Cain thinks he's a good father or an adequate father at least.
He remembers when Collette got pregnant, how happy she was. Cain was nervous and told Collette he didn't think he will be a good enough father. When he told Collette his fears, she comforted him, saying they will do it by the best of their ability. The months passed with them preparing a nursery and discussing baby names. When they found out it was a boy, the decided on Castiel, after the angel for Thursday. They were joyous in those months.
But when Collette was eight months pregnant, her water suddenly broke and she started to bleed. He quickly brought her to the hospital and the doctors then said they need to operate. Four and half hours later, the doctor came out and said Collette died and his son was premature. His mind was fuzzy; all he heard was "hemorrhaging" and "high blood pressure" and that there is a chance his son won't make it. He remembers walking to the nursery and seeing his newborn connected to tubes and in his incubator. After weeks of making sure his son will live, he finally took him home.
He remembers back to those years with fondness and melancholy. He remembers five A.M. feeding and diaper changing, while also trying to work through his grief with losing Collette. He remembers moving nearer to the woods, which helped more with his beekeeping business. He remembers with fondness a toddler Castiel trailing after him, wearing nothing but his small overalls, looking at fascination at the bees. He remembers how nervous he was when Castiel started kindergarten, who was just happy over his bee backpack. How relived he was when Castiel came back home, happily babbling over his new friend, Dean Winchester.
Cain watched the boys grow up together, both attending elementary and high school together. How they defended each other from bully's to pranks to dances. Cain became friends with the Winchester; he liked Mary and Sam, but he always felt at odds with John. He felt like John was threatened by him somehow; that he was trying to prove that he was "manlier" then him or something. It always made Cain roll his eyes in annoyance. But Dean and Sam were always welcomed in his home. He wondered if he was seeing things when he noticed how close Dean and Castiel were becoming.
When Castiel was 15, he walked into their living room, looking nervous as he stared at him. Cain was concerned to say the least.
"Castiel, is something the matter?" Cain asked. He always called his son by his full name; he could never call him Cas.
"Um, Dad, I need to tell you something. It's important."
Cain watched patiently as Castiel paced around the room. He then fully faced him with a determined look on his face.
"Dad, I'm gay." Castiel blurted out.
Cain just blinked at the outburst and said,
"Ok?"
Castiel blinked back at him and frowned.
"You're not bothered by it?"
"No, Castiel, I'm not. You are my son and I do not care for you preferences, I still love you all the same."
He watched as Castiel stares at him blankly and then burst into tears. Cain quietly got up, frantic at his son's tears.
"Castiel, what is the matter?" Cain asked anxiously.
"I-I thought the worst. Thought you will kick me out or-or…"
Cain couldn't help but feel slightly hurt. He never showed any type of homophobia or any type of bigotry; he never believed in any of that nonsense. But Castiel must have felt it could still happen, like so many others who were in the same position.
Castiel then hugged Cain, sniffling as he hugged him tight.
"Thank you, thank you." He sniffed as he looked at his father, "I just feel…so lucky."
Cain smiled at that and then pulled back to look at his son.
"Castiel, I want you to know that whatever happens, you will always be my son and I will always love you."
After that talk, Castiel was more open with Cain. When he turned 16, he told his father that he was going out with Dean (which he totally saw coming) and that he was upset that Dean didn't want to make their relationship public, like he was ashamed. Cain assured Castiel that Dean was probably not ready, though he had a feeling that John has something to do with it. One Friday night, Castiel sat across him, looking anxiously at his phone.
"Is something the matter, Castiel?"
"It's just...Dean said he was coming out to his family this week and he still hasn't called me."
"I'm sure he will call when he can."
Castiel nodded as he got up and walked to the kitchen. Cain heard Castiel's phone beep and smiled, hoping that will ease Castiel's anxiety. He then heard a gasp and Castiel feet rushing to the door. Cain stood up and ran after him, wondering what caused Castiel distress.
