a/n: warning lots of swears n smoking n v angsty angst hope you enjoy

A dull breeze swept ribbons of fog through entwined branches, rustling dew soaked leaves. They didn't glint in warm sunlight, droplets didn't sparkle, they didn't dance across the leaves. Silver moonlight didn't pour through the trees, it didn't reflect in black pools of still water. The forest wasn't beautiful, not to many.

Mud climbed his scuffed boots, soaking his feet. Shadows crawled across cracked skin, shielding tired eyes. Eyes so tired, you couldn't even tell the colour, eyes so broken you couldn't even see reflections. Messy. Disheveled. A broken boy crying wolf, veiled by a crooked smile and a sharp tongue.

"Fuck." he breathed, in a gritty whisper, sinking to the ground with his back plastered against a tree. He threw his face into his hands.

"FUCK!" Sirius' scream echoed throughout the forest. Squeezing his eyes shut, he pressed his face harder into his hands, feeling the bones beneath his skin trembling with the satisfying threat of shattering. He grunted, moving his hands off his face and through thick black hair. He breathed heavily, clouds leaving his mouth as hot exhalations hit cold air. "Oh Christ," he groaned, gulping for air, trying to slow his heart down. He grunted again, throwing his head back against the tree as trembling hands reached for a cigarette in his pocket. Flicking it in his hands, the cigarette caught alight, it's ashy tip glowing in the dark of the forest like a lighthouse in an ocean. He tried to steady his hands, bringing the cigarette to his mouth. "You fucking…" he cursed under his breath, tensing every muscle in his body in an attempt to stop shaking. He closed his lips around it, hollowing his cheeks as he pulled it's air into his lungs. In that waiting breath to release the silver string of smoke, time stood still. Ashen clouds were suspended in his lungs, in his neck, between his teeth, he was in control. No words were spoken, no steps were taken, the hand of a clock would not tick, not in that moment. The moment between breaths was his as he parted chapped lips and let it go, wisps of ashes unfurling, escaping, releasing, being carried away and absorbed into still winds. Sirius relaxed his legs, spreading them across the forest floor, almost child-like. Slumped against the tree, he brought the cigarette to his lips again before coughing, jerking upwards.

"You always were a weak smoker,"

Sirius jumped back, hitting his head on the tree. "Ow, merlin fuck–" He exclaimed, looking up to see who had surprised him.

Half seated on a rock, a tall, green-eyed boy smirked. He had dark hair, and a slight beard. The way the corners of his eyes and mouth curled with the slightest smile gave an almost charm to him. Cloaked in a dark jacket and black jeans, he almost blended with the night. He laughed harshly as Sirius grasped the back of his head in pain.

Seeing who he was, Sirius' mouth opened slightly, before pursing his lips in anger.

The tall boy jumped down from the rock, taking the cigarette out of Sirius' hand and leaning against the tree opposite him, bringing the cigarette to his mouth. Breathing in, he closed his eyes, amber ashes falling as he tapped it against his leg.

Sirius shook his head, letting out a single chuckle in disbelief. "Oh I don't believe this," He said, looking back to the green-eyed boy, almost amused. "Regulus fucking Black makes a return." Sirius smiled.

Regulus shook his head, taking the cigarette again.

"No. No this is just fucking perfect," Sirius said, standing up, rolling his shoulders back.

"Sirius–" Regulus sighed.

"NO!" Sirius interrupted, his scream cutting the air. "No, you do not fucking speak to me, you do not fucking walk in here and…" Sirius watched the smoke leave his brother's mouth. Boiling with anger, he clenched his fists. "you fucking stay away from me, alright?"

Regulus laughed, taking a step forward. "Sirius, there is no way–"

Sirius cut him off again. "No, Regulus, no. You fucking stop this shit right now, get the fuck away from me!" His voice echoed, bouncing off the trees.

Regulus stopped smiling, leaning forward and staring Sirius straight in the eye. He cocked his head to the left, taking another step forward, watching Sirius' fingernails dig into his own hands.

"Don't," Sirius breathed. "come any closer."

Regulus leant back, not taking his eyes from Sirius'. He took the cigarette in two fingers, brushing it against his lips. Inhaling, he puffed out smoke again, dropping the cigarette to the ground and flattening it underneath his shoe. Bringing his eyes back up to Sirius, he took a step forward so that his nose was nearly touching Sirius' forehead.

That was it. Sirius launched at his brother, clawing, throwing closed fists in messy punches, screaming, kicking, anything he could possibly do to cause harm. They were silent, only the snapping of branches underfoot and sound of skin hitting skin could be heard. Regulus gasped as Sirius' fist collided with his face, the stinging pain immediate. "Sirius–" he yelled, fighting off the messy-haired boy. "No fuck off Regulus!" Sirius screamed, muffled. Regulus let out an exclamation of anger and pushed his brother onto the ground, pinning him down. Tightening his grip around Sirius' throat, he leaned down, digging his knees into his brother's body, stopping him from squirming. "Sirius," Regulus' voice was low, so calm it was frightening. "stop." Sirius continued to thrash underneath him, but Regulus squeezed his fingers tighter, threatening. Sirius slowly became still, chest heaving in anger and exhaustion as he stared into his brother's eyes. Regulus leaned in even closer, warning him, before leaning back and getting off him.

