Ages: In this fic, Damian is 10, Tim 17, Jason 19, Dick 21, Barbara 24, Bruce 34
Chapter One
The Joker. Batman frowned as the letters lit up, in glowing green, across the screen of the Batcomputer. They'd been there when he'd rolled into the Cave earlier that morning. He'd changed, and headed upstairs to have breakfast with Alfred and the boys before coming back to visit the case he'd been working on. Upon turning on the computer, the words had appeared across the screen. But he couldn't have left them there.
The Joker was in Arkham Asylum. He'd been there since the events of the… dinner. And that's where he still was. There'd been no break-out, no switching-with-an-imposter, nothing. Nothing that he knew of.
He pressed his com-link. "Batman to Nightwing."
"Batman?" Nightwing answered almost immediately.
"I need a favor."
"What kind of favor? The Bruce kind or the Bat kind?"
"The Bat kind."
"What do you need?"
"Stop by Arkham, and duck into the Joker's cell. Make sure he's there, and that it's him."
"Can't you do it?"
Bruce opened, and then closed his mouth. Silence seemed to be his best option, as always.
"Whatever. I'll call you later and tell you what I find." There was a pause. "I don't want to go near him either, Bruce. He hurt the entire circus, remember?"
"I know."
"Yeah. Right."
Batman drew his hand away from the com and stared up at the screen. He should take a sample of the paint. See where it came from, if it was poisonous or not.
He can't be back. Not yet.
It had been months. But even eternity would be too short a time to go without the Joker. If only- if only he would just go away. Without Batman killing him, of course. Without dying. Bruce didn't want that for anyone, not even the monster that was the Joker.
He took out a swab and set about looking at the paint under a microscope. It was completely normal. Non-toxic. It could be purchased anywhere in the country. In short, there was nothing special about it. Impossible to trace- but he tried anyway.
Dick called back a few hours later.
"He's there, alright."
"Thanks."
"But I did a check- most of his goons are out, and-"
"And?"
"Quinn. I can't find her anywhere. Suicide Squad says she quit and Deadshot got dumped."
"Interesting, but Quinn's not with the Joker anymore."
"But if she broke it off with Deadshot-"
"She isn't. You didn't see her after the Joker pulled her into his plans last time- and you didn't hear what she told the police. He chained her to a wall and left her for dead."
"But-"
"I'll keep an eye out for her, but right now we need to focus on the Joker."
"Why?"
"I think he might've gotten into the Cave."
"He's in Arkham, Bruce, don't-"
Batman didn't hear what he said after that- the alarms went off. There was a thundering of footsteps, and Alfred appeared.
"Master Bruce, it's the Joker-" His eyes fell on the painted computer screen and widened. "Why didn't you ca-"
"What's happened?"
"Arkham, sir."
"He broke out?"
"Er- no-" Alfred wrung his hands. "Someone broke in."
After watching the footage for the fifth time, Batman still didn't see any clues. All the guards doubled over, coughing, as smoke flooded the hallways. A hooded figure dashed down the hall- wearing a tuxedo and a red hood, the same the Joker had worn years ago. From the figures build, Bruce would guess it was a man. The Joker scampered back and flattened himself against the wall as the hooded man swung a hammer at the glass. He must've gotten lucky and hit the glass's shattering point, because the entire cell wall buckled in on itself. The Joker ducked and threw his arms over his head to shield himself from the fragments of glass. The man stepped into the cell and grabbed him by the neck, pulling the clown down to his height. The Joker pushed him away and staggered back, and the man squirted his flower in the Joker's face. He collapsed onto the man, who dragged him out of the cell and down the hall.
They disappeared from sight. The tape ended, just like every time, and still Batman had no idea who the man was or why he wanted the Joker.
"And that's all the footage we have?"
Commissioner Gordon nodded. "All the monitors show variations of it. The Joker was the only one he took- he woke up on the ground floor and put up quite a fight." He pushed in another tape, and footage of the Joker struggling against the man, spitting at him and hitting him in the leg. But the man kept a steady grip and, when he tired of the Joker's fight, he stomped on his hands. The Joker howled and, clutching his hands to his chest, kicked weakly at the man, but was yanked out of the building.
"He didn't want to be broken out."
