Title: Tolkien's Characters Need a Life
Author: Sivan Shemesh
Beta: Aranel
Disclaimer: Tolkien owns them, I'm only playing with them.
Rate: G
Warning: Angst/Humor. Possible violence, Alternative Universe. Parody.
Summary: A cell-phone falls into Middle-Earth and suddenly everyone's on the losing end. Can you send them a life? Grin…
A/N: I'm addicted, I know, but it's fun…
1.
Mirkwood
It was Legolas's turn to keep watch over Gollum. The elves had recaptured the creature for the 156th time and now the task of sentry was delegated to no less than the Prince of Mirkwood himself. Mostly because he had been the most certain of the number of escape attempts.
Legolas was not entirely satisfied at his reward. He sighed, leaning against a tree and watching Gollum try to undo the knot that Legolas had secured. Certainly his life could be more interesting.
Thud.
Legolas tensed. There was nothing more. He had caught sight of a shadow falling from above the trees. He unshaved his knife quietly and approached. It was a small white box. He turned to check that Gollum was still in the trees. The creature did not seem to have seen anything but Legolas knew that Gollum was as tricky as can be.
There was no one around and Legolas picked up the strange box. He turned it over and realized that something seemed to yield. There was some symbol on it. He pressed harder. Nothing. He tried another spot with a different symbol.
Beep.
Legolas dropped it in surprise, springing backwards instinctively. It could be another unearthly devise of Sauron. But there was nothing. The birds were still singing in the trees as though nothing had happened. Gollum was still trying to get at the knot from a different angle.
Legolas picked up the box again, intrigued. Now there were colours and symbols all over it. He pushed yet another of those symbols. There was a strange music that came from it but this time Legolas was prepared. The colours changed and he could make out sweet treats of various shapes and sizes scattered neatly across the page. At least that was something that looked familiar.
Now that he looked at it more carefully, the candies were not well arranged. That one with the twist should be with the other two that were the sa- Oh! He could move it with his finger. But they seemed to have disappe- There seemed to be something tha- Oh, more candies! Wait. He could put that one together with the others that were almost in a cluster. Wow, that was incredible! Things were starting to make more sense. He found a nice trunk to lean against. This could take a while.
There was a flurry of movement through the woods as the news spread around. The King hurried to locate his son. If Gollum had escaped during Legolas's watch, it might not bode well for him. But Legolas was nowhere to be found. Thranduil took a deep breath to calm himself.
"My King?"
Thranduil turned to find his loyal guard standing a respectful distance behind him. "Galdor, have you found him?"
The guard nodded but seemed particularly concerned. "But he's not responding when we call."
Thranduil's face paled.
"He seems perfectly well," Galdor struggled to reassure the king and express what he saw at the same time. "But it's just that..." How was he supposed to say that he had seen the prince seated beside a tree and smiling at a box? "He's no longer on guard," Galdor finished finally.
"Where is he?" Thranduil asked. He was not too sure if he should be furious or worried.
"Just behind that line of trees." Galdor pointed out the direction.
Thranduil hurried over at once. In any case, Legolas had better have a good excuse for leaving his post.
"Prince Legolas," he began, looking at his son. "Pray tell what reason have you to leave your watch thus allowing the creature Gollum to escape for the hundredth time?"
"157th time," Legolas corrected him automatically, his eyes still glued to th- what was that?
"Legolas, my son. Look at me when I'm talking to you." Thranduil's voice was firm but not devoid of kindness. Not yet.
"No, I failed..." Legolas' voice was a sad mutter.
"You certainly failed in your duty."
"I failed this test."
Thranduil frowned. Something was not too right here. "What is it?" he asked.
Legolas thrust the box enthusiastically before his father. "Here, look, you have to arrange the same ones together and then, see, this is what happens and-"
"Oh Legolas... Help me, Valar, you're going to be the death of me," Thranduil sighed heavily. His son was smiling blissfully at the strange devise, as though he was not there. That settled it. He was not going to send his guards after Gollum for the hundredth-and-who-knew-what time. Especially since this time, it seemed that Gollum had perfectly well escaped. There must have had been someone or something that helped him. That was worrying news indeed and for this, he would send someone to Elrond, Lord of Imladris for counsel. But whom should he send?
"I really need a life," Legolas burst out.
That settled it.