"Castiel, what's wrong?" he said they got to his jeep, and grabbing one of his arms.
"Dean…he sent me a text." Castiel said frantically, "He said he loved me and goodbye. He was saying goodbye to me, dad. Why would he say that?!"
Cain himself felt panic as he and Castiel got into the jeep and drove fast to the Winchester home. Cain felt his heart plummet when he saw the sirens and flashing lights. He barely parked the car when Castiel ran out and towards the ambulance. He got out himself and watched as Castiel spoke to Sam, frantically speaking to each other. When Cain got to the boys, he saw Castiel's face was white as a sheet.
"Castiel , what happened?" he asked, frightened by his son's reaction.
"D-Dean tried to hang himself." Castiel whispered. "He tried to kill himself."
Castiel then fainted into his father's arms.
Cain paced in the waiting room, then stopped to look at his son. Castiel looked so despondent, like his entire world just collapsed.
They both found out that Dean came out to his family, and it didn't go well…at all. John roared at him and then said he was going to a straight camp or he will be kicked out. Mary agreed with John, which surprised Cain since she usually is so open-minded. John was conspicuously missing. He glanced at Castiel again and was again struck by how terrible Castiel looked. He sat next to him and started to rub his back, making him look up at him with teary eyes.
"This is all my fault." He said.
"No, it's not Castiel."
"But if I didn't pressure him…" he sobbed, "If I didn't keep telling him…"
"Castiel, what Dean did was of his own accord, you had nothing to do with Dean's choice."
Castiel broke into sobs and all Cain could do was hug his son together. He then saw Sam and Mary walk in, looking like Death walked over them. Mary looked distraught while Sam spoke up.
"They said he sprained his neck badly and that he is very lucky." Sam said in a quiet voice. Mary walked over to a nearby window and Cain followed her. The two adults stood near the window, until Mary broke it.
"Are you here t rub it in?" Mary snarled, "Tell me how I'm such a bad mother?"
"Mary…"
"Don't you think I know that already?! Don't you think I already know I failed?!" Mary sobbed as Cain rubbed her back. He then sighed and looked at the Winchester mother.
"Mary, I don't understand. Sending Dean to a straight camp? Don't you know that could destroy him."
"It-it was an empty threat. I thought it could straighten him out, to pull him from this phase. Maybe it could fi-"
"If you say fix, so help me God…"
"Don't you know what happens to gays?" Mary shrieked, "I don't want my son to be like that and it is just a phase. He will get over it."
"It's not a phase, Mary. Something this big is not a phase. How could you do something like this?"
"Don't judge me, Cain! You don't know how it is, your son isn't gay!"
"Actually he is."
That stopped Mary in her tracks.
"What?"
"Castiel is gay and he and Dean have been a couple for almost a year." He said, folding his arms, "You had no idea, did you?"
Mary's blank stare have his answer to him and he sighed, rubbing his temples. Sam then walked into the room, staring at his mother with blazing, tearing eyes.
"I knew." Sam said, "I knew and I didn't care. I still loved Dean. I didn't care. Why didn't you love him?"
"Sam-"
"Why didn't you love him, Mom?"
Sam then walked away, leaving a sadden Cain and a devastated Mary.
The next few hours pass with the same somber tone and all Cain could do is observe. H watched as Castiel and Dean friends walked in, all shocked and scared. Mary looked at some of the friends in confusion, which made Cain think she really knew nothing about her sons' life. John was still missing, which just pissed him off. Dean woke up, but refused to see anyone; he was on suicide watch which seemed to unnerve Cain and Castiel. Cain finally forced the kids to go to the cafeteria to eat and get some fresh air.
He suddenly heard loud voices and looked down the hall to see John and Mary arguing in the hallway. He tried to tune it out until he heard a snippet of Mary's voice.
"You weren't there, John. You weren't the one who walked in on him! You weren't the one who had to cut him down!"