"That's what it looks like." Gordon lit a cigarette. "Your Red Hood friend- you don't think-"
"It's not his build- He's taller than the man with the Joker, not as lanky."
"If you say so," Gordon agreed uncertainly, sliding off his desk and turning to pick something up. "We got this note yesterday- We had guards there before the break in, but now we have to search Arkham. I'd wondered what you'd think of it…"
Batman took a slip of paper from him. Written in red ink- or perhaps something else- were a few meaningful words:
Ace Chemicals. He turned it over to find one more word: Tomorrow.
"And if you got this note yesterday-"
"That makes it tomorrow."
Batman nodded. "I'll call Red Hood and head down to the chemical plant. Probably has something to do with the break-in… We'll see what we can find out about the kidnapper. You have your men search all of the Joker's known hideouts- we'll have to try and find him."
Batman climbed out the window before Gordon could turn around. His comm beeped. "Call coming in from Nightwing."
"Hey, Bruce?"
"Nightwing."
"I did some research- Ivy's MIA."
"Fantastic, Dick, but I've got bigger things to worry about. The Joker's been kidnapped."
"Swell."
"Not swell. The kidnapper was wearing a red hood."
"So… Jason's the main suspect?"
"Different build."
"But… still?"
"For now, yes."
"Oh. Okay- I'll find Jase. See if he's got an alibi.
"You don't have to-"
"Over and out."
"Also-"
Dick was gone.
"Nightwing. Grayson. Dick." Bruce sighed. He'd have to call someone else to tell them where he would be. The boys were in school, so Batgirl would have to do. "Barbara?"
"Bruce?"
"Joker's been kidnapped. I'm headed to Ace because of a note at the PD."
"'Kay. Good luck." There was a click, and she was gone.
They always seemed to hang up so quickly. He must've taught them well.
He adjusted his cowl, and made one last call. "Alfred, it's me. Do me a favor and clean up the paint."
"Of course, Master Bruce. I don't suppose I could persuade you to eat just a touch more before you head out?"
"Probably not."
Alfred sighed "Do take care."
"Don't I always?"
"If what you do is called taking care, I'm afraid you'll need to try harder."
Bruce laughed and stepped on the gas.
The kidnapper had a build similar to the Joker's, but was shorter. He was wearing a mask, a red hood. Could be Jason with a padded jacket… could be some sort of Joker fanatic… maybe a victim, out for revenge…
"Call coming in from Red Hood."
Bruce clicked on. "Jason?"
"Hey, Bats. I just got a call from Dick. What do you mean, I kidnapped the Joker?"
"I didn't say that."
"No. You said I was a main suspect."
"The kidnapper was wearing a red hood."
"Loads of people wear those. Used to, anyway. Maybe I've re-started the trend."
"Look, Jason, I just-"
"Whatever, Bruce. I get it."
"What's to get?"
"Something happens to the clown and it's me. It's always me. I'm the bad egg, remember?"
"Jason-"
"And this is the Joker we're talking about. God forbid someone should get between the two of you."
"Jason-"
"I- Someone's at my door. Gotta go, Bruce…"
"Don't you dare hang up on-"
There was a click.
"-me."
Bruce sighed and stepped on the brakes. He was outside the Ace Chemical Plant. He slipped out of the car and walked straight through the front door. Past the front desk. Into the plant itself. Vats of chemicals rose up from the floor, bubbling and glowing.
The plant closed. There shouldn't be any chemicals. I'll have to call Gordon.
The kidnapper stood on the catwalk. Bruce pulled out his grappling hook and fired. He whizzed up so that he was behind the man. He raised a batarang.
CRAKT!
There was wet smacking sound, and Batman sprawled forward. The batarang flew out of his hand and the man turned around, catching it.
"One point to the Joker, zero to the Bat!" His voice was unusually high, and raspy. Almost a screech.
Batman pushed himself up. "You're not-"
"Aw, you're, like, the millionth person to tell me that." He placed a hand on his hip. "You aren't the Joker!" he whined. "My boss doesn't have a face! My boss pays me money! My boss is the Joker!" He laughed, a chilling sound. "I'm a much better Joker than him, though. And I pay them so much more. I pay them in their own life." He giggled. "And look, not even five minutes into the game and you're already on your knees!"
