My Father

by Hotshot

My father is the kindest man on earth; everyone knows that. Who would believe that my father, Jeffery ‘Itey’ Antos, beats his wife and kids? No one believes it, but he does.

Disclaimer: I do not own the newsies, that's Disney's job. I do however own any characters that you do not recognize and that are not identified as newsies. That is, except for Lute, who is owned by Thumbsuckersnitch, Prankster owned by Lysaka, and Dodger, owned by herself. If Lute owns the name Danny Riccio that goes to her too, but I'm pretty sure I've seen others use it so…

AN: This was originally a song fic to Savage Garden's 'Two Beds and a Coffee Machine' but ffn is cracking down on song lyrics so I replaced any lyrics with italicized one. Just in case that will get you a little better feel for the story

My Father

A Songfic

By Hotshot

My father was the kindest man on Earth; everyone knew that. They all greet him with a smile and even on his worst days he smiled back with that reassuring gleam in his eyes. He had the utmost trust of so many people, none of whom think him capable of harming another human being. He's so peaceful and polite; they could go on for hours with his praise. Who would believe what actually goes on in his home? No one. Who would believe that my father Jeffery 'Itey' Antos beats his wife and kids? No one believes it, but he does.

He wasn't always like he is now. When my parents met my father was a gentleman and everything a girl could want. My mother was a wonderful person, Prankster they called her because of a day when she stopped the trolleys out in San Francisco. I've heard stories of the romantic things he did for her, and their engagement on a boat ride.

I was born maybe a little more than five years after their marriage. Ceja Elizabeth Antos, my God, I hated that name when I was younger. Everyone else loved it, but I hated having a different name. But I guess I grew into it. There has been so much that happened over the course of my life. It's almost hard to believe I'm graduating from high school.

"Ceja?" Our principal Mr. Lucas calls back to me, "It's time for you and the boys to perform."

I make my way up to the stage where my best friends are waiting for me. There are three of them, and they're only a few of the people that know about my dad. You see my dad and his friends grew up together, they were called the newsies in high school. They separated for college but most came back, and even if they didn't there's still the yearly reunion that everyone comes to. There were eight of us graduating that year. The three onstage and I were particularly tight.

There's Tyler Higgins, my second cousin or something. I don't really know, but his dad and mine are cousins. He was busy tuning his guitar but glanced up as I passed. He was the first to catch my eye as I came onstage. Those bright brown eyes are always full of mischief and his hair was for once not completely disheveled. He grinned at me and I almost groaned. That smile meant trouble, or fun, usually both, later.

Connor Daniels only grinned at me from behind the drum set. His father Jake had been very close with my father during their childhood. I had a crush on him at one time in middle school. I blame it on those gorgeous green eyes, though many other girls just love his dark hair. He is most definitely the serious one in our group.

Then there's Danny. He's named after my godfather Daniel Riccio, whom we still all call Snitch. I have no idea how many nights I have spent with Uncle Danny and Aunt Lute as they have become known to me. Sure they aren't really related to me but I feel like they are. Danny looks just like his father with the curly hair, dark eyes and grin. That's what I think eventually got me. Me, who was so adamant about not dating her best friend. He stands up and takes the microphone as I sit down on the piano bench.

"You ready," he whispers.

I smile at him, "I've been ready for a long time."

As soon as everyone is in position and ready I begin to play the opening notes of the song on the piano. I have played the song so many times that it seems to be imprinted into my brain. I don't need to pay attention. I just remember. And Danny's voice only makes me drift further back.

Flashback

It had started when I was five, maybe earlier. I saw him hit my mother. For a long time I just pretended it wasn't him; my father would never hit his wife simply because he was my daddy, and he was perfect. It wasn't until I was seven and he hit me for the first time that it all became suddenly real. I can't even remember what I did; I think I spilled my juice on the carpet. My sister Jade was four at the time and my brother Hunter only three. I decided that if he had to hit someone it should be me, not them.

That didn't last very long. Jade was a little bit clumsy as a child. Every time she spilled something or knocked something over, or made too much noise he was on her. Even now she's scared of him, but really, a lot of it was shielded from her.

Pretty much as soon as he started hitting Jade Hunter was dragged into it too. He has a scar right above his eyebrow that my gaze always wanders to when I see him. No one else really takes that much notice of it. I know I have plenty of scars from him, but they aren't usually apparent unless you're looking for them.

I don't remember running away a lot until I got to be twelve, maybe. All I know is it got to be a more and more frequent occurrence over the years. By the time I was thirteen I could tell from his mood whether or not we would be leaving that night.

