Lancer. But still, he was bored. In peace time you couldn't just run around and destroy other Servants. Which is what he seriously missed. The sound of giggling reached his ears and Gilgamesh turned toward the sound.

Oh look, more halfbr- His thought process was interrupted as he laid eyes on one of the giggling girls. His eyes widened and he blushed involuntarily.

The girl had long, chocolate colored hair and big, brown eyes. She was petite and slender with a red ribbon headband in her hair. She was lovely and small and she had his heart in the palm of her svelte hand.

Gilgamesh rose slowly from the bench and strode confidently towards her. She stopped in her tracks at the sight of him and smiled brightly. Her two friends crossed their arms, looking like bodyguards. She met him halfway and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

She's even cuter up close, the Hero King thought. He pulled himself together and smirked down at the girl. "Hello, my dear, I am Gilgamesh- the Hero King of Babylon," he said.

She didn't seem too taken aback by his strange introduction. "I'm Mai Nakahara! It's a pleasure to meet you!" she said brightly. She paused and pressed her index finger to her chin. "You don't seem like you're from around here. Are you a transfer student?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered, throwing caution to the wind, "I am transferring in tomorrow!"

She clasped her hands behind her back and flashed him a sweet smile. "Well, good! Maybe we'll have some classes together!"

He smirked again. "Don't worry. I'll make sure of it," he told her.

They said their goodbyes and Gilgamesh walked away, determined to find the school Mai, this dark haired beauty, went to. He recognized the uniform as the same one Saber's halfbreed Master wore. Homurahara Academy, yes?

"So you want to transfer in?" Taiga asked, finishing a cookie. She didn't know why she was stuck monitoring the new transfers. Something about Shinji Matou needing remedial calculus.

"Yes, I will attend this peasant academy," Gilgamesh replied, crossing his arms.

Taiga pursed her lips. She didn't like this pompous blonde kid. She reached inside her desk and pulled out a sheet of paper labeled 'Student Application'. She handed it along with a pencil to the Hero King. He took it and stepped outside to fill it out. The first few questions weren't very difficult. Name? Gilgamesh the Hero King. Date of Birth? The Beginning. Grade? The original grade. Hometown? Babylon. Previous School? The original school. Reason for applying? Mai.

But he was stumped at 'parent/guardian'. What was a 'parent/guardian'? Is it like a Master? He shrugged and wrote down Kotomine's name. It was the best thing he could think of.

"Oh, hi, Gilgamesh! Are you enrolling here?" asked Caster. Her normal clothes were gone and she wore a purple jacket and pencil skirt. She held a large stack of books, most of them about psychology and some of them were Greek myths.

"Go away, halfbreed," he said, without looking up from his application.

Caster giggled and shook her head. Same old Gilgamesh. The Magus Servant was quite enjoying her share of the peace time. She had applied to be the school counselor and had gotten the job. Mainly, she wanted it to be near Kuzuki.

"Caster! Where's Shinji? He's late for remedial calculus!" Rider cried, poking her head out of one of the classrooms.

The Magus sighed. "Maybe if you took off that mask you could find him better."

"He won't be learning calculus if he's turned to stone," Rider snapped.

Shrugging, Caster walked over to her coworker. "See you, Gilgamesh."

"Good riddance," he muttered, finishing the last question. He stood up and reentered Taiga's office. Taiga looked up.

"Did you finish?"

"Yes."

"So where is it?" she asked irritably.

A golden portal appeared on Taiga's desk. It opened and spat out the finished application onto her desk. She took it, smoldering, and waved him out of her office.

Gilgamesh shrugged and left. He didn't even see the point of filling out that useless sheet.

"Well, well, well. I didn't expect to see you here," said a slippery voice. Shinji Matou was leaning against the wall across from Gilgamesh. He straightened up and walked over to the Servant.

"Leave my sight, halfbreed," Gilgamesh commanded.

Shinji crossed his arms. "Come on, don't act like that. Word on the street's you flirted with Mai Nakahara," he said.

Gilgamesh grabbed Shinji's shoulders and dozens of golden portals containing swords opened behind him. "You know Mai?!" he exclaimed.

Shinji grinned. "Hold your horses. It's not like we're BFFs or anything, but I do know how to get a girl to like you. You're pretty out of touch, aren't you? If you go around showing her all your fancy swords you'll just scare her away. Things are different now," he said.

Leaning back, Gilgamesh crossed his arms. "You drive a persuasive bargain. Very well, I shall form an alliance with you."

The pair shook hands.

"SHINJI! Get your skinny butt back here right now!" Rider shouted, putting her hands on her hips. She wore a tight black t-shirt and skinny jeans.

Shinji grinned and raised his eyebrows. "Hey there, Rider," he smirked.

