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#11- things you said when you were drunk. Requested by anonymous.

Chapter 1

If you were to wake up with a splitting headache, one hell of a hangover, very foggy memories of last nights events, and a male stripper you were admiring last night right next to you in bed, what would you think?

One hell of a night, right? Wrong.

Levi stared at the brunet in front of him. You would think the young man's looks were what he was staring at. Again, wrong. What really caught his eye was that golden band around his ring finger and a similar one on his own.

And when he thinks about this really hard for just a moment, who's fault is it really?

Hanji. It's always Hanji's fault.

Why you ask? Because anything that goes horribly wrong can always be traced back to them.

You're probably confused enough as is, so, he'll go ahead and read those texts, listen to the voice mails, and see those photos all from Hanji. All of them are from Hanji. Let him start from the beginning then…

Levi crossed his arms over his chest, scowling, "Why the fuck did you bring me to this place?"

Hanji grinned at him, somehow this one made the raven uneasy, "Because Mr. Grumpy, you never get out enough! You need some excitement in your life!" They gave Levi his drink, swirling their own in their hand, the drink almost spilling from the glass, "In all the time I've known you, you've never once smiled." They pouted, "So, I brought you here to see if I can get that smile."

The raven wasn't sure if he should be grateful for at least having a strong drink in his hand, or cursing whatever god their is for having the misfortune of knowing Hanji. He'll go with the latter. "Then why'd you bring captain eyebrows over there?" He gestured to their blonde friend who was standing at the bar.

"Ah, I brought him here because he needs some fun too." They laughed, "You two would never come out unless I drag you somewhere."

Levi sipped his drink instead of deciding to speak. He knew he would only get another dumbass speech from Hanji if he spoke against them.

Erwin came back and sat down beside Hanji, "So, what kind of shows can we expect here, Hanji?" He was really lost on what shows happened here. He only vaguely heard something from the bartender, and Hanji seemed to know more than him and Levi put together.

"Ah, ah, ah." They tsked, "That's a surprise. And that's only half the fun."

Although still debating on whether they should stay or leave, the two males decided it would be best to stay or they would be dealing with a whining Hanji for the next month or so.

Now when Hanji said the shows here were a surprise, they were not fucking kidding.

Levi swore he never had such a raging hard on when he saw a brunet with luminescent green eyes, tanned skin that of a Greek god, ruffled up brown hair, and a smile that screamed sin. And did he mentioned that the young man had humanity's greatest ass? He didn't. Oh, well. This kid had the best ass ever.

Now with Levi being former military, he kind of bullshitted his salutes. But his other Levi seemed to get that fucking upright salute down.

When said brunet, Rogue was his stage name, came over to him, those fucking hips swaying, Levi's not gonna lie, he swore he felt a wet spot on the front of his jeans. Just saying.

As you would imagine, Levi wanted to get that brunet in the back of his car and fuck his brains out, especially when said brunet gave him a fucking lap dance. Now, mind you, Levi's not new to the whole lap dance thing, ask his friend Nifa, but he felt like this was god finally telling him he did something right by following that loud mouth Hanji here.

Placing his hands on those god like hips, Levi gave the young man his full attention, and hell, did he get a reward for it.

What followed soon after was Levi getting a free bottle of Russian vodka from the bartender, getting into one of the private rooms with Rogue, and proceed to get shit faced.

This is where things get very foggy from here. Apparently Hanji told him he and Rogue were so shit faced, the two decided it would be best to get married. Well, it was more so him that decided to say it. You can add that to the list of things Levi's said while drunk.

Rogue had changed out of his revealing outfit and into a nice white button up shirt, black dress pants and shoes.

Levi himself in his favorite black button up, grey pants, and, yes, he did this, his favorite black boots. Ah, and the tie. Can't forget the tie.

The pastor, Nick, looked very concerned because neither male were aware of what was to take place. Well, they were somewhat, but not entirely. Levi and Rogue both insisted this was meant to be, and so, throwing all fucks down the drain, the pastor got them married. As to where the rings came from, they were just some left over ones from another couple that got cold feet and left them there.

What proceeded afterwards should be simple. Levi and Rogue got a ride from the raven's good friend Mike, bless the blonde, and the two proceeded to do the frick frack very loudly in his apartment. Levi can pretty much tell his entire apartment complex got no sleep that night. I mean, would you if you heard one male screaming while getting the best fuck of his life, and the other telling him to be louder so people would know he was his. Yeah, didn't think so.

So that brings us back to where we began. Levi still staring at the male stripper, his husband, excuse him.

Like, what do you say to them? Hey, last night you gave me the hardest boner of my life, I wanted to fuck your brains out as soon as I saw you have humanity's greatest ass. We got shit faced, I thought it would be great to get married, you agreed, came back to my apartment, did the do really loudly, and here we are. Happy married life, right?

Oh, if it were only that simple.

Levi would have tried to think of more ways to break this to the brunet about their current situation, but god seemed to hate him now because said young man was starting to wake up.

Sleepy green eyes stared at him, not moving a muscle. The brunet looked at their fingers and noticed the wedding bands.

Levi expected him to bolt upright in bed, demand answers, want a divorce right afterwards and never speak to each other again. Again, god has a fucked up sense of humor.

"So," The brunet finally spoke, "We really got married, huh?"

"It looks that way."

"Here I thought it was all a dream."

The raven hummed in agreement.

"I bet you're expecting me to demand a divorce right?"

"Yeah, I really expected that by now."

"Well, looks like you're shit out of luck."

You have got to be fucking kidding me. "Oh? And how am I?"Please don't be a gold digger, please don't be a gold digger, please don't be a gold digger.

"I told myself when I get married, I would only get married once." The young man grinned, "Looks like this marriage is for life whether you like it or not."

It could have been worse. Much worse. At least Levi got hitched with this hot piece of ass. "If this is for life then, what the hell if your name? I don't want to call you Rogue for the rest of our lives."

"Eren Jeager. You?"

"Levi Ackerman."

"Ah, then I got my name wrong then."

The raven frowned, "What is your name then?"

Eren grinned, "Eren Ackerman. A pleasure to be your husband."

In that moment Levi wasn't thanking god, he was thanking fucking Hanji for dragging his ass out last night.

God, would this be a story to tell to their future kids.

The moral of this story kids, always let your friend drag your ass out to a strip club. You'll end up hitched to a stripper. A hot one at that.

End of chapter 1.

If you have a request for a story, leave a comment or go onto my tumblr, erenlevijeager, and leave a request.