Sirius gasped, grabbing at his neck, sitting up against the tree. He wiped dirt from his red eyes, and groaned, bringing knees to his chest. Head spinning, Sirius hid his face between his knees. Regulus looked at him and rolled his eyes, lighting another cigarette, breathing heavily himself. The boys sat there, in silence. Regulus stood against a tree, trembling hands holding a smoking cigarette, Sirius opposite him, curled into a ball. Neither boy felt time pass. They just silently companied each other, listening to the rustle of leaves in the trees.

After a long time, Regulus spoke. "I…" he shook his head, puffing smoke. "I understand why you… feel the way you do about me," he mumbled. Sirius didn't speak. "Fine," Regulus said. "I understand why you… hate me. A-and I know… oh fuck," He shook his head again, tapping burning ashes away. "And… and I know that I can't change that. But you don't understand, it's…" Sirius scoffed under his breath, still hiding between his legs. Regulus sighed. "Okay. Okay, you understand. But I just…" Words hanging in the air, he didn't know how to finish. Inhaling the cigarette as a way to fill the silence, Sirius still did not speak. Regulus cursed under his breath, throwing away the cigarette, and taking a small step forward. Biting his lip, he held his mouth open, as if his words were suspended in air. He squeezed his eyes shut, almost as if in pain.

"Sirius you can hate me for what I've done, but you will never stop being my brother."

Regulus' voice cracked with the last word, his hands involuntarily shaking. His shaky breaths were loud in the still of the forest. So much time passed, Regulus grew more and more embarrassed, not able to say anything else, but not able to move, either. He opened his mouth again, cocking his head to the side. "Sirius–"

Suddenly, Sirius lifted his head. Regulus saw the bags under his eyes, and the red in his cheeks. When he spoke, his voice was so far from his usual tone it frightened Regulus. "What did you say to me?" Sirius said, voice steady, low. Regulus took a step back as Sirius rose. "I–" Regulus began, raising his hands in defence. "Did you just call me your fucking brother?" Sirius asked, eyes flashing. Regulus swallowed, nervously. "Sirius," He spoke. "Sirius you are and always will be my–"

"I fucking dare you to say that one more time!" Sirius screamed, his words echoing.

"Sirius stop–"

"No fucking do it! Fucking call me your brother I dare you, I fucking dare you!"

"Stop this now!"

It happened so quickly. Sirius flashed his wand, bringing it to Regulus' neck, pinning him back against a tree. "You don't ever fucking call me your brother again, I am not the brother of a…" Sirius' lip trembled, pressing harder against him. "of a…" he shook his head, closing his eyes. Regulus looked at him, an expression of absolute sadness, the rawest kind. His older brother was holding a wand to his throat, and Regulus was so fucking sad because he cared so much about Sirius, but he couldn't say it. He didn't know how, and now he was watching the boy whom he had looked up to, ready to kill him.

Sirius bowed his head, dropping the wand, letting go of Regulus who didn't move. "Sirius…" He whispered, watching his brother's mud covered hands tremble. Sirius, face hidden, involuntarily let out a sob. Regulus' eyes widened, and then softened. Cautiously, he reached out a hand, but hesitated. He stood like a statue, never seeing his brother cry before, not like this. Arm extended, Regulus pulled his sleeve back over his arm, covering the black ink that stained his skin. Suddenly, Sirius crashed into Regulus' chest, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt, pulling him closer. Regulus froze, feeling his brother's hot tears seep through his shirt, arms outstretched. "I'm sorry," Sirius choked, through bubbles of spit and tears, muffled noises emerging from him pressed tightly into Regulus' body. Regulus almost winced, the soft whines and harsh cries of the boy clinging to him were so full of pain and hurt and regret and exhaustion. Moonlight began to filter through the trees, casting still shadows. Regulus looked up, branches crying with the weight of leaves threatening to fall. He looked back down, Sirius grabbing onto him so tightly that it should have hurt him. Looking onto his outstretched arms, he saw that they had stopped shaking. Slowly, he closed his arms around the boy, pulling him close. Sirius continued sobbing, unmoving. They were both covered in dirt and blood and forming bruises and fading grimaces. The way they were standing was abnormal, Sirius' legs half bent, leaning into his taller brother who was standing upright, arms folded in an awkward embrace. Sirius was choking on tears and Regulus was silent, holding his brother's head to his chest, both in a dark forest with dying trees and sad leaves. It was not beautiful, not to many.

A single tear fell down Regulus' cheek. He didn't wipe it away.