Rider tossed a chain at him, burying a pike into Matou's arm. "That's Miss Rider you ungrateful snot rag," she snarled, dragging him back toward her classroom, "Now it's time for your remedial calculus!"

Gilgamesh watched him be dragged off before walking down the stairs and leaving the academy. There was no reason to stay. After all, he'd be back tomorrow.

"Hey, Gilgamesh," Kotomine said, not looking up from his Villains Today.

"Any good celebrity break ups?" asked Gilgamesh, sitting down in an armchair.

"Not today," Kotomine replied, "But there have been some weddings."

"Hmm," Gilgamesh said, leaning back.

Lancer walked into the room, talking on the phone. "Yeah, man, I'm free tonight," he said. He waited for a moment while the person on the other line responded. "Okay, cool. I'll see you then." He hung up and put the phone in his jeans pocket.

"What was that object you were just communicating with?" Gilgamesh asked.

"It's called a cell phone, you Mesopatamian sewer scum," Lancer said with a grin.

Kotomine waved his hand. "Don't fight, you two."

"I want a phone," Gilgamesh said, "Kotomine, buy me a phone."

For the first time all day, the priest looked up from his magazine. "Why do you want a phone?"

"So I can talk to people."

"What people?"

"Mai Nakahara."

Lancer perked up. "Who's Mai Nakahara? Is that your girlfriend?"

"Not yet, but I'm going to make her my bride," Gilgamesh said proudly.

"I thought you wanted Saber to be your bride," Kotomine said.

Gilgamesh blinked. "Why would I want Saber to be my bride? That's ridiculous."

Lancer and Kotomine exchanged a look. "You followed her around with a marriage license last week."

"Nonsense," Gilgamesh said, waving it off. "If I was ever, I am no longer interested in Saber. Mai is the woman I want to marry."

Lancer shrugged. "Whatever. I have to get ready for my date- I mean… a trip to IKEA."

"No. You're going to take Gilgamesh to the phone store. I need to read about Esdeath and Tatsumi's new baby."

"I'm not taking him to the phone store! I have to make myself look nice!"

"Who are you going on a date with?"

"No one! I'm going to IKEA!"

"Why do you need to look nice for IKEA?"

Kotomine closed his magazine and stood up. "Fine, fine. I'll take you to the phone store."

Gilgamesh grinned. "Ha! I will get the original cell phone to add to my collection of ancient treasures!"

The priest and Hero King left for the phone store, leaving Lancer in his pajama pants and band shirt. The spearman sighed and walked back to his room. He was glad neither of his housemates was going to see his date. He pulled out a white button down shirt and black slacks. He pulled them on and redid his hair in its signature ponytail. He glanced at himself in the mirror and smiled. He could work with this.

Archer busted into Rin's room. "Rin! Where are all my shirts?" he shouted.

Rin looked up. "Why do you need one? We're not going anywhere."

"I need a shirt, girl! Where are they?"

"I washed them. They smelled like man."

Archer facepalmed. "I can't go out without a shirt…"

"But why are you going out?"

Archer frowned. "None of your business." He sighed and walked out. He opened his chest of drawers and took out the Christmas sweater Sakura had knitted him last year. Sure it was September but it was the only thing he could wear. He pulled it over his head and smoothed it down. It had a snowman in a red jacket on it. He strode through the halls of the Emiya house, wishing he had his own apartment or something.

"Where are you going?" asked Shirou, emerging from the kitchen.

"None of your business," Archer repeated.

"Are you going on a date, Mr. Archer?" asked Sakura sweetly.

Archer blushed profusely. "I am not going on a date," he said firmly, marching outside.

Sakura and Shirou exchanged a look after he'd gone. "He's totally going on a date," Sakura said.

"Well them, we have to follow him! I need to know who he's going on a date with!" Shirou exclaimed.

"Who's going on a date?" asked Rin.

"Archer," said Sakura.

"Archer's going on a date?" Saber asked incredulously.

Rin threw her fist up into the air. "We have to follow him! Operation Follow Archer is go!"

Gilgamesh examined the phones at the phone store. None of them were labeled 'the original phone' and it upset him.

Kotomine sidled up to the man at the counter. "Just give me a regular iPhone 6s," he whispered. Confused, the cashier handed him a box with the phone. Kotomine swiped his credit card turned to Gilgamesh.

"Gilgamesh! The man at the counter realized who you were and instantly handed over the original phone!" Kotomine said.

Gilgamesh took the phone box. "Very well. This will do." He opened it and turned the sleek device over in his hands. It was a nice golden color and very aesthetically pleasing. A good ancient treasure to add to his collection. He left the shop and looked across the street. There, were two men walking along the sidewalk and holding hands. Gilgamesh narrowed his eyes. Was that Lancer?