It was time, my 19th birthday was in 4 days and I refused to spend eternity 2 years older than Edward. Edward tried to get me to wait another day but I was playing it safe and gave myself an extra day for the change. Edward and I were sitting in his room having my final moments as a human we were just staring into each other's eyes like how Alice and Jasper sometimes did when there was a knock at the door.
"Come in, Carlisle," Edward said as he leaned back onto the headboard of the large wrought iron bed. Carlisle walked in and closed the door behind him and sat down on the black leather sofa.
"Well, I suppose you both know why I'm here. Bella, are you sure you really want to do this? Because once the deed is done there is no going back."
"Yes, I am reading to spend eternity with my husband," I replied solemnly, husband was such an amazing word? What had I done to deserve such a god?
"Then Edward I guess you know what your doing, I'm just here to restrain you if need be. Bella I wish you the best of luck." For a moment I thought I saw sorrow in Edwards eyes but then came the determination to control his instincts as he leaned towards my neck.
Hours pass like centuries when you set up for a change, don't take you far away from where you are today.
What a terrible time for my insecurities to make their presence known. What if he doesn't love you after the change, you won't be that girl who smells so good, or be clumsy. I'll just be yet another boring immortal like all the others, my mind whirred with the possibilities. I felt my love's teeth in my neck, "well, no going back now" my insecurities whispered in the back of my mind. No, I resolved, Edward, my husband, my only love, the man I depend on, would love me no matter what. Then all thought came without reason or meaning as the pain hit.
Love will always have its way, leave you singing to the trees, then return so suddenly, bring you electricity.
If vampires really didn't have souls hell in no way could compare to the fires that burned me. I was barely aware of my clenched muscles that pulled me into a ball as I whimpered quietly. I didn't let myself cry out. I refused to scream. I protested against the spasms that rocketed down my spine. I would not show Edward my pain, I would not hurt him like that, and I would not let him regret doing this to me. I thought about the pain I had now and compared it to the pain I felt when Edward left me in the forest. They were complete opposites now this was an overload of pain destroying my senses and crushing my mind under its weight. Te pain when he left, an over whelming emptiness, my senses felt nothing, my mind found no reason. I shifted gears, I shouldn't think about the pain, but the joy that this pain was bring me to. I would be a vampire, I would be with Edward. Edward. I wouldn't be an inconvience to him anymore, he wouldn't feel bad about leaving him to hunt, we would be able to kiss for real not the chaste kisses I live for when I was human. Then it struck me, was I human? Or somewhere in-between? How much time had passed? It seemed like years, but who knows, most people, besides me.
Hours pass like centuries when you set up for a change, they won't take you far away from where you are today.
I truly was changing, it wasn't a dream anymore, it was really happening. Absolutely. Amazing. I was going live forever. Forever. With Edward. What more could I ask? Then my world descended into darkness as the pain took me again.
Oh honey, I really miss you.
Oh honey, though it was only yesterday you kissed me.
And that kiss, that kiss was so, so true.
I wanted to see his face but I didn't have the strength or will to open my eyes. This thought made the pain worse I told myself that he was holding me but I couldn't feel his stone arms wrapped around my body there was no relief from the blazing heat. I wanted water, something to put out the fire but I couldn't find the will to ask for some. I though of everything that Edward is going through with me and stayed strong. I still did cry. Edward would never see me cry for Jacob Black and he certainly wasn't going to see me cry over the pain that he was causing me. The pain I wanted, he needed to know that. He needed to know that no matter how much the fires ached this was pain of hope, love and joy, not the misery and torment he believed it to be. I was being lead to a new life. Walking over a bed of coals to paradise, I thought of the paradise that awaited not the coals in my veins or the flames in my lungs.
I guess I should know better
When it comes to falling.
Yes, I should know better
When it comes to falling.
I walked the tightrope over pits of blue fire. The flames licking my body as I struggled to stay standing and not falling into the grasp of the blaze to lose all reason. The inferno below threatened to pull me down; it pushed and pulled as I struggled to stay balanced as I toppled down into the pits of flames. For once Edward was not there to catch me.
Oh honey, I really miss you.
Oh honey, If only you could hold me now.
'Cause you hold, you hold me oh, so well.
I didn't care how long I was lost in the blaze; time was imaginable without his company. I fell deeper waiting to his the bottom, the source of my suffering. With this thought my subconscious conjured up an image of Edward with bright crimson irises instead of his comforting topaz orbs. I turned away and shut my eyes but I felt his gaze still on me. Looking at me as an owl would on a mouse. I was so vulnerable, I knew Edward loved me but I doubted him, next thing I'll doubt gravity. I kept hold of the truth Edward would never hurt me, the voice sounded in my mind, "Did little fairies do this to you then? Was it not his teeth in your neck that sparked this fire? HE is hurting like no other could! HE left you, you trusted him and he left you!" I silenced this voice but the thoughts echoed off the limits of my empty mind. He left to save you, and nearly died trying; you hurt now because you want to not because you have to. He loves me and protects me with all his will and power.
I guess I should know better
When it comes to falling.
Yes, I should know better
When it comes to falling in love again
I heard a steady thudding coming from near by though I couldn't figure out what it was. The problem was that it was slowly driving me insane. I listened to it hoping to find the source, my heart? It couldn't be the beat was so slow, but what if it was?
Oh honey, I really miss you.
Oh honey, though it was only yesterday you kissed me.
And that kiss, that kiss was so, so true.
The fires burned hot, the blaze burned strong but the pulse still slowed. Like a true fire like one in a fireplace at Christmas time the flames burned lower and lower, the pain receded. The thudding slowed. The fire was only glowing embers and I felt my heart slow further and further into remission, I waited, but there wasn't another beat, I my heart was dead, my body was alive, and my love was more alive than ever. I open my eyes to see his face.
I guess I should know better
When it comes to falling.
Yes, I should know better
When it comes to falling in love again...