1

I remember one night in particular. I opened the door to the room I shared with my sister a while after the yelling and fighting had stopped. Jade was asleep on her bed with Hunter laying on mine. I must have been fourteen so that meant Jade was eleven and Hunter only ten. I'd already packed our bags, and one for my mother.

She was sitting by the door to their bedroom just looking out at the room in front of her. It was a mess to say the least. There was furniture overturned and a lamp lying broken on the floor. There was glass all over the place from the broken window, beer bottles, and glass statue my uncle had sent my mother the Christmas before.

She stood up slowly and looked into her bedroom to make sure my father was sleeping before beginning to pick things up. I quietly closed the door to my room and moved to help her. She managed a grim smile and opened her mouth to speak.

"We're already packed," I whispered before she could say anything, "Jade's sleeping but Hunter's awake."

"Thank you." She replied.

"Go get them in the car. I'll meet you out there in a few minutes."

She usually would have told me to stop acting like the mother because that was her job, but she was too tired to say anything. She kissed my forehead and walked over to my room, rousing my younger siblings as I straightened the furniture to the best of my ability.

I reached into my room to pick up my bag and thought for a moment of what I'd heard. They'd been screaming for endless hours while my siblings and I took refuge in my room. It was more of my mother screaming and my father yelling. I bit my lip to keep from crying and turned to get out to the garage. I climbed into the passenger seat and looked over at my mother, wincing as I caught sight of the black eye she'd gotten.

She looked over at me as she pulled out onto the road, "Don't say anything. I know."

"I'm gonna miss school." I said simply to fill the emptiness.

"We'll tell them your uncle is sick."

1

I sat back in my seat as she turned onto the highway. We'd be back home before the end of the week. That was the way it always worked. She loved him too much to stay away and he'd promise it wouldn't happen again. None of us believed him but we still went back. We always went back.

I had to think that that night it had started because of me. I'd been late getting home from Danny's house where the band had been performing and I'd been helping Danny with math. At least this time he didn't hit me. I had a wonderful scar down my arm from the last time I'd been late. He hit my mother instead, and now she had a black eye, and it was all my fault.

Somehow I still pictured that man the hero he seemed to be when I was younger, maybe five. He was my hero and that person who hit us was just someone else. I knew it wasn't true but I wished it was.

1

By the time I was sixteen the running was almost routine, and we were all used to it. Danny was the only one who knew everything. The other guys did too but I told him everything. Their parents didn't believe me. 'Itey wouldn't hurt a fly' they'd say. Some of them told my father about the stories I made up, and that only made it worse.

I looked over my shoulder into the backseat of the car to where my younger siblings were sleeping. I know we were the only reason our mother didn't leave. She would bring us all out to San Francisco but she was strongly against moving us while we were in school. She knew we couldn't survive without my father around so we had to go back.

I couldn't imagine how my brother and sister kept it together all the time. Living at our home was a horrible experience but they still seemed so normal. Jade was so popular and had so many friends. I think she just put it all behind her and tried to ignore it like I did. She covered up and marks he left and had excuses lined up for missing anything.

Hunter was a sweet little kid and since Jade was out with her friends a lot I brought him with me to Danny's. He tried to cover up all that happened by being loud and outgoing, but he was really a sweet kid. I honestly couldn't imagine how anyone fought with their siblings. We were too much of a team for that.

We sat in the hotel room a few mornings later. My mother and I were the only ones awake. She was crying and I was making coffee. Jade and Hunter were asleep in the next bed. Sometimes I wondered how they slept through it all.

I handed my mother the cup of coffee. It was awful coffee, it always was, but we'd need it. My mother was shaking as she set it down on the table next to her. She was busy wiping the tears from her cheeks and trying to stop crying and look brave like she had before. "He promised," She said quietly, "He promised it wouldn't happen again."

"He always promises," I grumbled. This was a typical conversation, and it always ended the same way.

"Maybe it'll be different this time." she reasoned.

"Mom, he's not going change. You know he won't. Why don't we just leave?" I hissed.

"Where exactly do you expect us to go Ceja?" she hissed at me, "You uncle doesn't have enough room for all of us in his apartment, and I'm not going to ask either of your aunts."

"Then why don't we just move out, or you could get a divorce." I tried to bargain.

"Ceja," she was frustrated, "I don't have a job and your father…" She sighed, "Everyone sees him as so perfect. He wouldn't give us money and in a court… Think about it Ceja, how many times did I get in trouble when I was younger compared to your father."