Cain's eyes widened and he leaned against the wall with a sigh. So Mary was the one who found Dean; he wondered if that why she was snappish earlier. He then thinks of how the Winchesters will ever recover from this.
An hour has passed and Dean would only allow Castiel to see him. It has been 15 minutes since his son went in and Cain expected Castiel to run out screaming or something. He couldn't help, but take a peek into the rom. He saw the two boys; Castiel standing up with a tense face and Dean on the bed, wearing a neck brace and also with a tense face. Then Castiel finally spoke up.
"Why Dean? Why did you do it?" Castiel choked out, "God, Dean, is it because of me? Because I pressured you? Because I wanted you to…"
"No, Cas, no." Dean rasped.
"God, Dean. You are such selfish twat! Didn't you think about the people who cared for you? Didn't you think how I will feel? Didn't you think I would have just followed you?!"
At that moment, Cain left, unable to hear anymore. He can't imagine losing Castiel, not only was he his whole world, he was also his last tie to Collette. He stumbled away, trying to will that image away. He then saw John leaning against the wall and he felt his anger reared its ugly head.
"Why are you here?" he snarled, getting Johns attention, "I thought you will be halfway into a bottle by now."
John looked like he was about to retort, but Cain beat him to it.
"You know, John, I took a lot of your shit over the years, but this is it. I watched you put Dean down for year, making him feel like he was nothing. Well, here is the result of your work." He snarled, his hand waving to Dean's room "You hurt him, and it hurt my Castiel."
Cain took a deep breath and glared John.
"Dean will be living with me from now on. I think it will be better to be with a loved one."
With that, Cain turned around and left without a word.
The last 6months were one of the most emotional and turbulent for Cain.
Dean for certain moved in with him, along with Sam, who absolutely refused to leave his brother's side. He watched as Dean and Castiel talked in his garden constantly; the majority of them ending in tears and embraces. Their friends came by constantly; though at first they walked on eggshells around him. But they then gave the support and care he needed. Cain also knew they were having a hard time at school, but Castiel didn't come to him with any complaints.
Cain watched as Dean slowly opened up and became a more independent and happy young man. He offered to pay for his stay, but Cain wouldn't hear of it. He also watched as Dean went to therapy as he let out that he wanted dot go to college and become a teacher. Cain couldn't help but feel somber that Dean only bloomed when he was away for John's poisonous words.
It took Mary awhile to come around. Cain realized that it wasn't because she was homophobic, but only that she was surprised she didn't know a lot about her son and that she was just blindsided by his coming out. She didn't visit her sons for weeks because she was ashamed of herself and her sense of failure for her sons. She finally came a month afterwards, Dean and her talking for about an hour, which resulted in Dean and Sam moving back in two weeks.
John left for parts unknowns, which Cain didn't give a damn about.
He didn't think John would come back, but then he came unannounced to a barbeque at Dean's home. Everyone was frozen; Castiel stood near Dean as though he was going to throw himself in front of him. Cain himself was going to throw him out, but John spoke up.
"Um…Dean, could I talk to you in private…please?" John said, looking at Dean's neck, more specifically, the scar from the noose. Castiel was about to say something, but Dean held a hand up.
"Fine, let's go over here." Dean said as they walked to an empty corner. Cain watched as John seemed to talk frantically, while Dean stoically listened. Then Dean seemed to say something and then John nodded. John left the backyard and nodded at Cain before he left. Cain looked back at Dean, who was being comforted by Castiel, wrapped in an intimate embrace.
Cain looked up and said a silent prayer for him and the boys, praying for Collette to watch over them.
AN: Here is a fic that gave me so much grief, but I'm so glad to get it done. This is actually going t be a three part series, with Mary and John's point of view.
I was inspired from a tumblr self-help post, where it talks about suicide and what will happen pt the person who finds them. So, this was born.
I could just see Cain as Castiels father, its such an adorable idea.
Comments are loved! I don't own SPN!