Chapter One: A New Beginning

I turned my back and stormed off, Voltaire shouting after me. Right then I was so infuriated I could've turned right back round and shown him what for, but I remained calm and didn't.

"Kai, get here!"

I carried on, once again revealing my more defiant side.

"Don't disobey me. That's what started this."

I sniggered. "Is it?"

"I don't understand. What's making you feel like this?"

"Try opening your eyes."

"Are you just going to walk away from this?"

"Yes, Voltaire. Yes, I am." By now I was at the top of the stairs.

"You'll be sorry, Kai."

I stopped dead in my tracks. "I'll be sorry?" I repeated. "Yeah? Well, I already am. I'm sorry I'm not what you thought. I'm sorry I'm not what you want me to be. I'm sorry I'm not you. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. My most sincere apologies to you."

"Kai…"

I slammed my bedroom door shut after me. Still furious, I put on my tunes for some serious stress relief. Don't Stay by my favourite band, Linkin Park, was the first thing to come on.

I lay on my bed, listening intensely to the lyrics.

Sometimes I

Need to remember just to breathe

Sometimes I

Need you to stay away from me

Sometimes I'm

In disbelief I didn't know

Somehow I

Need you to go

Sometimes I

Feel like I trusted you too well

Sometimes I

Just feel like screaming at myself

Sometimes I'm

In disbelief I didn't know

Somehow I

Need to be alone

Don't stay

Forget our memories

Forget our possibilities

What you were changing me into

Just give me myself back and

Don't stay

Forget our memories

Forget our possibilities

Take all your faithlessness with you

Just give me myself back and

Don't stay

I don't need you anymore

I don't want to be ignored

I don't need one more day

Of you wasting me away

It was amazing how much that one song related to me. It was like Chester and Mike decided to write a song on the life and times of me. I laughed at the thought.

And before I knew it, another 'Kai' song came on and I found myself concentrating on that.

I want to heal

I want to feel

What I thought was never real

I want to let go of the pain I've held so long

Erase all the pain 'til it's gone

I want to heal

I want to feel

Like I'm close to something real

I want to find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

I hit the pause button. I looked around, examining every inch of my room. This mansion was my home, but it didn't feel like it. It was cold and distant, not warm and comforting. It's all I ever wanted, to feel loved, but that's never going to be possible if Voltaire's around.

This time I pressed the stop and open/close buttons and took out 'Hybrid Theory', 'Meteora', Green Day's 'American Idiot' and My Chemical Romance's 'Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge', my essential albums.

I swung open my wardrobe door, nearly pulling it off its hinges. I pulled out a pair of blue cargo pants, jeans and a pair of chocolate brown combats. As for my torso I got my most treasured item, my Linkin Park hoody and a plain black, long-sleeved jumper. From my drawers I got several pairs of spare underwear, spare socks, my Green Day and My Chemical Romance t-shirts ad two white shirts, one short- and one long-sleeved.

Folded neatly I stuffed them in the bottom of my school bag. It wasn't very big – it was just a normal backpack – but it was spacious enough, though afterwards I didn't have much space left.

Next, I went down again and raided the kitchen fridge of any and all snacks I could find, and returned to my room.

I searched out my CD player; vaguely telling myself that the next thing I would invest in would be a MP3 player.

I out the food where my clothes were and the CD player in one of the side pockets.

I was so stoked to be getting away I was trembling. I sat on the edge of my bed in thought.

Where was I to go? I couldn't slum it forever. And what if Voltaire tracked me down? I'd have to return to Hell again.

So what was I to do? I had no one to turn to. I've been isolated all my life. And God knows where my parents were. Literally. He does. Major dilemma. Should I stay and face a life of anguish, or go to find absolute nothing?

At least if I left I could find someone else. So that was that. I was going to go, but that still left me with the choice of a destination. The streets of St. Petersburg were cold and daunting.

I sighed, falling backwards and allowing my head to rest on the pillow.

"I suppose the destination doesn't matter," I thought. "Besides, if things hit rock bottom I'd always be able to return."

I drifted off into a deep slumber, knowing I'd have to leave at night.

Kai's Dream

Snow drifted down gently from the skies. The Russians love it when it snows. I do too. A troika came past me, the horses trotting majestically. In the distance was Balkov Abbey, where the source of my misery resided. I'd made my escape at last.

I grinned and ran forward, the whole world beckoning me. This was the beginning of my adventure, of my story. I wasn't going to screw it up.

Pedestrians whooped and cheered, yelling for me to go for it. I felt special for one moment in my entire life.

After I got short of breath I slowed it down to a walk. I inspected every bit of the outside world: the bookstore, the butcher's, and the post office. This smile was permanent.

Then all of a sudden the sky darkened. I stopped, feeling the ground crumble beneath my feet. Looking down, I stared into a crimson pit.

"No! I'm not going back!" I screamed.

The street disintegrated further and I was swallowed up whole.

I bolted upright, sweat rolling off my jaw and onto my legs. I swung them over the bed and pulled myself up. It was dark outside. Time to go.

I shoved my wallet into the pocket of my trousers. Plenty of money to get me by.

I swung the backpack over my shoulder and crept downstairs, evading the sixth step down. It creaked like Hell.

I checked everything off in my mind. "Clothes, food, money, music, keys. Yep, that's everything. Wait!"

I snuck into the kitchen, found a pen and a piece of paper, and sat at the table. I let my thoughts flood the page.

"Voltaire,

How can I put this? Well, I'm leaving. Don't bother trying to find me, not that you'd think twice about that anyway. Truth is, I can't stand the pain you force me through.

I'm sorry, yeah? I'm sorry for not being perfect, but I can't help who I am, what I do. I'll never be anything else. So I'm sorry for wasting all these years. So long,

Kai."

Satisfied I left it there and made my way back to the front door.

Taking a deep breath, I exited and locked the door again, hopefully so no one noticed. This really was the beginning of my story.

I headed off into the darkness, leaving my past and memories behind me and heading to a brighter future.