I looked at her unable to really say anything that would help my case. "I guess you're right," I finally say.

"We have to go home. I don't have enough money to stay here any more. The little kids need to eat." She placed a hand on my shoulder for a moment before picking up her coffee and taking a sip. She winced at the taste.

"Let them sleep," she said to me noticing me glancing at my younger siblings. "We'll get them up later."

1

It didn't matter that my home like was awful; school was entirely different. Bringing home bad grades was unacceptable and I learned quickly to work hard. I don't know how but it actually made school easier. The only problem was there was so much I wanted to do after school but couldn't because he wanted us all home. Somehow I still made time to play with the band and stay after a few times a week, using problems in math as a constant excuse.

He didn't allow me to date either, but that didn't last very far into high school. Of course we couldn't exactly go out so my relationships didn't really last that long. Near the end of Junior year Danny asked me to go to the prom with him. After that we started dating. It's the longest relationship I've ever had. It gave me more of an excuse to tell him everything.

1

It all really came crashing down in the middle of my Senior Year. My dad was supposed to be out of town on business so my mother told me to go out with Danny. I almost died when I came home and found his car in the driveway. I told Danny to leave, and was as stubborn as I could be. "Just go!" I finally screamed at him, immediately regretting it.

He just nodded and turned and walked away.

I was terrified to go inside, but had to. I walked in to see my dad hit Hunter so hard it sent him flying across the room.

"Dad, don't!" I screamed running over to my poor brother.

"Where the hell have you been you little slut!" He screamed.

I was so scared that night. Everyone got hurt and there was a while where I thought he was actually going to kill someone. Eventually he just left us all in the living room and made his way into his bedroom. I didn't even bother to pack, just herded my siblings out to the car. My mother was still sitting on the floor when I came back in. She took the keys off of the desk and handed them to me.

"I want you to drive. I can't tonight."

I still think that was the worst part of the night. My mother was strong and never needed anyone to take care of her. Now she was asking me to take over her job. But I climbed into the driver's seat and drove us to the hotel on the other side of town.

The next morning was the first time I actually got a good look at myself. My eye was swelled up and there was a long cut across my jawbone. I cursed because I knew we only had enough money to stay away for one night, and thinking up an alibi for school wasn't exactly easy anymore.

I was back in school the next day, black eye and all. I avoided Danny the best I could but he caught me just after second period. He grabbed my elbow on the way to the only class we had together.

"Ceja, I tried to call you all weekend. Where were y-" He trailed of suddenly as he saw my face. "Cej, what the hell happened?"

I buried my face in his shoulder, "My dad came home early."

"He did this to you?"

"My mom told me to drive us to the hotel Danny. Me. I can't do it anymore. I just want to get away from him once and for all." I was trying my best not to cry.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, "Then why don't you?"

"Because, we don't have the money. Mom doesn't have a job and I'm not allowed to get one. My mom can't help going back to him; she just loves him so much." I sighed, "And to tell you the truth I do to. I know it sounds crazy but when I look at him all I see is that man that carried me around on his shoulders when I was little."

He didn't know what to say so we just continued on to band. Mr. Light raised an eyebrow when we got there. "Miss Antos, what happened to you?" he asked.

"I tripped," I said quickly, not giving Danny time to say anything.

He nodded, "Take your seats everyone." He stopped as another boy came in the door, "Mr. Wainrib, you're late. You know what I always say. Early is on time, on time is late. Try to remember that next time."

Danny dropped me off after band practice that night. When we pulled up in the driveway I could already hear yelling inside.

"You want me to stay?" he asked.

"No," I said, "It'll just make him madder."

"Then why don't you come stay with me?"

"It's better that he hits me than Jade and Hunter." I kissed him quickly on the cheek and climbed out of the car. "I'll see you later."

I noticed him visibly jump as some piece of unknown furniture was sent tumbling over. "Maybe I should stay," he started.

"Just go," I said, "Please Danny."

He nodded and started his car, waving as he backed out of the driveway.

For some reason I didn't really believe that he had left. I don't know why, but I suddenly wished he had stayed. I walked into the house and left my jacket and backpack near the door. I entered the living room only to see him strike my mother.

"Leave her alone!" I yelled.

I don't know what made me do it but I had finally snapped. I had never talked back to either of my parents in my life. Not to my father due to fear, nor my mother because of respect. It actually scared me to hear my own voice and to find it yelling at him, but I was on a roll. "Leave her the hell alone!"

He left my mother and turned to me. "Don't talk back to me young lady," he snapped, "You show me some respect."