Batman stood up and looked the man up and down. In person, he was lankier. Skinny, even. Shorter than him. Shorter than Jason, too.
There was another crack, and he stumbled forward. Goon behind me. Probably using a crowbar. There was a swooping sound, and he turned and caught the weapon before it could hit him, and yanked it out of the surprised goon's hands.
Clown mask. Stocky. Taller than the kidnapper, shorter than me. He hit him with the crowbar and he fell backwards, eyes closed.
"Now that's the spirit!" The man bounced up and down, clapping. "That's my Bats!"
"Where's the Joker?"
"I'm right here, silly!"
Batman stepped forward and hit the man. Before he could react, he dropped the crowbar and pulled the hood off.
Not a man.
A woman leered at him, green hair shoved out of her face and piled up into two short pigtails. Her skin was a sickly shade of white. Her lips were like blood. Her eyes, though… they were blue. Not the Joker. Not the Joker's daughter. Someone new?
She kicked him between the legs and he fell off of her.
"Expecting something different?" Her voice was softer now, not a scream, but still mocking.
"Where… is… the Joker?"
"He couldn't make it. I'm the, ah, replacement. And I'm permanent." She snatched up the crowbar. "Don't worry, though. I'm planning on getting all the necessary experience. That's why I took the kid!"
"What do you-" Bruce stopped. Jason. Someone's at my door. Gotta go, Bruce. "Jason?"
"Yeah." She cackled. "The bad egg!"
"You… you bugged him." He took a step forward and stumbled, feeling a twist in his stomach. What's wrong with me?
"I bugged you. But to be fair, you were buggin' me. So was he. Which reminds me, I'll need to practice using a crowbar if I wanna bash his head in." She swung at him and he ducked.
"You're sick. Let me help you."
"Honey, if I wanted help, I would never've left Arkham."
Batman paused. "So you've been there before."
"Oh, Broooucey, you are stupider than you look. What my first edition ever saw in you, I don't know!"
"So you're insane, then. What is it? Hallucinations?"
She laughed. "Maybe I'm mentally disabled?"
"Are you?"
"Am I what?"
"Mentally disabled!" Batman caught her hand before it could hit him and yanked off her gloves. Her fingertips were burnt off- no telling who she was.
Wait a minute. "You know my name?"
"Course I do. Have you already forgotten? Forgotten what I- or, he, I suppose said?" She yanked her hand back and said, in a low, mocking voice, "I know who you are behind the mask. All of you! All your addresses! I know why Nightwing smells so good!"
"He was bluffing."
"Afraid he wasn't."
"But- that was him-"
"And I've got him, and by default, you. You and all your little friends." She laughed coldly, and swung at him again. "The ones you call your family."
"They are my family."
"They sure hung up quickly. Bye, Bruce. Over and out. Good luck. Gotta go, someone's at my door." She clucked her tongue. "Poor, blind bat."
"I-" He stopped. His vision was blurring. "Something on the crowbar."
"Right-a-roonie!" Her voice sounded familiar.
"And… you were in the cave. Spray painted my computer. Bugged me. Put something on my gloves?"
"You're correct, sir!"
"On their own, they don't do anything…"
"But the moment they touch, they release a fume. Just enough to get you dizzy. Just enough to slow you down. Ah, teamwork!"
"But you-"
"I was wearing a nice little hood to filter it out. But I also took the liberty of making sure I was immune."
"Why?"
"So I can do this!" She swung the crowbar again catching him in the head. He fell backwards. "Hmm, maybe I should take off your mask first?" She bent down and slipped the cowl off. "Brucey, you are quite the looker! Maybe I won't hit you again. Maybe I'll just do the polite thing and knock you out right away."
Bruce tried to struggle. He was getting dizzier and dizzier. The world started to spin.
"You look a little sick. How 'bout I put you outta your misery?" She reached for his belt. Batman prepared for her to fall off him, shocked by the thousand watts, but she casually pulled out a pellet of knockout gas.
"I'll have to put my hood back on." She stooped to pick it up, then sat back down on his chest.
"You…" he coughed. "You got me… to say disable… and my belt…"
"Turned off. And it's not the only turnoff. That welt the crowbar left on your forehead is disgusting." She jammed her mask back on, and placed a soft hand over his mouth. "Say goodnight, Bats."
He tried holding his breath.