"A little late for that, isn't it." I snapped right back at him.

His palm slapped across my face and I fell back a step. Another shove knocked me over and his foot drove into my stomach. I screamed at him to stop but he was deaf to anything but his own rage.

"Itey!" there was another voice suddenly yelling, "Itey, stop it! Leave her alone!"

"Back off, Snitch!" My father only growled at his friend.

The next thing I knew Danny was helping me up off of the floor and Snitch was restraining my father. Lute was over with my mother and the younger siblings. Danny wrapped his arms tightly around me.

"Itey, this is your wife and kids you're hitting, what are you doing?" Snitch exclaimed.

My father suddenly stopped, his face going a deathly pale. His voice changed from one of control to one of panic, "Snitch."

"I'll be back." Snitch told us before leading my father out to Danny's truck.

1

Daniel Riccio, Snitch, my godfather came back the next morning. My father was not with him. He sat down with my mother and me. Jade and Hunter were still sleeping and they really didn't need to know about this for a few years. He explained to us why my father had done what he did.

Snitch and my father had been friends almost forever, and for as long as anyone could remember Itey had come into school with bruises and scars. His father beat him, and as much as my father tried to avoid becoming like him, it was inevitable. There had been a point in my father and Snitch's junior year where my grandfather had seriously injured my father. After that he stayed with Snitch's family.

Some of the stories Snitch told us were similar to ours and it made me want to cry. I'm not sure of the exact reason. It's either because I can't picture my father anything but strong, or because of all the bad habits he picked up.

We all went to counseling, together and separately. My sister and brother were never really exposed to my father as someone to be looked up at. Supposedly that will make it harder for them, but they seem to adjust well. I seriously think it's harder for me. I keep thinking back to the happy man he once was, and have talked for hours on end about how confused I get. There was even a time where I found myself contemplating suicide. I thank God for my shrink, and for Danny who was always there, twenty-four hours a day to talk to. And believe me I've talked to him at least twenty-three out of those twenty-four hours.

We get some money from him. My mom has a job and so do I. Jade and Hunter started trying to find some too. There isn't a restraining order, and they're not getting divorced but my dad is going to stay away until he thinks it's safe for him, and us, to come back. I won't be around when he does though. I was accepted to NYU and I'm leaving at the end of the summer.

I can't seem to forgive me father after that night. I suppose I will one day, but he's going to have to earn my trust back. I sent him a ticket to my graduation; I'm valedictorian.

End Flashback

I feel Danny's hand on my shoulder as the song ends. We make our way back to our seats. I arrive there only to get up a second later to give my speech. I can't remember much of what I said but the end was the really important part. "Most of you know me as Ceja, the band nerd who is part of the second generation of the newsies around here. Those of you who don't know me personally might know one of my siblings, or my cousins, or my other friends. I guess we're all pretty glad to be getting out of here, me especially. I just want to leave you with a few words. There are times where life is going to be wonderful and times where it is going be awful. My advice is go with it and take care of yourself and do what you have to. It's what I did."

The only people I look at as I walked across the stage to get my diploma are my mother and my siblings. My mother looks far less stressed and happy for the first time in years. As for Jade and Hunter, they look so grown up. I almost cry.

Then there are all my friends. Danny follows me a few minutes later and picks me up in a hug. We all yell as they announced our class and everyone gets ready to leave. There are plenty of parties to go to.

Danny and I almost run right into him. My father is standing near the doorway to the gym. "It's alright," I assure Danny, "I'll be right out."

He looks at me uncertainly but leaves.

"I'm so proud of you." My father says, "And I'm sorry. You have to know that."

"Y'know I used to think you were a hero. When I was little you were so perfect." I watch him.

"I want to be again. Trust me Ceja, I'm trying."

I shake my head, "I don't need you anymore." With that said I walk out to the car after Danny. I know what I've said is harsh, but for all the pain he's caused me he can take a little. We'll reconcile eventually I hope. But right now he deserves a little pain for all the pain he caused. There's a party at Tyler's house that everyone is going to. Maybe he'll come.

I climb into Danny's car and hug him. "I did what I had to."

He kisses me slowly, "What'd you tell him?"

"I know he's my father and I really do love him but I need some space for a while," I say as he starts the car. Tyler, and Connor are sitting in the backseat; "I told him I don't need him anymore."

A/N: This didn't need too much editing compared to the other song fics. I don't think it makes as much sense without the lyrics in it, but I guess I won't complain too much outside of that.

Hotshot